


Distorting Equivalency

by Ranowa



Series: Distorting Equivalency [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Chimeras, Gen, Illustrated, Parental Royed - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 11:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 152,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranowa/pseuds/Ranowa
Summary: All Ed knows is that he's been kidnapped by a madman. Starring hurt!Ed and protective!Roy; Parental RoyEd.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-post from ff. Only difference is the beautiful fanart is integrated in the chapters instead of on my profile. ENJOY TEH ANGST.

Automail: gone.

Human arm: wrenched up above him, held over his head by the rough knotted rope that scraped painfully against his wrist.

Head: fucking _killing_ him.

Yeah, his life just about sucked.

Ed wondered if it was particularly morbid or disturbing the signs of being kidnapped were so familiar to him he could tell already some new unruly bastard had gotten their hands on him within ten seconds of waking up, then promptly decided there was just no point in continuing that line of thought. Not when he could be pondering how to escape instead. That was number one on his priority list, because escaping meant _painkillers_ for his head, which, at the moment, was all Ed really wanted.

Well, that, and ensuring that his brother was okay.

Ed squeezed his eyes shut tighter, trying to remain motionless to keep his element of surprise. Except his head still really fucking hurt, and it was getting harder and harder not to groan or bite his lip or _something_ (like bash his head against the wall). Fuck, what had _happened?_

 _Okay,_ he thought, fighting to breathe calmly. Okay. He had been at the dorms. Dorms. He'd been... alone? Yeah. Alone. Al had been chasing a kitten. Lonely, poor kitty out in the rain, he'd said, such a sad kitty, but when you're half metal rain just isn't something fun to get stuck in, and Ed could _almost_ remember shouting at his brother that if he was going stray hunting, he was going to do it alone, and stomping inside in a foul, black mood.

Dorms, dorms, dorms. He'd been at the dorms. There was a _reason_ he'd been at the dorms. He'd needed to be there... why the hell had he needed to be there?

God damn there was an army of midgets mining for ore in his skull. They were nested right there in his brain, pounding away on pickaxes, merrily beating him to death from the inside out. He could not _think at all_ over the fucking _pounding_ in his head.

_Dorms... dorms, dorms... why the HELL did I need to be in the dorms...?!_

A wavering image of a mission folder blurred into existence, along with the irritation that came with being confronted be extreme smugness and arrogance. Mustang, goddamn him. It made him feel like _Mustang._

_Wait... yeah... yeah, that's right... it was Mustang..._

That was why he'd needed to be at the dorms. Something about a new mission and the bastard colonel, and the dorms. He'd needed to be at the dorms, because he was getting a new mission, because... because... what?

God, his head _hurt._

But!

Al had definitely not been there with him, and he was reasonably sure Mustang hadn't been, either. He definitely remembered being _alone_ in the dorms, even if he still wasn't exactly positive as to why. Which was good, because it meant whatever mess he'd been forced into this time, he was probably still alone. Definitely good. It meant he didn't have to deal with Mustang whining and, more importantly, Al was still safe.

Meant he could handle this shit on his own without fear for his baby brother's welfare.

Making sure Al was safe was step one of being kidnapped, and said step now complete, Ed moved on to step two: utilize element of surprise and break out.

It had to have been a head injury that had left him here, but he didn't feel dizzy or nauseous. And aside from a general soreness that had camped out in every muscle he had, everything else felt good, too; nothing broken. Good. He wiggled his fingers and toes a little, testing how easy it was to move. His shoulder and leg ports didn't hurt nearly as much as he was expecting them to, but the mild sense of unease that caused would have to go unanswered, for now; that was something would take visual inspection to discern.

Speaking of which, it was definitely time to open his eyes to figure out just where he was, and how bad his situation really was.

" _YEEEEEEAK!"_

Two-inches-away-from-his-face man blinked, clapped his hands together with the air of a wealthy patron announcing his greatest work, and smiled brilliantly.

"Ah! Wonderful! You have awakened!"

The harsh yelp of surprise tugged uncomfortably at his sore throat, and Ed inched back as far as he could, staring in increasing alarm at the man that still knelt so close to him he could feel him breathing.

"...Any particular _reason_ you're watching a kid sleep, you pervert?"

The eerily bright smile didn't falter in the slightest. His too white teeth glinted in the dim light and Ed tried to inch even further away, uneasy at the way he was still being stared at it with wide, unblinking eyes.

"I was carefully observing your recovery," the man said. "Head injuries are dangerous, after all. Subdural hemorrhaging of the brain can be so slow it is difficult to detect, but fatal if untreated. You can not die, Edward Elric. The People's Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist. Ah! A man of many names! For one so young, you are already so distinguished! And oh, my manners, of course- I have you at a severe disadvantage! My name is Kuzon. A great pleasure it is to meet you. Now, please, tell me what you wish to be called?"

Ed stared at the earnest question, his mind completely blank.

Who the hell was this?

By the way he spoke, he was a doctor of some kind, but definitely off his rocker- but where were the threats? The intimidation? The questions about his alchemy or the military?

And why was he still crouched less than a foot away from him?

"...You can call me anything you want if you'll just untie me... and get out of my face."

Blue eyes so pale they were nearly white blinked curiously again. "You wish to be untied?" he asked, as if it was honestly surprising to him.

"What the hell?!" Ed tugged valiantly at the rope binding his hand up above him, fighting to pull it free and kicking at the man with his leg when that did not work. It was mostly just to get the bastard out of his face, and it worked, sending Kuzon stumbling back a few feet to land on his ass, and Ed glared at him, still seething. "What do you mean, _you wish to be untied?!_ Who the hell wouldn't?! And I told you to get out of my face!"

The man hardly seemed upset at all at being kicked violently to the ground. He just lay there for several seconds, blinking, then calmly pulled himself upright again, crossing his legs and folding his hands underneath with chin with a cheery grin. "You wish to be untied!" he repeated, this time an exclamation rather than a question. "Wonderful! So we may trade! You will answer my questions, and I will untie you!"

Ed stared at him, nonplussed. Something was seriously wrong with this guy, and the fact that he was still nearly helpless and trapped in a room with him was beginning to worry him more and more. "Questions?" he spat, trying not to be unsettled when the man only nodded eagerly. "You fucking knocked me out and tied me up! I'm not answering your stupid questions!" He tugged furiously on the rope again; it bit angrily into his wrist, scraping in protest. "Let me go!"

As angry as he was, Ed almost missed the small, weak flicker of irritation in those eyes that had been so cheerful until now.

As it was, he only had a split second of warning, before joyful passivity transformed.

" _ **NO!"**_

The panicked screech howled so loud it hurt his ears, and his head split in agony as his skull cracked against the wall behind him, one frigid hand curled to grip him at the throat.

"No, no, _no!_ That is not how this will _work!_ You will answer me! You will not be silent!" Vicious eyes dilated with near inhuman range of emotion bored into his own and the hand tightened at his throat again, furious threats spat out in a hiss of rage. "You are the only one who knows, you are the _only one,_ and _you will tell me!_ "

The anguished scream rang in his ears in tandem with the crushing grip abruptly yanking back, the man retreating from his outburst. Ed stared, frozen against the wall and gasping for breath, staring in silent shock as the man shot to his feet and turned way, burying his head in long-fingered, pale palms and trembling violently. "No, no, no," he chorused again under his breath, and Ed continued to stare at him, not daring to even move.

Yeah. This guy was definitely very unbalanced. And in his experience, the unbalanced ones were the most dangerous.

Ed looked him over carefully again, struggling to find some detail that he could clue in on and help him out of this situation. The guy didn't appear to be Amestrian, though he spoke the language perfectly with almost no accent- although just what his nationality was was also uncertain. His eyes ruled out Xing, his skin ruled out Creta, and his waist-length, thin, faded gold hair ruled out Drachma, but he still looked like no Aerugian Ed had ever seen. He swallowed nervously, the pounding in his head long since eased by temporary adrenaline, and licked his lips, trying to stop the knee-jerk response of annoyed insults and say something that wouldn't provoke another attack.

No- that would have to wait until he'd freed himself enough to sock the bastard in the face for this.

And to do that, he was going to have to play nice for a bit.

"Look, uh- Kuzon. Maybe I overreacted. You never told me what you wanted to ask me, after all."

Ed tried, half-heartedly, maybe, but he did still _try,_ to plaster on a convincing smile when the man froze. Slowly, he raised his head out of his hands and turned to look at him again, eyes wide.

"Yes, yes," he chanted briefly, a mere whisper next to previous screamings, and suddenly he spun again, dropping to his knees in a lithe dive to kneel across from him again. "Yes, of course! Overreaction. A terrible overreaction, Edward. So sorry, so sorry. I offer this to you in our custom of equivalent exchange, but I do not explain what the offer even is! I am terribly sorry, Edward! This was so rude of me..." He bowed his head in contrition and clasped his hands before him as an apology.

The outright strange behavior was really starting to worry him. Ed struggled to inch away back against the wall again, fighting to stay calm, even when tied up and at the near mercy of this freak. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to think, his mind racing. _Equivalent exchange.. 'our' custom...?_

_This guy's an alchemist!_

Unbalanced alchemist looking at him like that...

Yeah, fuck his luck.

"So, uh," Ed managed, his mouth dry, "...what is it you wanted to ask me?"

Kuzon's bright, foreign eyes gleamed, and his mouth stretched again into an almost otherwordly smile.

"The secret of soul transmutation," he said, and grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

There were benefits, Maes Hughes decided, to _not_ being the highest ranked investigator in all of Central.

Specifically, benefits that would've had him warm, at home, and in bed.

Not choking on ash, coughing, freezing, miserable, and most certainly _not at home._

Rubbing at a smudge of soot on his cheek, Maes pulled away from the still glowing embers of the fire, pacing around the edge of the safety tape instead and watching as the firefighters and rescue crews continued to go to work. He'd been at the scene for- he checked his watch with an exhausted yawn- eight hours now, and it was still not considered safe enough for anyone not specifically trained to enter what had once been the military barracks. He understood that perfectly well, and actually agreed with the reasoning- he just didn't understand why that didn't excuse his continuing presence here and allow him to go grab a cat nap.

Late the previous night, the military barracks had caught fire in a series of controlled explosions. It had been a very serious, very difficult to control conflagration; until only a few hours ago, firefighters had been struggling to stop it from jumping to surrounding buildings and it wasn't until just recently that the impossible, heated blaze had finally been doused down to only a few struggling bursts.

Maes had been woken by a late night phone call only an hour after the fire had started. According to every eye witness the fire chief had interviewed, the disaster positively _screamed_ arson, and as the target had been an important military building, the generals wanted an investigation started as soon as possible.

Enter Maes.

He sighed hoarsely, rubbing at his sore throat. The sight of Scieska- arrived only three hours ago, lucky young private that she was- approaching him with an updated casualty list made him sigh again, no matter the pain it caused his smoke-ravaged throat. There were already five bodies laid out on the cracked asphalt behind him, each scorched beyond recognition and identified only through steel dog tags. And given the scope of this fire, he knew many, many more would be joining them before the day was out.

"Sir!" Scieska panted upon reaching him, offering up a nervous salute and not waiting to be acknowledged before continuing on. "Seven more injured, none serious, and three more found dead."

"Names?" he queried, rubbing under his glasses.

The girl rattled off all ten in perfect succession, not once even glancing at the updated list in her hands. He could see the flicker of emotions pass with each name, and experienced his own emotional rollercoaster throughout the list- _Sergeant Weber only injured, thank god- Lieutenant Brek's okay, good, good, that man has the sweetest wife- Lieutenant Smith, dead... oh, no..._

"...Someone you knew, sir?" Scieska asked quietly, clearly not oblivious to his reaction to the last name on the list.

Maes swallowed the lump wanting to form in his throat, steeling himself. There was work to still be done. "Yes," he told her simply, not bothering to lie, and took the list from her hands, replacing the now outdated file he currently held. "Keep me updated, Private."

"Yes, sir!" And she scurried off.

He coughed a few more times, tucking the file under his arm and continuing to pace around the safety perimeter. This raised the casualty count eight, and the injured to over twenty. God, whenever he caught who did this...

Maes turned another corner around the smoldering wreckage and then promptly stopped dead.

Alphonse Elric stood at the very edge of the safety perimeter, huge hands clutching the rope barring him access and metal head turned in staunch focus towards the rescue efforts.

His stomach flipped.

_Oh, no..._

He'd thought the boys had been out of town on a mission- but if one was here, then that meant the other could only be...

"Al!" he called, hoping with all his heart his suspicion was wrong but fearing all the same what truths he was about to find. "Hey, hey, Al!"

The boy didn't even appear to hear him and Maes dropped his hand even as he increased his pace, jogging swiftly over to him. Not a good sign. The moment he got close enough he reached out and tugged on his cold arm, trying to get the boy to face him a little. "Hey, Al, it's me- are you okay?"

At last the suit of armor started, looking down at him as if he'd only just realized he was there and even incapable of having an expression, he could tell the boy was surprised. "Oh- Hughes, sir..." he murmured, voice quaking, and Maes found himself trying even harder to swallow the almost tangible swell of anxiety that tried to rise.

"Al..." he paused, unsure of how to phrase it gently, then swallowed again and forced himself to cut straight to the chase. "Is... is Ed...?"

Or, so much for cutting straight to the chase.

But he didn't need to say any more than that. His brother's name was all that was needed for Al to turn away again, powerful hands clenching over the rope so tightly he knew the boy could've ripped it to shreds if he'd wanted to.

"...He was in there, Hughes," he whispered at last.

His voice nearly broke then over tears that could not be shed, and Maes founds himself swallowing terror.

It was one thing to realize that potentially dozens of his friends had been in that building when it had collapsed- to not know how many of them were even _alive_ right now, but _Ed..._ he was just a child, and far closer to a son than a friend...

"They won't let me look for him!" Al gasped, and Maes shook himself just in time to watch the boy tug on the rope in frustration. "I tried and they kept saying it's too dangerous... but it's not dangerous for me, Hughes! I can do it! It's not dangerous for me!"

Maes left his hand drop onto Al's arm again, choosing his words very carefully. "I know that, Al," and here he glanced around worriedly to make sure no one was within eavesdropping distance, "but it's not just dangerous for you. You're not trained in how to do this; the wreckage is still unstable and you could set off another collapse. It's really not safe." He paused anxiously, glancing towards the smoldering remains of the building again and swallowed, trying very hard to keep calm and not let Al's panic infect him. "Come on, Al, Ed's smart, and an amazing alchemist... I guarantee you, he's hiding out somewhere in the wreckage, impatiently waiting for us to find him..."

But that was a promise he could not sincerely give, no matter how much he wished it to be true- and Al knew that. Al was not naive, and when his words did not bring even the slightest sense of calm to the young alchemist, he sighed again through the painful tightening in his throat and just patted him again on the arm. He couldn't promise Ed was all right. So, he just gave what very little he could promise instead- no matter how lame and inadequate the words felt even as they passed his lips.

"I'm the officer in charge here, Al. The identity and status of anyone pulled out comes straight to me. ...The moment I hear a word about him, I'll find you. I promise."

It was the only comfort he could offer him.

It wasn't very comforting.

Just when he was about to try to say something else, from beyond Al, Maes glimpsed another officer searching his way through the crowd, and his eyes widened when he recognized the man for who he was. He murmured for Al to stay put and pulled away, putting aside his worries about Ed for now while his mind raced. What was _he_ doing here? General Schmidit had already been by to check on the situation- though that _had_ been hours ago...

Throwing caution to the wind, Maes at last slipped through the crowd of firefighters and stood before his superior, hand lifting in a salute. "General Hakuro, sir!"

Hakuro gave him a calm once over."Lieutenant Colonel Hughes," he murmured with the air of a man who had all the time in the world. "Just the person I was looking for. The casualty list, if you please."

"Sir!" Maes started, handing over the recently updated list immediately with another salute on the tail end of the gesture. "Note that this is still incomplete; we still have many dozen missing."

The wizened general flipped slowly through the list quickly without bothering to address him again, scanning down reports of those confirmed killed and injured, then cursed. "He's not listed here, either," he muttered under his breath, giving the list another once over before pushing it back at him, grimacing.

"Sir?"

Rather than answer him directly, Hakuro turned staunchly back to face the blackened wreckage of the military building, arms folded stiffly. "I assumed the reason he was late for our meeting was that he'd been called to help put out the fires. Then that he must've been injured in doing so, when he still didn't show. And his aide informs me that she has been unable to get in contact with him, either... this is most unusual, even for him."

Maes frowned, glancing nervously back towards where Al seemed barely tuned into the conversation, then back at the wreckage, then to Hakuro once again. "Sir?" he asked again, a little lost. "Is there another officer missing?"

Hakuro snorted. "It's best for him if he is missing, actually, because if he's got no other excuse then I will ship his ass back to major so fast he won't know what hit him."

"...Sir?"

Hakuro breathed deeply through his nose, continuing to scowl, and watched the smoke continue to curl and rise above the ruins. He paused for a moment, still saying nothing.

At last, his scowl deepened.

"Colonel Mustang has been in Central City since yesterday. It seems no one has spoken with him since early yesterday afternoon, making his whereabouts unknown for nearly twenty four hours. He was here for a meeting with me this morning and never showed. I don't know about you, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, but I find it a very large coincidence that the Flame Alchemist goes missing the same night as a deadly fire like this."

Maes paled. Roy was here?! "I- I'm not sure what you're insinuating, sir," he began hesitantly, struggling to keep his voice steady. Roy wouldn't have been in the dorms; as a high ranking officer, he had more private lodgings a few miles away from the base. "But we've found accelerant traces already and the source of the fire is looking to be chemical explosives. Colonel Mustang didn't have anything to do with this fire!"

Hakuro blinked, glancing at him in mild surprise. "What? Oh, that's not what I meant to imply, Lieutenant Colonel. I may have my personal grievances with the man, but I'm not about to try and blame the work of an obvious terrorist group on him." He sighed again, folding his arms and shifting to look out at the rescue crews, features pinched and anxious. "As I said... it's just an interesting coincidence. Too interesting, for my liking." He paused for a moment, eyes narrowed. "...I've already sent my aide to Colonel Mustang's apartment, Hughes. There's no sign he ever reached it at all."

His eyes widened. "Are... are you saying that Colonel Mustang's been missing ever since he reached Central City? Do you really think it's related to this fire? But- there's no reason he'd have been at the dorms, especially that late..."

He'd raised his voice now- unintentionally, perhaps, but unable to help it, in worry for his best friend and running on zero sleep as he was. And in raising his voice, he'd attracted Al's attention fully, and brought the suit of armor turning back to his side. Hakuro glanced at the boy curiously, and Maes held back a curse. The last thing those boys needed was a general looking at them.

"General Hakuro, sir," he rushed, glancing darkly at Al and trying to get him the message to make himself scarce, "this is Alphonse Elric, brother of-"

"Colonel Mustang?" Al interrupted nervously. He ignored the danger of attracting a general's attention completely, stepping a little closer to them and twisting his hands together anxiously. "Oh, no, Hughes, I'm so sorry, I forgot!"

"Al?"

"Colonel Mustang was supposed to come give Brother a mission assignment last night. He... he said he'd be there at around 2200 hours, sir..."

Maes blanched.

The fire had started at 2230.

* * *

" _The secret of soul transmutation," he said, and grinned._

Well. That was a new one.

Ed blinked hazily, holding very still, mind racing to try and grapple with the very unexpected and find a safe way to answer what was one very dangerous question. Soul transmutation was not supposed to be _possible_ at all, and only had been for him because he'd seen the Gate. But it wasn't exactly common knowledge that alchemists gained abilities from being thrust before the Truth, and even if it had been, it was _definitely_ supposed to be a secret that he had been there.

So how the hell did this maniac know?

Swallowing dryly, Ed projected an aura of confidence that he was having to struggle to keep up, because _Al,_ and if people knew that meant _Al was in danger,_ and he said, rather than a screech of vehement refusal, "Okay. Then I don't know why you went after me, because I don't know it. The secret of soul transmutation? I didn't know soul transmutations were even possible!"

Now, Ed thought that was quite a good performance, all things considered. Definitely believable.

Kuzon, however, did not.

The alchemist tilted his head to the side, looking at him oddly. "Why do you lie?" he asked curiously, without the slightest hint of uncertainty, and Ed swallowed.

"I'm not-"

"You have performed soul transmutation, Edward. You know how it is done. You will explain the process to me."

It took all of Ed's self control not to blanch and stare in horror at the still eerily calm figure that sat across from him. Where the hell did he get off being so damn _confident?!_ The _only_ people who knew that for certain were Winry, Pinako, Izumi, and Mustang. Only those four, and Ed knew none of them, even Mustang, the heartless bastard, would ever tell another. They all knew the risk it would put him at- not to mention how much danger it could put Al in.

He gritted his teeth, still struggling to come up with a safe way out of this. The guy was clearly insane- maybe that's all this was. Maybe he was just out of his mind, and _that_ was why he was so convinced of something he could not possibly know. Yeah... yeah, that was right. That _had_ to be right. "Look, sorry, wish I could help," he said uneasily, tugging as hard as he could at the rope again, "but I _really_ don't know-"

"You performed soul transmutation on your brother, Alphonse Elric. You sealed his soul into a suit of armor. You will explain this process to me."

Well. Shit.

Crazy the guy may have been, but he knew what he was talking about.

His mouth suddenly dry, Ed swallowed, trying to calm his racing heart. Definitely bad. Definitely really, _really_ bad. "How the hell do you know that?!" he spat, worming away further and straining at the rope with renewed vigor. This guy knew about Al. Had to get out of here, had to silence him and then _get out of here_ and _find. Al._ "You can't prove anything! You can't prove a damn thing, so shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you!"

Again, the man just tilted his head to the side curiously, seeming utterly unworried by any threats of violence, then raised a long, pale finger to point at him. "Your brother is a soul transmutation," he said again. "I have seen this. You violated taboo together; the proof is in your automail."

Ed's heart pounded even faster, panic clouding his head and making him tremble. "That's- that's an accident from the war-"

"I have seen the pictures," the man continued as if he had said nothing at all. "I have seen pictures of you two as children. Alphonse can not feasibly fit into that suit of armor. But he does. You performed human transmutation together, and he paid for it with his body. This is what happened. You sealed his soul to armor. And _you will do it for me."_

Ed squirmed away again, feeling his heart constrict in terror. How could this man possibly know any of this?! There weren't any loose ends left from that night, it made _no sense_ that he could know, but somehow, _he did._ He knew _everything._

Which put Al in danger.

Ed glanced nervously around the small space. Waiting for the military was no longer an option. He needed to break out on his own, get this psycho out of here as well, and invent some sort of excuse that would placate everyone involved. This guy _could not_ be interrogated by the military.

It was a great plan and all, but just a little difficult, given present circumstances... he tugged irritatedly on the rope again.

Just a little difficult, was all.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ed saw mystery crazy man had continued to sit stock still and was watching him expressionlessly, pale eyes wide with expectation. It took him a moment to arrange his features in what was supposed to be a confidence-inspiring smile, and making his voice sound kind and welcoming when all he wanted to do was sock the bastard in the face was a feat in and of itself.

But talking his way out of deep shit was the People's Alchemist's speciality, after all.

"Okay."

The mystery alchemist blinked once and said nothing.

Ed made his grin a little brighter and nodded. "I said okay. You, uh, clearly know everything... not much point in lying, right?" He laughed, probably a little too loud and long. "So, I'll help you. I'll do the soul transmutation for you."

It was like he'd flipped a switch. Instantly, Kuzon went from blank and staring to joyously relieved and beaming. He sat back and clapped his hands together again excitedly, positively glowing, and the eerie smile stretched to swallow his entire face. "Oh, you will?!" he cried. "Fantastic! You will perform the transmutation for me, and I will untie you! It is equivalent exchange, yes!"

Even in his current state, it took a lot to stop him from scowling. Equivalent exchange? Lose another limb or maybe an organ or two in exchange for this bastard untying him? Especially when he was the one who'd tied him up in the first place... _equivalent exchange, my ass._

"This is really very, very good, Edward!" he cried again, even as he rose to his feet and withdrew a small blade from his belt. Ed couldn't help but flinch and watch it very carefully, even when the alchemist made no sign of wishing to stab him with it. "I really did not wish to hurt you, so I am glad we will be able to come to an equal arrangement this easily!"

There was something sinister about how confidently, easily, he said those words, how brightly and innocently he smiled when he uttered _I really did not wish to hurt you,_ but even unspoken, Ed heard the finish as clear as day: _but I would if I had to._

He really wanted to get out of here.

The rope around his wrist gave way quickly and he couldn't stop himself from groaning with relief. Unable to rub the already aching scrapes, Ed just let his screaming shoulder relax, arm falling heavily to rest in a limp, boneless slump in his lap. He stared at the red wounds that already circled his wrist, wishing desperately for his automail just so could touch them.

The freezing hand came back, grabbing at his wrist to fast it made him jump and giving him no chance to enjoy his newfound freedom. "Come," the man insisted, tugging him to his feet- foot- and yanking him along so fast Ed barely was able to remain on his feet.

"Hey! Come on! One leg, here! Either give me back my other one or slow down, but _come on,_ bastard!"

"What?" Pale eyes met his again, and he blinked in innocent surprise. "Oh, yes, of course... don't worry, your leg is still in perfect condition. But it would take many hours to reconnect. You will help me first; then I will return your automail."

Ed glared at him suspiciously. Perfect condition? _That_ was damn unlikely; it wasn't exactly easy to disconnect automail, and if his arm and leg were still chilling in usable form somewhere around here, it'd make him a very caring kidnapper who'd wasted hours safely removing it when he could've just ripped it off in minutes.

Except, when Ed looked down at his empty leg port, what he saw supported the very caring kidnapper scenario.

It was in perfect condition.

It looked, indeed, like his automail had been _removed,_ not torn away, and not that he really thought about it, the empty sort of ache felt exactly as it did whenever Winry had to remove his automail entirely to fit him with a new limb. The alchemist really had gone to the trouble of painstakingly removing both limbs in such a manner that they were still usable.

Ed stared, mindblown, at the alchemist's back as he was tugged painfully along in a stumbling hop.

What was _with_ this guy?

Somehow, Ed was more uneasy, not less, as he hopped after the alchemist away from the wall and was led towards a table.

Now that the guy was no longer in his face, he could see he'd woken up in a spacious, cleanly kept alchemist's lab. The room clearly wasn't intended as such; the walls and floor looked like an old, abandoned warehouse, but it had been repurposed for probably a long time- dozens of advanced alchemy texts scattered about, glass vials filled with liquids that glimmered and shone pink and black and blue, large and complex transmutation circles scrawled nearly everywhere he turned- this guy wasn't just an alchemist, he was a _good_ one. Many of the alchemic symbols, Ed did not recognize; of those that he did, it took him several seconds to place just where he remembered them from.

Shou Tucker's notes.

Instantly, the memory of crazy laughter, an inhumanly _human_ stare so sad it was like a knife to his chest, and blood spatter like it was Hell itself filled his head, and he had to remind himself to breathe.

"You're... a bio-alchemist..."

He hadn't meant to say it aloud, but the words came out anyway, and Ed found himself wrenching his arm away and looking around the lab in increasing panic. No sign of chimeras anywhere but that didn't mean they weren't elsewhere- no sign of gross and cruel human experiments or perverted forms of life-

"What? Oh, yes. Very astute, Edward. I am a biological alchemist. Come, come; we haven't all day, now." The cold hand locked back around his wrist and tugged him the remaining few steps back towards the table, sitting him down with such force his head spun.

Swiftly, the man moved around to sit across from him, and paper and a pen was pushed across the table to lie before him. Ed blinked, more than a little surprised that he was being handed the materials to do a transmutation so easily, then reminded himself how crazy this alchemist really was and made himself look calm.

Of course, that was really far easier said than done. The knowledge that he was in a bio-alchemist's hands had him more nervous than ever before; he wanted _out of here, right the fuck now,_ and now it was even more important that he break away before the military got involved. He needed to keep his secret, which would not happen if they got their filthy hands on him- but he also needed to scour this place from top to bottom and look for any human chimeras that he could find, and then...

Well, he didn't know what he'd do after that, but he sure as hell would not leave them here for the military to grab and experiment with, that was for sure.

A tug on his hand pulled him back to his dire present situation, the other alchemist clearly getting impatient now. "What are you waiting for? Start drawing the circle!"

Ed jolted. "It's not that easy," he snapped back at him, jerking his hand away like he'd been burned. "I can't just _draw_ _the circle._ Where am I taking the soul from? What am I putting it into? Is the soul human? This isn't something _simple,_ nutjob!" Not like Ed knew why he was pressing the point in the first place- he didn't actually intend to draw the circle, of course, but it was just bad alchemy. "And besides, this paper's too small for something this complex! Do you _want_ me to make a mistake and rebound?!"

The unearthly pale man shrugged slightly, seeming utterly unconcerned. "There will be no need for you to activate any transmutation just yet. I need to understand it thoroughly myself first; a soul transmutation is of no use to me unless I can take its power into my own hands, so for now, a surface this small will be fine. As for the specific array I would like you to draw... hmm. How abouts we start simple? You can show me the array you used on your brother."

The reminder was all that was needed to make his skin crawl and hands tingle. He _hated_ to remember that array. Had spent weeks, _months,_ tearing his hair out late into the night because he couldn't stop thinking about it no matter how much it tore him apart- and now here was this _asshole,_ telling him to just trot it out like it was any normal old transmutation...

Shuddering, Ed threw off the pallor and yanked himself back to the present. That nightmare array was neither here nor there. The only important thing was that his Plan A of using alchemy to bust out had just been rendered very difficult. Kuzon was clearly a very accomplished alchemist, and he'd realize instantly if the circle he was drawing had nothing to do with souls. Seemed the guy wasn't dumb enough to hand a genius prisoner alchemist all the tools to make a transmutation, no matter how crazy he was.

Ah, well.

Onto Plan B, then.

Deep breath, check.

Hand fisted around pencil, check.

Foot ready to propel up and charge forward, check.

Annnd...

_Go!_

War cry in tandem with launch, Ed threw himself forward, tossing himself with the table to hit the bastard with all the force momentum could give him. The steel table hit first and lack of balance propelled him to land on top of it, sending the both of them careening towards the ground, Ed and the table pinning the bastard to the floor.

" _Asshole,"_ he ground out, "you fucking _asshole,_ what the hell did you think, coming after me?!" He smacked his fist as hard as he could against the side of his head, pounding again and again to try and knock him out. "Did you think I'd be an easy target because I'm just a _kid?_ Forget I'm in the military, genius?!"

After all, having Izumi for a teacher didn't just give him alchemy: it taught him to never underestimate the value of a good, old-fashioned ass kicking.

It didn't take many hits to render the frail body beneath his knocked senseless. Still breathing hard, but grinning now through the adrenaline rush, Ed sat back, cracking his knuckles one handedly. "Now, stay down, while I call Al and figure out just what the hell to do with you."

The dazed body blinked blearily, and Ed gave him another thump on the head for good measure before hopping to his feet. He'd draw a quick transmutation out to bind the guy down- no chances were being taken right now- then find a pay phone, call Al, maybe Mustang if he felt like it, and together they'd figure something out...

"Suppose I should thank you," he called snarkily back over his shoulder, hopping for the discarded paper and pen. "Don't get much chance to practice my circles nowadays. I sure hope my hand doesn't _slip_ and I don't accidentally end up breaking your wrist or something. Something like your hand. Straight off. Yeah... sure hope that doesn't-"

The rest of his words were swallowed by a panicked shout, one that abruptly cut off when his head slammed into the floor once again.

The long, slimy tendril that had squeezed tight around his arm and _yanked_ to dislodge already precarious balance remained, and, still shocked, it took Ed several seconds to squirm onto his side to stare.

What he saw was more than enough to have him frozen in shock.

The alchemist remained prone underneath the heavy table, still clearly too winded and dazed to stand. He'd managed to turn just a little onto his side, though, and worming out from behind him, twisting and clenching in the way only something _alive_ could move, was a tail.

That was what had wormed out to grab his arm. The tail was still wrapped around his wrist, holding him so tightly Ed couldn't have dislodged it even if he'd had the presence of mind to try, a long, dark green, scaly thing that looked like it'd been stolen from a lizard.

It flicked lazily, and Ed stared at in increasing horror.

"You're... you're a chimera...!"

The dazed alchemist rolled his head a little to meet his eyes, one pale eyebrow raising in consternation. _"Chimera?"_ he quoted, the side of his mouth twitching up in a cruel parody of a smile. "Perhaps, if you wish to be strictly technical. I, however, prefer the term biologically enhanced."

The tail tightened again, inhuman and so slimy it made him want to vomit.

The son of a bitch was a chimera.

And a very well made one, at that.

Which meant his initial worries had been right. This bastard had experimented with human chimeras- and likely still did.

Tucker's eyes flashed at him in the dark recesses of a stubborn memory that still to this day made him sick.

"You _bastard!"_

The tail wrapped viciously tight at his hand to stop the punch before it could even get off the ground, wrenching so violently Ed couldn't maintain the balance to even get to his feet. He staggered and swore, rolling on the floor in a seething ball of rage that stumbled to a halt only when the wind was knocked out of him again, this time by a foot pressed against his stomach.

"Ah, ah, ah, Edward," that achingly smooth voice tsked, and suddenly Ed was forced onto his back again, the alchemist straddling him and pinning him to the cold floor so easily he wanted to scream. "Now this is _not_ how a guest is to behave!" The tail tugged violently to stop another punch, eyes flashing in coldhearted anger. "You lied to me, Edward... you promised you would draw this circle for me, and you _lied..."_

"Fuck off!" he screamed, fighting desperately to flail his leg in a kick or pull his arm free. But without both legs to balance him or both arms to tug he just _couldn't_ manage. He was half the bastard's size and robbed of half his limbs and his alchemy and he _couldn't-_

"You lied to me, Edward! _You lied!"_ Blue eyes pierced inches away from his own and Ed gasped, trying to at least turn his head away, wrench his arm out of that fucking _tail's_ grasp, _something._

His reply was the further tightening of slimy, reptilian scales around his wrist and the fierce yank of his arm being pulled again. This time, straight out of the socket.

" _AGH!_ Holy fucking- _aghhh!-_ damn- son of a- _shit!"_ he screamed, restrained arm going limp at the fire that raced down from the abused joint, holding him fast no matter how desperately he wanted to break away. "You son of a bitch, let me _go! Let me-"_

" _You_ lied, _Edward,_ and liars must be punished! You are a liar and liars can not get away without punishment!"

"Yeah?! So fucking kill me! Good luck getting your soul transmutation _then!"_

Pale eyes narrowed in a dark measure of anger, and the cold tail deliberately pulled on his dislocated shoulder again.

The pain was so severe, so _unexpected,_ that when the weight on him suddenly vanished Ed wasn't able to get up, and the precious few seconds it took him to stop screaming and wrench himself upright were ended by the alchemist slamming back down over him, eyes now glinting in a sinister light, teeth bared in a grim parody of a smile, and one long-fingered hand raised to the light.

In his grip was a syringe.

" _Death_ is not a punishment, dear Edward," he chastised calmly, as if he was rebuking a small child. "Punishments are meant to be learned from. You can not learn if you are dead."

He twirled the needle once around his hand, expertly shifting his grip on the syringe, and then began to lean to insert it into his neck.

"No! Stop! Get the fuck away from me you sick freak, _get away from me,_ what the hell is that thing, _stop it_ get away-"

The legs around his waist clenched even tighter, stopping the struggles before they really began, and Kuzon tsked quietly. "No, no, Edward, don't do that. You don't want this needle to slip; you must understand, I really don't want to kill you. But I _must_ punish you; you have left me no choice. Lie still for me, Edward."

" _No! STOP!"_

"I'm sorry that I won't be able to promise you it'll only hurt a bit... that would rather defeat the purpose, I believe."

" _GET AWAY FROM ME! STOP IT!"_

And the needle plunged into his neck.

By the lovely [gokunobaka](http://goku-no-baka.deviantart.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

The phone call came in to his personal line the moment the clock ticked from official operating hours to the night shift.

Maes had been expecting it, but still, to sit there and listen to the high-pitched tone go off in the otherwise silence of his office was chilling, somehow. The noise made his skin crawl, and he knew, just looking at it, that he did not want to pick up the phone.

Unfortunately, it wasn't up to him.

Before he could sit there long enough to convince himself that he needed to answer the call, Scieska rose hesitantly from her desk, mousing over to the phone from her mountains of files and picking it up without asking him. "Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes' office," she said quietly.

Maes sighed, glancing down at the form before him dully. That was the trouble with Scieska. Perfectly lovely girl, but the thing was, that was his personal line, and she really shouldn't be picking up her superior's personal line, whether he was sitting right there staring blankly into space or not. But she hadn't gone to the academy, pushed straight to the rank of private at his behest, and so there were some things about the military she just didn't quite get yet.

"Sir," Scieska said hesitantly, covering the mouthpiece with her hand. "It's First Lieutenant Hawkeye." She held it out to him hesitantly, clearly unsure of what to do.

Maes sighed again.

As if he hadn't already known who it was.

Gritting his teeth, he raised a hand to rub it tiredly over his face before pulling it from her, trying to force a grim sort of thank you that wasn't genuine at all. "Hawkeye," he said flatly into the phone, and one look at Scieska had her scurrying back to her desk again, burying herself in work.

" _Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, sir."_

Maes tried to smile. He did try, really, he did, the attempt just fell painfully flat. "My god, woman. This isn't a military line, you know. Feel free to call me by my name... not like we've known each other for a decade or anything..."

It was an attempt to stall and they both knew it. It was pathetic, really, and unprofessional, and did neither of them any good, but he just couldn't help himself. He didn't want to tell her her answer any more than she wanted to hear it.

" _Sir,"_ she returned primly, voice even, and did not rise to his weak bait. _"Has there been any news yet?"_

Yeah. You really couldn't stall with Riza Hawkeye.

"...No, ma'am. Still nothing."

He heard give a tiny, gasped sigh over the phone, the sound broken by static. _"I see,"_ she said, and only because Maes had known her for so long did he catch the small waver of instability in her voice. _"...Sir, if there is anything we can do-"_

"I know, Hawkeye. Trust me, if more manpower would help, I'd have called you up here in a heartbeat. Right now, the best thing you can do is hold down the fort for him. I'll keep looking. Remember, I'm Investigations. It's kinda my thing." He twisted the phone cord in his hand roughly and gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the ache in his head. "...Look, it's going to be another late night. I should really get back to it."

It was a dismissal, and not a very nice one, but Maes was just too damn tired to cloak it in sugarcoating and unnecessary kindness and Hawkeye was most certainly not one to appreciate it. _"Yes, sir,"_ he heard, the words disappointed but not surprised.

"I'll keep you updated," he promised, then hung up without so much as a goodbye.

The headache behind his eyes grew again, and he rubbed at his temples. His hands felt heavy, and he flexed them, wondering idly how long he had before Gracia called again, and he had to tell her he would be missing dinner yet another time.

It had been three days since the fire.

Ed and Roy were the only ones who had yet to be found.

And, as of early this morning, the search and rescue teams had finally finished moving throughout the entire wreckage and had confirmed what Maes had half-feared from the very start: there were no bodies.

At that point, Major Edward Elric and Colonel Roy Mustang had both been officially declared missing in action, and the case had been handed to him alongside the arson.

An uneasy flurry of pent up frustration curdled in his gut, and before he'd really weighed the consequences of giving in to it, his hands had risen up and slammed down on his desk in parallel. The numerous papers fluttered at him, one flickering noisily to the floor, and Maes continued to glare at it, the distinct feeling of uselessness sitting over him weighing so heavy he almost cracked under it.

"S-sir?" Scieska squeaked nervously.

He gritted his teeth. The pen that had nearly been smashed underneath his hand, he now fumbled for, clicking it senselessly just to give his hands something to do. "It just doesn't make any _sense,"_ he heard himself mutter. The pen clicked so fast his thumb was tired in a matter of seconds.

Still startled, Scieska continued to watch him quietly for a moment, then quickly jumped back to her feet, grabbing the papers he had scattered in his brief fit of a childish outburst, straightening them all on his desk. She looked at him nervously, seeming unsure of what to say.

"It doesn't make any sense!" he repeated vehemently, then tossed the worthless pen back to clatter on wood when it didn't do enough for his restless energy and pushed himself out of his chair instead, beginning to pace. "Roy wasn't even supposed to _be_ here! Yes, his meeting with Hakuro's been on schedule for weeks now, but how could anyone have predicted he'd be at the dorms at ten at night? No one besides Ed and Al knew he'd be there! Not to mention why go after him _here?_ He has an apartment in East City; if you're _that_ eager to get at him, wouldn't you just blow that one up instead?"

He could feel Scieska's nervous eyes on him, even in his frustrated haze. It irritated him, somehow, just her watching him so hesitantly and that he'd barely slept in days and that his _friends_ were still out there missing. Fingers stretching and flexing alternately, hands still shaking with the urge to do _something,_ he finally whirled back and leveled a finger point at her. "Private Scieska! Tell me why it does not make sense!"

She squeaked again and straightened at being addressed. "B- because- he- Colonel Mustang, that is- ahhh-"

"Because if you are going to abduct someone, you study their routines first, learn them second, and exploit them third!" he snapped, patience running out in an instant. "That is what kidnappers _do._ It makes no sense to go after him here, when his schedule was so unpredictable."

"Ah, right, sir!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Maes saw the girl rushing for a pen and scribbling down what he'd said in one of her ever present notebooks, and it made him soften, somehow. Clenching his jaw, Maes turned away once again, making himself breathe for a few moments. "Sorry," he muttered, gaze going to the rain-streaked window and watching her reflection behind him. "You still haven't been in Investigations that long... if you don't know something, then that's my fault, as your mentor. ...I'm just... preoccupied, right now." He sighed again, momentary pass of nearly uncontrollable emotion passing him as quickly as it had come.

He was just really tired, and really, _really_ worried.

"Sorry," he said again, watching on as rain licked down the glass.

Her response was slow to come, but steady when it finally did. "It's all right, sir," was the soft mumble, the girl clearly shaken by what she'd seen but understanding it, all the same. "In your position I'd be, too... I'm worried about them..."

Maes sighed again and did not respond.

The silence seeming to make Scieska nervous, his assistant quickly started to babble again, hugging a stack of papers to her chest and frowning down at his desk, head tilted to the side. "You're very right, though, sir. It doesn't make sense someone would go to such effort to kidnap Colonel Mustang, especially when they couldn't have known that was where it would be. The fire was clearly planned many hours in advance, and like you said, no one knew Colonel Mustang was going to be there... I don't see how he could've been the target."

"He and Ed are the only one's missing, Scieska," he said dully.

A few moments of silence later, and it hit them both at the same time.

"Oh, no," Scieska breathed from behind him, and he saw her hand fly to her mouth in the reflection moments before he spun to stare at her, his own eyes wide. "Could Major Elric-"

"-Ed was the target," he finished gravely, and she stared at him, horrified.

"But he's only a child! How could anyone go to such lengths-"

"Only a child?" he barked, laughing. "Edward Elric is not _only_ anything, Scieska. Don't make the mistake of underestimating him. That boy has a talent for making enemies, a penchant for being kidnapped, and let me tell you, if there's _anyone_ in the military who's pissed off someone enough that they'd burn down a building to get their revenge, it's Ed."

"But- but-" she flailed, flustered, clearly still struggling to accept the fact that all the mayhem had been caused to get to _Ed._ "But Colonel Mustang was taken, too! Why would they have taken him if they were only after Edward?"

Maes hurried back to his desk, his mind racing from what felt like the first solid lead in hours. He went for the blueprints of the building and spread them out, barely registering as Scieska joined him at his side, trailing a finger over where they'd marked the accelerant being used for the fire. "I bet you whomever's responsible didn't intend on catching Roy in this at all. I know we've been proceeding under the assumption that it was him they were after, just because he's the higher ranking officer, he knows military secrets whereas Ed knows none- but if we assume it's the other way around... By all accounts, Roy would've been with Ed when the building went down. They would've been found together by whoever took them, and..."

"You think they grabbed Colonel Mustang just because he happened to be there? But- why not just leave him behind?"

Maes shrugged, the energy rush still enough to keep him from being sidetracked by another unanswerable question. "Could be to use as leverage against Ed. Could be they recognized him and thought they might as well grab a colonel for ransom or information. There are many reasons one would take Roy hostage- it's just anyone foolish enough to actually try has gotten burnt to a crisp until now. But, look, Scieska!" He pointed again to the lines of accelerant. "I've been suspicious about these from the beginning. They're so intricate- surely, if all he wanted to do was burn the building down, this much work wouldn't have been necessary. I'd called in an expert to examine them for me, and he's not done, but he thinks the arsonist was trying to bring the building down in a controlled demolition. A _very_ controlled demolition, Scieska."

"What does that mean?"

"It means," he said, grinning fiercely, "that he didn't want to just bring the building down. There was something in that building he wanted to definitely survive the collapse. The fire marshal's not done, like I said, and this was only delivered to me fifteen minutes ago, haven't been able to look until now- but he told me he was positive that these areas he marked would've been kept relatively safe in the explosion." He tapped the paper once, tracing the large arc arc drawn out to label the arsonist's potential targets.

Scieska took only two more seconds than he had to find what he had seen.

"Edward's room is one of the safe areas."

Yes, Maes thought, looking back over the map with her. Ed's room.

It was confirmed beyond everything but a shadow of doubt, now. Whoever this arsonist was, he or she or they had wanted Ed. If Roy was a secondary prize or taken only on a whim, Maes didn't know, but Ed was the one they had wanted.

It also meant, for the time being, Ed and Roy were both going to stay alive. Unless they did something stupid and tempted their captors into shooting them, they were going to stay alive until this arsonist got what he wanted- and Maes intended to find them long before that.

"So, sir, should I call the files on Major Elric's latest missions? Try and look for suspects?"

Maes took a moment to shake his head at the hesitant request, eyes still on the blueprint. "No, Ed's pissed off way too many people. I feel it'd be a waste of time to try and track this person down by looking for someone Ed's made angry at him. No, our best bet is still working on the design of this fire." He tapped at the accelerant drawings again. "It's very skilled and unique. We keep trying to study and backtrack this, and we'll get to something helpful." He paused for a moment, still looking over the blueprint.

It was only when he heard Scieska try to hide a yawn- and fail miserably, at that- that he realized belatedly it was past time to go home. He cracked his neck, glaring mildly at the stacks of a decade's worth of past arson to go through on his desk for clues, then glanced to his assistant. She flushed when she realized her fatigue had been caught and rushed hurriedly to assure him she was fine, but he talked straight over her protests without pause.

"It's late, Scieska. Go on home, will you? Bright and early tomorrow!" He forced a grim smile, knowing just as well as she did that he'd be here for many hours yet. The perils of being in charge, he thought miserably, even as he reached for the first of the files on his desk.

Scieska, however, frowned at him.

"...Something to say, Private?"

She stiffened again at being called out, but didn't back away this time, so that was something, at least, he figured.

"Ah... with all due respect, sir... if you'll be staying, then, I will, too."

She waited a few more seconds, still shifting nervously, but when his only reaction was to just raise an eyebrow and she didn't ended up reprimanded or fired, his assistant took another deep breath, took half the files off her desk for himself and proceeded to return to her own chair and begin to work.

Maes watched her for a few moments, blinking in surprise when he realized just how serious she was, then just smiled. "You've clearly been taking lessons from Hawkeye," he muttered amusedly, too soft for her to hear, and shook his head once before turning back to the files.

It was good that Scieska was finally finding a real backbone on this case, he thought absentmindedly, through another drag of coffee. He was going to need a subordinate with Hawkeye's tenacity and determination to see them through this case to the end- somehow, he was already sure of that.

Maes paused, glancing bitterly again over at the two missing persons folders laid to rest gently on the corner of his desk.

He scowled once.

_Don't do anything rash, you two. We're coming. So just hold on until then._

* * *

"Welcome back, Edward."

...

"You're waking just when I expected you to; this is good. It means I correctly calculated the dose for your reduced blood volume."

Breathing... _hurt._

"This has gone quite well. Ah... but I'm sure you, as a fellow scientist, would appreciate an explanation, Edward."

Even breathing just... _hurt._

He couldn't remember it _not_ hurting.

"It took quite a lot of work to engineer; to this day I still consider it one of my most prized innovations. The chemical is ingenious, really. Very, very unique. You see, Edward..."

It stretched his chest and nerve endings lit up like fire, aching deeply all the way down to his core and burning even through his missing leg and arm, both _screaming_ in agony that went deeper than even phantom pain.

"...and this medication activates the pain centers in the brain. It stimulates the neurotransmitters responsible for feeling pain. No painkiller will help... no numbing agent, no morphine, no sedative... you see, the brain is _telling_ the body it's in pain- and all those substances, Edward? They work by numbing the nerves in the body that send pain signals to the brain. My drug bypasses this step, however. There is no respite to be found from this work of perfection, Edward- none. None at all."

He could not even _breathe,_ and in flickering his eyes open it was to find that seeing hurt, too. _Everything_ hurt, so much so he could scream but screaming hurt, too, it hurt so very much that all he could do was writhe and moan, but that hurt, too, and-

"All you can do is allow the body to metabolize it out of the bloodstream. But, of course, that is the second part to my work... it took me many years to develop this perfect formula, Edward, but I am glad to see it has worked so perfectly on you. You see, the second part to my formula was the addition of a very small hydrophobic complex bonded tightly to a hydrophillic one. Oh, the body will try to break it apart, but that carbon just does not want to let the rest of the molecule go, no; it would form _such_ an unstable species... and that makes it _very_ difficult for your body to process."

_It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts pleaseeeee make it stop hurting PLEASEEEEE I'll give anything...  
_

"It's been a week, Edward, since I first gave it to you. It's taken you this long to metabolize enough to retain coherency. You see, the brain turns off a lot of conscious processing, when you're in extreme amounts of pain... it has to, to stop the body from being stressed in cardiac arrest. Even then, it is not a foolproof process. I know you still felt something, Edward."

A breath of a pause, a gasp of a tortured silence, a stab of agonized screaming in his head, and a cold hand on his shoulder, lips ghosting wheezingly mere inches from his neck.

"I know you felt something, Edward," was the whisper in his ear, and then Kuzon was gone, and the fire consumed him again.

* * *

Time passed in a blur of a haze.

There were more injections, cold needles sliding piercingly under his skin no matter how much he screamed and whined and begged. There were more cold hands on his shoulder, long, pale-fingered ones accompanied by a hiss in the ear. There was restraint on his wrist, scrapingly tight some times and slimy and cold at others.

There was always the hot crawl of pain that snuck through the back of his mind even when he slept.

Sometimes he caught the words _soul transmutation_ and _secret_ , grounding him when he was so lost he could not even remember his own name because _Alphonse._ He would see Al dragged back to the Gate, dragged away by the military, dragged away until he was just _gone,_ and, and-

And _Alphonse..._

Al reminded him to keep his mouth shut, when he could not remember who was asking or what soul transmutation even was or anything beyond the fact that it _hurt._

* * *

Somehow, there came a time when the pain was just a little less.

Lifted by a fraction, but this fraction was enough.

The haze over his mind cleared to the level that he could think again, and he could register something beyond the miserable state of his body screaming at him. Seeing didn't hurt quite as much as breathing and he could squint again, just barely somehow glimpsing a blurred figure of white gold hair and snowy skin before his vision sloshed and he had to shut his eyes again. His mouth felt unimaginably, intolerably dry, the muted scraping of sandpaper in his throat thrumming somewhere underneath the agony that still caked his limbs, and he gasped in a shuddering breath.

Fuck.

How many days had it been? Three, four? No, because... because he remembered Kuzon saying something about a week...

The knowledge slammed into him so hard he gasped again, riding out the pain that flared in response to even that small exertion. It didn't feel like seven days had passed at all.

Seven days, god...

Al had to be really worried by now.

The picture of his brother stressing was enough to draw a small, sympathetic whimper from his throat. Al didn't handle stress well; he couldn't be forced to slow down, he couldn't take a break and sleep... _I hope Hughes is here, or Mustang; sometimes Al listens to them..._

"Oh, you are awake again, Edward!"

Ed stiffened.

That motion hurt, too, hurt so greatly his muscles seized and his head was tossed back against the wall in a fit of agony, and he barely kept the cry silent.

"Excuse my impoliteness for a moment here, though; this experiment has already been started and this is not one I can leave unattended to just yet, unfortunately."

The voice came from relatively far away and Ed flinched back again, searching desperately again for Kuzon. He barely managed to catch a glimpse of the pale figure, too far away, before he had to shut his eyes again, reeling, head spinning.

"You're probably feeling very unwell, at the moment. My apologies for that; is quite unintentional- but, alas, unavoidable. A human body can not remain wholly insensate for three weeks without encountering some measure of ill side-effects. Not to worry, though; none are life threatening."

It was hard to focus enough to hear the whole speech, and the words didn't make sense, anyway. Gritting his teeth, Ed gingerly let his head lean back against the wall behind him, trying to keep his mind steady. He watched hazily as Kuzon continued to work, his back still turned to him- tip of his tail twitching over the cold ground at the hem of his lab coat. The sight of the tail made him shudder, the cold feel of unnatural limb wrapping around his wrist shuddering through his arm.

Yanking at his arm only brought another stab of pain, though, and glancing blearily overhead showed him that it had again been tied to the wall. His shoulder protested at the movement as well, but it was a tired kind of ache, belying a wound that had long since healed. His shoulder have to have been relocated- and a long while ago, at that.

It took him at least five seconds of blinking exhaustedly at Kuzon's back for him to remember just how crazy the alchemist was, and that relocating his shoulder and jabbing a needle full of straight up torture into him in the same breath wasn't all that impossible, for him.

At last, the pale alchemist turned back to face him, hands clasped expectantly before him. "So, Edward, how are you feeling today?" he asked brightly, and he moved a few paces forward to stand before him.

Ed squirmed an inch back, the uneasy feeling of being prostrate and defenseless at this bastard's feet strong enough to bear the pain of movement. He opened his mouth, a host of half-formed sarcastic retorts milling at the front of his mind, then just shut it in favor of a glare. Speaking felt like it would take a lot of effort- far more than he wanted to extend, right now. Safer to just glare.

At the non-answer, Kuzon gave a sympathetic nod and tilted his head to the side, looking at him closer. "Yes, yes... I imagine you are still in quite a lot of pain. You will be for a while, unfortunately. Aftershocks. There's still quite a lot in your system, but more than that, such long term stimulation of the pain centers in the brain is not without its consequences. It should wear off, eventually... although, you are my first test subject. Your first experiment will always present with results that you do not expect." He smiled disarmingly, and something about the innocent expression sent chills down his spine.

The alchemist clapped his hands together again, disturbingly excited, and moved off to the side, reaching for something out of Ed's line of sight. "Now that you're cognizant again, let us try and get you a little strength back, yes? We can not have such a weakened alchemist working on soul transmutations, no, no, that would not do. A rebound would prove fatal, yes."

Ed opened his mouth to snap out a _fuck you, do your own soul transmutation asshole, I'm still not telling you a damn thing,_ but the weakness fluttering in his chest stopped him before the words could claw their way out of his sore throat. And it was a good thing, too, he realized belatedly, watching as the alchemist came back his way with a glass of water and a hunk of bread. Strengthen him up? No matter Kuzon's reasons, it would definitely only help things, for him.

Still, when Kuzon moved to try and force the food into his mouth, his pride riled up and said it had other ideas.

"Get offa me!" he snarled, jerking away. He didn't have the strength to kick but at least managed to bare his teeth when the alchemist came at him again. "Hell no, I can feed myself! Get away from me, psycho!"

Kuzon tilted his head to the side curiously, eyebrow raised. "...How do you plan to do that?"

Unpleasantly reminded of the fact that he had only one arm, and it was currently tied up above him and tethering him to the wall, Ed scowled. His ordinarily bursting with ideas brain also failed him, too exhausted and strung out to think properly, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let this psycho get anywhere closer to him than necessary. "I'll figure it out," he hissed.

Kuzon still watched him skeptically, looking as if he wanted to say something else- only to be stopped by the sudden barking of a dog.

Ed jumped, searching around wildly at the abrupt sound. Kuzon started as well, but rather than look for the source immediately started back towards his lab, already wringing his hands out eagerly. "Oh, and that would be my experiment now!" he exclaimed over the racket. "Edward, I'll be right back... it's time for my lab rat to take his medicine."

The barking continued, louder and louder as Kuzon slipped away again, this time heading straight out of the room to leave him alone. The dog still howled in the background, and Ed stared after the sound, his heart racing.

A dog, as a bio-alchemist's lab rat?

Chimera.

He gritted his teeth, hatred coursing through his veins like poison, and only barely managed to return his attention to the bread and water the alchemist had left behind.

What was important was getting his strength back. Sitting here, feeling bad for the chimera, and feeling worse about Nina, would accomplish nothing.

Going after the food _was_ a difficulty with his arm bound, even more so because it was so dammed hard to focus, his mind still muggy and his body still screaming and not to _mention_ the furious barking that kept ringing in his head. Eventually he managed to contort himself enough to grab the bread by his toes and lift it up to his mouth, but the effort left him shaking with the strain and barely strong enough to rip off the first bite.

The amount of food was pitiful, maybe a fourth of a loaf of bread and he was dammed _ravenous,_ but by the time he'd finished his stomach felt uncomfortably tight and he almost worried he would throw up. If Kuzon was to be believed, though, it _had_ been a week since he'd had any solid food- it would take him a few days to rebuild a decent appetite, be strong enough to really hold his own in a fight again...

Growling in distaste, Ed went after the water next, still trying to tune out the dog's howling. It had gotten louder, likely as the beast tried to fight off whatever Kuzon was doing to it. It sounded pitiful and terrified, and he glanced once after the sound, biting against the tremble of sympathy in his lower lip.

There was no way in hell he was letting the military get their hands on that chimera. If it had once been human- he would never stand for it.

The dog's whines abruptly cut off with an agonized yelp, and then...

Silence.

Ed swallowed and looked away, one fist clenching.

In only took a few moments for Kuzon to return, walking forward briskly with yet another pleasant smile. There was a splatter of blood on his shoulder now, not much but still enough to be seen, and its presence made Ed want to snarl.

"Sorry for that interruption," the alchemist said in a decidedly business-like manner, crossing the room once again to kneel down a few feet back from him. "A relatively new chimera, that one. It normally takes a few months for the ones that used to be human to calm down; got to keep this one chained up for now but even still, it'll bark it's head off if it gets the chance. But this period is so crucial for experimentation- it's worth the risk of getting bitten if it means I get some data from the thing."

The smile couldn't even be called callous. It was just... innocent.

So bindlingly innocent Ed honestly could not believe it.

"Y-you..."

"Oh- of course! My apologies, again, Edward." The alchemist bowed in his head in contrition, utterly oblivious. "You are not here to talk about chimeras, of course-"

"That- that _thing-_ your chimera was _human!_ How can you talk about him like just a _lab rat_ , you son of a bitch?!"

Kuzon blinked slowly, pleasant air overridden by surprise now. "...It is not human any more, Edward," he said at length, still seeming only confused- completely in the dark as to why his work could even be considered morally repugnant. "Such experimentation on humans would only be cruel, but a chimera has lost its humanity, Edward. As an alchemist, surely, you must know this-"

"You took it from him! Not it, _him!_ You _stole_ his body from him, his humanity, you, _you-" Nina-  
_

"Edward, if you must know, this person simply fell into my lap through sheer accident." The alchemist leaned back a little, seeming displeased with him, eyes narrowing. "I did not seek him out, but when I found myself with him- what is a biological alchemist to do, but use any and all resources at his disposal?" He spread his hands innocently and smiled again, eyes cajoling, voice persuasive. "Chimera research is difficult, after all; to get any product worth mentioning you must start from a living, human base- but to obtain a human body as a resource is horrifically difficult. When this one fell into my hands, I decided it would simply be remiss not to use it... live human bodies are a very precious, scarce resource, after all- oh, but I digress, I digress. Again, I did not bring you here to discuss chimeras."

It took a few seconds for the utterly calm, blasé words to really filter and make sense through the red haze of anger, and when they really did, Ed found himself just leaning his head back, completely exhausted. He just didn't have the strength right now to cope with the ferocity of the rage that swept through him, to follow through with the screaming or fighting instinct begged of him. Anger was exhausting and when his whole body felt like a used dish rag- a used dish rag that had also been set on fire- he just didn't have the strength to give in to it.

Exhausting anger was one thing; however, the disgust that roiled through his stomach was quite another, and Ed found he could barely even look at Kuzon, now, too sickened by the alchemist who viewed living person as simply a resource to be used. And for what? Just- _science?_ Science for science's sake? Because it sure as hell didn't sound like his research with chimeras had any other purpose than just gaining data.

Like goddamn piece of human garbage Tucker.

"Just get out of my face," he muttered sourly, turning his head away to punctuate the statement.

Kuzon blinked at him slowly, head tilted to the side in a manner of utmost innocence. "...Yes, of course," he murmured at last, still seeming just confused, and another wane smile took form. "You're eager to get straight to business; I can respect that. So, Edward: soul transmutation?"

"Get the hell out of my face! I'm not doing a soul transmutation for you, asshole! Go kidnap somebody else; what, you thought your dammed stupid chemical or whatever would change my mind?!"

"What?" Kuzon blinked at him again, eyes eerily bright. "No, Edward, that wasn't to convince you. I told you beforehand, it was to _punish_ you. You lied to me, and you needed to be punished."

"Yeah?! You're a psycho you kidnapped me! Where's your punishment for that?!"

Kuzon spread his hands placatingly, shaking his head at him like he was a five year old. "No, no, Edward... that is not how this will work. What I ask of you is very simple. Once you relay the information to me, I'll let you go, Edward; that is quite a fair trade! If you do not think so, then tell me, what else can I provide for you to make this an equivalent exchange? I would be willing to-"

" _Shut it!"_ Ed growled, arm trembling in weakness even as he pulled on the rope again, heart pounding so hard he could barely see. "There's no equivalent exchange in this, Kuzon! Get that through your thick skull! I will- _never-_ tell you what you want! You understand that?! _Never,_ you son of a bitch!"

_Alphonse..._

"I don't care what the hell you do to me! Torture me if you want, I don't care! But you'll never hear it from me, you understand?!"

_Al, I promise, no matter what happens..._

"I will _never tell you!"_

The easy, charming light in Kuzon's eyes flickered, and died.

The change was so minute it was almost missed, but Ed caught it, watching the bright smile become a cold one, and the pleasant expression fade into a tensed jawline and clenched teeth. His pale eyes narrowed slightly, no longer warm and welcoming, and the hand that Ed could see curled into a loose, gentle fist.

"I see," he said quietly, and the tail flicked over the ground. "So, you are unwilling to be cooperative with me. I was worried this might be the case... but it can not be helped now."

Ed glared at him harder, and it was all he could do to not bow down to the sick rage taking his weakened body hostage.

"I _was_ hoping to not resort to this, Edward- but, while pain can be used as a punishment, it can also be a powerful motivator, as well." He shifted quietly, withdrawing the hand buried in his pocket to reveal the small screwdriver clutched tightly in his grip. "You need to be shown that you are not in control here. And loathe as I am to be the one to do so, there is no choice anymore. You are not in control, Edward. Your only choice is how you wish to tell me the information."

Ed kicked at him, and then again, when the alchemist simply sidestepped the first blow. "I already told you, I'll _never-"_

"You can tell it to me now, and walk out of here, in perfect health. ...Or." Kuzon moved lithely forward, and this time the kick was met with the cold tail in midair. The tail pulled slightly, stretching out the limb, and the alchemist smiled. "Or, you can crawl, bloody, broken, and dying. Do not underestimate a biological alchemist, Edward. I know the human body as well as you know the chemistry of metal. I _know_ every nerve, every pressure point, every _way_ to touch you and leave you screaming for death without even a mark on your skin. I can have you feel as if you've been burned alive, as if you're drowning, as if you're bleeding, as if you're being killed, and I can do it over and over again, because your body can be kept in perfect health the entire time. You've tested me thus far, Edward, and I've been polite and restrained until now- but there comes a point when the unruly child must understand that they are not in control."

Kuzon knelt calmly before him again. The tail ripping his leg yanked and slammed until the limb was pinned against the floor, and before Ed could writhe or scream a long-fingered hand planted against his automail shoulder, holding him against the wall in a gut-wrenching pin that left him gasping. Blue eyes lifted to meet his again, and then, casually, he lifted the screwdriver to dive into one of the bolts of his automail port.

"You are not in control, Edward. And until you understand that, this pain will be your motivator. ...Welcome to the technique of a biological alchemist."

The screwdriver jerked around the metal, twisting until it drilled into bone, and Ed screamed.


	4. Chapter 4

Maes spent the night waiting on the floor of a grimy warehouse.

To be fair, it wasn't the overall _worst_ night he'd had since his friends had gone missing. He'd smoked his way halfway through a pack of cigarettes- Gracia hated the habit, and he _had_ quit, for the most part, but goddamn was he bored- and when his target still hadn't shown, he actually curled on his side on the ground for a little cat nap. It wasn't bad, no, not at all. It certainly beat sitting at his desk until dawn, leafing through files until he was so tired he couldn't see. It was much better than groaning his way through yet another explanation of the investigation's status to Hakuro, who was going quite surly that two of his top State Alchemists had yet to be returned to him. It was miles more enjoyable than lying to his wife and daughter, when they asked him how his day had been and he'd force himself to beam and say, _great, honey, just great!_ And he hated himself for even _thinking_ of complaining, when he realized how greatly Ed and Roy could be suffering right then, and here he was, whining about a late night in the cold.

It still sucked.

And no, the cat nap he grabbed on the frigid, hard floor was _not_ better than the sleep he'd have gotten at home- _or_ the lumpy but warm couch in his office.

Dammit.

He wanted another cigarette.

Groaning, Maes sent a glance towards his watch- 3AM, hell- and wondered just what was taking him so long. Surely he hadn't picked the wrong location? Or, what if-

Ah.

That noise...

_Here he comes.  
_

After all, the sounds of his approach were guaranteed to be unmistakable.

Maes hurriedly pushed himself up off the ground to stand and gave his collar a tug to straighten it. He fixed his eyes on the door, found himself palming a knife only because instinct demanded it, and waited.

The door banged open, and the boy responsible was so out of it, it took him five seconds to realize things were not as they were supposed to be.

"I want all the information you have on Edward Elric! Any rumors that you've heard at all, I want to hear them as well! I- ...um... Lieutenant Colonel Hughes?"

Maes raised a hand in sardonic greeting. "Yo."

Al paused uncertainly in the doorway, head tilting to the side. "...What are _you_ doing here?" He looked around in confusion, as if he could've possibly gotten lost and wondered into HQ instead of an abandoned warehouse in one of the worst sectors of town.

"Waiting for you, Al."

"How did you know-"

"-that you'd be here?" Maes shook his head, disappointed, and shifted against the cold wall. "Al, one of my criminal informants called me up two days ago, absolutely terrified. Apparently, the Fullmetal Alchemist has been terrorizing the gangs around here for two weeks for information- he was begging me to put a leash on my dog, so to speak. Didn't want to end up killed by this fearsome state alchemist."

"Brother? Brother's been here too?!"

Maes blinked. Damn. The kid was more out of it than he'd thought. "...Al, they're talking about you."

It took the boy several moments to get it, to remember _he_ was more often mistaken for the Fullmetal Alchemist than his brother, and for a moment, Maes really did sympathize with him. At least he was able to sleep, even if it wasn't well or often. Al, however, had had no chance at even that small respite from his missing brother or friend, and it was very clearly starting to weigh on him. "Oh, Al..."

The boy stiffened. "Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, I can explain-"

He held a hand up, stopping the words before they really got off the ground. "Al, no. I understand, I really do- but this is so risky it sounds like something _Ed_ would do. Interrogating and intimidating the people that frequent _this_ section of town? That's asking to get yourself shot!"

"I have been," Al returned coldly, and raised his arm for him to see.

Maes' eyes widened.

There, in the cold metal, was a line of unmistakeable bullet holes.

"Oh my god..."

"Bullets don't affect me," the boy said, just as coldly as before, and then he lowered his arm again.

The paternal side of Maes was screaming at him to be horrified, to yell at Al for his foolishness, and as tired as he was he didn't have it in him to really consider if it was a good idea. He just continued to stare at him for several moments, sick and scared, then burst out, "What is wrong with you?! Are you really so arrogant as to think you couldn't get hurt?! Al, these people are _dangerous,_ and you're out here alone trying to scare them- what if something happened to you?! Did you ever think about how Ed would feel, knowing you got hurt or killed like this?! Al!"

" _But I have to!"_ Al paced forward to gesture around to empty space, shout echoing in both the room and his armor. "I have to! You're not any closer to finding them, and I just- I _have_ to do something, Hughes! Someone here has to know _something!_ If anyone would've heard something about Brother, it's these people! They have to know something; they have to! I've got to find it- I _have_ to, I- I-"

"Al. Hey- hey, Al, slow down..." Maes cut in to the frantic ramblings, raising his voice when at first he had zero effect and lifting a hand, trying to calm him down before his panic took him any further. "Al, you can't keep doing this. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to sit still right now- but you're not helping anyone with this. You're only hurting yourself. Helping me and Scieska during the day, then the moment we leave HQ coming out here, heading back to HQ at dawn... Al, my god. You've got to be _exhausted."_

Once again, Al stiffened. "I can't _be_ exhausted," he mumbled, sounding almost confused. "Remember? I'm not like you. I don't need to sleep."

" _Sleep,_ no, but you've been working for how many hours nonstop now? I know it's different for you, Al, but you still need to rest... you'll wear yourself down into the ground working like this... come on." He tried for a gentler, more paternal smile, hoping to cajole the exhausted boy into a least a few days' rest. "You don't begrudge me or Scieska for needing to sleep, do you?"

"What? No! Of course not, but I-"

"Well, you need to rest, too, Al. And you need to allow yourself that." He took a few cautious steps forward, watching as the boy shifted uncertainly and turned away, hearing the truth in his words but not ready to admit to it yet. "...Look, I know this is hard... it's hard for me, too. But we _are_ making progress on tracking these people. We _are._ You just need to give it a little more time."

Al continued to hesitate in the doorway, worrying his hands together. Maes knew him well enough to tell he was anxious and stressed, even without the benefit of having a facial expression to read, and he knew he needed to find some way to get him to rest even if only a little. If Ed came back to find his brother in this state, he'd kill him.

"Hughes, I'm sorry... I just..." Al said at last, his voice achingly small, young, "...we don't even know if he's still in the city anymore. Or even- even the country. ...It's been over four weeks now... normally we'd have found him by now- or he'd have already escaped himself! But he hasn't, and I just... I _can't..."_

The shuddering despair stopped him. Despite all appearances, despite all pretenses, Al was still so young, just a teenager... and no matter how hard Maes had tried to give those boys some semblance of a family here, he knew, in a sense, they were all each other had. Even the possibility of losing him... he couldn't imagine...

But, at last, Maes managed to shake off that dark pallor and allowed himself the small victory of a weak smile- because, he finally had something besides a useless platitude he could offer. He moved a little closer again, now close enough to touch the boy, and continued to smile. "Actually, Al? One of my contacts got back to me about that just a few days ago. She promises me that they're still in Central. Both of them."

Al pulled away from him, soulfire eyes flashing. "No disrespect meant, sir, but your contact doesn't know Brother. She doesn't care about him; it doesn't matter to her if they're found or not. She could be wrong."

He chuckled weakly, not that it was funny at all. "She has just as much reason to care as you, actually."

When Al just stared at him, clearly fatigued and confused, Maes shrugged and folded his arms, shivering a little in the chill of the warehouse. "It's Roy's mother."

"...His... his _mother?"_

Once again, it wasn't all that funny, but he cracked a tired smile all the same. "Yes. Well, aunt, technically. Roy was orphaned at a much younger age than you two; she's raised him since he was five. She wants our boys found just as much as you do. And her network of information is just amazing, Al. She's got people all over the city, along the border, in the Xing black market- you know Roy's half-Xingese, right?- and you can't get _anything_ done in this city and hide it from her. And she's told me she's heard absolutely no chatter about either Roy or Ed."

Al just looked at him for several moments, clearly struggling grappling with unexpected revelation. "...What does that mean?" he asked at last, seemingly frustrated with his inability to understand in his fatigue, and Maes reached out to grasp his arm.

"Means whoever has them isn't looking to move them out of the city, or over the border. That's impossible to do without attracting attention. It also means they're not about to be sold off to the highest bidder, or traded as political hostages- whoever has them probably just wants information from them." He paused for a moment, trying to find his confidence even when inside, he was just as unsettled and scared as Al. "That's a _good_ thing. Means they're still in Central, and they're not dead."

The boy stared at him wonderingly, seeming almost too shocked to really believe him. After several moments, usually optimistic Al heaved a trembling sigh and turned away again, worrying his hands together once more and shifting on his feet. "...But we still don't know if they're okay," he whispered, and, in his voice, Maes heard the muted terror that had been the real reason, all along, that had him out wondering the most dangerous parts of Central at night to try and find his dear brother.

Once again, he could sympathize. Very easily.

But, this wasn't a time to be afraid.

"We don't, Al, no," he murmured, and this time, he was successful in swallowing back the rise of nervous anxiety at the thought of Roy and Ed helpless and in the hands of terrorists for counting on five weeks, now. _God, Ed has to be so terrified... and Roy likes to play invincible but he's not- he's surely hurt and scared by now, too..._ "But... well, I didn't just come looking for you tonight to try and get you to rest." He waited for Al's miserable eyes to meet his again, and he tried his very best to put up a reassuring smile. "There's been a development in the investigation, actually. You remember how unique the explosives used were? Well... we finally managed to get our hands on the one and only producer in all of Central. Scieska's with him now, running down names. If ... if it all goes well, Al?"

Maes paused, making sure the exhausted boy was really listening. Then he found himself giving in to his own fatigued excitement, and he patted the metal arm again, heart pounding. "We'll have their location tomorrow night."

Al froze.

And it was a true testament to just how expressive that boy was, that Maes could see the slow, amazed spread of a brilliant smile over cold, unchanging metal.

"You... you mean... you'll know where my brother is?!"

"And Colonel Mustang," he said, and let his own thrilled grin overtake grim exhaustion.

It took Al several seconds to recover from the joy and shock of it, but suddenly the boy was drawing back, stumbling towards the exit to the warehouse. Maes caught his arm again and raised another hand to stop him, shaking his head quickly. "And! I do intend to have you with us, when we raid wherever the hell they've stashed Ed and Roy." It wasn't as if it would do any good to ask Al to stay back and let the military take care of it, so it was just easier this way- now, he could at least keep an eye on him. "But, there's a stipulation to that, Al."

"Hughes, I have to-"

" _If_ you will be joining us on this raid, you will come with me right now, and go stay at my apartment for the day. And there, you will rest. Only rest, Al. You will not even _open_ a single file pertaining to this case, okay?"

Al stopped in the doorway again, trying to pull his arm out of his grasp and looking nervously around again. "I- but I-"

"No arguments, Al." Maes lowered his hand for a moment, watching him closely. "I know you don't want to sit still right now, but after we get Ed back- well, you won't be any good to him, stressed out like this. Besides, it's dangerous for you to do alchemy when you're this exhausted, right? If you're with us on the raid, I need to know that I can count on you- not worry about you accidentally hurting yourself or one of us when a transmutation goes wrong."

It was his trump card, and he knew it was a damn good one. Play in to how both those boys liked to know adults could count on them- how they both were glad to be treated like capable alchemists instead of just children and would jump at the chance to prove themselves. And when he saw how Al actually stopped again and stared at him as intently as if he'd just announced he was going to quit the military and join a circus, he knew it had worked. That possibility of causing rebounds in his exhaustion had clearly not occurred to him- yet another sign he was working himself far too hard- and the realization that, in his current state, he could be a _hindrance,_ not a help, in his brother's rescue, was enough to bring him back to himself and realize that Maes was right.

His shoulders slumped in defeat, even as his helmet tilted in an exhausted nod of submission.

Maes sighed, his own smile fading. Not all victories were to be celebrated, and _this_ one- stopping Al from working himself to death in sheer desperation to find his older brother in time... its necessity saddened him.

"Don't beat yourself up over this, Al," he murmured. "...I'm really worried, too."

At least this would all be over soon.

* * *

It had been a week, since Kuzon had started trying to torture the information out of him.

Roughly.

Possibly.

Measuring time was a bit of a difficulty, after all, but the alchemist had fed him seven times since then, and Ed was left to assume that meant it had been seven days.

It felt like weeks.

But, _Alphonse,_ a stronger motivator than any physical suffering, more than kept his mouth shut. It was almost laughable, how confidently Kuzon came at him, and how little his sure efforts needled at iron clad defenses. Was he exhausted, mentally and physically? Yes. Did he feel sick? Yes. Would he have killed for just the chance to lie down and shut his eyes and wake up anywhere but here? Yes. Was he starting to miss Al so much it hurt? Yes.

And his mouth still stayed shut.

The chimera would howl sometimes, barking violently- normally, whenever Kuzon had left the room to continue his experiments with the half dog, half human creature. It made sleeping hell, started awake from whenever he could grab any sort of uncomfortable respite, and he found himself burrowing into the wall and trying to block out the noise, struggling to not think about whatever Kuzon could be doing to the poor thing.

His only comfort was that Kuzon, while first and foremost a garden variety psycho, was also a very good scientist. He evidently appreciated the scarcity of the live human body as a resource and wasn't about to kill the chimera via experiments- although it might've been most merciful for the poor thing if he did. No; the chimera would be relatively safe until Ed managed to figure a way out of here. By the sound of it, the dog was also the only chimera in the warehouse, which was definitely good news on all fronts. It meant he'd only have to figure out what to do with one beast, as opposed to potential dozens.

As for his plan of breaking out, well...

Kuzon had been holding off on breaking out the chemical that still now, even weeks later, left him trembling with the pain of an aftershock countless times a day and doubling over in agony every hour at the recollection of burning hurt. The alchemist's efforts, instead, ranged wildly all over the spectrum of what he'd once believed to be impossible, and, as promised, all fell firmly within the skillset of a powerful bio-alchemist.

Kuzon loved to draw out transmutation circles underneath him in sickening detail, and he loved even more to explain the science behind it as he set off the reactions. Ed had gotten a lecture on water vapor being condensed into liquid form inside his lungs while he coughed and wheezed on one knee, barely conscious and trembling against the feel of being drowned. He'd gasped and shook, heart pounding, the certainty of death and destruction shattering around his ears as Kuzon patiently explained the delicate chain of neurotransmitters needed to be set off to send him spiraling into a panic attack. He'd learned about burns being the most painful of wounds to sustain due to the release of heat shock proteins over large areas as the alchemist tricked his brain into thinking he'd been set on fire- and sent him tumbling through agony because of it.

And while Kuzon delighted in using his alchemy, bio alchemy was not without his risks even when performed perfectly, and the bastard knew that. And just as often as he drew transmutations out, he'd find Kuzon devoting everything towards his automail ports instead, going after the now exposed wires and bolts with a vengeance and precision that was almost unbelievable. The connection of the nerves still ranked as the worst pain in his life and nothing Kuzon did could touch that, but tightening bolts to the point they drilled into the bone, twisting metallic wires into they curled into knots inside his tendons and skin, driving ports to collapse inwards on muscle...

Ed wasn't sure how much louder he could scream before something snapped and he lost his voice entirely.

But.

The upside.

(Because he _had_ to keep focusing on the upside, or soon he would lose the will to keep himself focusing, _fighting,_ at all.)

Working so violently at the stumps of amputated limbs had caused bleeding. Not much, but enough to leave the wounds dripping slowly for hours after Kuzon would leave, scarlet tears weeping down from shoulder and thigh to pool in a tiny black puddle on the stone at his foot. Not enough to be severe, not enough to be a concern- not even for Kuzon, who still seemed very concerned with keeping his body in perfect shape- but enough spark an idea.

He just needed more blood.

And to do that...

Ed grinned slightly to himself, watching the closed door to the other half of the lab in a morbid sort of anticipation.

It wasn't a strategy Al would approve of, that was for sure- but in the end, it would get him out of here, with just a little extra soreness, and by this point, Ed was willing to give anything a shot if it meant he could just get off this dammed dirty floor.

The abrupt silence in the wake of another round of barking made Ed jerk his head up again, staring towards the door once more.

Abrupt silence meant Kuzon was done experimenting- for now.

Done experimenting meant...

When the heavy steel door creaked open, Ed told himself the reason his heart was pounding was anticipation to get to his plan, not fear, the reason his skin was crawling was nerves, _not_ fear, and the fact that he was suddenly shrinking back against the wall in a weak attempt to put as much distance between him and those dangerous hands as possible was still _not fucking fear._

"Oh," he drawled, somehow, and dragged his trembling lips into some sort of grim parody of a smile. "You're back, again? Gonna try and drag it out of me another time?"

"If you remain unwilling," Kuzon returned calmly, and it was a fight not to turn his head away when the alchemist withdrew the screwdriver from his lab coat pocket again.

He still flinched when Kuzon knelt in front of him, raised his weapon of choice, and moved in to set to work.

"Oh, you're going at my leg today?" Ed prodded cheerfully, and when he _felt_ the damn tool twist into place underneath his skin it took everything he had to force a laugh. "Good. It was feeling a little neglected."

"Body parts do not have the autonomous neurological function necessary to feel anything."

It started off a little easier than normal, his leg ports less abused than the ones in his shoulder and able to take more than a feather light touch before screaming in agony. Ed gritted his teeth all the same, foot pushing weakly against the floor in an instinct to draw back from the pain, and reminded himself it was only going to get worse so stop being a damn _baby_ and take it. "It's a fucking expression, genius," he growled back to Kuzon, voice a little rough despite his efforts, and the alchemist paused.

"Ah, I see. My apologies, Edward," he said coolly, actually having the gall to sound contrite when his damn screwdriver was drilling into his femur. "Amestrian is not my first language. The best of teachers taught me the accent well, but expressions remain a little beyond me."

Biting pain lanced up his thigh, radiating from the bone in a way that only the pain from an amputation could. It sent a spasm trembling up his spine, gnashing his teeth together to stop a cry. "I kn-kn- _knew_ it," he gasped the moment he could, clinging to composure. "I knew you weren't fucking from here! Where... where- _fuck!-_ are you from, then? ...Aerugo?"

Kuzon actually stopped for a second, the gradually tightening screwdriver stilling in his pale grip and the bolt it was buried in stopping with it. "Very nice, Edward- very nice! That is a very good guess! Perfectly accurate, my boy."

The pain drove deeper.

"F- _fuck_ you, wasn't a d-d-damn guess. I'm a scientist. I don't g- _guess."_

"Oh? Tell me, then, how did you know?" Kuzon smiled pleasantly at him, then sat back a little, withdrawing the screwdriver from the bolt that was now as tight as it would go. Ed let out a shuddering gasp at the release only to choke on the next breath, biting his lip against it as the alchemist moved onto the next one.

His mind racing, Ed waited until he could speak relatively steadily to spit out his next reply, only trying to keep the bastard talking for as long as possible. "How about a trade, Ku.. Kuzon...? For every question you ask me... I get one... to ask... you?" He tried a grin, only stopping when he felt the crimson tang of blood well up from his lip, and he sucked at it, trying to keep himself at least looking stronger than he felt. "Equivalent exchange...?"

Kuzon took a moment to consider it, then smiled brightly and nodded at him before lowering his gaze once more. The bolt hissed and protested the violent treatment and he focused on it, putting all his strength into the screwdriver even as his voice remained as calm as ever. "Fair enough, my fellow alchemist. But, I asked first. How did you know I was from Aerugo?"

_Breathe... fuck you, Ed, don't lose control now, fuck you, breathe, come on... make it..._

"O-o-o- _obvious!"_ he gasped out, word finally breaking free from chattering teeth only to crack over the pain of it. "Obvious! Xing's alchemy... no chimeras allowed..." Another bite of pain twisted his head away to smash cheek against wall, breaths screeching in his ears and chest painfully tight now. "Too smart to be Drachma. Too fu-fucking _weird_ looking to be Cretan..."

Kuzon nodded thoughtfully, then raised a blood spattered finger, eyes bright like it was a game. "But what of the countries beyond those on your borders? There are many, and you did not account for a single one."

Ed would've shrugged, if he thought his abused shoulder port could handle it. Instead he just swallowed the blood and bared his teeth in a grim smile. "Ockham's razor."

"Ah, _of two possible explanations, the correct one is most likely to rest on the least number of assumptions._ Very good. A scientist, indeed." Kuzon gave another appreciative nod and went back to his work, drilling the third bolt to screw deeper and deeper into his femur that was already sending splintering shards of pain to his hip and spine, driving gasp after gasp from his lips and buck after heave from his spine. "I believe next is your question for me, Edward."

This one came easily, the worry he would always have rising and forming words before his taxed brain even had to try. "Al. My brother. A-A- _agh! fuck..."_ He broke off, wheezing, only to gasp the name again before he'd caught his breath back. "Al! Is he okay?!"

"...I'm not quite sure how I would know the answer to that question."

That time it took a few moments for Ed to understand that Kuzon was not intentionally jerking him around, and he swore under his breath, breath shaking and composure cracking. "When you took me. D-did you h-hurt my brother at all?!"

Kuzon looked at him strangely again, in the one second Ed could see before the screwdriver turned again, and his eyes clenched shut in a red haze of breathless agony. "How exactly could I hurt your brother? He possesses no physical body. I did not kill him, if that is what you are asking- indeed, I had no interaction with him at all. But even if I wanted to, I would be unable to harm Alphonse."

_Al..._

_Alphonse..._

For a few moments, relief eclipsed even physical agony, and Ed could do nothing but just lay there, grinning deliriously and trembling with the joy of it.

This psycho hadn't gotten his hands on Al.

Al was _okay._

_Thank god..._

"...Edward?"

His heart skipped a beat, and with the scraping of rope against his wrist and the bite of a screwdriver against his leg port, he remembered that Al's safety did not mean his own.

Ed dragged himself back to hell to blink and see Kuzon staring at him, pale eyes bright with genuine concern, the screwdriver held still for once. "Wh- what?!" Ed snarled, trying to shake himself, and the alchemist frowned.

"We should stop for today," he said slowly, and one hand reached forward to feel his pulse. "I worry you are going into shock-"

Ed wrenched away from his hand, kicking out and twisting in the same motion to see the blood dripping from his leg port. "No," he gasped, then grabbed at desperation and molded into a challenge. "No! More!"

"...Pardon?"

" _More,"_ he hissed, and dragged a bloody smile from the darkest depths of his soul and put it up for the bastard to see. "Fucking w-weakling, that's the b-b-best you got?! Come on... I thought you were just g-getting st-st-started! Is th-that really... _all..._ you can do?!"

More.

"You hit like a girl, fucking pussy!"

Not enough.

"That was just a f-fucking _warm up_ f-for me!"

_More._

Pain lanced through him as fire, his instincts screamed for release, his heart begged for rest, but in his mind he knew he needed _more._

Somehow, Ed dredged up a picture of Al, and he promised himself yet again that he _would_ break out of his hellhole and get back to his brother- crawling on hand and knee if he had to, but he _would do it._

He met Kuzon's confused stare with all the determination he could muster, swallowed blood that welled still from his split lip, and gasped, _"Keep going."_

"...As you wish."

And, he did.

A few seconds into bone-drillingly mind-fucking life-ending _pain_ , Kuzon lifted his gaze to meet his again, watching him carefully. "Why are you so resistant into explaining the secrets to soul transmutation?" he asked easily, so easily it was surprising, and it took Ed a few moments to remember their arrangement.

And that question was a dangerous one, his exhausted mind reminded him- very, very dangerous.

"...Because I gave up a lot to earn it myself," he gasped at length, taking the time both to get his breath back as well as to craft a response. "Equivalent... exchange..."

Thankfully, that seemed to appease Kuzon. "Ahh, I see," he said, nodding. "I can understand your reluctance, then," and that was that.

There were still a few more questions on Ed's list of need to know things, though it took him a few moments to collect himself enough to remember any of them. "How... how'd you kidnap me... in the first place?"

Kuzon shrugged easily, still knelt over his work. He moved on to tighten the fifth bolt, farther than he'd ever gone before, and even as he gasped in agony Ed fought to keep his head clear enough to listen, desperate to know how many had suffered just so this psycho could get his hands on him. "I made an arrangement with a local rebel faction. If you pay highly enough, anyone will come to your services, and they were quite glad to set off an explosion at the military barracks- with me providing all necessary funds, as it were." He scowled slightly, eyes still down. "It seemed they had already been planning the attack anyway, but when they found out all I wanted was to get my hands on you, chose to partner with me instead of other terrorist groups. Apparently I was least likely to double cross them."

_An explosion? At the dorms?!_

_God, no..._

His mind spun, the horror of the situation suddenly coming to him with a dizzying clarity. An explosion at the dorms... at last he remembered it had been late at night- most soldiers would've been home-

_Oh, no, oh, no, oh no..._

His home base may have been in East City, but he knew no shortage of men here in Central, and he found himself gasping suddenly, trying to keep himself calm but falling woefully short at the sudden realization that any of those men now could be dead.

Then there was the double whammy of the muted, sick relief that this _hadn't_ happened at East City- Havoc, Breda, Fuery, Falman; they all lived at the dorms, if it had happened there, they could've been... and _thank god_ Hughes and his family lived in their own apartment in Central, and Scieska, she was with her mother, right? Wasn't she?

_Oh my god, there are so many people..._

"What books did you use in learning soul transmutation?"

The question pulled him back to nightmarish present, and Ed stared hollowly, heart pounding as the alchemist continued in his progress at his automail port. "Wha... what?" he stammered, barely able to process the calm question in the face of what had just been revealed, and his heart skipped another violent beat.

Kuzon shrugged. "I've been unable to find nothing on the matter. Quite irritating, actually; I know it is _possible,_ but every library I search has nothing. I'd like to study the same texts you did."

Ed gaped at him. It again took him several seconds to remember Kuzon was just trading a question for another question, so thrown was he by what he'd just learned, and he had to bite his lip again to stop himself from screaming. If it wasn't for his impending escape attempt he would've; would've shouted every racing thought scrambling through his mind at the bastard, how the fuck could he be so callous and risk so many people just for _this,_ what kind of a monster could do this, what the hell was _wrong with him-_

But, no.

He couldn't.

Not yet.

But even knowing _not yet,_ his heart still demanded a panted few breaths to take the time to calm himself down just enough to answer.

Not. Yet.

"...No books. I taught myself."

Just like all his other answers, that one was technically true. Not that it mattered, but it still pleased him a little, to give _technically true_ answers that also gaze Kuzon nothing to go off of.

The psycho stilled for a moment, staring at him, then beamed in abject admiration, eyes bright. "Of course... nothing less would I expect from you, Edward! You truly _are_ a genius!"

_A genius that's using your idiocy to break the fuck out of here._

Ed gasped out another breath, back arcing as the screwdriver attacked yet another bolt. It was a pain he'd never felt in his life; there were simply no words to describe the way it cried out from the center of bone and clenched at his insides and how truly _all_ he could do was moan in his throat and whimper in his head, scream because _not yet_ but _please god, soon... soon, please..._

"How l-long... 've I... been... here...?"

_Soon, please... Because I really can't..._

_I really can't keep going..._

"Mmm... four and a half weeks, I'd estimate. If this answer is unsatisfactory to you, I can fetch a calendar so I may give you an exact number of days."

...

What?

Four and a half _weeks?_

The number slammed into him with such force it ached, and Ed found his eyes wrenched open to stare hollowly in shock.

Over a _month?!_

God... Al had to be _terrified..._

Not to mention what the bloody hell was Mustang doing?! A fucking _month?!_ Mustang had left him in this hellhole for a _month?!_ What the hell was he dragging his feet for?!

Hell, Ed knew Mustang didn't much care for him, but _this_ was taking a bit far. What, the heartless bastard ditched him because he wasn't helping him climb the ranks as fast as he'd have liked? Some shit like that, he could imagine, surely, the smug asshole tossing his folder into a smoldering pile of ashes when another opportunity for advancement came along, just leaving it at that...

He caught the next breath before it could leave him, shaking his head at himself before another bolt of pain sent him dissolving into a scream. No, no. No, he was being irrational! No, Mustang wouldn't... Mustang was a smug asshole, but he wouldn't do that...

He was just losing it, after being trapped here for so long; that was all. If Mustang hadn't found him yet, then Kuzon had probably stashed him some place really hard to find- that was all. Hell, for all he knew he'd been dragged back to Aerugo. That was all... it wasn't because Mustang had stopped looking, it was just he didn't know where to look next, was all...

Kuzon's next question came sneaking in the darkness, crawling in unexpectedly and hitting him as a low blow when he already couldn't take many more. "This one is just a personal curiosity; I hope you don't mind. Why would someone with your skills, Edward, join the military?"

"Wh-what?"

Kuzon shrugged in face of the rasped, croaked question, still focused on his work. "The government pays well, but when you are among the best in your field, there will always be those who pay you better. You are the best, Edward. And, still a child... I apologize- but, I simply fail to see the appeal the military has for a child of your age."

Al flashed before him again, Al and then Mustang and his staff, hated military blue wavering in front of rose-tinted Risembool gold.

"...Something only... the military... could offer..."

_Al..._

"Wh-wh-where are w-we?"

Kuzon stilled again, and now, his vision blurring, it was hard to see, but Ed thought he was weighing the wisdom of answering that question to his own captive. At last, the alchemist cleared his throat, still without raising his eyes, and said, "Somewhere in Central City."

...Central?

He was in _Central?_

Okay, there went the theory of being stashed away somewhere in Aerugo.

Ed tried to scowl, wasn't too sure if his shaking lips did it or not, and growled out a mutter of annoyance. So there was another one of his future plans: first break out, second find Al, third find Mustang, fourth smack Mustang for being so fucking incompetent so as to miss him in fucking _Central City._

"What was it, that you and your brother tried to make with human transmutation?"

Ed stiffened, eyes narrowing into a seething glare.

"Fuck you," he muttered succinctly, then twisted as his back arced into another spasm of agony.

Kuzon raised a hand in what was probably meant to be a calming gesture, bowing his head for a moment before returning his attention towards his screwdriver. "Ah, I apologize. That one was a deeply personal question. Feel free not to answer, if you don't like."

"Why do you want to do a soul transmutation?" Ed hissed back in the same manner, baring his teeth at the next cry of pain and refusing to let it past his throat. Deeply personal question his _ass._ Fuck Kuzon.

The alchemist paused for a moment, pale eyes narrowing. "...I think I shall take the same out that I just gave you," he said cryptically, tilting the screwdriver another degree, and Ed's heartbeat quickened.

He'd found a nerve, it seemed.

And that was just what he'd needed, to really get his plan to work.

Now he just needed to press it.

"No," he gasped, one fist clenching and spine aching with the force of another contortion but mind finally _clear._ "Y-you don't get to say that. Look... l-look at what you're... _look at what you're fucking doing to me!"_ He twisted again in the bindings, not enough to dislodge the screwdriver but certainly enough to bring Kuzon's startled eyes up to meet his. "You fucking kidnapped me! I'm in so much pain I can't fucking think! And _you_ don't even have the decency to tell me _why?!_ Sniveling coward bastard! Go to hell, Kuzon!"

The alchemist shifted minutely, pale features losing a their hint of civility, and he lowered his head quite quickly, grip returning to his tool of choice. "Let us move on to another question," he prodded, trying to sound calm, but Ed heard the quaver in his voice, and he pressed on, baring his teeth in a vicious grin of rising victory.

He was going to do this, damn it.

"Oh, yeah, you're right! Let me t-try and g-guess _instead!_ You want to be invincible, is that it?! Or you want to put yourself in something super strong that'll let you win any fight, maybe?! You cowards are all the same; just after your own pathetic selfish wants and wishes. Or you want to be immortal, is that it?! Willing to give up _everything_ just to try and cheat death a little longer?!" Kuzon flinched, just barely a twitch but Ed saw it, and he pounced on it.

"Oh, so immortality's it?! _Feh._ You know, I've seen a lot of morons seeking immortality, Kuzon- you know what they've all got in common? Their lives _suck._ Their trash human beings, and they figure living forever will stop them from dying as meaninglessly as they've lived! Is that you, Kuzon? Heh. _Pathetic._ Fucking _pathetic._ You know, you seem like a pretty good alchemist, you could've actually done something to help people, but what do you do instead?! You waste all this time and energy trying to circumvent death. You're fucking pathetic, Kuz- _fuck!"_

With that, the screwdriver twisted harder, faster, and farther than it ever had before, driving the bolt so deep into bone the wrenching wail it ripped out roared louder than anything else in the room.

When Ed stumbled back to himself again, it was to find that the pleasant, charming alchemist of before was gone.

Kuzon's head was down, eyes downcast with it, but he breathed hard, and the pale hand that gripped the screwdriver still shook. He yanked it back after a mere second, neck tilting up a fraction to leave piercing eyes watching him through hanging, lank hair, eyes that gleamed like poison in the low light, and white features contorted.

"You know nothing," he snarled.

And then he was up on his feet, screwdriver left twisted into automail ports, and back was turned in a flurry of his lab coat, breathing so hard his entire form shook. "We are done here," came the snarl again, and his tail swished so violently along the floor it hit his face in a stinging slap that left him seeing stars and shaking. When Ed could finally focus well enough to see again it was to catch just a glimpse of Kuzon yanking a steel door open with strength unbelievable for his slight frame and tossing it aside, then smashing it back in place the moment he'd stepped through it.

Leaving Ed just sitting there, very shocked, and very alone.

The screwdriver was still jammed into his leg, and it was probably only the clarity that the drilling pain provided him with that jerked him out the haze of exhaustion and confusion to stare down at the maimed limb.

When he saw the dark puddle of blood, and the steady stream of drops still falling from his leg to join it, he gasped in another agonizing breath and grinned.

Perfect.

* * *

"We go through the warehouses one at a time. We've received only the confirmation that the terrorists could be in any one of these four, and we're going to need to hit each building at once for our attack to be most effective." Maes shifted his grip on the radio, keeping his eyes on the spread of buildings before them, each one glinting in the faded moonlight that stretched out from beyond the overcast sky. "My team and I will take warehouse one. Lieutenant Ross, warehouse two. Lietuenant Brosh, warehouse three. Lieutenant Hawkeye, warehouse four. Everyone clear?"

His three ranking officers replied back in the same breath, and Maes simply calmly checked his gun again.

Because, _of course,_ when he'd told Hawkeye yesterday about tonight's raid, he ended up with all five of Roy's staff on his doorstep, demanding a role to play in the rescue.

He, being the soft-hearted, old fool that he was, simply hadn't had it in him to not let them.

"Then, we go on my signal. And I repeat: the focus of today's mission is not the neutralization of the terrorist groups, but the recovery of Major Edward Elric and Colonel Roy Mustang. Recover them alive at all costs." He paused for a moment, muting the radio, and glanced back over his shoulder to where Al crouched among his men, armor gleaming under the moon.

"Al," he murmured, "you're with me."

The boy gave him nothing more than a distracted nod, his burning eyes focused only down upon the warehouses. The determination thrumming through him was so strong it was nearly palpable.

Maes bared his teeth in a grim parody of a smile.

It was time to get their boys home.

* * *

Transmutation circles drawn from blood were tricky.

For one thing, they had to be drawn from the alchemist's blood. If anyone other than the wounded alchemist tried to use the circle, the possibilities were varied and impossible to predict- anything from no reaction at all to a fatal rebound. Using blood as the array simply created too much conflicting energy, if the alchemist activating the circle wasn't the one to have bled.

But, if it _was_ the alchemist's blood...

It made the circle more powerful.

 _Much_ more powerful.

And it meant that Ed, even in his utterly exhausted, worn out, barely conscious, barely _hanging on_ state, could activate this one and still see results.

He looked down at the tiny circle for a moment, panting heavily. It was difficult to draw the thing with only his toe, and after goading Kuzon into attacking him so violently he'd gotten enough blood for it, he'd barely been able to focus enough to do it. He'd already come up with the array beforehand, making it as simple and easy to draw as possible, but even then, it was still a challenge, and to have finally accomplished it and already be feeling weak with the exertion...

Simply put, he didn't have the luxury of _feeling weak_ right now. Give him half an hour, and fine, he could pass out on the fucking sidewalk for all he cared. Actually, that sounded perfect- passing out on the sidewalk. Just so long as Kuzon was unconscious as well, and it'd be great.

Ed took a measured breath, shifting around on the floor to try and dry his toe off on his shorts. While it wasn't ideal, he didn't technically need two hands- or even a hand at all- to activate a transmutation. Any alchemist worth his salt could do it with less, and even though Ed was far from practiced in it- clap alchemy being far more convenient than drawing any circles- it didn't mean he was helpless.

Far from it.

"Well," Ed rasped at last, voice hoarse, and glanced darkly towards the door where the bastard had stormed off into it. "Now or never. ...It's been nice knowing you, Kuzon, but now I think I'm going to kick your head in. You know. Return your fucking _hospitality."_ And with that, he pressed his foot to the array.

The flash of light was hardly blinding, all-powerful, or awe-inspiring. The weak little burst was mostly just pathetic, actually.

But, it did the job, and the rope binding him to the wall _snapped_ cleanly in two.


	5. Chapter 5

Ed stood weakly for the first time in four weeks, propped himself unsteadily against the nearest wall, and began to search about the room for the nearest exit.

He'd dragged himself into Kuzon's chimera lab, since he'd watched Kuzon himself exit through the only other door available to him. The door had been locked, but the key had been only two feet away- idiot- and now, Ed was left searching for either a way out or a weapon. He may have been able to technically do alchemy in this state, but it wasn't fast enough to help him out in a fight- not that he could fight very well like this, either, missing two limbs and all.

Ed cursed quietly, hopping a few steps forward before shakily orienting himself towards one of the three doors in the room. It led farther away from Kuzon than any of the others, and that was just going to have to cut it.

He made it another two more steps before he caught sight of the chimera.

A huge, jet black dog curled up on the floor, head resting on his paws. The creature surely would've been as tall as Ed's waist when standing, if not more, the size probably a derivative from the human base, though the only other indicator that this creature was not just a dog was the tousled, short black hair that grew him from his head. Probably had come from a man, by the looks of it, though it was too nondescript to tell anything more than that.

The chimera was chained to the wall, metal links melding into the stone in the mark of an alchemist and looping around the creature's neck as a collar. Ed glared at them and clenched his fist, a quiver of rage trembling down his spine. No... he couldn't. Not yet. It would be easy enough to free him, but he had no way of knowing how the beast would react. If the chimera tried to fight him, he was in no condition to hold out- not to mention the racket would bring Kuzon running.

It just wasn't safe enough to try and get the chimera to safety now.

"...I'll come back for you, okay?" he whispered through gritted teeth. "I promise, I'll come back for you. Just, let me get myself out first."

At the words, the dog twitched, raising his massive head an inch and blinking at him. Black eyes stared at him curiously, watching his every move, and the dog started to rise, pulling at the chain with a whine and trying to crawl closer to him.

"Damn it, _shhh!"_ Ed hissed, looking back in alarm. "I'm sorry, look, I have to go now- I'll be back for you- hell, you probably don't even understand me..."

He hopped a step further and now the dog whined even louder. The chimera pulled miserably at his collar and scratched at the floor, trying to come closer to him and completely ignoring Ed's hushed pleas to be quiet. He raised his head again and sad eyes bored into his own, desperate, despairing, _sad_ eyes that pleaded without any words at all for him to help.

...

_Hell._

_Fuck me._

Because Ed would never again be able to see that look in a chimera's eyes and say no.

"God damn it," he hissed under his breath, hopping back towards the wall. "You better not make me regret this, you- ...you got a name?" He glanced hopefully down at the chimera as he ducked a finger into his still bleeding automail port, then started to scrawl the array on the wall; the dog just looked at him blankly. Ed sighed. He had no way of knowing how strong the chimera's grasp on language was, and besides, it would probably take a few hours to really get through to him. Maybe if he'd gotten his hands on him right after the chimera transmutation, but now, it had been weeks...

The chain slid out of the wall easily enough, and Ed grabbed it before it could hit the floor, sighing with relief. "All right. Come on." He hurriedly unwound it from around the dog's neck and laid it quietly down, then turned away for a moment, searching again for the exit. "Don't suppose you know the way out of here, do you, boy?"

The dog blinked slowly at him again, eyes flickering with just a little too much awareness to be fully animal, then slunk closer to his side. He nudged at his leg a few times, rubbing his head against his waist and watching him the entire time. It took Ed a few seconds to understand the unspoken request but when he finally did he almost started laughing, he was so relived.

"God, yes," he moaned, and gingerly let himself drop to rest over the chimera's large back. He dragged himself up with one hand, clenching at the fur at his neck and still hopping a little on his one leg; the dog let him work his way fully on before rising again, and Ed, still utterly worn out and exhausted and in pain, just managed a smile.

Freeing this chimera was his best decision of the month.

Shakily, Ed pointed the dog towards the door that was his best guess and shifted a little more securely on his back. Okay. Good. Everything was going well so far. Now they just needed to make it outside, that was all- and from there...

The resounding, metallic _bang!_ that had Ed jumping out of his skin instantly put an end to any hope that this escape plan was going to go off without a hitch.

* * *

Warehouse one, Maes' responsibility, had been named as such because it was closet to the docks.

Unfortunately, there was just no angle to approach the compound from the docks and still be kept hidden, so Maes just had to lead his team in a snaking wind past the other three warehouses to his own target.

The benefit of being last, of course, was that he could already hear how the other attacks were faring before he ever reached his destination.

" _Warehouse three here! Empty of suspects or prisoners; contains enough ammo and weapons for a small-scale terrorist attack!"_

Maes nodded breathlessly, turning another corner and waving his team to follow. Good. It meant they were in the right place.

" _Warehouse two, reporting in! Building is completely empty!"_

More good news. Meant the reports had been right again, and this terrorist group really was small- which mean this raid was going to end as quickly as it had started.

" _Warehouse four! More weapons stockpiled, three guards, each has been arrested without injury, sir!"_

And even more better news at that. Effective Hawkeye and Team Mustang were effective, and not only did they now have three live prisoners to interrogate- but now, Maes knew there was only one place left for Ed and Roy to be.

_We're coming, you two._

At last, he reached the doors to warehouse one a mere ten seconds after Hawkeye's report about her target. He barely cast a glance over his shoulder to ensure his whole team was in position behind them, Al at the head of the charge, before he faced the building again, cocked his weapon, and kicked the door down with a _bang_.

* * *

The chimera jolted at the noise, tensing under Ed in a leap forward so sudden he was almost thrown off completely. Ed grabbed on tighter and swore, his fogged mind already spinning, and tried to work himself upright, searching for the noise in the panic. The chimera growled underneath him and Ed gripped harder at the long hair, heart pounding, eyes searching-

"Well, well. Look at what we have _here."_

He froze.

The chimera, however, did not.

Ed was nearly thrown again as the dog's growl erupted into a ferocious howl, massive form twisting around to leap into the air. He hung on for dear life, dizzy and already shaking badly, unable to do a thing but lay there when the howl abruptly became a whine and the chimera's tensed form suddenly jerked to become limp. Rather than hit Kuzon head on the chimera slammed as a dead weight into the ground, whining all the while, and while his body took the brunt of the blow for Ed it still brought him directly to Kuzon's feet.

Absolutely helpless.

His scream was cut off before it began, the tail at his wrist lifting him up into the air in a flash of unnatural limbs so fast he hadn't even yet tried to defend himself. Ed kicked and swung but Kuzon remained safely out of reach, his tail five feet long at the very least, and his efforts got him nowhere.

"Now, now, Edward. This is no way for guests of mine to behave."

Choking on the cold horror of it all he swung his foot desperately again, trying as hard as he could to at least get a kick in; cold eyes flickered down to his hopeless attempt and flashed with dark rage, that pale mouth contorting into the unsaid fury of a man that had been pushed too far. "I'm not sure where you think you're going. We haven't finished our talks yet, Edward. Nor am I sure where you thought you were going with this... thing."

Kuzon stepped forward deliberately, one foot rising to stomp directly down on to the still prone, shaking form of the chimera. Another inhuman whimper was torn out, and Ed kicked desperately.

"Stop- stop, stop! Leave him alone! What the hell did you do to him?!"

Kuzon's gaze met his again in a gaze as piercing as ice. "Electric shock, boy," he said slowly, and raised one hand so Ed could see what had probably once been a radio transmitter in one hand. "Short range, and low current. But very effective at controlling unruly beasts... I wonder how effective they'd be at controlling you."

"Get off of me- get the _fuck_ off of me you sick freak-"

"I think it would be very interesting, Edward," Kuzon hissed, talking straight over him as if he'd said nothing at all. "Collar and leash you like a dog. I don't study the mind, but I hear dehumanizing and inhumane treatment can be just as an effective motivator as pain- however-"

Kuzon was interrupted by another growl at his feet. Without pause he raised the device in his hand, clicking it tightly again in time as the dog tried to rise. Instantly growls became whimpers, and this time he clicked it again, eyes coloring with dark ire as if the chimera was nothing more than a nuisance to him, and his mouth twitched into a grimace. "There. That should knock him out for a little while. And now, Edward- I can focus my entire attention on to you."

Pointed teeth slipped into a bright and eager smile, and the tail on his wrist tightened.

The freezing, slimy limb's grip around his wrist wasn't the reason for the chill that shot down his spine, but Ed tried very hard to tell himself that it was, anyway.

* * *

They weren't there.

They _weren't there._

Somewhere, distantly, Maes heard the sound of Al pounding his metallic fists against the floor in anguished frustration, but it was faint under the noise of his heart hammering in his ears.

The terrorists had been in their warehouse, yes. But it had taken them all of five minutes to search the entire building, and in those five minutes, they had found absolutely no one but the criminals responsible for the barracks bombing.

Ed and Roy weren't there.

Maes didn't realize he had kicked the steel wall in gasped frustration until the sudden burst of energy that had forced him into it vanished, and his toe screamed at him in worthless punishment for breaking it.

Then he just kicked the wall again.

"Brother... _where are you?!"_

The scream nearly tore his heart straight in two.

His eyes stung in infuriated anguish, and for the first time, Maes found himself facing the possibility that they might not find Ed or Roy alive.

" _Brother, WHERE ARE YOU?!"_

* * *

Ed's bid at freedom lasted all of five minutes.

And this time, it was very clear that Kuzon was not taking any chances.

The alchemist dragged him straight past his previous prison on the floor of his lab, tail unrelentingly tight on his hand and head spinning with every bump over the metal floor. Kuzon kept walking straight on to drag him deeper into the warehouse, tossing open three more doors only to finally bodily throw him at the wall upon destination being reached, tail still holding him by the hand even as he slid to the floor with a groan. Ed could barely see at this point, vision sloshing and blurring miserably, but he tried to kick out anyway; a booted foot smashed down against his ankle for his efforts, and, starving and fatigued, he just didn't have the strength to shake it off.

Even in his daze, Ed felt Kuzon yank his arm up and bind it to the wall again, and the moment the rope was cinched achingly tight around his wrist once more and his freedom was well and truly yanked straight out from under him, it hurt so much he almost gave up then and there.

"If you were tiring of my hospitality, Edward, all you needed to do was say so," and then Kuzon was directly in front of him, face mere inches away and cold eyes glinting with the mad glow of someone was simply not entirely _there._ "But you already knew that. You know exactly what you must say if you wish to leave. But instead... instead. You trick me? You lie and scheme to run away? And you even try and take my pet project with you?! No- this will not do, Edward. This will not do at _all."_

Ed's head lolled in an infuriatingly weak betrayal against his shoulders, heart pounding as he tried to worm even an inch away from the bastard that still crouched so close to him it left him terrified. "N-not your... pet project... an' I'll _never_ tell you _anything..." Let me the fuck go you sick freak..._

Kuzon's eyes widened minutely. "You remain so stubborn. So stubborn, boy, no matter how hard I have tried to cultivate that out of you... I understand now why I have failed, though. I have been lax with you. I have allowed you to get away with far too much. ...This stops now, Edward."

Either he moved too quickly to be seen or Ed's blurred vision simply missed it, but either way the alchemist had suddenly drawn back again, now crouching at his foot. He raised one pale hand, a hand that he had learned was deceptively strong not matter how thin and frail it looked, and very deliberately placed it against his foot.

The first crack and wave of pain was so unexpected, Ed could not do a single thing except scream.

"This holds a dual purpose, Edward." Kuzon gave him another unerring smile, and then the second crack came, this one lancing through his big toe as well. Ed tossed his head back against the wall with a moan, teeth gnashing together to prevent any more sound than that from escaping, but Kuzon was not deterred in the slightest. He simply moved on to his next toe, and the burst of pain was so unimagineable it was all he could do to not howl in pain.

"Firstly: this will ensure you will not be drawing _any_ transmutation circles doing so in the future." The next toe broke beneath skilled, powerful hands; he bit his lip so hard to stop the whimper it drew blood.

Kuzon smiled at him again, very deftly broke the last two toes on his only foot, and then lifted himself up on his knees to go for his hand.

Ed's stomach dropped, and he curled away to shut his eyes against what he knew was coming.

A freezing hand clutched at his jaw, forcing his head back and squeezing so tightly he wanted to vomit. "No, no, Edward, you need to _watch._ That is the second reason: this is your punishment for trying to leave. It is no punishment if you do not _watch._ "

_No, no, god no, stop, please, stop, please... get away from me, please, god, not my hand, just fucking stop, please-_

"Edward, _watch!"_

_Get away from me, get away from me, get away from me..._

"Edward, _watch,_ or _I will make you!"_

And Ed knew that Kuzon could.

His fear of what Kuzon would to do to him to wrench his eyes open was greater than anything else.

Slowly, terrifyingly, the picture of the snarling alchemist came into focus yet again.

The look in his eyes nearly made him choke.

Kuzon smiled at him. Said, "Good boy," and patted his head. Then, warmly, he reminded, "This is for your own good, Edward," and with that, his pinky was broken.

Ed had no idea how long it took. He had no idea how many times he bashed his head back against the wall before the first scream tore loose. He had no idea how grotesque and sickening his hand must look now. He had no idea how he stayed conscious through it all, didn't throw up, and didn't scream himself hoarse.

All he knew was that Kuzon deftly broke each of his fingers in two places, and by the time he was finished, his whole hand was nothing more than a sheer mass of hurt that moving at all was simply impossible- the delicate, precise movements to draw a transmutation circle were so far beyond him it just could not happen.

The entire time, Kuzon smiled at him, and the entire time, Kuzon reminded him that it was for his own good.

It was his earned _punishment._

By the time Kuzon finally drew away, Ed was reasonably sure he was about to get sick all over himself from the pain, and damn him, he didn't even fucking mind, so long as passing out came with it.

Kuzon, however, was not done.

"Very good, Edward," he said kindly, and clapped his hands together gently as if pleased. "You bore that very well. If that is any indication of future behavior, then I believe we will be able to spend the rest of your time here very favorably indeed. Remember, though, Edward- you have the ability to stop me from punishing you. That remains in your control, and in your control alone." He tilted his head to the side for a moment and just looked at him, appraising him in clear displeasure, then just gave a disappointed shake of his head and sighed. "I see you are still stubborn, however. ...This, as much as I regret it, brings me to phase two of your punishment. If you would wait here for a moment, Edward."

And with that, he left the room, and Ed was alone.

In shock, he lay there for several moments, unable to do anything but tremble, until his head just dropped weakly on to his chest and he choked out a broken gasp of torment.

This had been his only plan to get out of here. And not only had Kuzon found him midway through and stopped him so easily it had surely been child's play, he'd immediately tied him back up again and rendered him completely unable to ever try it again.

His gaze apprehensively shifted down to his foot.

The misshapen, red swelling of his toes, the disgusting discoloration that would only be far worse the next day even _looked_ like agony, and he had to swallow his bile before looking away.

That had been his only plan, and now...

_Please, Al._

_Please, find me, before this bastard kills me._

A round of barking jerked him out of misery and Ed tried to curl against the wall again; this time the shockwave of pain was so intense it left him heaving. Gasping for breath, he strained to keep his eyes open and listened harder, struggling in vain against a swoon. The chimera... by the sound of it, was coming closer?

Ed only had a few seconds to prepare himself before the door to his new cell swung open and Kuzon strode in confidently, forcing the chimera in after him. The dog was clearly still unsteady, having just been dragged back awake, and was confused and terrified; Kuzon gave him no time to get used to the new surroundings, either, simply dragging him over to the wall near Ed and, with a quickly scrawled transmutation circle, merged the chain looped back around his neck into the stone.

Chimera safely secured, Kuzon then stepped back. He easily sidestepped the lunge and howl that became a whine when the chain held the dog back from attacking, moving out of the chimera's range with a shake of his head and a smile, and his eyes returned to Ed. "Here is part two, Edward. Here is part two of your punishment."

The dog growled at him, claws scraping at the floor, and, dumbfounded, Ed stared between the two of them, completely lost.

Kuzon spread his hands innocently. "You seem particularly attached to my chimera, after all. I've gotten just about all the data I can out of him- too feral to be of much use, really- but, as you seem to like him... I thought I'd let you know. If you want me to, Edward? I can return his humanity to him."

...

What.

Just...

_What._

Kuzon offered up another disarming smile, eyes bright, and did not make Ed ask for the much-needed explanation. "I see you are surprised... yes, Edward. I can make my chimera back into a separate human and dog again. Not easily, of course. It has taken me many decades of research to perfect the reversal- the reversal that is still accepted to be impossible by your average biological alchemist, but _what_ kind of scientist bows to what is called _impossible_ only by our current knowledge, Edward? Yes, the transmutation is exceedingly complex. But I have done it, Edward. I can separate this chimera into a human and a dog once again."

He raised a finger then, head tilted slightly to the side, and gave another smile. "And, since you seem so attached to this beast- so upset that I took away his humanity... just for you, Edward, I will return it. Just for a small asking price. Just something small, to make this equivalent... And you're a smart boy, Edward. You don't need to question me about what price this is, because you already know it."

As suddenly and briefly as his hopes had been raised, it still hurt when they were brought to dash and shatter against the floor again.

Ed stared at the chimera, his heart pounding so fast he almost felt as if he might just keel over and die right then and there. It was one thing to look at him and see a miserable, half-human creature that no matter how hard he wished otherwise, was almost certainly condemned to live the rest of his life as this monster, this inhuman aberration, with Ed's only real hope being to just keep him out of the military's hands. But _now..._ to look at him _now,_ and see a potential human in there again...

This was worse than Nina.

Worse than Nina, and just as heartbreaking, because Ed already knew he couldn't give back the humanity this creature had had stolen. The humanity this creature _deserved._

He couldn't do it.

"Well, Edward? It's in your hands now. Fullmetal Alchemist, _the People's_ Alchemist... are you really going to look this _person_ in the eye and tell him you are simply too selfish to help him? Are you really so selfish you would leave him stuck like this, Edward?"

His heart throbbed, and in his mind, he saw Al.

_Al... I can't... oh, god, I'm sorry..._

The chimera watched him balefully, tail thumping quietly on the floor, and something in Ed's heart broke.

_I'm sorry, Al. I'm sorry, Nina. I'm sorry, I'm just..._

_I'm so sorry._

"I can't," he heard himself whisper, voice dead and cracking. He looked only at the chimera's dark eyes, and he whispered again. "I can't. ...I'm sorry."

Kuzon tsked quietly. "I expected you still might be stubborn. Not to worry. I will leave him here with you, so you can continue to... consider your options." He backed away a few steps, back turned now, head shaking quietly, but he paused at the door.

"...If you can really look that thing in the eyes, that thing you claim is still human, and continue to be selfish... you are a far worse person than I pegged you for, Edward."

And then he was gone again, but this time, Ed was not let alone.

The chimera continued to watch him curiously, eyes bright with an innocent lack of understanding that hurt to look at, and after only a few moments, Ed couldn't take it anymore.

He shut his eyes, turned his head away, and tried again not to sob.


	6. Chapter 6

"Ed-ward. Come on, try. Say it with me. Ehhhhhd. Waaaard."

The chimera blinked at him in confusion, opened his mouth, made a gargled sort of noise that only maybe could've been speech, then just gave up again.

Ed groaned, leaned his head back against the wall. "Come on, I know you can do it," he coaxed, although he wasn't so sure after all. "Come on... _Edward."_

After spending untold minutes in complete silence, only the weight of the chimera's stare on him, Ed had at last decided to try and shake off his misery and try and communicate with the creature. It was the only thing he _could_ do, in this situation, and as it took his mind off the pain in his hand and foot, he quickly had thrown himself into the task with abandon.

Trying to get the chimera to say his own name had been entirely unhelpful, getting nothing more than a few barks, so Ed had quickly switched to trying to teach him the beast _his_ name, hoping the chimera would be able to copy the sounds he was making more easily than reproduce ones from memory. So far, he was having little success; the chimera had tried a few times, but still, nothing that could really count as human speech as of yet.

"Okay," he said gently, trying to silence his impatience. "One syllable at a time. With me, boy. Ed. _Ed."_

The chimera blinked at him again, tilting his head to the side in a gesture that _seemed_ human.

" _Ed."_

He opened his mouth, then shut it with a low growl, tail thumping in irritation.

 _Come on, try... I know it's hard, just try... "Ed,_ " he repeated firmly.

The chimera opened his mouth again, blinking slowly, as if thinking very hard. "Eh... ahhh..."

There! There, human language! Ed beamed, and it took effort to not exclaim aloud- more sounds would just confuse the beast- but inwardly, he was thrilled. Being able to at least reproduce human language was definitely a good thing, although he had yet to see if the beast was only able to copy what he heard or if he'd be able to make words on his own. "Ed," he repeated again, this time with a beaming, encouraging grin.

"Ehhhhh... Eh... _Ed..."_

Ed beamed at him again, nodding hard, and the dog perked up a little at the sight, tail wagging. "Ed. Ward," he tried again, and the dog watched him closely, head tilting to the side again.

"Eh... Ed... Edwa...wasr..."

"Ed. Ward."

The chimera blinked at him again, then suddenly rose to his feet, padding forward to stand directly by his side. He tilted his head again, black eyes flickering over him in a gesture Ed could not explain, and then, he growled. "Fa... Faaa... Fa-u... Full..."

Ed resisted the urge to groan, shaking his head again. "No, no. _Edward._ Come on, try. _Ed-ward."_

"Full... f-f-fuuuull..."

He actually did groan this time, then instantly felt bad for it. The chimera was clearly trying very hard, and this was obviously the first time anyone had tried to speak to him or treated him like a person in weeks- he couldn't imagine how difficult this would be... "No," he insisted. "Try again; I know you can do it. _Ed. Ward."_

But the dog was just as insistent; the warm head nudged gently at his automail shoulder, and he growled again, the sound not threatening at all but worried, somehow. "Fa... ull..."

" _Ed. Ward!"_

Another quiet growl, but this time, the dog drew back a little to look him in the eye. The intelligence there, completely unlike any animal Ed had ever seen, was a little unerring, and he had to fight to not break his gaze and instead nod slowly and repeat his name. He was definitely trying to speak, and he'd been so close, before...

"Eh... _Ed... Ed... war...d."_

Ed gasped and gave another encouraging nod, smiling when the dog perked up again and his tail started wagging faster. "Yes! There you go, boy- Edward. Edward!"

"Ed... ward... E-E-Edward..."

He had to fight not to laugh in relief and instead just leaned his head back again, nearly exhausted, and managed another genuine smile. Whether or not the chimera could really speak was yet to be determined- so far, he was just copying what he'd heard- but that was still good, and for a moment, Ed could do nothing except just lay there in exhaustion and grin.

"Yeah. Edward. Good job, boy," he said, and couldn't help a weak chuckle when the dog's head came to his shoulder again and the chimera licked at his face. "Good job. Edward."

"Edward... Edward... Edward..."

"Yeah. Edward." Ed tilted his head a little, shuddering when another lick came to his chin. "You got a name yourself? Think you can say it for me?"

The dog paused, withdrawing back an inch and looking at him curiously again. He clearly didn't understand, and Ed, grimacing, thought for a few moments before he held the chimera's gaze again. "Me, Edward." He nodded down at himself, the nodded to the dog. "You...?"

The chimera blinked at him slowly, clearly stymied by the question. It was as simple as Ed could make it, though, and he found himself unable to do anything but wait quietly as the beast tried to make sense of it- at least, he hoped that's what the dog was trying to do.

The dog padded back a few steps, chain clinking, then growled softly. "Ra.. rarrrr... R-R-R..."

"R-?" Ed tried carefully. "R... Ralph? ...Rick? Uh... Rock?" _Oh, fucking brilliant there, Ed. Rock. Yeah, his name is fucking rock._

The dog growled at him again, clearly in the negatory, then abruptly walked back to his side and lifted himself up on to his two hind legs, one heavy paw coming to rest on top of his head. "Fuuuull... F-F-Full..."

Ed tried not to laugh and shifted under the suddenly heavy weight on top of his head. "Back to that again, are we?"

"Full... _Full..."_

"Well, which is it? R or Full?"

" _Full..."_ the dog whined, shifting a little taller and pressing the paw harder down on top of his head before he stumbled back, clearly losing his balance, and fell hard on to his front legs again. The chimera barked in annoyance and pawed at the ground, and Ed's smile slipped into a sad frown.

Standing on his hind legs was also a good sign, he thought; showed more of remaining human instincts, but he still was unable to say his own name. "I'll just call you Full for now," he said resignedly.

The chimera barked at him again and shifted forward, lifting one paw to push gently at his chest. _"Full,"_ he growled insistently, and Ed stared at him, at a loss.

"No... Edward. I'm _Edward,_ remember?"

The dog looked at him harder, eyes bright as if he was trying to tell him something. "Full," he said again, and pushed once more at his chest.

Ed stared blankly at him. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to know what the chimera was trying to say, but right now, still strung out and lightheaded and _exhausted,_ he just couldn't, and after a few moments of hopeless staring he just shook his head unhappily and gave an apologetic shrug. _Sorry,_ the gesture said, and apparently, the chimera understood, when the dog growled quietly again but let his paw drop, and looked away.

Suddenly, another snarl erupted, and Ed jumped in surprise as the chimera pulled away, slinking towards his mangled foot. The dog knelt down next to it, snarl fading into a sympathetic whine as he pawed gently at Ed's leg, then shifted to growl again at the door, muscles tensed like he was going to pounce.

Ed pulled thoughtlessly on the rope, instinct calling for him to try and scratch the dog behind the ears to calm him; all he managed was another shockwave of pain and a hiss of protest, and he gritted his teeth, trying to control himself. "H-hey, it's okay, I'm fine... relax, boy..."

The chimera looked at him again, then to his broken foot. "Edward," he moaned, then just dropped his head, seemingly in defeat. He gave a miserable tug at the chain binding him to the wall, too short to give him more than a few feet of freedom, then just sank down to the floor, as if the energy he'd expended in talking had been too much and he'd exhausted himself. The chimera crawled a little closer to him and curled next to his leg on the floor, eyes on the door, another growl rumbling in his throat, and Ed swallowed.

This creature, after a pathetic ten minutes of conversation, of being treated like a human being, was already crouched ready to protect him from Kuzon again, sitting by his side as loyal as man's best friend and growling like he'd attack even if the door opened to reveal the devil himself. It probably was no reflection on Ed himself, rather just the surely cruel treatment he'd suffered at Kuzon's hands and Ed being the first person to be kind to him, to not hurt him, to actually _speak_ to him since he'd become a chimera- but it still hurt.

The chimera had no way of knowing that Ed had the key to making him human again, had it as easily and effortlessly as just opening his mouth and talking.

Which was why that easy trust _hurt-_ because he did not deserve it.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, bowing his head. "I'm really sorry... I'll find a way out of this for both of us, I promise. I'll get us out of here, and if Kuzon says he can make you human again, I'll _make_ him do it, but... but it may take a while. ...I'm really sorry, but, I just... I can't."

The dog turned his head back a little at the mournful apology, surely unable to understand the words but hearing the emotion behind them all the same. He shifted a little, growl fading, then just crawled even closer to let his tail fall gently on his thigh and turned back towards the door again, sitting as a watchful sentry.

And Ed knew he didn't deserve it, but the fact of the matter was, he _was_ comforted, just a little, to know this chimera was with him and on his side. He _was_ comforted to know that he wasn't alone in this hellhole, and, slowly, he allowed himself a weak smile and laid his head back again, allowing himself to slip back into an exhausted, desperately needed sleep.

The last thing he saw was the chimera guarding him, and the last thing he thought was that he would find a way to get that creature back into his right body again, no matter what it took.

* * *

The next several days, Kuzon stayed away.

Ed wasn't sure what the alchemist's plans were for him next- the only thing he _was_ sure of was that he didn't want to know- but whatever they were, they weren't put into action just yet, and Ed was left alone in the small, dark space, with nothing there next to him for untold hours, possibly even days, except for the chimera.

All Ed was able to do was spend the time trying to get through to him, and so, he did.

The beast was still unable to say his own name, whatever it was; all Ed could get out of him on that front was an uneasy _Raaaa..._ sort of noise before he gave up. He certainly delighted in saying _Ed's_ name, though, the only word he could say with ease; he'd say it over and over again while pacing around him, tugging at the chain and pawing at the ground in frustration. He'd managed to teach the chimera a few more words, and was heartened by the progress; while it wasn't much, and he wasn't sure how much the creature really understood, it was at least something. Even if Ed couldn't teach the chimera his name, not without knowing it himself, he could manage to get him speaking, at least a small bit.

However, for all the- okay, admittedly, minute- progress he had made, Ed still got the feeling he was missing something.

The chimera would still push at his chest with one paw, looking him right in the eyes, and would try to say something. It had progressed to a growled _Fullmmm,_ and he would say it constantly, looking at him like he should know something. _Fullmmm, fullmmm, fullmmm,_ over and over again. Other times he'd stand on his hind legs again and paw against his hair, still saying that strange word, more and more insistent with every passing attempt.

Ed just had no idea what it was the chimera was trying to say.

Whatever it was, though, the chimera would exhaust himself quickly, seeming to have great difficulty in trying to speak and even greater difficulty trying to show him whatever _fullmmm_ was supposed to be. After only several minutes of trying, the chimera would then just lie back down against his leg, radiating misery and defeat, and Ed would again wish he could just scratch or pet the sad creature, if he could not understand him.

It was all he could do for him, at this point, and knowing that _he_ was the reason this man was still trapped in a chimera's body, Ed was determined to at least try and help him as much as he could now, until he could find a way to free him without giving Kuzon what he wanted. It was all he _could_ do, and no matter how painful it was to bear the chimera's state knowing it was his fault, Ed knew he had to. Until he got both himself and this creature free, he had no choice.

The respite from Kuzon's psychotic punishments, and the distraction of trying to help the chimera, were both wonderful, but at the back of his mind, Ed had always known it was going to be temporary. This unexplained, unexpected peace was not going to be permanent.

Still, when Ed heard the lock click and raised his head to watch the door swing open, the sight of Kuzon scared him far more than he would ever admit.

The alchemist simply stood there for several moments, looking down at him like prey. His pale eyes flickered to the dog curled up at his foot and an eyebrow raised past his hairline, impassivity broken by a rare show of curiosity. "I see you've tamed the feral beast, then, Edward. Good work... I, myself, never had a way with animals."

Ed glared in the same moment that the words roused the chimera. The dog raised his head an inch, then instantly was on his feet, crouched low to the floor and growling, teeth bared, and Kuzon blinked at the sight. "Or, perhaps that statement was premature."

"Or maybe it's just you he doesn't like," Ed snapped, but in his head, he was already frantically brainstorming for a way to calm the chimera down. As much as the way the animal was crouched there protectively gave him the only sense of safety at all that he'd felt in weeks, he knew it was all a lie; the chimera couldn't do anything to help him and would only get himself hurt if he tried attacking Kuzon. But Ed didn't know how to calm him down- hell, he couldn't even calm _himself_ down!

Kuzon breathed out a heavy sigh, still watching the chimera a little warily and staying well out the range of his mouth. "Regardless," he murmured, slipping back another calm step at a threatening snarl, "I do hope you've been able to take this time to yourself and reconsider, not just play with a dog."

"...Reconsider?"

"Yes. On my proposition."

The chillingly innocent words made him want to sock a punch straight to his face.

"Go fuck yourself, Kuzon."

The chimera growled again, as in mimicking his words the only way he could, and, slowly, very minutely, the alchemist's expression shifted.

It was a minuscule change, just a darkening in fearsomely pale eyes, a small twitch at the mouth, but it _was_ there, and Ed saw it.

It sent a shiver of fear trembling down his spine, and he gritted his teeth to gulp against terror.

"...No?" Kuzon murmured slowly, and in his voice lurked something darker than innocent discussion. "You still refuse me? Even now... even with this chimera here... you still refuse me?"

"Once again, go _fuck_ yourself, Kuzon!"

He stood silently for several moments, absolutely no change coming over his pale face. He just looked down at him, eerily still, terrifyingly blank, and slowly shifted to turn his back, turning to face the wall and bow his head. "But this chimera..." he whispered, almost to himself rather than to Ed, "this chimera... it was all I had to offer. It was the only thing I had to offer, and... and you..."

Ed pulled himself back another inch, now unable to stop himself from shaking.

" _There's nothing else I can offer you!"_

The exclamation was as sudden and shocking as the fist flung out to smash against the wall, and the choked off cry buried in his throat came in tandem with the flinch away from the pain that was sure to come.

But for the first time, it wasn't just Ed and Kuzon alone in the room.

For the first time, Kuzon's unbalanced outburst garnered another reaction.

The chimera launched up from cell floor, barking madly and scrabbling furiously at the ground. He pulled desperately at the chain and snarled, fighting savagely to get to Kuzon and snarling all the while, earsplitting barks torn out with every lunge and every time the chain caught him to yank him down.

Kuzon whirled back around in a breath, clenched fist raised in breathless certainty and eyes flashing. The radio transmitter from before was clutched again in the pale hand and the dog hit the floor with a whine- a whine that quickly dissolved into another growl.

"Boy, no! Stop! Stop it, he'll just hurt you-"

The second lunge became yet another whining slump on the floor, and then another shock rocked the chimera before he could even get off the ground. _"No!"_ Kuzon screamed, _"No! You shut up! Shut! UP! You worthless fucking beast, SHUT UP!"_

Another round of paralyzing, electric shocks hit him and Ed gasped, straining against the restraints to get to him. "Stop! _Stop it!_ Leave him alone, Kuzon!"

But the alchemist just shocked him again, this time in conjunction with a vicious kick to the chest. The chimera was sent sprawling and suddenly Kuzon was on _him,_ foot shot forward to his chest that tossed him brutally onto this side. " _You!_ This is all I had to offer you! This chimera was all I had, and _still, NOTHING!"_ Another kick ripped a cry straight out of his throat and then the hand was around his collar, jerking him up to slam his back against the wall and the alchemist was _screaming_ in his face. " _You still say no! Still no! YOU STILL SAY NO!"_

His head smacked against the stones again and the reflexive kick of his leg sent _agony_ lancing upwards, his foot and broken toes existing as nothing but pain. Ed gasped out another cry, kicking against pain because instinct demanded nothing else, but nothing drove Kuzon off.

" _-impossible, it's impossible,"_ he was screaming, " _nothing I give will be enough, not the chimera, not the pain, NOTHING!"_

Another blow to the back of the head and Ed was left reeling. He saw stars and heard only incoherent yells, screeches of fury spinning around him as his stomach flipped nauseatingly and his body sang with agony. It took countless seconds for adrenaline and panic to lift the haze, just in time to be wrenched up even higher along the wall and his straining shoulder to finally give in with a small, very distinct _pop._

Ow.

_Ow._

And with that, there was nothing.

Nothing. Just...

_Ow._

There was a humiliating sort of defeat about it, to do capable of nothing except just lying there and allowing Kuzon to beat him. A choking kind of panic that he couldn't follow the most basic instinct of covering his head, a weak and pathetic sense of uselessness suffocating him, and, it just _really hurt,_ and he couldn't move...

All Ed could do was just lay there and get hit.

It was the most helpless he'd felt in almost his entire life.

Cries of desperation, screams of _all I have, please,_ and _soul transmutation,_ ripped through the blur, ripped through it for minutes or hours or days until there was only silence. Silence, and a dog's whimpers.

" _This was all I had..."_

_Al..._

Distantly, he felt himself be thrown a nauseating distance to roll on to the ground, and then Kuzon was gone again, and Ed was left behind.

Dazed, beaten, and bleeding.

Exhausted, trembling, and broken.

There just wasn't anything he could do.

Kuzon could beat him to death and there was nothing... _nothing..._ that he could do about it.

Slowly, the feeling of the damn chimera licking his sore cheek stumbled in past the pain, and a few hazy blinks later the black dog blurred into existence beside him. It left a broken laugh sputtering from swollen lips and he hung his head, trembling violently. And there was another thing he could do nothing about. Nothing at all. It was a helpless person trapped behind a dog's body and soul, and soon, surely, soon that dog would end up splattered all over the wall like Nina, because Ed could do _nothing_ to help him.

For the first time, in _god knew how many weeks_ he had been trapped here, the absolute, complete _helplessness_ of it all hit him with such force he was knocked breathless.

He was completely, totally _helpless._

Ed hung his throbbing head, letting his chin rest against his screaming chest. More licks came, the dog whining pitifully and going to his beaten neck, his cut chin, his swollen cheeks, seeing to his wounds like a mother to her beaten cub, and that only made him sob, his inability fluttering in his heart and leaving him shaking in the wake of its cruelty.

Through it all, Ed sobbed, and the dog knelt next to him, licking him, rubbing him, protecting him, his only anchor as he lay there and felt as if he was dying.

"You... you know, boy... you know what's really amazing about all of this?"

The words stumbled out through split lips and he watched in agonized amusement as the tears spilled down his chin. The chimera raised his head at the words, understanding nothing but the mournful voice, and the dark, massive head immediately nudged at his chin in unspoken offers of comfort. "You know what's really _fucking_ amazing..." Ed whispered, and he found himself rubbing his head back against the dog's in absolute misery.

"I don't even know what he wants, boy. ...I don't know how to do a soul transmutation."

The dog growled quietly, a mournful little sound, and a paw came to gently push at his chest. "Fulllllmmm," he whined, sounding unspeakably sad, and Ed choked on the admission, another sob rising up that he was powerless to stop.

"I don't know how, boy. I'm sorry. ...I don't even _know._ All of this... all of what he's doing... all of what he's done to you... and I don't even know. I don't know what he wants."

Another quiet whimper. "Fullllmmm..."

Ed shut his eyes for a moment, shaking at the memory of it. "He's right, boy. I should know. I did one before, on Al. That's my brother; you don't know him yet... but I did one on him. I ruined his life... nearly killed him. And... and I still don't know if it was selfish of me or not, but I caught his soul and put him in a suit of armor. This awful, empty suit of armor that can't feel anything at all, that's just a prison for him... at least, that was the plan. That was my stupid... _stupid_ plan."

Again, the dog crawled closer to him, nudging against his cheek. When Ed opened his eyes it was to find the chimera peering directly into them, black coal boring down to his soul in a stare so piercing it almost looked purely human.

Then the moment was gone, and the dog pushed at his chest again, miserably sad. A lick came to the gash on his cheek, gentle and another attempt at comforting, and yet another sob broke in his chest.

"I got there too late. ...I got to the fucking Gate too late, boy. ...Al was already gone."

" _Oh? Now, this is intriguing. Normally, once bitten, humans do not dare to stray so close to me again... and yet, mere minutes after our first encounter, you return for a second. Tell me, human. Do you have a wish to die?"_

" _GIVE HIM BACK! GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER!"_

_Truth smiled at him, a gleeful, terrifying stretch of teeth on its eyeless face. "Ahhh... now, this I like. I punish you for trying to bring back one loved one, and then so quickly, you return for the same reason. You did not learn your lesson, human. It seems a leg was not a steep enough price to pay, for your arrogance-"_

" _GIVE HIM BACK!" Ed screamed, howling at the grinning monster. He spread his arms, clasped at his heart, tore at his chest, drug himself forward and bleeding stump still dragging on the ground, offering up everything that he had. "Give him back! He's all I have, HE'S ALL I HAVE! You can take anything from me, I don't care- take my life if you want it! JUST GIVE HIM BACK!"_

_Truth continued to smile, delicious and cruel. "Oh, so you did learn your lesson, then. Only a life is the equivalent exchange for another life."_

" _My brother's not dead yet! Equivalence is less than another life! It's LESS, damn you, TRUTH!"_

_Once again, his reply was a beaming smile._

" _Oh, but actually, Edward... you seem to have reached me through a bit of a loophole." Truth spread its hands wide, still sitting before the Gate that blocked him from reaching his brother. "When you activated your array, your brother's soul remained on your side of the Gate. There was something there for you to catch. However... in time it took for you to reach me, Edward..."_

_Truth trailed off into another facesplitting grin, and Ed felt his heart stop._

" _It's too late, Edward. Alphonse's soul is now beyond the reach of a human being. ...You failed."_

"I was t-too... too late... so. I made a deal. _"_

"Fulllmmm..."

" _But- but you're not human! You can still reach his soul! You can still save him!"_

" _I think you have misunderstood my existence, Edward. I do not exist as something to help humans. I am_ everything. _I am the all, and I am the one. Something as inconsequential as-"_

" _NO!" Ed shouted, throwing himself forward once more. He again spread his arms, wishing he could tear his heart straight out of his chest and throw it into the Gate if only it would bring Al back. "I'm not asking for a gift! Equivalent exchange, you MONSTER! I'll give anything to you- ANYTHING to bring his soul back! It's still in flux, isn't it?! It's not gone yet! It's beyond something a human can touch- but he's not dead yet! HE'S NOT DEAD YET!" A panicked gasp of breath, a bolting shard of agony from his missing leg. "GIVE HIM TO ME!"_

"Fulllllmmmm... fullmeeee..."

"It was all I could do... I _had_ to save him..."

" _Oh? An interesting proposition. ...If you wish to make an equivalent deal with me, Edward, then this, I shall allow. You intrigue me very greatly, after all- you, the one human who has dared to return to this place after I already sent you from it."_

" _ANYTHING! I'LL GIVE ANYTHING!"_

" _...Humans having dominion over souls is not something I like, Edward." Truth tilted its head, just slightly, but that sick smile never faded. "Souls are not something humans are meant to have power over. Those like you, those arrogant, foolish few, to glimpse my forbidden fruit- you can. It is the knowledge you gain in equivalence with your punishment. ...If I return your brother's soul to you, then you will return this knowledge to me- along with whatever additional toll I decide necessary for the transmutation."_

" _Wha... what?"_

_Truth grinned._

" _I will take away everything you learned from me that allowed you to draw out a soul transmutation. You will never be able to do another one again."_

"I had to say yes. He took away my ability to do soul transmutations, boy, and I didn't... I just didn't _care._ It was my brother. I had to say yes."

"Fullllmmme..."

" _Deal."_

"And he gave me Al back. ...But if I ever slip... if I ever do a soul transmutation again..."

" _And, Edward?"_

" _WHAT?!"_

" _If you ever find a way to perform a soul transmutation again, no matter the manner, no matter the reason- if you even tell another the secret, Edward, then this deal will be considered null and void, and I will take back what is mine. Your brother will die."_

"...Al will die."

Tears crested again, shaking through his chest with the weight of miserable, agonized sobs.

The chimera whined sadly against him, head nudging warmly against his neck, and Ed finally just gave in, buried his head into the soft hair, and sobbed.

"I'm sorry. I'm _sorry,_ but I can't help you. I c-can't, I c-c-can't... if I tell him my brother will die. He'll take _Al."_

Another quiet whimper and the dog was licking at his cheeks again, warm head pushing against his own. It was as if the chimera could feel suffering even if he could not understand why and was trying everything he could to comfort him- and the efforts only made him feel worse.

"I can't help you, I can't stop Kuzon, god, I'm so sorry, he'll take Al... I _can't..."_

"Fullllmmme..." The dog whined, paw pushing at his chest again. "Fulllmee... Fullmehhh... F-f-f-f-uuulll...meeet..."

" _I'm so sorry..."_

Another whine, and then the dog was pushing at his head again, insistent and desperate, almost. Ed let the chimera lift his head up so they were eye to eye again, too worn out and guilty to resist, and he met the piercing obsidian stare in abject misery, quaking with the horror of it.

"I'm sorry," he told the dog again, and wished more than anything in the world he was apologizing to someone who could at least understand him. "I'm _sorry."_

The chimera bared his teeth at him, growled softly, gave another gentle paw to his chest, and then, he said, "Fuuullll... mmmeeeet... tal."

...

"Full..." the chimera started again, clearly struggling with the word, but it _wasn't_ a word... it was a _name..._ "-meh... tal. ...Fu-full... Fu... _Fullmetal."_

It was his _name._

" _Fullmetal."_

His... _name..._

His name, that only one person called him.

" _Fullmetal,"_ the chimera whined again, growling the title like he was proud of it, and his eyes bored deep into his again, his _black_ eyes, and he shook his head to ruffle his _short, black_ hair, and- _and-_

Ed wheezed in horror.

"M... _Mustang?"_

The chimera gave an instant, loud, and affirmative bark.


	7. Chapter 7

The chimera was Roy.

Not Mustang, because he didn't really _respond_ to Mustang. Ed had tried- gasped every name he could think at him; Mustang, Colonel, bastard, Colonel Bastard- he'd gotten a few uncertain barks, maybe, but _Roy_ was the only name that got the chimera to perk up instantly.

Roy.

The chimera was _Roy._

Ed still gaped with the impossibility of it all, and it had been at least five straight minutes since he'd realized.

"But... how...?" he whispered hoarsely, shuddering faintly as the chimera- _Mustang-_ pawed gently at him again, rumbling his name in the same motion- something he seemed to enjoy doing a lot. "I was alone at the dorms... why would Kuzon have taken you, too?! And _how?!_ "

Mustang glanced up at him idly, looking maybe only half cognizant of the one-sided conversation, then just continued to paw his chest and growl, _"Fullmetal."_

The look in his eyes couldn't be called human by any stretch of the word, and Ed groaned softly, letting his head drop against the wall. "Sorry, I know you can't answer me, boy- god damn, sorry, Must- _goddamn, sorry,_ Roy!"

At his name, the chimera's head perked up again, ears twitching. "...Ra... er..." he tried eagerly, eyes bright, and Ed had to look away, shuddering with grief and trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

This was wrong.

This was so _wrong._

"...Edward...?"

He shut his eyes, trembling now. "Bastard doesn't call me that," he managed weakly, biting his lip to stop the quaver in his voice.

"...Edward..."

At last, he forced himself to look at Mustang again and force an encouraging smile, but it felt as brittle and fragile as glass. "Roy," he said slowly, deliberately. " _Roy."_

_Come on, bastard... I KNOW you're still in there..._

"Rrrraaaa... oy... Rrrr..."

"Y-yeah," he managed weakly, and somewhere in the back of his mind he was laughing at the incredulity of it. Here he was trying to teach fucking _Mustang,_ fucking _dog-Mustang_ how to say his own name- what the fuck had _happened_ to his life? "Yeah. Close, you're close. _Roy."_

The chimera watched him thoughtfully, mouth opening and closing like he wanted to try and say the new, familiar word, but wasn't sure how. "...Rrr...oy...?"

And now, he was _congratulating_ fucking colonel bastard on the grand, amazing task of saying his own name. This was _wrong,_ but damn it he was _actually impressed,_ he actually _meant_ the broken smile now pulling painfully at his cheeks, actually meant the, "Yes, yes, good! That's you- that's your name! _Roy."_

Mustang blinked at him again, tilting his head to the side. "Roy," he tried again, seeming unsure, then just gave another growl and lay back down, as if exhausted by the effort. "Fullmetal," he growled this time, seeming to like the word better, and returned to licking his wounds.

The gesture was so normal by now it took him a few seconds to jump in alarm, and then many more seconds for him to ride out the shockwave of pain at the sudden movement to stare in disbelief. "What the fuck are you doing, you mangy mutt?! You pervert! _Ew!_ Get your tongue back where it belongs!"

Mustang raised his head a little, innocent black eyes blinking at the outburst. He growled somewhere deep in his chest, a concerned sort of noise, and moved a little bit closer, one paw lifting to rest heavily on his chest again. "...Fullmetal," came the murmur of the growl once more, and he just blinked slowly at him, empty and vacant of anything even resembling humanity.

The shock sustained him only to the point that miserable understanding hit, and then Ed just let his head thump back against the wall, biting his lip again and warring with the impulse to cry or scream. Right. _Chimera._ That wasn't Mustang's mind and soul in a dog's body. That was Mustang's soul, in a dog's body and mind. This wasn't the bastard colonel. This was a dog, and he was following a dog's instincts because it was all he _knew._

Something about that was intensely sobering, and he sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a brief moment. "...Sorry," he mumbled, forcing himself to relax in waves, then smiling weakly again down at the chimera. "Sorry. You're fine. Sorry for yelling."

Mustang hesitated for another beat, but when the smile didn't waver, he came forward again and returned his attention to the bruises and cuts, proceeding with a single-minded intensity that was chillingly familiar. Ed sighed heavily, shutting his eyes again and trying to ignore the dog's ministrations- because fuck him but knowing Mustang was doing this was just _weird-_ and once again tried to understand just how the hell any of this had happened.

Mustang was not supposed to be here.

Mustang was just _not_ supposed to be here.

That possibility had been ruled out since he'd first woken up in this godforsaken prison; he'd remembered being in the dorms _alone._ Mustang had been headed his way, yes, but he had never remembered the colonel getting there. The last thing he remembered, he was _alone._

Of course, now that he was being presented with ironclad evidence that that hadn't actually been the case, it wasn't too hard to figure out what had happened.

Kuzon had told him he'd gotten his slimy hands on him through an explosion at the dorms. Kuzon had also told him, weeks ago, back when he'd first woken up, that he'd gotten a head injury during the course of the kidnapping. Head injury at the behest of an explosion made perfect sense, but...

Head injuries could also mean memory loss.

It made perfect sense, in retrospect, so perfect that he couldn't believe he hadn't realized the possibility earlier. How stupid was he?! Just because his memory told him he'd been alone when being abducted didn't mean jack shit; memories weren't infallible- hell, he still didn't remember the explosion at all. That right there should've told him there was a gap in what he remembered; why hadn't he realized this possibility before?!

Mustang whined sadly at him, and Ed swallowed the self-disgust, trying to reign the sick emotion in before it made him feel even worse than he already did. It didn't even come close to working.

Damn him, he'd _known_ Mustang was headed to the dorms that night... he'd _known that,_ and yet he had just never realized the danger...

And what was it Kuzon had said? That the 'human base' for this chimera had just fallen into his hands by accident?

Accident, right...

No.

Mustang had _been there_ during the explosion. Mustang had been there, likely in his room, right _next_ to him, probably knocked out as well... and when Kuzon had shown up, and found not one, but two possible captives...

He'd taken them both.

"Edward," Mustang moaned softly, the name a sad sort of growl, and Ed lowered his gaze down to stare at his commanding officer in horror.

It was his fault.

"Edward... Fullmetal... Edward..."

"God," Ed moaned through gritted teeth, and he shook as the chimera continued his ministrations, unable to bear it. It'd been bad before, knowing he had the ability to return the chimera to his rightful body but was being forced to withhold it, but _now..._ knowing who this creature really was... knowing he'd only been captured at all because of him...

It was all his _fault._

"...Fullmetal...?"

He shifted miserably to look as Mustang pawed gently against his chest again, trying to get his attention. Again, it was like the chimera was trying to comfort him- but looking into those eyes and now seeing _Mustang_ behind them...

It felt too much like looking at a dying dog and seeing Nina.

The one he couldn't save.

Mustang's head pushed at his, comfort offered in the only way a dog could in a move that felt so unlike his superior it was unbelievable, and Ed's broken fingers trembled into a misshapen sort of fist, heart going cold.

"I'll save you, bastard," he hissed, and closed his eyes when the chimera licked another bruise. "That's a promise. I'll get both of us out of here, and I'll fix you. I'll fix Al and I'll fix you. I promise, Mustang."

Mustang, utterly oblivious, gave his cheek another lick.

* * *

The raid had been a complete bust.

Well.

Not complete.

Maes' superiors were perfectly thrilled they had caught the terrorists responsible for the bombing of the military barracks, causing over a dozen deaths and then many dozens of injuries. Maes had already been congratulated five times on singlehandedly bringing down a terrorist cell in only several weeks and been promised a promotion to colonel was on its way.

Maes found himself unable to care less.

Sure, he'd caught the terrorists responsible for the bombing.

Only to find out they'd had absolutely _nothing_ to do with Roy and Ed's abduction.

Al was distraught. Hawkeye was silently screaming; that had been plain to see when he'd seen her and the rest of Roy's staff off at the station back to the east. Gracia was worried.

And Maes was losing his mind.

Upon realizing their only chance to get out of a date with the firing squad was to spill their guts, the terrorists had all rather quickly caved in under interrogation. All had sworn to have had nothing to do with abduction of Ed or Roy- and the only reason Maes hadn't tossed the book at them entirely and left was that one of them, _finally,_ after five goddamn hours of interrogation, had remembered that they hadn't done the bombing entirely by themselves.

That had been late yesterday evening. Now, early in the morning, Maes had convened another meeting with Scieska and Al, as neither of them had been present during the interrogation, to explain everything that had happened. Scieska had been running down other leads for him the previous night, leads that had gone nowhere but dead ends, and Al...

Well, he wasn't exactly sure what the younger Elric had been up to, but when Maes had come back to his office, it had been to find him sitting on the floor surrounded by files. He was painfully quiet, only offering up a few cryptic, one-word responses without ever looking up from his work, but at least he was working again. He hadn't seen Al since the raid, but that night, he'd been capable only of screaming, and punching the wall so hard it dented his hand...

Clearing his throat, Maes sat back at his desk and cast a tired glance around the room. "So," he began, flipping the file open on his desk and finding himself just staring blankly at the words, too tired to actually read over his report. "On the subject of the interrogation. I'll give you the transcript later, and I expect it to have been read by tomorrow. But as things currently stand, we learned very little of importance."

"Ah..." Scieska spoke up hesitantly, "Wouldn't it be considered very important that they are the ones responsible for the bombing? General Hakuro seemed very pleased with us, sir..."

The poor girl only lasted three seconds under his flat stare. Perhaps not even that long.

"...Sorry, sir..." she mumbled- well, squeaked- and ducked her head, staring at the papers on her desk and practically radiating remorse.

Maes sighed, straightening himself up in his chair. "However- I did learn at least _something_ of interest. Took quite a lot of threats and outright coercion, but I did manage to finally get them to agree on something: they didn't plan the bombing alone."

Al shifted a little on the floor, absentmindedly turning another page of his files without looking up, but Maes could tell he was listening intently.

"Apparently," he continued, glancing down towards his notes again, "they had already been planning the attack for some time but lacked the funds. That was when they were approached by a mysterious foreigner willing to bankroll the attack- stated his reasons were 'private', but as he clearly wasn't Amestrian, and therefore unassociated with the military, the terrorists were only too happy to agree. So happy, of course, they neglected to keep proper records... and none of the remembered descriptions match at all, so that's a bust, too- but they did remember he introduced himself as Kuzon. No last name."

Scieska blinked. "Kuzon? That's a very common Aerugian name!"

He nodded with a miserable shrug, glaring down at his file again. "Yes, so common it's surely fake. And even if it's not, with no last name or reliable description, it gives us essentially nothing. All it does is confirm-"

"Wait."

Maes blinked, stopping mid-sentence to glance over towards Al. The boy had finally lifted his head now to stare at him, unreadable and still the way only he could but the sudden tension radiating off of him was unmistakeable. Slowly, the boy moved back from his folders, still staring at him intently.

"...Did you say Kuzon?"

* * *

The next time Kuzon came back, Ed flinched away before the door even opened, and Mustang was growling before the alchemist had taken even a single step inside the room.

"Down, Roy," he whispered, already trying to call Mustang back before he got himself hurt again. _"Roy. Down."_

But Mustang was not his dog on a leash; Mustang could not be rebuked by any words. He just continued to growl and moved forward as far as he could, pulling at the chain and crouching as close to in front of him as he could get, tail flicking back and forth as if in warning. _"Fullmetal,"_ he growled, entire being emanating a raw sort of protectiveness that almost took his breath away. _"Fullmetal!"_

Ed cursed under his breath, the slumbering terror Kuzon's presence had just reawoken climbing even further now. "Damn it, Roy, _down!"_ he hissed, looking frantically between Mustang and the alchemist. He couldn't protect Mustang, not like this, and Mustang couldn't protect himself, either- all the bastard was going to manage was getting himself hurt again! _"Roy!"_

Kuzon merely sighed, seeming utterly unconcerned by it all- and far more in control, than the last time Ed had seen him. "I see you have not yet trained my dog not to bite," he commented blithely, remaining safely back in the doorway.

The words sparked something in him, and anger ignited before fear could flare. "He's not _yours!"_

"Begging your pardon, Edward, but I am the one who made him."

Mustang snarled at him before Ed could, and at the sound, Kuzon sighed again, shaking his head for a long moment. "I tire of this argument. I am not here to discuss my chimera with you, or to talk over his incessant barking." He raised the radio transmitter in his hand, and, before Ed could protest, Mustang was on his side again, whimpering piteously into the ground and whining in misery.

"Roy- fuck-"

"I modified this," Kuzon said carelessly, and the transmitter was dropped back down into his pocket again. "After last time. It causes a stronger current, now. Should knock him out, so we can converse in peace. ...Roy, you said?" A slight smile came into play, and his eyes glinted curiously. "So you got him to say his old name for you. Good job, Edward, good job... I never got a single word out of him."

The flare of protectiveness was unexpected, but it had him trying to rise all the same, lifting himself up no matter the agony in his foot, hand, or shoulder. "Yeah. Works wonders, not treating a person like your fucking lab rat. Maybe you should try it sometime." He glanced worriedly down at Mustang, but it was as Kuzon had said- the chimera was barely conscious. He cursed, gritting his teeth, and returned his glare to the alchemist again, trying very hard to ignore the fact that without Mustang there with him, this suddenly felt a hell of a lot more frightening and he felt a hell of a lot less capable of withstanding what was coming his way this time.

"...So?" he nearly growled, and shifted weakly, trying to put himself in between Kuzon and the still faintly stirring chimera. "What're you here this time for, asshole?"

The alchemist tilted his head to the side slightly, observing him through narrowed eyes. "Such an ill-mannered boy..." he drawled. "I'd thought some manners would've been taught by now, but I suppose there are some lessons that pain can not teach. However-" He raised a hand, forestalling the expletive Ed had been about to hurl his way, "I am not here to discuss such trivialities."

Mustang gave a quiet, plaintive sort of whine, and Ed swallowed, trying not to shake.

"Obviously," he spat quietly, and Kuzon just gave him a slight smile.

"Yes. Edward, my dear boy... you've presented me with quite the problem." The alchemist blinked at him quietly then shifted to pace, affording him yet another glimpse of the door, still open. The grasp at tantalizing freedom was almost unbearable, but Kuzon was unaware of his distress, still just walking back and forth before his only path towards escape. "You've shown I can not have you bleed, lest you turn around and use it to draw another transmutation circle on me. Of course, this limits me rather severely in my options... you've already shown to be most resistant to the other types of pain that I can offer you, as well. I know ways to hurt that will not leave a mark- but you continue to prove that these will not affect you as strongly as I had hoped. You have quite the high pain tolerance, Edward. It is most... frustrating."

The man sounded like he was puzzling over a difficult math problem, and Ed stiffened, swallowing disgust at the idea of being looked at as just a problem to be fixed or an object to be handled. "Yeah?" he forced out weakly, inching closer to Mustang again. "So here's an idea: let me go. No more frustration that way."

Kuzon glanced at him from behind the fringe of his hair, looking only mildly vexed. "I was forced to reach an inevitable conclusion," he said at length, not even bothering to address that last comment. "I think, Edward, that you will remember this from your first escape attempt."

And, calmly, the alchemist lifted his hand out of his pocket.

In it was a syringe.

The instant onset of panic was so severe he nearly passed out, and the instant remembrance of _pain, agony, torture, pain, motherfucking, never ending, unbearable, fucking shit PAIN!_ nearly tore a scream straight out of his throat before anything else was even said.

Kuzon simply smiled.

"I can see that you do remember," he said easily, utterly relaxed. His smile even broadened a little, warm and welcoming, and his eyes were bright with honest sincerity. "As to be expected, from one of your intelligence, Edward. ...Something else to be expected, from someone of your intelligence: acting in such a way that I am not required to give this shot to you."

He paused again, still standing in between him and the doorway, and raised the syringe up higher. "That only requires the basest instincts of self preservation, Edward. In fact, I'd wager I could even teach my chimera better than you." He gestured at Mustang with the syringe and Ed flinched involuntarily, trying in vain to shove the barely responsive dog further behind him. "Teach the animal this shot brings pain, and the animal will try to avoid it. Simplest levels of operant conditioning. For someone of _your_ intelligence, Edward, I'd expect you to require no more than one round before you learned how to avoid the pain. ...Well, Edward? _Have_ you?"

And once again, Ed knew nothing except what awaited his brother if he failed.

There was no choice.

There had never been one at all.

Because no matter how much that pain _terrified_ him, this was not about him. It was about Al _._

Ed would sooner kill himself than let anything happen to him.

So he swallowed fear- or tried to, at any rate, promptly failing miserably- bared his teeth, and _forced_ himself to picture Al.

And, once again, he just shook his head.

_Even if I knew it, you son of a bitch, I would never tell you._

Kuzon did not look surprised.

He did, however, look disappointed.

"Oh, Edward..." he sighed unhappily, one long-fingered hand rising to rub over his face in distress. "When will you ever learn? I am beginning to think your punishments truly do hurt me than they do you. You must understand, I truly do not _wish_ to do this. But you refuse to learn. You refuse to learn, over and over again, and this is all I have to teach you with."

Calmly, the alchemist began to approach him once more, and this time, Ed was only able to keep his head on through the fact that Mustang was unconscious behind him and he needed to protect him. It gave him a goal- a fucking attainable _goal-_ and for once he was not helpless. The task took his mind hostage, yanking it away from what he knew was coming, and even while he trembled, his heart pounded, and his mind raced, Ed still stayed crouching in front of Mustang, and he did not move away even when Kuzon palmed his neck and lifted the needle again.

"Someday, Edward. You _will_ learn."

The syringe dived into skin.

By the time Kuzon had reached the door, Ed could already feel the warm flush of medication crawling through him from head to toe, and by the time the noise of the lock had reached him, the pain had started.

Somewhere beneath the heat, there was a paw at pushing at his back.

"...Fullmetal..."


	8. Chapter 8

_Riiiing..._ _Riiiing..._ _Riiiing..._ _Riiiing... Riii-_

" _Hello, Rockbell Automaill Shop, Winry Rockbell speaking. How may I help you?"_

"Winry, it's Al."

" _Oh!"_ Her voice cracked over sudden excitement, and Maes heard her quickly call to her grandmother somewhere in the background before the mechanic returned to the phone, clearly tense and worried. _"Al, do you have any news about Ed? Have you found him yet?!"_

Al paused reluctantly, eyes only for the phone. "...No."

Winry's disappointment was evident even in the silence.

Maes shifted uncomfortably and found himself staring at his desk, and he could tell Scieska felt bad even listening to the phone call- despite the fact that Al was the one would had put it on speaker.

" _...I... oh,"_ she mumbled at last, plainly upset. " _...um-"_

"We may have a lead, though," Al said swiftly- hopefully. "Listen, Winry, Aunt Pinako- does the name Kuzon mean anything to either one of you?"

" _...No, I don't believe so. Winry?"_

" _No, I... I don't think so, either- wait! Granny, what about that guy a couple months ago?"_

As one, everybody in the office sat bolt upright.

" _Mmm? Oh, yes, that one! I remember the fellow! Yes, he_ was _quite unusual..."_

"Aunt Pinako?!" Al gasped, leaning forward in his seat to clutch at Maes' desk in desperation. "Winry?!"

" _It was a little while ago, I believe, Al. Oh, yes, I remember now- six months ago! I remember because it was still early spring, but we got one of those cold fronts through, and it was right chilly outside- the poor man took so long to warm up he could've fared better with half automail. He wasn't from around here, he said- not used to the cold."_

Maes exchanged a startled glance with Scieska. Six months ago? _Perfect_ time frame for someone involved with what had happened to Roy and Ed!

Al was paying them no attention, however, and continued to stare at the phone in amazement. "So you've actually met him?! Why was he there? It wasn't automail, was it?"

" _No,"_ Winry answered, sounding surprised. _"Not at all. How'd you know? Wait- you said this could be a lead... Al, is he the one who took Ed?!"_

"...I don't know," Al said tersely. "Just- just tell me why he was there."

This time, it was Pinako who spoke, and she sounded almost as worried as Winry. _"He said he was a friend of Hohenheim's. That he'd been out of the country for a long while and only just heard about Trisha's death, and wanted to come check on you two boys. He actually showed us a letter you two had sent him some time ago, asking for his help."_

Al shifted uncomfortably for a moment, glancing up now to meet Maes' eyes. He covered the speaker with his hand, murmuring, "I knew I recognized his name from somewhere! Sir, Ed and I contacted a lot of Dad's friends for help a long time ago, just after Mom died. We just went through his papers, found every alchemist he had any kind of correspondence with, and sent them letters. It's actually how Colonel Mustang found us- well, Lieutenant Colonel, back then."

Maes frowned. So, by that logic, the boys had potentially put themselves in this man's line of fire? He bit back the paternal urge to chastise Al; two unbearably young, orphaned boys, sending out dozens of letters to perfect strangers, letters that basically spelled out _hey, we're helpless- come take advantage!_ Al knew better _now,_ and besides, now was just not the time to reprimand him for a mistake any young boy could've made.

" _Hey, Al? You still there?"_

The boy jumped, then hurriedly yanked his hand back off the receiver. "Uh, yeah, sorry. So- what did you tell him, exactly?"

There was a short pause, and when Pinako answered, Maes could hear the unease in her voice even while barely even knowing her. _"Not much, Al. He was quite vague... he said he was just worried about how you two were doing without parents, and really wanted to speak to you. I tried to tell him you traveled a lot and were hard to contact, that Ed was the Fullmetal Alchemist- common enough knowledge he could easily find it out for himself; only reason I said it. When that didn't dissuade him, I thought showing him a picture would help. You know, let him see that you two were getting along perfectly all right. ...God, Al, I'm sorry... I should've told you boys sooner..."_

"What?" Al started, shifting nervously. "What do you mean?"

The elderly woman sighed again, clearly distressed. _"The picture- meant something to him. When he saw it, he immediately went very quiet, and then suddenly he was insistent upon leaving, even though it was already dark out and he clearly had no place to stay. It clearly disturbed him somewhat, though he wouldn't admit to it. At the time, I thought it was because of Ed's automail. Of course it would disturb him to know the child of an old friend had suffered amputations so young. But, in light of what's happened..."_

" _Al, he really seemed just so sweet and charming- harmless!"_ Winry added nervously. _"I was there, and he... he didn't seem like someone who would hurt either one of you... are you sure he's involved?"_

Al hesitated, clearly reluctant to answer in a way that would only give his family guilt, but also unwilling to lie. Maes suddenly shared Scieska's discomfort at listening in on this should've-been-private conversation, but it was too late to just get up and leave the room now.

At last, Al gave a quiet, defeated, _"I don't know."_

Over the phone, the silence that dominated was so thick Maes could almost see the remorse in it.

Al cleared his throat a moment later, or, at least made a sound that was similar to it. "Look, guys, I've got to talk to some other people about this now. Aunt Pinako, can you mail me a copy of the picture you showed Kuzon? Maybe there's something in there he saw that you two didn't."

Suddenly struck by an idea, Maes leaned forward as well, gesturing for Al to mute the phone again. When the boy did so, though not without a questioning look, he said quickly, "See if you can get a good description out of them!"

"What? Oh! Oh, of course!" He immediately uncovered the phone and relayed the request- and to Maes' intense relief, both Winry and Pinako immediately jumped at the opportunity to make up for what they both cleared viewed as their personal failure to take the Elric brothers.

To his even _more_ intense relief, the descriptions they gave matched each other perfectly, as opposed to their conflicting ones given by the terrorists.

The information only took a few minutes to gather, and when that was done, Al cut off Winry trying to apologize with a confident _I'll get him back now- I promise! Both of you!_ and then immediately hung up.

"That was some good thinking, sir," Scieska said warmly, looking to him with a bright smile. "Now we have a first name and a physical description!"

The smile he returned to her was far more mischievous and tired than bright, but it was still a willing, genuine smile all the same. "Actually, we may have more than that. One." He held up a finger. "By his own admission, we know he'd been out of the country for some time until just recently- most likely Aerugo, given his name. Now, he may or may not have been lying- but let us assume the truth, for the sake of an argument." He held up another finger. "Two. As you've said, Scieska, we know his first name, and we have a physical description. And... three." He held up the final finger. "We know that Amestris keeps records of all non-citizens that cross its borders, for any and all reasons. Records that include pictures."

Al slumped miserably in his seat. "But that'll be hundreds of thousands of people! With just a first name... even knowing he's from Aerugo, and excluding all immigrants in the past six months-"

"Ah, ah, ah, Al." Maes silenced him with a raised hand, and when the boy stared at him in distress, he allowed himself another small grin. "I never said anything about us reading the files."

"...What? But, then, how-"

"Private Scieska," he said, turning to face her, and now the small smirk became a full blown smile. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but the immigration records- weren't they kept in Central's library, before it was destroyed? The library that now lives in your photographic memory?"

Both Al and his subordinate gasped.

He saw her eyes widen, her mind racing as she actually combined the information they'd just gotten from the Rockbells with her remarkable mind, streaming through the millions of files she'd read in that one library alone-

And then she sat bolt upright.

"Kuzon Nara!" she cried. _"Kuzon Nara!"_

* * *

" _Ed..."_

" _Ed..."_

Pushing at his jaw.

" _Ed, Ed..."_

_Go away... just go away, please..._

Pushing, more, more _pushing_ at his jaw.

_Please go away..._

"Ed..."

_I can't._

_I can't focus, I can't listen to you, because that all just makes it hurt even worse, so please just go away._

_Just stop._

"Ed." More insistent. More pleadingly, whiningly, insistent.

" _Ed."_

_Go away... please just go away..._

" _Ed."_

_I can't listen. I can't see. I can't breathe. What do you want? What do you WANT from me? I can't give it. I have nothing to give anymore._

" _Ed."_

_Please._

_I CAN'T._

" _Ed, Ed, Ed..."_

Hot nudging against his jaw, and a moaned whimper of sadness echoed against his ear.

"Ed."

_I can't, Mustang._

_I can't help you, I can't give you what you want, what you deserve, and I'm sorry. But I can't._

_So just let me sleep._

_Please._

"Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed..."

The nudging at his jaw became nudging at his mouth. Something touching at his lips. Coaxing his mouth open.

_Why won't you let me sleep?_

_Please just let me sleep._

"...Ed, Ed, Ed..."

More nudging at his mouth. So insistent it hurt.

_Why won't you let me sleep?!_

Nudge, nudge, nudge.

_Is it because I failed you? Is it because I won't help you? I won't help you, when you always help me? Is it because I'm the reason you're stuck like this?_

_Is it because I failed you, Mustang?_

Nudge.

Then a loud, stubbornly insistent bark.

In it, he saw Mustang's face, and heard his voice.

"Follow my orders, you miniature brat! For once in your life, _follow my orders!_ "

His human voice.

The nudge at his mouth came again, and this time, Ed obeyed it.

He complied meekly, feebly, letting his dry lips crack open as he knew Mustang wanted. The very thought of movement sent waves of pain arcing through his entire being but Mustang ordered it, and so he followed it.

After everything he'd done to him, the least he could do was follow his orders now.

"Ed..."

Instead of a bark, there was now just a sad whimper. More nudging in the hollow of his throat. Wet cold trickling against his lips.

_Can I sleep now, Mustang?_

_Please?_

_Please, let me sleep._

_That's all I want... I... I can't anymore... please, just let me give up..._

Another whimper.

_Just let me give up..._

More wet cold in his mouth. It tickled his throat, his chest, made him cough and shake and cry.

Mustang's head pressed again against his neck.

And he still couldn't sleep.

The warm weight of his constant presence wouldn't let him.

And he understood.

His punishment.

His punishment for failing. For lying. For running. For turning Mustang into this. For refusing to help him. For chaining Al to armor, and failing to help him. For incompetence, weakness, and _failure._

His punishment.

_No sleep for the wicked..._

_You could help him. It's your choice, and you're choosing not to._

_It's your fault._

_IT'S YOUR FAULT._

_I'm sorry, I can't... I can't, I can't... Al needs me, I... I..._

_YOU DESERVE THIS. ALL OF IT._

_I'm..._

_YOU DESERVE THIS._

_I..._

_I know._

_I do._

_I'm sorry._

"...Ed..."

* * *

When Kuzon was there, Ed heard a lot of growling, a lot of snarling, and felt the heavy weight of Mustang's head over his chest.

Eventually, Kuzon was gone, and Mustang's head stayed over him.

* * *

"Ed..."

Heavy warmth lay over his heart.

"Ed, Ed..."

He could feel it, steady even as pain pulsed and agony soared.

"P... pwa... puh..."

A few more growls that screamed protective, and the warmth over his heart was so familiar it tore out gasps.

" _Puuuh... wa...ssss..."_

_I'm sorry, Mustang._

"P-p-puuuhlll...s-s-seasssse..."

_I'm sorry, Al._

"Puuulll..."

_Stop hurting me, please..._

_Please just give me one second of rest..._

_I can't take it anymore!_

_Please!_

"Puuuh-ll..."

_I'm hurting you. I know. I KNOW._

_I'm failing you. I'm sorry. I'm SORRY._

"P-puuh-lll... puh-ll..."

_I deserve this..._

"Pl... ea..."

_It's my fault..._

"P-p-please..."

_It's my fault._

"Please... Ed..."

Mustang's heavy, soft head nudged at his heart in quiet desperation, and Ed sobbed.

  
By the lovely [dragonzakeruga](http://dragonzakeruga.deviantart.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it was unclear what was going on in the first scene, just Mustang getting Ed to drink some water :)


	9. Chapter 9

"Major Yamanaka, this is Lieutenant Colonel Hughes. Tell me: are _you_ going to also transfer my call to someone higher up on the food chain because you're not authorized to help me? Because if you are, then _skip_ the next goddamn fish in the pond, and give the phone straight to the shark, because I am _tired_ of you people jerking me around!"

"...Please hold, sir."

Maes just about screamed in frustration and resisted the urge to throw the phone across the room.

It seemed that getting the bastard's name was only half the battle.

Courtesy of Scieska, they had managed to learn Kuzon's full name and the date and location he'd entered the country. With that, they'd been able to the contact border office, and though it had taken several agonizing days to sort out the paperwork mess, they'd managed to finally be transferred to someone in Aerugo who, the plan had been, had been going to give them everything they needed to know about Kuzon Nara.

Unfortunately, it seemed bureaucracy was even more of a nightmare south of the border.

First they'd been handed to a police officer, who'd promptly told them the matter was "above his pay grade" and transferred them to his CO. Then to a paperpusher in the State Office of Criminal Corrections- not a good sign- who had immediately passed him off to the military. Since then, he'd been navigating the chain of command with all the grace of a fish out of water. He'd been knocked back down to a private three times already, and this major was, as of yet, the highest ranking officer he'd managed to make it to.

So far, Maes had been on the phone for three hours straight, and had gotten exactly _no_ information on Kuzon Nara.

And so help him, if this son of a bitch transferred his call yet again...

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, are you still there?"

"Yes," he nearly snarled, gripping the phone so tightly it made his hand ache. (Never let it be said that zero hours of sleep helped tolerate nonsense bureaucracy like this, because Maes now had first hand experience with it and let him tell you that it does _not.)_

"I apologize for the delay. The situation concerning Kuzon Nara is rather delicate, and until now, none of the officers you've spoken with have been highly ranked enough-"

"Cut to the chase. _Now."_

Heh. He was starting to sound like Roy.

"Very well. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes: Kuzon Nara is an escaped prisoner of Aerugo, and we would like him back. Due to the sensitive nature of his offenses, an Aerugian military team will be dispatched this evening, to arrive in Central City as soon as possible. They will assist you with the recovery of your officers, and upon discovery, will take custody of Kuzon Nara. Until then, you will not take any further action, under the request of the Aerugian government. Is that understood, Lieutenant Colonel?"

Maes blinked, frozen mid obscene hand gesture (though to just who he was gesturing _at,_ given that his office was empty, he wasn't really sure).

Well, _this_ was unexpected.

Since when was their kidnapper important enough to get Aerugo to dispatch the _military_ at them?

What the hell had he done in Aerugo?

"...Major," he managed at length, forcing the words out through gritted teeth, "I'm a representative of the Amestrian government. I take no orders from Aerugo. I will _consider_ waiting for the arrival of your team," no, he actually wouldn't, not when it was Ed and Roy at stake here, "but, first, I remind you that we still don't have any leads on his location. _If_ you want me to report Aerugo's cooperation in this matter, rather than their obstruction, then I suggest you send over the military's file on Kuzon Nara now, so my team can be better prepared to start the manhunt for him. Major?"

"...That's classified-"

"And your criminal has taken two of my closest friends. Whatever it is Kuzon did, I don't care to embarrass your government or hold onto him as a political hostage or- _whatever_ it is you people are afraid of. I want my friends back. And if you obstruct me in that, Major, I give you my word: your life will be made a living hell."

There was silence over the line for several tense seconds, until at last, came the terse, "The file will be sent your way. And you had best be waiting with it when our military teams arrives, sir."

Then he hung up.

Maes blinked at the phone on his desk for several seconds, takenaback, then slowly shifted to rest the receiver back down. He leaned back in his chair, resting interlaced fingers on his chest, and started thoughtfully down at the phone he had just spent three hours shouting into- for that two minute conversation.

He frowned.

_Just who is Kuzon Nara?_

* * *

This time, when real coherency came, Kuzon wasn't there waiting on it.

Ed's heart still pounded from the apprehension of it, and mere moments after he finally opened his eyes and saw the tiny room instead of the haze of pain and blur of near unconsciousness, he shut them again, shuddering through a wave of emotion too strong to be identified.

The pain was still there, just barely muted enough for him to cling to sanity.

Mustang remained collapsed over his chest, and Ed somehow managed to wrench his eyes open again, turning his examination down towards the chimera. He didn't remember Kuzon doing anything to him, not since the injection and it felt like it had been days since then, but he needed to be sure.

In looking over his superior, though, he found very little to be worried about. Mustang only seemed to be asleep, his head pillowed over his stomach, one paw resting heavily against his chest. He seemed a little thinner than before, suggesting he was right in thinking it had been days, but it given how much worse it _could've_ been, just seeing him there and okay tore out a trembling, relieved sigh, and he leaned his head back against the wall, shutting eyes that suddenly stung.

The motion must've roused Mustang, because he felt the chimera shifting about on his torso, growling quietly and lifting his head. There was a bark so sudden and loud it made him jump, and the pain that rolled through him after that had him gritting his teeth through a moan.

"Ed! Ed! Ed! Ehhhhhhdddd!"

Instantly, Mustang was up, licking at his face and whining miserably, clearly frightened. The pain was too bad to just shake off for several moments but when Mustang's fear only escalated the longer he remained unresponsive, he somehow dragged up the strength to open his eyes again.

"E... easy... easy..." His dry throat cried out and he shuddered through agonizing coughs, feeling as if his body was still trying to tear itself apart from inside out. "Easy... chill, Roy... I'm okay..."

Being spoken to only left the chimera even more excitable. He kept on licking at his face and whimpering his name, and once upon a time the desperation and direct physical contact from _Mustang_ of all people would've just weirded him out beyond all comprehension.

Now, it felt normal.

Now, it assured him Mustang was safe, and that was all he cared about.

"Ed..."

_Your fault..._

He wrenched his eyes open again.

"I'm okay, Roy," he gasped, and Mustang backed up a little, dark eyes blazing to see him awake again. "I'm okay. Promise." He tried a smile. "What about you, bastard? You okay?"

Mustang couldn't possibly understand the question, but he got a warm bark in response, so reminiscent of the colonel he knew he wanted to laugh. "All right, got it. Good to know."

Weakly leaning his head back against the wall again, Ed just let him jump and lick at him eagerly, too worn out to protest and some part of him not even minding the attention. It seemed Mustang needed to assure himself that he was all right, and he didn't have it in him to complain.

_You deserve it..._

Eventually, the bastard finally decided he wasn't in danger anymore, because he drew back a little and stopped looking quite so frightened. "Fullmetal," he whined, head nudging at his chin, and Ed found himself grinning through the pain, still so close to the edge he was hanging off of it but Mustang somehow managing to keep him from falling.

"Don't worry, Roy. I'm fine, okay? I'm fine."

The chimera growled quietly at him, claws scratching at the floor. He tilted his head to the side, as if trying to understand what he was saying, eyes just a little too bright to be purely animal, and Ed heaved a sigh. "I'm fine, honest... worry about yourself for once, you mangy mutt."

Mustang growled uncertainly, hearing the command but not understanding what it meant. He stood uncertainly for several moments, clearly struggling, then just lay back down with another growl, head resting on his stomach. "Fullmetal..."

He bit his lip, pulling weakly at his restrained arm and wishing he could scratch him behind the ears or rub his head- just touch him somehow, reciprocate in the comfort he was being offered. "Don't worry," he choked out again, trembling through a wave of remaining agony. Mustang felt the tremor and lifted his head instantly, swiveling back around to look at him, and Ed found himself unable to bear the naked, animal concern in his eyes. His heart shuddered at the sight and he shut his eyes, trembling in weight of the guilt that hit him as hard as a punch to the face.

"Don't worry about me, Roy. Just... just _don't._ I... none of this is your responsibility, bastard. Know you got a bit of a guilty god complex but keep it out of this one, all right? This one is _my_ fault- yeah, laugh it up, you got me to admit I did something wrong, fuck you... but I am sorry for this, Roy. Really... and, I'll fix it. I swear. Somehow. I'll fix it. I'll get us out of this without hurting you or Al... I _promise._ So just quit fucking worrying about me, got it?"

_Your fault..._

Mustang just growled quietly against his heart again. He was a steady, comforting weight that he knew wouldn't leave, and somehow, just knowing that was enough to leave him feeling safer than he'd felt in weeks. He knew it was pathetic, he knew it was wrong; after everything he'd already gone through for him, how the hell could he ever ask Mustang to do even _more_ and protect him? How even _could_ he, in the state he was in now?

But no matter how wrong it was, and no matter how deeply the guilt wracked him, the bastard just made him feel safe.

_..._

_I know I don't deserve it, but, thank you, Mustang._

And, _safe_ , Ed let himself shut his eyes again and descend back into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

The next time he woke up, it was from a paw to the face.

"Guh... Mustang, fuck... come on..."

"Ed, Ed, Ed..."

Groaning, Ed shifted against the raw pain again- barely muted from the last time he'd been awake- and cracked an eye open, glaring at the dog crouched inches from his face. "Roy," he grumbled, "I know you're a morning person, but can you _not?_ I'm trying to sleep, here-"

Mustang cut him off with another swift bark and then withdrew, leaving Ed blinking in bleary confusion. He could hear the chimera padding over the rough stone floor and he blinked again through a yawn, unsure and confused. His vision cleared just in time for Mustang to be back in his face, wagging his head and tail- a small hunk of meat clutched in between his teeth.

It took Ed a few more moments of confused staring to realize he had slept straight through Kuzon bringing him food. The alchemist had probably assumed he was still unconscious- and he found himself shaking his head at the marvel of it. Before Mustang had taken to sleeping on his stomach, even the tiniest of creaks would jolt him awake. Rightfully so, in case he needed to protect himself against Kuzon. But now, he'd somehow managed to sleep straight through the bastard coming in here?

Ed managed a weak, miserable chuckle. Unbelievable.

Mustang wagged his head at him again, trying to push the meat into his face; Ed winced and shrugged him off. "Oi, that's your food, bastard. Mine's here." He nodded down at the small hunk of bread that had been left just within reach of his foot. "Come on, eat."

After all, while Kuzon still seemed to be trying to starve _him,_ he hadn't been doing the same to Mustang. The alchemist still had no idea he had actually known Roy as a human and was only leaving him here to try and torment or guilt him- he clearly had no interest in hurting the chimera to get to him.

Roy, however, seemed to disagree with his command. "Ed," he growled through his clenched teeth, nudging at his chin again. _"Ed."_ He lifted his head even higher to push the meat in his mouth at his, black eyes sharp and imploring. _"Ehhhhdddd."_

"...You... hey, hell no, bastard! I'm not taking your food. Hey, Roy, _no._ " He managed to push Roy back a little, staring in disbelief. "Roy, he barely feeds you as is- I'm not taking it from you! Roy- _no."_

He enunciated the word clearly, 'yes' and 'no' some of the few more words he'd managed to teach him. And the bastard clearly did understand what he meant- just as clear as it was, in fact, that he wasn't going to take no for an answer. He growled again, one paw lifting to scratch lightly at his chest, claws rubbing just deeply enough to sting. "Ed..."

"I said _no!"_

"Ed."

Goddamn, the bastard was insistent. "Roy, _no,"_ he said again, trying to shake him off once more; Mustang didn't budge. "Roy. _No._ Worry about yourself! Eat your fucking food, bastard! Come on, Mustang doesn't give me food! He _hoards_ it from me!" Anger became a reminiscent smile and he leaned forward a little, cajoling, "Come on, remember? Remember when it was almost nine and I hadn't eaten lunch, but _you_ had three sandwiches you'd stolen from Breda- did you offer me even one? No! And what'd you say when I asked for one? Come on, Roy, you remember what you said?"

" _Ed."_

" _Feeding my subordinates isn't responsibility, Fullmetal. You're in the military; act like it, and find your own food. I- wait, where'd you go? Oh, sorry, I missed you there- couldn't see you past my paperwork!"_ Tch! Asshole!"

"Ed."

"..."

"..."

"You're not going to eat it, are you."

This time, rather than his growled name, the response was another bark.

Ed stared harder at the chimera for several long moments, trying to see if there was any way he could force this to go his way. Damn it, Mustang needed to eat, not give him his meager food. He already looked too thin as it was, and besides, Ed couldn't stand to let Mustang give up even _more_ than he already had for his sake. It wasn't right! His body, his humanity, every damn Kuzon came in here he got himself hurt, and now, this...

It wasn't right.

Mustang growled his name again, whining and impatient.

It wasn't right...

But he also pretty clearly did not have a choice.

"...Damn it," Ed sighed at last, leaning his head back in exhausted defeat. "Damn you. You're giving me orders and you can't even talk, you mangy mutt. I can't believe this."

Now he could hear the chimera's tail wagging against the floor in excitement, and Ed gave him a sidelong glare that was half hearted at best. Roy crawled a little closer to him and lifted a bite-sized piece for him to take, continuing to rip his food into small enough chunks for him to eat without a trace of hesitation. Ed could barely stand to watch. Looking down at him, watching the chimera go after the meat with such a single-minded, innocent intensity... it was so undeniably _Mustang,_ and yet...

Before, he _never_ could've imagined Mustang doing this. Not for him, or, really, anybody else, either.

 _But this isn't before, now is it?_ A nasty voice muttered in the back of his mind. _This isn't before you got him turned into a chimera. This isn't before you got him STUCK like this._

_...Shut up._

After Roy had given him half his meal, Ed blatantly refused to take any more, pushing the chimera away with his knee and telling him _no_ every time he tried to give him more. "You need to eat, too, Roy. You need to eat, too. _No."_

"Ed..."

This time it was more of a sad whine than a growl, and he sighed, trying not to let the plaintive sound make his heart ache. "...You shouldn't be helping me, anyway," he mumbled, and when he tried to smile, it hurt far more than it should have. "You... you shouldn't be helping me. I don't understand why you are. I can't do anything for you, but- but you..."

"Ed...?"

He blinked, then shook himself, a tremor that became another shudder through an aftershock of pain. "S-sorry! Sorry, Roy. I know you can't understand me... I... sorry." He forced another unconvincing smile and went for the bread instead, hoping that if he started eating, Roy would do the same.

Sure enough, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the chimera return to the meat he'd left him, devouring it so quickly Ed instantly felt even worse about eating what he had. He took another small bite out of the bread, stomach aching with guilt and regret (and still hunger, dammit), then simply cleared his throat, decision made.

"Roy. Here."

The chimera's eyes widened, and Ed pushed the bread even closer to him.

" _Here._ Yours. Eat it, Roy. Yours."

"...Ed...?"

Again, he tried to smile. Again, it didn't work. "You give me half of yours, I give you half of mine. Equivalent exchange. We're both alchemists, Roy, that's how it works. You know that." Except it really wasn't, because it was not _equivalent,_ not at all; half a tiny loaf of bread in exchange for a hunk of meat was not _equivalent_ , but at least the gesture made it seem like it was. And no matter how lame the gesture was, it at least meant _something,_ because he really didn't think he could take not giving anything in return after Mustang was _continuing_ to give up everything he had for him.

"Damn it, bastard, take the bread. Equivalent exchange. Equivalent exchange, you mangy mutt. _Roy._ Eat it."

It wasn't equivalent.

It wasn't any more equivalent than Kuzon letting him go for information that would kill his brother. And as an alchemist, that failure to return what he owed rankled him like nothing else.

But he offered it anyway, because he _had_ nothing else, and even if he couldn't satisfy equivalent exchange, it was all he could do. Mustang was doing everything he could for him, and Ed was going to do the same.

"Take it, Roy."

Very cautiously, and very slowly, Roy did.

Dark eyes watched him the entire time.

When the bread was gone, and the chimera gently licked his face in thanks, Ed mumbled something about the bastard being less stubborn as a dog and laughed at him, grinning like a fool and laughing in giddy, ecstatic relief all the while.

* * *

After that, they always split their meals.

By the lovely [gokunobaka](http://goku-no-baka.deviantart.com/)

 


	10. Chapter 10

Kuzon re-broke his fingers and toes three times.

Each time, Ed screamed, and refused to talk.

Each time, Mustang snarled and lunged so violently Kuzon shocked him.

Each time, Mustang's head would find its way to his stomach the moment the alchemist was gone, and he would stay there, until Ed could breathe again. Until he could talk without gasping, and smile without crying.

He quit assuring the chimera he was okay, at some point. Mustang didn't understand him, and it wasn't true, anyway.

After the second time, Mustang's head never left his chest at all.

* * *

True to the Aerugian's word, Kuzon Nara's file turned up on Central's doorstep first thing in the morning, a mere four days after it had been requested. The time was actually rather impressive, given the distance between Central and the southern border; Maes, however, wasn't sure if this was a sign of more cooperation to come, or the Aerugians were just trying to get on his good side before taking over the case.

Honestly, he couldn't care less what their plans were. Once Ed and Roy were back in his hands, he'd be perfectly fine to hand over the reigns to Hakuro. The general wouldn't be content to give Kuzon to Aerugo, not after he'd bankrolled an attack on the military _and_ abducted two State Alchemists; he'd see to it the bastard ended up before a firing squad- let _him_ deal with international incidents in the making. He'd have his friends back, and Kuzon would, one way or another, end up punished. That was all that mattered, to him.

Sighing heavily, Maes sucked down the rest of his coffee, shuddered at the acrid taste (there was a _reason_ Scieska was forbidden from touching the coffeemaker, damn it) and leaned back in his chair, hefting the heavy file. Al was already here, Scieska was buried in a stack of papers taller than his head at her desk, which just left...

"Breakfast, sir!"

He grinned slightly. The final missing puzzle piece.

Maria Ross slipped into his office, Brosh, as usual, following barely an inch behind her for seemingly no reason, bearing coffee and muffins. He sighed in relief as she passed them out (Al's portion was immediately slipped back to him under his desk) and handed her a small stack of bills, inhaling the fresh caffeine in near wonderment. "Thank you, goddess; thank you."

Ross raised an eyebrow at him. "It's really no problem, sir... although this makes the fourth time in a row I've brought you lot a meal. Have you even left the office in two days?"

"Come on, Ross. Does this look like the face of a man who hasn't seen his darling wife or daughter in that long?"

"...Are you aware you're currently stabbing a picture of your suspect to your desk, sir, or was that meant to be a rhetorical question?"

Maes blinked, dragging his gaze away from the lieutenant's down to his desk to find that- yes, he was. One of his knives was currently buried directly in the center of a print of Kuzon's picture from the file, pinning it to the wood and turning the paper to shreds.

Ah.

So he was.

...

He really needed to get some sleep.

"...Never mind whatever I'm doing," he grumbled, pulling the coffee closer to him and using it to warm his hands. "Just get to work, Lieutenant."

Ross looked at him doubtfully for a moment, then just shook her head in quiet admonishment even as she saluted obediently. "Sir," she muttered, and retreated, Brosh still at her heels.

Scieska finally burrowed enough out of her paperwork to discover the breakfast that had been placed precariously on one of the stacks of paper and turned to stare at him, eyes wide. "Why'd she bring coffee?" she wondered aloud, even as she took hers. "We have coffee here. I made it this morning!"

"No, you didn't," Maes corrected tiredly. "This sludge is not coffee. It tastes like tar, Scieska, dear. And, more importantly, there's no cinnamon in yours."

"I- w-well- no..."

He chuckled in quiet exhaustion. "Don't worry. You are a woman of many talents- many _eccentric_ talents- it just so happens that coffee preparation is not one of them. Although-"

"Can we get on with this?" Al interrupted, irritation shuddering in every syllable. He waved his own copy of the file in the air, clearly impatient, and Maes blinked, staring at the boy before swiftly rubbing his eyes and nodding. Of course; while he and Scieska lost focus and concentration, the longer they worked without rest, Al simply got more and more ill-tempered.

"Of course. Sorry. Ahem... Scieska. If, as the only one in the room who can read Aerugian, you would be so kind..."

The private started, looking up again from her armful of paperwork. She rushed to put it all aside, nearly spilling the new coffee and ruining it all in the process, and quickly yanked open her copy of the file, clearing her throat.

"Kuzon Nara," she began. "Subject is currently thirty-three years old. Born November 23rd, 1881 in Aerugo. Father was one of the top alchemists in the Aerugian military; specialized in bio-alchemy. Mother was a distant cousin of the king's. Quite the pedigree... anyway, his father was killed in a skirmish with Creta before he was born. Kuzon was raised in the capital by his mother." She frowned for a moment, scanning quickly down the first page. "That's about it for preliminary stuff... rest of this page just has statistics on his entrance exam for when he enlisted in the state's alchemy program- very intelligent, broke records with his alchemy performance, also was a specialist in bio-alchemy... oh, and according to this, he's the same height as Colonel Mustang!"

Maes groaned. So that was how this was going to go... "Not even barely interesting or relevant, Scieska."

Starting again, the private squeaked an apology even as she rushed to hold up the first page of her file for them all to see. "W-well, there's also this!" she exclaimed, pointing towards a picture. "It says here it was taken when he enlisted, around fifteen years ago... but, well..."

Frowning, Maes flipped open his own copy, scanning down through lines of Aerugian to find the picture she was referencing. When he did, he stopped, blinking in surprise. "...Are you sure that's what it says?" he asked uncertainly, glancing up to make sure she was pointing at the same picture he was looking at.

"Yes, sir, absolutely!"

He frowned again. "But..."

The picture looked nothing like the description Winry and Pinako had given them, or the photograph of the man who had crossed Amestrian borders eight months ago. Until then, actually, Maes had assumed the picture in the file was of a different person entirely. In the file, Kuzon was a dark-skinned, dark-eyed brunette; a typical Aerugian. The man who had crossed their borders, however, was pale, with white blond hair and eyes that were an extraordinarily pale blue.

"...Could it be some kind of mistake?" Al asked uncertainly, breaking the uneasy silence. "Did they maybe send us the wrong file?"

Maes looked closer at the two pictures and grimaced, shaking his head. "No... at least, I don't think so. They have the same facial structure and I think if they were in black and white, we wouldn't have even noticed much of a difference."

"But..."

Maes shook his head again. "He might have changed his appearance, trying to get into Amestris. After all, he was on the run from Aerugo at the time. Easy enough to dye your hair and buy colored contacts, and I'm sure a bio-alchemist has no trouble changing his skin tone." But no matter how confident he sounded, he remained unsure, and swiftly he cleared his throat, trying not to focus on it too much. "Scieska, go on."

"Of course, sir..." She turned past the first page and they all mimicked her, despite the private being the only one able to read the information. She paused for a moment, looking over the file uncertainly. "This is... a doctor's report? Yes, an emergency room patient report, from 1890- I recognize the format!"

Maes took a moment to just stare at her, bewildered. How on earth would she recognize the format of an ER patient report from Aerugo? He shook his head at himself before he asked, quite sure he didn't want to know the answer to that question, and instead asked, "What is that doing in his official file?"

Scieska frowned. "Not sure... there's a note at the top from someone else that says it was found in some sort of legal proceedings against his mother. No more detail than that... let's see. Patient Kuzon Nara, age nine, presents with malnourishment and several fractures, each in different stages of healing. Also shows signs of repeated head trauma. Was unresponsive during patient interview; parental unit/guardian was unavailable for interview. Child was brought to the ER by a neighbor, who was checking on him while mother was out of town for the week and... and found he'd been locked in a closet..."

She broke off for a moment to look up at them both, her eyes wide, and he heard Al give a surprised noise of discontent. Maes merely frowned at them both. "So he has a sob story. So do we all. Keep reading, Private."

Clearly still a little shaken, Scieska gave an uneasy nod and rubbed at her eyes underneath her glasses as she returned her attention to the file. "Yes, sir... due to the circumstances, the police were called. The next section is a note from the investigating officer... he says that there were several other suspicious ER reports in the past, and likely to be more in the future, and recommended charges of child abuse and neglect brought against the mother... but nothing was ever filed. He's complaining here that, due to her social status, she has too much influence and was able to prevent it. It seems nothing was ever done; Kuzon even remained in her custody until he was sixteen, when... oh."

He frowned again. "Oh, what?" It didn't sound like anything good, that was for sure.

Scieska fidgeted a little, biting her lip. "...When he was sixteen, there was a fire at their estate, cause listed as an alchemy accident- Kuzon being the alchemist responsible. Kuzon sustained only minor injuries, though medical exams again showed multiple unhealed, older fractures, but... his mother was killed in the fire. ...He was arrested two weeks after the incident under suspicion of arson and murder, sir. Oh, that's why this is all in his official file... it was uncovered in the court case..."

Interesting. Their kidnapper seemed to have gotten an early start on using violence to take care of his problems, then. And it would explain why Aerugo seemed so interested in his recovery...

"Is that why he's wanted in Aerugo?" Al piped up unsurely.

Scieska, however, shook her head. "No, actually. They were unable to prove the fire was intentional. Kuzon was an entirely self taught alchemist, so they had no way to show he would've known the array would cause a fire. The investigating officer was still sure that Kuzon had done it on purpose, but he just couldn't prove it, and he was found innocent. Two years later, Kuzon enlisted in the government's alchemy program."

Maes snorted. "Quite convenient, he became such a skilled alchemist a mere two years after 'accidentally' blowing up his own house..."

Scieska shared his amused look even as she continued on. "Quite, sir. Anyway, there's not much on his work for the government here. All it says is that he was a bio-alchemist... a few references to chimeras, but mostly it just says classified and tells me to consult a project name. Of course, none of those are in this file. But it looks like he did research for the military, sir."

Oh, great. That was just what they needed. Gran trying to filter chimeras into their military through Tucker and his ilk- now confirmation that Aerugo was trying to do the same... Hakuro would definitely need to hear about this. Sighing heavily, Maes leaned back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his face, trying to forestall a headache. "I see," he grunted, glaring idly at the file himself. "None of this explains how he ended up on the run. Or what he's doing in Amestris."

Scieska glanced at the file again, seeming disquieted. "Of course..." She flipped through the pages for a few moments, clearly trying to find the offense that had started this trainwreck, then finally skidded to a stop in excitement and held up the sheet of paper like a prize. "Oh, oh! Here it is! Yes, this is it! In 1910, Kuzon was dismissed from government service after pleading guilty to... his role in a bar fight?"

Maes could hear the surprise in the private's voice at the unexpected turn the story had taken, and he couldn't blame her. "Wait... what?" he questioned, tilting his head to the side. " _That's_ why the government wants him back so badly? Who the hell did he hit, the king?"

But Scieska shook her head, still staring at the papers in surprise. "No, sir... just says he and several others got intoxicated and ended up in a fist fight. Per protocol, they were all charged with assault. Kuzon was fired automatically when he pleaded guilty and-... ah... I think I must not be translating this correctly, sir..."

"If you weren't fluent I wouldn't have asked you to read the file. Out with it!"

"...I think it says that he was put under house arrest. For life, sir. According to this, that's the reason he's wanted in Aerugo. A year ago, he left his estate in violation of the court order and hasn't been seen since."

...

_Okay. That's it. I'm done._

"You know," Maes groaned, tossing the file towards his desk and tugging his glasses off, cleaning them on his sleeve, "I know it was unrealistic, but I was still hoping this file would be a nice little roadmap. You know? A literal map of Central City, with X marks the spot, and a line telling us that was where Ed and Roy were. Like I said, unrealistic... but after all the shit we've put up with it, a little warranted, don't you think?"

"...Sir?"

He idly cleaned his glasses for a moment longer, still glaring at the fuzzy image of Kuzon's picture on his desk. At last he slid them back onto his face, and the clarity they brought of their kidnapper's image did absolutely no wonders for his mood.

"We're being lied to, Scieska."

Al started, looking up from his own copy. "Lied to?" he exclaimed, staring at him. "What do you mean? How do you know?"

"Because no government is going to get rid of a genius alchemist as a resource due to a a fucking _bar fight._ No crime, Al, bad enough to get a government to ditch a resource like that would only get the perpetrator _house arrest."_

Scieska shifted nervously in her seat, hugging the file to her chest. "...Maybe it's like his mother... he had enough money- influence- to dodge more serious charges? Maybe someone died in the fight... or maybe-"

But Maes shook his head, cutting her off with nothing more than that and still frowning down at the file. "No. This isn't a case of the rich buying their own justice, Scieska. You have any idea how many officers I know that have done worse and are still employed here? No... this _screams_ a government coverup. There was no bar fight- or, it's actually likely that there was, but just that Kuzon had nothing to do with it. Whatever it is that he did..." He tapped the file for a moment, flipping back and forth through the foreign pages as if he might suddenly gain the ability to read Aerugian and grab a bit of insight. "Aerugo's response was to cut all ties and try to shove it under the rug. They didn't want people looking into this. A former state officer getting saddled with a prison sentence is guaranteed to run headlines, but _this-_ they were trying to hide whatever it is he did. Whatever the hell Kuzon Nara did was bad enough to get him kicked out of the government, and it was something Aerugo did not want people to find out."

He broke off for a moment, still tapping the file. Now all the secrecy made sense- the trouble he'd had in getting anyone other there to talk about him, and the military team headed his way to take control of the investigation... whatever was going on, Aerugo wanted to keep all things Kuzon Nara related for their eyes and ears only.

Quite irritating, as it was, because Maes didn't really care if he discovered Kuzon had made a philosopher's stone factory out of Aerugian orphans. He just wanted his friends back.

Maes groaned, glaring at the file again. Typical. Ed and Roy couldn't get themselves taken by any old terrorist group, no. That would be a tad too convenient. No, they had to piss off psycho alchemists that just so happened to be tied in with trouble foreign governments intent on impeding in his investigation. Yes. _Of course._ Because that was _just how things happened,_ whenever Fullmetal and the Flame were involved.

Sighing, he made to stand up from his desk, straightening the file and tucking it under his arm. "I'm going to go track down one of my contacts. 1910, you said... we definitely had a spy in Aerugo's royal court at that point. I'll see if I can find something out. Scieska, is there anything else of note in that file?"

The private frowned, flipping again through the myriad of pages. "Not seeing much... he published a few papers on bio-alchemy during his house arrest, apparently; they've got the summaries here... I think I've read most of them, actually- it was mostly ideas on how chimera transformation could be used to make a perfect, immortal body, I think- but it didn't really make sense to me. I don't think it was received well, either."

"I'd say," Al remarked quietly. "The search for immortality is considered just as taboo as human transmutation. Most theories on it _are_ human transmutation, actually. Making a new body for yourself... that's probably what this guy was after."

Maes sighed again. "Interesting, sure, but it doesn't help us find him. Anything else?"

"Hmm..." Scieska continued searching through the pages, and this time, did not stop until she reached the final one. Here she frowned, looking over the sheet worriedly, then bit her lip. "Maybe something, sir," she admitted, still reading. "The team that raided his estate after Kuzon fled found... well... there are pictures, sir."

Her uneasiness making him concerned, Maes turned back towards his desk and lifted the file again, turning towards the last section. He went straight for the pictures, ignoring the lines of foreign script, and...

Well. Now he was regretting that muffin.

Bloodied chimera corpses. Dozens of shots of dead, malformed creatures, some of them in cages, some of them chained to walls- many of them, missing limbs. Still others were half beast, half... something else. There was a creature that looked to be a wolf with feathers, then a bird with fangs, and then three tails tacked on grossly to a wild cat. Most were dead, so grossly disfigured he couldn't have imagined they'd survived the transformation into chimera at all; others had been shot to death, likely by the military. It looked like an alchemy lab straight from itself.

Maes flipped through the pictures, his revulsion increasing with each monstrosity. God... this was horrific. And this son of a bitch had his hands on Roy and Ed?! No, no... if he wanted to experiment on chimeras, there was no reason to go to such trouble to kidnap them...

He took a deep breath, trying to reassure himself that this case wasn't going to end in two disfigured animal corpses with golden eyes and black hair.

When he reached the last picture, thankfully, this one was of a massive transmutation circle rather than a chimera. He glanced it over, then shoved it back into the folder and shut it quite quickly, trying to clear his head. "Is that all?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Scieska shook her head. "Just about, sir- only this last part. That transmutation circle was found in his home, looking to have been recently activated. They can't be sure, obviously, but... they think it was used to merge Kuzon with some sort of lizard. According to his notes, it was meant to give him a tail- and they think it succeeded. And they found some of his other notes and pictures... apparently he'd given himself six extra teeth and tried to give himself fangs... modified his eyes to give himself stronger night vision... this is... wow, sir, I've never seen a case of human modification so extensive..."

Maes nodded absentmindedly for a moment, too fatigued and anxious to care much about whatever the hell Kuzon had done to himself- but then, something the private had set just clicked.

He frowned.

He shook his head at himself slowly, because no, it couldn't possibly be that simple...

Except...

Wasn't it?

Disbelievingly, Maes turned to stare at Scieska.

"So, basically, we're looking for a walking, talking reptile?"

Al shifted uncomfortably. "Even if he actually made himself cold-blooded, sir, he wouldn't _actually_ be considered-"

Maes held up a hand to stop him, still staring at Scieska, his eyes wide. "So what you're _saying_ is," he repeated slowly, "we're looking for a walking, talking reptile."

"Um..." She looked up at him uncertainly, clearly completely blank as to where he was going with this. "...Yes?"

And for the first time since this morning meeting had been called, Maes grinned.

"That's _brilliant."_

"...Huh?"

"Sir?"

Maes continued to smile as he tossed the file back to his desk and sat down again, already yanking out his little black book- filled with the contact information of informants, not women. (The previous one of previous girlfriends resided in Roy's desk, now, not that the bastard needed it.) "Central City may be the home of most of the freaks in Amestris," he said eagerly, already picking up his phone to dial, "but just don't even try to tell me a man with _fangs and a tail_ has escaped notice here. Don't even try."

Scieska and Al both stared at him as he lifted the phone to his ear, still grinning. "I'm going to go through all my contacts right now until I find someone who's seen this freak of nature wondering around Central. Because _someone_ has seen him, and I'll be dammed if _someone_ doesn't live in my informants list. The moment we find him, we head out- I don't give a damn if Aerugo wants us to wait or not. Al, you call Hawkeye, tell her what's happening. Scieska..." He swiftly scribbled a phone number on a sheet of paper, then held it out to here. "I still want to know what went on Aerugo four years ago that got him on house arrest in the first place. Call him, give him my name, and then find out. Any questions?"

Once again, Al and Scieska just continued to stare at him in shock.

Maes, for his part, couldn't stop grinning.

"Well, if there are none, then get going! We've got people to save, damn it! ...oh, yes, Madame Christmas? This is Maes Hughes. I have a question for you..."

* * *

"I have a new plan for you, Edward."

Roy growled quietly, and Ed shifted just a little closer to him.

"Stay away from me," he hissed, and Roy growled in tandem with him again.

Kuzon, of course, paid him no mind whatsoever.

"You have proved resistant to all forms of pain that I can safely administer," the alchemist said quietly, raising a finger. "Of course, I can not risk your life. You have also proved resistant to my chimera... something I thought would prove most effective, given your proclivity for risking your own welfare to aid others."

Roy growled again, as if he knew he was being discussed, and Ed had to bite his lip to stop himself from shouting at Kuzon.

"So- I have decided to try a new method."

He paused for a moment in his pacings, reptilian tail twitching, and the hand in his pocket shifted.

Instantly, Ed flinched back in terror, and somehow, he just _knew_ that in that hand was another syringe.

_No... no, please not again, please not again, please please please just don't... don't, please, no..._

Kuzon did not pull his hand out of his pocket, however. Pale eyes continued to just watch him, and the hand remained buried in his lab coat, head tilted to the side. "I believe it will be most effective," he murmured, almost to himself, "though, I don't quite have the heart to utilize it completely. You have not done anything to earn a punishment so severe... and this arrangement, after all, has always been one of equivalency. I am returning your stubborn silence, your ill manners, your escape attempts, with punishment- but nothing you have done is equivalent to what she did."

His voice remained quiet throughout, pale eyes calm- so calm it was eerie- but there came the slightest tremble at the end. The smallest tremor, the most minuscule sign of instability- but it was there.

Ed shifted uncertainly, paralyzed in uncertain confusion.

Roy shifted with him, but rather than indecision and uncertainty, the chimera was clearly preparing again to attack.

"Yes..." the alchemist murmured, definitely to himself now, "Mother always knew best, after all. Children should not be seen or heard, and when Kuzon makes trouble, he needs to reminded his place is silent and invisible." He paced again, head bowed and gaze downcast, seemingly ignorant of the two stares on him and oblivious to the confusion now in the room. "Kuzon'd best make himself scarce, because Kuzon can only cause trouble and he needs to be taught a lesson, now... that's why she's leaving you in the closet and locking the door... that's why she leaves you there- because you need to learn a lesson..."

_What the hell... has he just lost his mind? ...Even more than before? What's going on?_

Very quietly, Roy gave another protective growl. The rumble in his chest was so faint it was barely audible, but it was loud enough- just enough of a noise to draw the alchemist out of his haze.

The man started, coming to a halt and shifting to face him again in the same motion. "...Oh," he chuckled dryly, then spread his hands, looking disturbingly at ease again. "My apologies. I got distracted for a moment there, Edward- forgive me. Oh, what was I saying, again?"

Too stunned to give him an answer, sarcastic or not, Ed just stared at him blankly, blinking as the man at last snapped his fingers and nodded, smiling a little. "Yes, of course. Of course. Edward, I am not going to be as cruel to you- you needn't worry. I won't leave you in the dark... I won't leave you to lick the water off the pipes." He paused for a moment, glancing away, and the pale light of his eyes dimmed. "...Kuzon doesn't like the dark..."

Ed couldn't stop the chill from running down his spine.

Suddenly, the alchemist shook himself, clearly returning to the situation at hand with only a great effort- and when he faced him again, the beaming smile was brittle. "I apologize for such drastic lengths, Edward. But there is no cost I will not pay to get what I want. _None._ I have worked too hard- for _too long,_ damn you- to let _your silence_ stand in my way. I refuse to die, Edward... I _refuse_ to bow to such a pathetic, mortal, _human_ failure! And you _will_ hand me the keys to make it so!"

Ed was not even aware of what was happening until Roy started to whimper. It was a few seconds of stunned staring after that before he realized Kuzon was shocking him again- transmitter clenched into a slim fist and held in the air, the alchemist safely out of the way while the chimera moaned and twitched on his stomach.

"What the hell?!" he gasped, yanking on his arm's restraint in frustrated horror. "He didn't even do anything! Leave him alone, Kuzon! _Stop!_ Oh my god, Roy-"

"You misunderstand, Edward. This is not a punishment." He sent another round of shocks the chimera's way, utterly untouched by the tortured snarls that split the dank air. "I simply need to move him, and I sincerely doubt he will go peacefully if conscious." Another shock came; this time Roy barely whimpered, head sagging on his chest and the protective paw that had been resting on his hip slowly slipping to hit the floor. "After all, for this punishment to work, you must be alone. Since _Roy_ here can not be with you- well, you are a scientist, Edward. As you know, there are always more experiments to be done."

As if on cue, Roy slumped completely then, head dropping onto him and black eyes falling shut. Kuzon remained a few precautionary paces back, one final shockwave sent towards his prisoner, but when the chimera only reacted through a single, instinctive shudder, the alchemist let the transmitter fall back into his coat with a satisfied nod and approached him.

And rather than flinching back, Ed found himself curling _forward,_ desperately working his broken foot to try and shove Roy back and get in between him and Kuzon. "Touch him and I'll fucking _kill_ you!" he screamed, frantically maneuvering himself to be as in the way as possible. " _Leave him out of this, you bastard!"_

Kuzon, however, once again did not even pause.

He simply transmuted Roy's chain out of the wall, then hefted it over one shoulder and calmly began to pull the senseless chimera to the door of the cell. He only came to a halt once he was far out of Ed's reach, Roy still collapsed on the grimy floor behind him- the sight of him sending Ed's heart skyrocketing and his terror racing even higher.

Pale eyes met his again, and to his terror was only calm apathy.

"Oh, but Edward," he said quietly, and sallow features betrayed nothing. "I did not bring him into this."

Then he was gone.

The grinding clank of the door slamming shut to lock behind him echoed loudly in the small space, so loudly it hurt his ears, and for the first time in weeks, Ed was well and truly alone.

His heart pounded, and he almost threw up from the terror of it.


	11. Chapter 11

Ed spent the first god fucking knew how many hours panicking about Roy.

Kuzon had been painfully, cryptically vague when he'd taken him, the action clearly intended as another one of his demented punishments but how that was supposed to work out, he had no idea. He'd left Roy alone until now, either not realizing they had a connection or simply ignorant that it could probably be exploited- why the sudden change?!

_Damn it, I promise I'll protect him, and then I just- I just let him get taken away AGAIN!_

It took all his self control not to slam his head back against the stone wall.

Last thing he needed was a concussion, after all.

More experiments, the bastard said? What fucking _more_ could he possibly do to Roy than what had already been done? The question was stupid, though, he already knew it; there was always something more. There was always _something more_ that could be taken. He'd learned that the day he and Al had set out to regain everything, thinking they had already lost it all, and found himself bleeding, maimed, and _alone_ on the floor. There was always something more, whether he could fathom such horrible depths of depravity and horror or not.

But why _now?_ Why _Roy?!_

He'd tried screaming until his voice was hoarse. He'd tried banging on the floor, smacking his hand against the wall; anything at all that he could to make a noise, shouting for Kuzon to come back and face him. Because he would give _anything_ to get that psycho away from Roy, _anything_ except the one thing that mattered _(Roy would understand, wouldn't he? He'll understand, won't he? He'll understand, he has to, he won't hate me, he has to understand...)_ but Kuzon never came. Nor did he ever hear Roy; he'd expected wild barking, growls, anything-

But all there was was silence.

At last, Ed had to concede that shouting was getting him nowhere except a sore throat.

Kuzon wasn't coming back any time soon, and neither was Roy.

That realization, predictably, did all of jack shit for his panic.

It struck him, somewhere far, far beneath his anxiety, that this was really almost ludicrous. Here he was, freaking out for Colonel Bastard's sake. He was nearly out of his mind with worry- for the _bastard._ Suggest Mustang would ever be able to leave him in this state months ( _my god, have I really been here for MONTHS?)_ ago and he'd laugh- or possibly vomit at the very idea.

Now, it was so far from funny he couldn't smile even if he wanted to.

Now, it wasn't Mustang.

It was _Roy._

Mustang was the smug bastard that took every opportunity to call him short. Mustang was the asshole that existed to be annoying. He was an irritating politician, a manipulative dumbass, a pompous _bastard_ that represented everything he hated about the military.

Roy was...

Roy...

The chimera that split his food with him. Who slept with his head pillowed on his stomach because he knew that just being nearby was the only comfort he could give in this terrible place. Who growled and lunged every time Kuzon even tried to come near him. Who looked at him pleadingly and struggled to say his name, asking for no help or protection even as he gave everything that he had to give.

Roy was...

Mustang.

Ed shut his eyes for a moment, the ache in his chest sinking to permeate even deeper than before. Roy was Mustang. This chimera _was_ his Mustang.

Wasn't he?

Mustang had always tried to protect him- him and Al both. He knew that. He didn't like to admit it, and he knew Mustang didn't advertise it, but the colonel had always tried to keep them safe, both from other officers that would take advantage of them and by withholding missions that he judged too dangerous. He knew the bastard put a hell of a lot on the line for them, too, keeping their secret- that if it ever came out, not only would he and Al find themselves on the run, Mustang would almost certainly be out of a job, and his dreams for the future would be shattered before they ever got off the ground.

He still didn't know if Mustang would do for him what the chimera was. What _Roy_ was.

He wasn't entirely sure if that was even what he _wanted,_ for god's sakes- he didn't want _anyone_ getting hurt for him, not the bastard colonel, not Al, not Winry, not _anyone-_ oh, hell, what was wrong with him? None of this shit mattered. Roy, Mustang, whatever; the only important thing was getting the hell out of here and getting the bastard back to his normal self. That was what mattered. Not any of this worthless, second-guessing nonsense.

_But I can't fucking DO any of that because he took Roy away from me!_

God, if that son of a bitch was hurting him...

So wrapped up, was he, in trying not to picture the horrible things his protector would be going through right then, he didn't realize what his foot had knocked into until the plastic hit the floor in a loud crinkle.

Ed stopped to stare at it in bafflement.

It was a water bottle.

Three, to be precise.

Slowly, he prodded at one of the bottles with his foot, blinking at the anomaly in uncertainty. What was going on?

Kuzon had never left him with so much before. Hell, he'd never gotten more than the bare necessity- there was enough water here for at least a week. Why on earth would the bastard had left him with so much?

Nowadays, Ed was constantly starving, constantly parched, and to be suddenly handed so much felt like stumbling upon an oasis in a desert; he almost threw himself upon it and drained each of the bottles right then and there-

But, no.

He needed to be cautious.

He needed to ration this water. Why? Fuck if he knew. But in his situation, he couldn't afford to be stupid. He needed to ration this water, just in case. _(In case of what?)_

"Fuck you, Ed, control yourself," he muttered under his breath when his foot still started to shift closer to edging one of the bottles his way. "Know what? You're saving it for Roy. So you can split it with him when he comes back. Don't be an asshole and drink it all yourself. He's giving you his food; this'll be the least you can do for him. Equivalent exchange, you idiot."

The words did harden his resolve, somehow. Just enough to keep him from indulging. Just enough.

Slowly, he glanced towards the door, as if the little speech might've called Roy back inside, just for the mangy mutt to bark at him.

The door remained shut.

* * *

It was when Ed had finished the first water bottle that he realized something was really, really wrong.

More wrong than usual.

He'd heard nothing at all, still, no barks, nothing, and Kuzon had yet to return, with or without Roy. All he'd been able to do, really, was attempt to ration the water, and while he was completely without any methods for telling time, he'd grown very attuned to his body's needs, over these past- however many weeks it had been. He knew what was just _thirsty,_ and he knew what was _you fucking idiot drink something right the fuck now before you die._

Therefore, he was giving it an estimate of three days, since he had seen or heard anything from anyone but himself.

Kuzon had never left him alone for this long before. Even if just to feed him once a day, the bastard had still shown himself.

Now, there was nothing.

Nervously, Ed trapped the now empty water bottle beneath his foot, glanced at the two still waiting for him, and gnawed worriedly into his lower lip.

He didn't realize he'd sent the water bottle flying until it hit the door.

It still didn't open.

"Damn it, you mangy mutt, come on. ...Where are you?"

_Where are you, Roy?_

* * *

Three days later, another water bottle down, six days without food, and Ed was pretty sure he was starting to lose his mind.

He would hear things. Swear to god it was Kuzon's voice, or Roy barking, or Kuzon shouting, or Roy saying his name- or sometimes it was _Al-_ but then blink and bam. Still, no one was there.

Sometimes, he'd even see things. A split second image of Mustang, sometimes as a chimera, sometimes as a human again, standing in the door- sometimes Kuzon- sometimes Al- always just a split second, before he'd blink again and find himself staring at a door locked shut and tight.

He'd given up screaming for help or Roy some time the day before. It made him waste precious water, and besides, it was now abundantly clear no one was listening.

Had something happened? Had something gone wrong? Had Kuzon just _left,_ or had the military finally raided this place and taken him? No, no, they would've found him... but what if the room was hidden? What if they'd looked but just missed him? _No, no, no, Ed, you would've heard something-_ but _what if_ that was what had happened? What if Kuzon was gone and this building was empty and no one was looking for him anymore? What if they'd all just left him behind to starve to death?

No, that couldn't be it; Roy would never let that happen.

But- Kuzon had been taking him for _experiments-_ what if Roy was dead now? He hadn't heard from him in days. Days? What if he was _dead?_ What if after _I swear I'll fix you, Roy, I swear I'll protect you_ he'd done nothing but sit by as he was killed? What if his designs on getting the bastard back to his right body were shattered in the broken corpse of a dog chimera?

What if he was dead?

_No, Ed... no, no, no... don't overthink it..._

But, what if...

Kuzon had left him three things of water, right? _Right?!_ Why would he have done that unless he planned to be gone for many days? This was his plan, this was all his plan- he wasn't going to let him _die,_ he needed him for the soul transmutation, this was just to try and unbalance him into talking, and in a few more days he'd be out of water and then the psycho would _have_ to come back- he _had to_ come-

"My, my, Edward; you're losing it."

The shock of seeing no one when his eyes were wrenched open hit him so hard he lay gasping.

"...It's okay," he muttered to himself, voice terrifying weak even to his own ears. "It's normal. It's fine. It's- it's _fine,_ see?" He laughed nervously, but somehow that only made him feel even worse. "Humans are social beings and we rely very heavily on contact with others. After so many days with nothing, it's- it's only natural that-"

_Justifying insanity to yourself does not make it any better, Edward._

This time, the voice echoed in his head rather than the very definitely empty alone. It made him jump anyway.

_Your punishment..._

Again, he cursed himself out loud.

Then he cursed Kuzon.

Then he cursed Roy, for managing to turn him into a bundle of nerves, guilt, and terror.

He instantly regretted it.

_Your punishment..._

* * *

"Afternoon, Fullmetal."

Ed blinked.

Ed stared.

And his visitor gave a little wave.

"...I'm dreaming," he decided aloud, then tilted his head to the side and observed the man critically. "That, or hallucinating."

He felt oddly calm at the realization that what he saw in front of him could not be real, then decided to just roll with it. Wasn't as if he'd be seeing anything more interesting if he was awake, anyway.

Fully human Mustang gave him a slight grin from the door of his cell and dropped to the grimy floor, crossing his legs. "Quite scientific of you," he observed dryly. "Any hypothesis as to which it is?"

"Mmm... hallucination. Most likely." He paused, managing a tired grin himself (and wasn't that fucked up, somehow managing to still be tired even when he was asleep. Or hallucinating. Fuck). "If it was a dream, you'd be wearing a miniskirt, blushing in the middle of the parade grounds, and Hughes would be snapping pictures to hand deliver to the whole military."

Mustang didn't have the gall to even try and look wounded or disturbed. He just raised an eyebrow, head tilted to the side. "And _that_ was quite unscientific of you. Nowhere in that disturbing fantasy was there a way to demarcate between a dream and a hallucination. If you'll allow me to educate you: I am most likely a hallucination. You are cognizant that, as I have appeared to you in my human body, I can not possibly be real- this suggests hallucination stemming from lack of food, little water and sleep, pain, and continued trauma. If you were asleep, you would likely be unable to realize the impossibility of this situation- the posterior cingulate is entirely dormant in sleep, where the processing takes place that would allow you to question me. To question the absurdity of dreams, as they say. Therefore, I must be a hallucination." He paused for a moment, tilting his head to the side "...Besides, Ed. That was just mean. Me in a miniskirt? _Really?_ And here I was, thinking we'd finally started to get along..."

"Pfffft. Don't get your hopes up. I just like you better as a dog, bastard; least that way you can't talk."

"What?" His eyes widened innocently, and he raised a hand to his heart, looking hurt. "Are you sure, Ed? I can't talk? But, I tried so hard to learn your name for you... Ehhhhhd-waaaard..." He trailed off into a slightly sick smile. "As I recall, I wasn't the first chimera to say that name... was I? Remind me- what was her name, again?"

What had been joy at the familiarity of actually _speaking_ with Roy again was doused instantly.

"...Bastard would never say something like that," he managed, somehow. "...Don't care what you look like. You're not him." His chest clenched tightly, and he wondered why the hell he'd ever thought his mind would offer up a pleasant conversation in this dream. Such a mercy would be more than he deserved, but more than that, dreams, hallucinations, whatever the fuck, were drawn from current experience, and what about his current experience was fucking _pleasant?_

Mustang's sick smile beamed a little brighter. "Oh? I'm not him? But I am exactly what you ordered, Ed."

"I didn't order _you,_ you asshole."

"On the contrary: you've already determined this is taking place inside your own mind. So, whether or not you consciously want me here, your subconscious has decided this is what you need. Ed, I am _exactly_ what you asked for."

"Oh?" he drawled, voice purposefully kept dead, glaring away from him and wishing he had the freedom to turn his back. None of this was fucking real, anyway; couldn't he just wish the restraints off? "Then enlighten me. Why did my head wrench _you_ up? Why not Al? He'd be nice to see. Definitely nicer to talk to you. Hell, I'd even take Hughes' pictures and ranting over you."

Mustang laughed quietly. "Well, Ed, I can guarantee you that you did not conjure me up for pleasant conversation. But, as to more exact reasons for my being here... well, I don't know them, myself. You're going to need to find those out by yourself."

Wonderfully cryptic. And cliche. Couldn't dream bastards ever just come right out and say it? "Yeah, well, I'm not in the mood right now for this. So, you can just show yourself out now. _Bye."_

Five seconds later, when he hesitantly cracked open an eye again, Mustang was still sitting there, and the Smirk of Smugness was still there with him.

"That's not how this works, Ed," he said quietly, and grinned.

The groan came out through gritted teeth, and he continued to glare at the wall, disliking the imposter more and more each second. No matter how he looked, he wasn't Roy, and Ed was, first and foremost, an alchemist. He sought the _truth._ Not delusions like this.

"And what truth might that be, Ed?" And he'd grown so used to hearing voices, so actually fucking _used_ to a voice that wasn't his echoing around a room that held only him, that it took him a moment to realize Mustang was speaking. "How you might be able to fail me or your brother even more completely? Maybe there's another human transmutation you'd like to try with Al- and, hey, I doubt Scar cares whether I'm a dog or not. You could always save yourself the work; take me to him. Let him deconstruct my head just. like. Nina's."

And once again, he flashed that sick, achingly sweet smile that reminded him far too much of Fuhrer Bradley and not at all of Roy Mustang. As Ed found himself watching him out of the corner of his eye in horror, the man raised a fist to his head and mimicked the sound of an explosion, beaming all the while as if what was being discussed was anything but his own demise.

His insides flipped.

"...Quit talking like you're him. You're _not."_ His voice wavered on the final word, and he gritted his teeth, struggling to brush past the impulse to scream with bravado alone. "Yeah, I fucking see now. You're just here to make sleep or whatever suck just as much as being awake. Well, once again, you can go. Not interested in what you're selling. _Go on._ Go back to being a bastard somewhere else."

"Not how it works, not how it wooorks," was his instant reply, this time in a singsong voice that grated on his nerves and wore down his patience.

Good fucking god, he was going to punch Mustang, whether his dream wanted to allow him to or not.

He heard the bastard shifting forward a little when he didn't deign to give another reply, and could feel the weight of his earnest stare. When Ed cracked open his eyes again it was to see the sick smile had also faded. "Why am I still here?" he asked quietly, eyes piercing. "Ed... why am I still here?"

"Fuck if I know! I'm the one who told you to go!"

"No, no. Not here, here. _Here,"_ he said, as if _that_ was supposed to clarify things. Then he shifted, turning a little to the side and hiking up his shirt at the back, allowing him to see- fucking hell, no. A dog tail, an actual _dog tail_ emerging from the base of his spine to wag gently on the floor. "Like this," Mustang said, and lifted the tail a bit. "Why am I still like this?"

The picture was nauseating, not the least of which because it had the potential to become real. No matter how heartily he promised Roy he'd fix him, the alchemist in him wouldn't quit reminding him that it wasn't an exact science. Hell, that was an understatement. _Making_ a chimera wasn't an exact science; reversing one? Unless what Kuzon said was true, it had never been done. It was nearly certain something was going to go wrong, and this would be so perilously close to human transmutation Ed knew he would likely have only one chance.

Hell, mostly human Mustang still with a dog tail might actually be considered a _success._

"Ed," he whined, this time a dog's whimper rather than a human's question, "why am I still like this?"

It was unbelievable that he had a lump in his throat even in a dream.

"...L-look, I... I'm going to try and help you, all right? I promise. I'm going to try as hard as I can... what happened to Nina won't- I'm not going to fail someone again, Roy-"

"No, no." He let the tail drop and shifted again so it was hidden. This time, though, when he laid his hands on his crossed legs, Ed blinked and suddenly saw a hint of dog hair trailing along the backs to disappear under his uniform sleeves. "I know _that_ , Ed, you promise it every day- but you can't even begin to try and help me why we're still here. That's what I'm asking. Why are we still here?"

For a moment, the hard weight of guilt finally began to ease as confusion took its place. "...Roy, I want out of here as much as you, but there's nothing I can do, all right? There's nothing!"

"Nothing? There's never _nothing-"_

"There's _nothing,_ you asshole! My automail's gone! My only hand and foot are broken! I'm so fucking hungry I can barely move- I'm tied to the damn wall- and he won't even break the skin anymore to give me blood to make a circle! Roy, there's _nothing-"_

"Bullshit!" he shouted back, and suddenly in his eyes glimmered the real _Colonel Mustang_ that he had not seen since before he'd been kidnapped. "Bullshit, Ed! There is never nothing. _You're_ the one that taught me that. What did you do, missing a limb, bleeding to death, going into shock, and not to mention severely traumatized, the day your brother was taken from you? _Nothing?_ You certainly could've. I would've. I would've given up. But what did _you_ do? You did the impossible, Ed! You saved him! Don't tell me you can do it for him and not for me!"

"...Roy..."

The bastard just opened his mouth again, revealing teeth pointed a little too much to be entirely human. "Is that what you're telling me? You'll save Al but not me?"

"No, of course not! But-"

"Then _do something,_ Fullmetal!"

" _I CAN'T!"_

Miraculously, Mustang actually remained silent, this time.

Still gasping, Ed threw his head back against the wall in frustration. His hand and foot still ached so deeply he could feel them even in delusions, and he lifted his venomous gaze from his mangled limbs to stare at the apparition once again, the seething rush of guilt and helplessness nearly too much to bear. "I _can't,_ Roy. There's not anything I can do. I can't give up Al. I can't make another deal with Truth, I don't have any bargaining chips... and besides, I don't even have a way to get to him! Fuck you, I can't even draw an array!"

Mustang's eyes flashed. "Convenient, then, that you're the one alchemist I know who doesn't need them."

Ed glared at him. The fuck was he trying to get at? "Genius, I know you're not actually Mustang. You're _me._ You know I still need two hands, and in case you missed the memo, I don't have that."

"I do," Mustang said with another feral grin, and then he raised his own. In a blink, they blurred to become a dog's limbs, and he winced sheepishly. "Er... two paws. The same concept applies. Two paws."

Once again, Ed was silenced, both sickened by the slow but now, steady, transition of the man before him into a full fledged dog and utterly confused by what he was saying. "S- so?" he stammered, once he'd gotten over the shock of seeing hands become paws. "You haven't seen the Gate. _You_ can't transmute without circles- hell, chimeras can't use alchemy at all!"

"And why is that?"

Still baffled, Ed stared at him blankly for several moments before managing to answer the question. "Because they've got alchemy in their blood. If they try to use their own energy for a transmutation, the alchemy already inside them will interfere- the results are unpredictable, but potentially catastrophic."

Mustang nodded and pressed further, actually inching forward a little over the floor in his earnest eagerness. "Yes. So... what if they weren't using their own energy? The alchemy in their blood will only conflict if the chimera is the one trying to activate a transmutation..."

"You fucking just asked me why chimeras can't use alchemy, and I told you! What, are you trying to say there's a way without having the chimera activate a transmutation? Hell, it doesn't matter- we're not getting out of here by _you_ using alchemy. Sorry, but you can barely say your own name. I'm not trusting you to try flame alchemy."

But Mustang just waved him off unconcernedly, looking far too easygoing for his own good. "No, no, Ed, you're not listening to me... don't think of me as an alchemist, in this case. Think of me as a conduit. A living, breathing conduit." He spread his hands, as if offering himself up as a sacrifice. "Your energy can pass through me. As long as you're touching me, it's possible... the alchemy in my blood would allow it, right? You're my battery, I'm the wire..."

Ed rolled his eyes at him. "Shit analogy, because that's not how batteries work, idiot. To be expected, from a shitty alchemist like yourself. I'm still not convinced you can do anything but make flames."

"Oh, you don't like that analogy? Fine, then. You are the neuron that propagates the signal, your alchemy is the action potential, my hands are the target neuron- and I am the axon. Is that clearer for you?"

" _Guh,"_ Ed snarled. "I hate neuro."

"I know," Mustang said smugly. "That's why I used it."

"Will you fucking go jump off a cliff?"

"I'm right," he chuckled, beaming. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"For fuck's sake, Mustang!" he growled, losing the last bit of patience. "Even _if_ that would work- because I'm not convinced that it would- I'm not turning you into a human circuit! If I used too much energy, I'd fry you!"

The man scoffed at him, obviously unimpressed with that argument. "I'm not asking this of just anybody. You're the Fullmetal Alchemist- you're the greatest alchemist I've ever seen. I trust you-"

"That means _jack shit_ when you're not actually him! Fuck you, bastard would never say something like that anyway!"

"-and anyway, it's not as if we have any other options here." Mustang kept on talking straight past his objection without even pausing, and here his eyes flashed in the same motion as his canines lengthening. "No military rescue is coming, obviously. If we let this drag on much longer, either one of us- or possibly even both- will end up dead. So, as appealing as _doing nothing_ is... you really can't waste time for that much more, Ed."

"I..." Cursing, Ed fell silent without bothering to complete the thought, gut churning. Was Roy right? Could he actually perform alchemy by using him as a conduit? But even if he _could-_ even without the danger of frying him, it'd be unbelievably complicated, rebounds would be unpredictable and dangerous- no. No way. It wasn't safe. It it was the other way around, Ed knew he'd be willing to serve as the conduit, he'd take that risk- but no way, no how was he going to subject the bastard to that without his permission. No matter what this person said now in his head, he wasn't Roy Mustang. Roy Mustang was currently trapped as a chimera. He lacked the ability to comprehend such a plan, and therefore lacked the ability to give consent to having his life risked just for an escape attempt that had no guarantee of working.

No damn way.

"It's too dangerous," he muttered at last, leaning his head back with a groan. "It's too dangerous, and I'm not going to do something like this to him without his consent. It's not happening, you mangy mutt."

Roy had already gone through enough for him. He wasn't going to put him through even _more_ for the sake of something so unlikely.

That was final.

It was silent for several moments, the only break in the stillness the sound of Mustang breathing. Ed shut his eyes and turned his head away, forcefully shoving back the angry words that still half wanted to erupt. He'd said his piece, and by this point, it shouldn't matter, anyway. That wasn't _Mustang,_ it was some weird extension of himself. His mind was made up, and he didn't have any uncertainties; therefore, Mustang should have no argument, either. It was that simple.

Or it should have been, anyway.

The colonel didn't say anything for several very long, quiet seconds, but when at last the rustling of movement came again, somehow, Ed knew even before words broke the air that this was not over yet.

"Ah. ...I think I understand, Ed."

He was quiet and calm, not belying the fight that was sure to come, and his fist clenched.

"If you _actually_ understood, then you'd be done talking, because-"

"You don't want this to end. You don't _want_ to get away from here... at least, on some level."

That was shocking enough that his eyes flew open in to fix the confident colonel with a disbelieving stare. "The hell?" he gasped- of all the things he'd been expecting, _that_ was not one of them. "Of course I-"

Mustang cut him off with nothing more than a black stare, the kind of piercing look that Roy had inherited even as a chimera, the same one he'd been fixed with the first time he'd been trying to get him to take his food. "Ed," he began coldly, and, slowly, that sick smile from before began its return. "You're reluctant to stop this. You're scared... you're scared that when this is all over, and you've _fixed_ me- I'll want nothing more to do with you." He paused for a moment, head tilted slightly. "You've already realized it a little, haven't you... I would never do half the things your chimera does- and why would I?" A cold laugh broke the words, pointed teeth bared in a nauseating parody of a smile. "You're my ticket to a promotion, Fullmetal, of course I try to protect you- but all of _this?_ What _Roy's_ doing for you? Come on... you're a smart boy. You really don't think it's anything more than a dog's instincts, do you?"

Of course, because this bastard was really just a reflection of himself, he knew how to make it hurt. And his words needled right into the crack of his armor and stung so deeply in nearly shattered right then and there.

He'd already realized that. He'd already _known_ it was a possibility that Roy's protectiveness, his sudden clingy nature, the way he tried so much to comfort him- that it all stemmed from the dog he'd been merged with, and after he'd been fixed, he'd be back to Colonel Mustang again, the bastard who didn't care and was only using him to make general. He'd _known_ that was a chance, and he knew that the person saying it now wasn't really Mustang, but...

Seeing it come from him, it hurt much deeper than it ever had when the worries were just unsaid, dark whisperings floating in his own head.

"My god, you _do,"_ Mustang murmured, like he wasn't sure whether it was hysterical or appalling. "You- you actually think I'd give a damn, Fullmetal? My god... tell me, when on _earth_ did I give you that impression?"

"...Shut up."

Mustang merely laughed, seeming to have decided it was hysterical after all. "And why would I care? You're a maimed brat who managed to nearly kill his whole family. Drove your father off, let your mom die, and you might as well have taken a knife to your brother's throat. Why, pray tell, would I need trash like you dragging me down?"

"Shut... shut _up..."_

_It's not Roy saying this, he'd never say something like this, he'd never, he'd NEVER...  
_

"Look what's happened to me simply by having you as my _subordinate,_ Fullmetal!" he cried, and suddenly his whole body was blurring, morphing- dog's hair growing, fingernails becoming claws, back slumping as he was forced onto all fours. "I'm a _dog!_ I'm a dog, and it's your fault! _"_

"Shut up... _shut up, shut up...!"_

The chimera hit the floor on his paws, body writhing as it transformed; as Ed stared in horror the black dog's hair continued to climb, assaulting his neck now, leaving only his head and face untouched. "And I'm stuck like this! I'm stuck like this because _you_ don't want to give up your pathetic illusion that someone cares about you! _I'm stuck like this!"_ he shouted, and now the transformation had reached his face, crawling over him with oppressive dominance no matter how hard he tried to fight it. " _No one cares,_ you selfish brat! You gave that up the day you tried to transmute your mother! _NO ONE CARES!"_

Screams then became horrifying howls, as the last of the chimera transformation took over his face entirely, and with that, Mustang was gone.

" _ED!"_ he snarled, eyes ablaze, and sharp claws began to scrape against the floor. "Ed... _Ed... Ehhhd...!"_

He lunged.

Ed screamed just as the teeth found his delicate neck, and Roy just _ripped_ it open, killing him with a spurt of red blood that was brilliant in its simplicity.

" _Ed-"_

* * *

Mustang dissolved into smoke the moment the claw met his throat.

His heart was still pounding so hard he felt it in every pulse, beating in tandem with terror, and honest to god, he could not stop hyperventilating.

_Not... real...?_

He was still alone. No Kuzon, and no Roy.

No terrifyingly human Mustang, either.

His chest still screamed with the effort of each breath, and haltingly, Ed shifted to lay back against the wall again, gasping so hard he could barely think.

It wasn't real.

None of it... was real...

His heart ached, deep in his chest, and it continued to do so, even when he somehow managed to at last get control of his breathing and found himself trembling there in the near silence, shocked and still.

_...I can't do this anymore._

_I..._

_I just can't do this anymore.  
_

The finality of the thought grounded him, and he breathed in waveringly, chest still aching with a pain beyond the purely physical.

He just couldn't take any more of this.

Slowly, terrified, he looked towards the door, unsure whether he was expecting Roy or sort-of-human Mustang to step through it.

Neither did.

...

_I can't do this anymore._


	12. Chapter 12

When the isolation finally came to an end, Ed wasn't so sure it wasn't another dream or imagined delusion.

It was some time after the water had been finished, putting him at day ten. He was parched, and fucking god, he was _starving._ He was ravenous enough to eat his unused uniform boots, damn it. Cook up the leather and he'd be right there with a fork and knife- or hell, eat it raw. He'd take it raw.

Just _give him_ some _god damn food._

That desperate desire was why he was pretty sure he was dreaming again.

It was Kuzon this time, and somehow, Ed decided that was infinitely preferable to shouting, accusing Mustang- who'd made an appearance three more times since the first. The alchemist stepped straight into the room with no preamble, and somewhere in his exhausted, starved haze, Ed was too out of it to be shocked. He just stared at the man, blinking blearily as he was approached, too tired to flinch away as he probably should-

But then.

Then...

_The smell..._

_FOOD!_

He could smell it, he could smell it, it was _food,_ cooked meat, perfectly, deliciously prepared meat- and Kuzon, he was hiding something behind his back- he was hiding it- hiding _food-_

"Calm yourself a moment, please, Edward," he said pleasantly, but Ed could barely hear him over the roaring in his own head. He raised a single hand, the other still hidden behind his back. "I know you're hungry. I've brought you something to eat. Do you want some, Edward?"

 _YES!_ his mind screamed at him. _YES, YES, YES! SAY YES!_

"N-n-no-" he stammered, even as he strained to pull away from the wall and launch himself towards desperate sustenance. "No- catch- there's a catch-"

_What are you doing?! Say yes! Say yes! You'll never get this chance again, you're STARVING, Ed, take it!_

But Kuzon simply shook his head with another easy smile. "No, Edward, there is no catch. This is equivalent exchange for you taking your punishment so well. I ask for nothing else now in return. However, I do have a slight stipulation."

_Say yes, you fucking idiot! Whatever it is, SAY YES!_

"I'm going to untie you, to allow you more freedom while you eat. If you attempt to escape or fight me, though, then I will not give you a second chance. I will take the food, and I will leave. You will have ten more days to think over what you've done. After you have eaten all that you can, I will retie you. Is this acceptable to you?"

And that was how he _knew_ it was a dream, because Kuzon would never offer this.

He froze for a mere heartbeat, nearly choking on anticipation. What? Promise he wouldn't try and escape? Actually allow himself to be _given_ freedom- and then, accept it be taken away again without protest?

He couldn't promise that, not when so much hinged on him getting out of here, not when Roy was depending on him escaping-

But he was just so _hungry..._

"Well?" Kuzon prodded curiously again, and he knelt down a little, withdrawing the other hand from behind his back. And there it was, a hunk of _meat;_ not the scraps he'd tossed Roy, no, a full blown _steak_ for god's sake, cooked and everything, and- and he just-

_It smells so good, so so so good-_

" _FINE!"_

_Whatever you want, whatever you want, just please let me eat..._

"I won't fight you, I won't run, just let me go! _Please!"_

Kuzon gave him another kind, warm smile, and went so far as to give his hair a paternal pat. "Good. I'm glad you've learned to be cooperative, Edward. This makes me very glad."

The words didn't even make him angry. There was simply no room for _anything_ alongside the raw, desperate _hunger._

The moment the rough rope binding him to the wall was released, Ed collapsed, and he did not even try to get up off the ground as he through himself to crawl before Kuzon like an animal. He sprawled over the precious food and tore into it, broken fingers ripping strips and teeth gnawing off bites, seeing nothing, feeling nothing, _understanding_ nothing, except for the beautiful smell and the gorgeous agony that it was to devour after so long held without.

Five minutes later, or perhaps not even that, curled on his side, and miserably sick, he then understood.

This wasn't a dream.

"Foolish, Edward," Kuzon taunted, voice floating somewhere above the agonized retching. "So very foolish of you. But, I suppose I can not chastise you too greatly. I planned this out, of course, to only give you the illusion of choice."

He could feel his arm being tied up again, shoulder crying out when the muscles are forced to strain again. He utterly lacked the strength to resist, and instead curled pathetically onto his side as the knot was tightened, vomiting once more onto the floor.

"If I had simply shown you food, you would've been able to resist, I gather. You're smart, after all, and know the dangers of eating so quickly after ten days without. If I had promised you food, you would've been able to resist. But, Edward, in spite of- or just perhaps, because of- our comparatively weak sense of smell, that sense has the greatest ability to sway us. The olfactory receptors play a huge role in stimulating behavior... actually being able to smell it, in your state, would've left you with truly no choice."

The knot was cinched even tighter, and once again, his rebelling gut forced what little he'd managed to eat up his throat again, leaving him sobbing in the breathless exertion of it all.

_Fucking idiot, Ed... you're so fucking stupid..._

"You _will_ tell me what I want to know, Edward," was ghosted against his ear, cold breath hitting his neck in a gust. "You will. If I must split you in two and rob the secrets from your broken mind, _you will._ "

Very distantly, he heard Roy howl.

" _Ehhhhdwaaaaard..."_

He threw up again.

* * *

The next day, Roy was brought back.

Ed was still very nauseous, not to mention too weak to even sit upright. Even the gasp that shook him when the cell door swung open again to reveal the chimera was nearly too much for him to bear, and the relief that hit him to see that Roy was still alive was so strong his weak stomach almost rebelled into vomiting again.

Roy, for his part, looked well- far better than Ed imagined he himself did. He stood on only three paws, dragging one in a slight limp, and somehow he looked as if he'd gotten even thinner, but he was awake and alert, and the moment the chimera saw him he strained against his leash, howling desperately and pawing at the floor. "Edward!" he cried, "Edward, Edward, Edward!"

Obviously startled, Kuzon's hold on the leash's chain loosened just enough for Roy to break free, and the chimera lunged forward to his side in a heartbeat. Ed couldn't help but flinch back, the move all too reminiscent of when he'd done the same in his nightmares (or whatever they were), but Roy didn't move to attack him. The chimera just pawed all over him, whimpering and moaning, searching over each and every last hurt and licking at his face eagerly in between. "Edward," he continued to gasp, "Edward..."

The relief at seeing him still, undoubtedly, _okay_ was almost too much to take. That he was actually free and still only concerned with making sure he was all right was definitely more than he could handle. "Hey, e-easy, Roy," he rasped, trying to keep his voice strong, but then it just failed him, and he let his head drop down onto the chimera's as his neck was licked. "Easy..."

"Edward..."

Kuzon's quiet, amused chuckle from the doorway drew Ed's incensed stare, though it didn't distract Roy from his frantic investigation, not in the slightest. "My word," the alchemist muttered, watching the scene before him with obvious interest. "I've never seen anything like it. With me, he's as feral as a wild cat. But with you... affectionate and loyal as a puppy. Most intriguing."

"Edward, Edward, Edward..."

Ed bit back his snarled response, mostly because his voice was still too weak for it come out as anything other than pathetic. He focused on just trying to calm Roy down- efforts that became far more desperate when Kuzon started to approach again, clearly aiming to bind his chimera to the wall again. "Hey, Roy, I'm okay, really, I am... goddamn, you mangy mutt, chill, please..."

"Edward..."

His worries were for nothing, though. Roy didn't even take any notice of Kuzon's approach. He just kept licking his cheek and whimpering, panicked and distraught. "Edward, Edward, Edward..."

"Roy..."

Another lick came to his neck, the chimera still pawing all over him. Ed was too weak to return any of the affection- hell, even if he hadn't been about to pass out, with his hand tied he couldn't do much anyway- but he still managed a miserable, relieved smile.

Roy was okay.

The frantic peace was destined to be short lived, however, and rather than be drawn out, it simply shattered the moment Kuzon reached for him.

The alchemist had only been going for his hand, surely with aims to break his fingers again to absolutely ensure he was kept unable to draw circles. The bastard had done far more threatening things in Roy's presence many times, and while they'd always garnered snarls, the chimera had finally learned that trying to attack him accomplished nothing.

But now, it seemed, that lesson had been forgotten.

Because Roy _lost it._

" _EDWARD!"_ he screamed- _over_ and _over_ again. _"EDWARD! EDDDDWAAAARD!"_

Still screaming, he threw himself onto Kuzon.

Ed stared in shocked horror as the chimera latched onto the alchemist with a ferocious strength, clawing and biting at his face. Kuzon had been taken by complete surprise and hadn't managed to activate the shock collar in time, and it was very clear Roy wasn't about to give him the chance- he fought with an animalistic brutality, howling and scratching away until blood flew and Kuzon screamed.

" _Roy!"_ he shouted, torn between cheering him on and terrified of what was going to happen if Kuzon won. "Roy- Roy- oh my god-"

" _Goddamn chimera!"_

" _EDWARD!"_

Kuzon thrashed in a panic under the fighting beast, struggling in vain to push the lean animal off of him. His reptilian tail writhed in the air, far stronger than Roy's, and smacked the chimera several times over the head, but it was as if Roy didn't even feel the blows. He just kept biting and howling.

Somehow, the alchemist got a leg around fast enough to kick Roy in the chest. Again his slim, bony form was deceptive in its strength; while the blow shouldn't have been strong enough to even dislodge him, the chimera was sent flying, forced into the air and back several feet to slam against the cell wall. Instantly he was on his feet again, not taking even a moment to recover- but Kuzon was faster.

"Stay- _down- you goddamn- CHIMERA!"_ He kicked between each of the words, vicious and brutal. " _Stay down!"_ Swollen, bloody features contorted into madness and he kicked again, so hard Roy was turned onto his other side, and then the kicks became a hard planted stomp that landed directly on his spine. _"STAY DOWN!"_

"Roy! _Roy!"_

The wretched whimper was cut off by another crushing blow via Kuzon's foot, and then another after that- and there was no stopping in the onslaught. Kuzon did not give Roy even a second to get his bearings or climb to his feet; every blow was instantly followed by another, and never once was there any sort of respite.

Kuzon just kept kicking and stomping him, until there were no more whimpers.

Ed was so horrified he couldn't even move.

He just stared helplessly, heart in his throat and sick with fear, as Roy slumped in an unmoving, bloodied mess on the floor. Kuzon stood panting above him, foot still planted in a tangled mess of black hair. He looked unbearably _livid,_ blood streaking over bruises on his face and lip rapidly swelling to contort snarl into something inhuman, and in that long, breathless, horrible moment, Ed honestly expected Kuzon to kill him.

When he did not, the shocked relief slammed into him so hard his weakened body nearly gave up on consciousness entirely.

(Even though he knew it wasn't mercy that had Kuzon keeping his chimera alive.)

Kuzon simply spat a mouthful of blood down onto the matted fur, crushing his foot just a little harder into the motionless form with it. Then he knelt to withdraw the pencil from his pocket and swiftly scrawled another transmutation circle into the leash, chaining Roy to the floor rather than dragging him closer to a wall.

He spat out blood again and left without another word.

And then, there was nothing but silence, and the sight of Roy, bloody and mangled- _for him-_ on the floor.

Somewhere beneath nauseous horror, there was also terror.

"Oh, god... oh, no, Roy..." Panicking, Ed shifted as close to the chimera as he could, struggling to reach out with his leg and touch him. Kuzon had left him further away than normal but the chain was long enough that Roy would still be able to reach him, if he could just... "Oh, no, oh no..."

Finally, he managed to use his broken foot to pull the beaten chimera back to his side again. Roy didn't even twitch, knocked out too heavily, and Ed tried very hard not to give in to sickened fear and vomit as he pulled the chimera even closer. "Oh, no, Roy, you stupid idiot... why the hell'd you do that, you _idiot..._ come on, say something to me... mangy mutt...!"

But Roy didn't react at all.

The only assurance that he had at all was that he still breathed- raspy, shallow gusts of respiration felt as warm gusts of air against his side, and the only proof there was that the chimera was still alive.

Slowly, still stunned, Ed looked over his superior for the first time in over a week.

Broken ribs, maybe other broken bones beyond that. Bloodied swelling around his head and neck, some of it leaking out from underneath the too tight collar. Thin enough to be literally starving. Out cold.

Chillingly, the shouts of the Mustang that had appeared in his dream echoed in his head again.

_You selfish brat._

_You're scared._

_You think I actually give a damn?_

_I'll want nothing more to do with you._

_No one cares._

_Nobody. Cares_.

Slowly, Ed shut his eyes and released a measured, shuddering breath.

Kuzon was going to kill him. That much was now obvious. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but Roy _was_ going to end up dead trying to protect him. He was barely alive now, and he knew the next time, there was a very good chance he might not be so lucky.

If this kept up, Roy was going to die.

It no longer mattered how dangerous the escape attempt was.

It no longer mattered if it was only the dog that cared about him, and that Colonel Roy Mustang would most surely hate him for him everything he'd gone through the moment he'd been separated from the dog's mind, and without Roy's support beside him Ed honestly didn't think he would make it.

What mattered was that Roy was going to die, and Ed _was not_ going to allow it.

Come hell or fucking high water.

He managed to maneuver Roy so his heavy head rested over his stomach. The weight there was so achingly familiar he almost wanted to cry, but instead he swallowed the lump in his throat, bared his teeth at the door, and pushed the injured chimera a little more onto him protectively.

"Don't worry," he rasped, and for the first time since he had fucking _met_ Kuzon the Psycho Alchemist, Ed finally knew for sure what his next day would bring. "Don't worry, Roy. I am going to get us both out of here. ...I'm so sorry for taking this long, and I'm sorry for letting him hurt you- but no more, Roy.

"I'm getting us out of here tonight. That's a promise."

* * *

As things ended up, _tonight_ was actually a little ambitious.

It took until the next day for Roy to regain consciousness at all. Then several hours after that for the mangy mutt to quit licking him and realize Ed needed to talk to him about something. And even then, it was still very far from easy going.

It ended up taking him three whole days to teach Roy that the word _hands_ meant that Ed wanted him to put his front two paws together like a clap. And then another day and a half after that for the chimera to trust him enough to remain calm when Ed began testing the theory of the escape attempt out; he imagined the alchemy flowing through him felt very similar to the electric shocks Kuzon punished him with, because the first time he'd done it the chimera had actually jumped away from him and snarled.

The whole time, Roy continued to split his food with him- and actually, Ed was being rather generous when he said _split._ He'd lost a horrendous amount of weight in the past week and a half, and Roy, evidently, had not missed this fact either; the chimera now would only take a bite of his bread, and he just stubbornly refused to eat nearly any more than that of the meat Kuzon left him. Ed had ended up being forced into eating it all himself every day, when Roy had growled at him so stubbornly it had sounded like Colonel Mustang, and refused to take part in any of the training for the escape attempt until Ed had eaten.

It wasn't even close to equivalent now, and wouldn't have been even if Roy had eaten all of the bread.

But Ed still couldn't make himself stop trying to maintain even the weakest, most pathetic semblances of this still being an equal trade.

Kuzon, bloody and scarred Kuzon, kept his distance, for the most part, seeming especially unsure of how to approach him after Roy's outburst. The one and only time the alchemist _did_ come after him, it was only to break his fingers and toes again.

Roy had howled for so long and so hard after that, Ed's ears had still hurt the next day.

But, at long last, five whole days after he'd made his final promise to Roy-

They were ready.

It was time to go.

Ed waited until Kuzon had come to bring them food once again. He purposefully kept quiet, refusing to bait the pale alchemist, and even when he was gone, he still mostly kept his silence, simply eating what portion of the food was his (even if it made him sick to his stomach, that meant nearly all of it) and letting Roy do the same.

Then, with nothing more than a deep, steady breath to prepare his racing heart and anxious nerves, he turned to the chimera.

 _It doesn't matter if he hates you after this,_ he stubbornly reminded himself. _What matters is that you keep him alive. What matters is that you don't allow him to die, whether through your fault or not._

_I'm getting you home, damn it._

"Roy," he whispered shakily, " _hands."_

The chimera perked up instantly at the command, ears twitching. Black eyes met his as he lifted his dark head off his stomach, withdrawing several limped paces to comply with the command. It was almost like watching a dog do a trick, when his two front paws met in the air and his eyes lit up, tail wagging eagerly on the ground as if he expected a treat, and Ed had to choke back a laugh.

"You're doing great, Roy," he said with a weak grin, then took another breath to steady himself. "Okay, part two now, you ready? Remember not to bark, even if it hurts. It'll be over quick."

Not that Roy could understand that command, but he still felt as if it needed to be said.

Ed closed his eyes for a moment, forming the array in his mind. He'd gone over it time and time again these past few days, simplifying it as much as possible, making it take as little energy as he could, the concerns of what the alchemy would do to Roy's body weighing heavily on his mind. He spent several seconds just picturing the circle needed, checking and rechecking that it was absolutely perfect.

Then, with a whispered breath of prayer to a god he did not believe in, he touched his foot to Roy's back.

It felt so curiously similar to when he did his own alchemy, but then, _so different._ Roy making his circle for him allowed the alchemy to flow through his veins, and he felt its warm strength fill him up from head to toe in a rush so familiar and comforting it nearly broke his concentration. He could feel the energy chasing along the lines of the array, eagerly seeking to fulfill its role, and he guided it along the way, carefully taking it from his own body into Roy's.

That was where it got dangerous.

Once that energy got into Roy's body, he couldn't control it anymore.

Oh, as long as he pictured the array, and as long as Roy kept his two paws touched together, it would do as it was supposed to- but there was no controlling what damage it might do along the way.

That was why, if there had been any other option, he would've refused this line of action- but there wasn't, this was all he had, and so he just kept his eyes closed and kept his focus and he did what he did best: alchemy.

In his usual state, the transmutation would've taken him two seconds.

Now, it took at least five minutes.

But, when he at last felt the rope at his wrist fray until it snapped into pieces, he let the grin swallow over his entire face, because it had still _worked._

"Atta boy, Roy!" he gasped, and the very first thing he did with his newfound freedom was let his arm drop limply down onto the chimera's head. His fingers were still badly broken and it _hurt_ , but he found himself patting the black head of hair and scratching behind his ears like he'd wanted to do for so long, ecstatic adrenaline and breathless pride burning in his chest in glee. "Roy- Roy, you did it! You did it! You- we- we did it! _We did it, Roy!_ "

Roy just stared at him with two wide, shocked eyes, clearly understanding nothing more than that Ed was free, and Ed was happy.

It took him a few seconds to get grim control of himself, all too aware of how much there was still to be done. First he turned to Roy and looked him over, because he knew acting as a conduit had almost certainly hurt him in some way- but whatever the damage was, it couldn't have been serious, because Roy seemed fine. He was conscious and coherent, at any rate ,which was better than the alternative, so Ed took a breath and forced himself to move on, for now. They weren't safe yet, and no matter how amazing this felt, he'd gotten this far once before and ended up chained to the wall again in mere minutes. The real battle hadn't even started yet.

Actually, the real battle was going to be convincing Roy what he needed to do next.

"All right, Roy," he whispered, careful to keep his voice low so as not to attract Kuzon's attention. "Next part. It's not pleasant, but I've seen you deal with plenty of gruesome shit, so I know you can do it. You've got this. I know you do." He cautiously leaned forward a little, away from the wall, and reached towards Roy's face with his hand.

The chimera held very still, save for a quiet lick to his palm, and Ed gently guided his head down towards his leg. He positioned Roy as best he could, then shifted his mangled hand, coaxing his powerful jaws to open.

Open so his sharp, pointed teeth were resting directly over his flesh.

Roy tried to jerk away; Ed didn't let him, holding him there with all of his strength. "Roy," he murmured, " _Yes._ It's okay, Roy. Yes. Yes. Yes." He tried to keep his words simple enough for the chimera to understand and he started to nod, knowing Roy understood what that gesture meant, too. "Yes. It's okay. It's okay."

Roy whined at him, and if it was possible for a dog to look horrified, this one did. Ed just continued to nod stubbornly and press his head forward, trying with everything soft and convincing and gentle that he had to get the chimera to bite him.

He needed more than one transmutation to get out of here. And now that he had his hand free to draw a circle, he just needed something to draw it with.

Because he was _not_ going to use Roy as a conduit again- not when those risks were so dire.

"Come on, Roy, it's okay... yes, Roy, it's okay..." He kept on nodding and then started making biting motions with his own teeth, trying to show the chimera that it was really all right. "It's okay, Roy... yes... please..."

Roy continued to stare at him, reluctant and unwilling. His tail wagged uncertainly over the floor, one paw scraping against the metal in worry.

"Damn you, mangy mutt, military _dog._ You bark and snap at me every day- well now I'm giving you permission to bite me, and you won't? _Damn you,_ Mustang. Guess your bark really is worse than your bite, huh? Oh, don't give me that look. You think you're getting anything but dog puns now? Bastard. _Bastard._ Bite me, sonofabitch, or I will fucking bite you."

Then, hit finally by real inspiration, he leaned forward and did just that.

It wasn't violent. It was a weak, playful sort of thing, his teeth sinking just barely enough to be felt into Roy's ear, and definitely deep enough for him to feel awkward.

But it was _enough._

The chimera jumped at being bitten, but when Ed pulled back and gave him a bold, confident grin, Roy met his eyes in a piercing stare that was the most human thing he'd seen in weeks-

And, growling, he bent back down to his leg and bit him.

Again, it wasn't deep.

But, when the sharp teeth, incisors and fangs sharper than any humans, dug deep enough to draw at least six different lines of blood, he knew that it was enough.

Roy, however, then raised his head to his face and gave him a low growl, his eyes flashing. In it Ed could almost hear Mustang's voice snarling _who's got the better bite now, runt?_ and he was struck for a split second by the very strange urge to growl back.

Instead, he forced himself to stay steady and remain the adult here, because Roy sure as hell wasn't going to do it, and he gave the glaring chimera another affectionate scratch behind the ears. "Yeah, yeah. You're super scary, Roy. Trembling in my boots here."

Roy growled at him again, and if it was possible for a growl to sound fond, his did. Rolling his eyes, Ed gave him another head pat before weakly lowering his broken hand to the blood on his thigh, carefully coating a fingertip with it.

His fingers were still broken. Badly. But this pain was nothing compared to everything else he'd been through, it was _nothing_ compared to what it would be worth in the end, and with his hand now free, he was able to maintain enough motion to just grit his teeth through the pain and draw.

First to go was the chain binding Roy to the wall. Next was the electric shock collar, cracking and dissolving into metallic dust in a blow that made Ed shudder with relief. He'd watched Roy get shocked one too many times by that thing not to hate it, and seeing it gone made him grin. Even Roy had clearly realized the pain had been coming from the collar, because when it was gone he suddenly smothered Ed's face in so many affectionate licks he barely stopped himself from laughing aloud.

"Come on, down, Roy. We're not safe yet. Come on, easy... you know, I'm never going to let you live it down that your tongue's been all over my face, you bastard..." He didn't have the heart to push the chimera away, though, and ended up just letting Roy show him his gratitude for freedom before sitting fully upright away from the wall, shifting and writhing a little with the urge to rub his screaming shoulder. Even moving this much has him dizzy with the weakness, but damn it he was not about to give in yet.

His fourth transmutation was one of his most common; yanking a slim metal rod out of the metal floor, soon to be used to hit Kuzon over the head so hard he was knocked out in one hit. His final transmutation was a brace for his hand, and was completed very awkwardly and only allowed for him to weakly- and painfully- grip the weapon, but it was the best he'd had since waking up in this nightmare and now he was simply beyond ready for it to end.

"Okay, Roy," he said quietly, kneeling so he was on eye to eye level with the chimera. "Now, we're gonna get Kuzon in here. Got it? And you're gonna bring him down with me. We're bringing this son of a bitch down, and I'm getting you home. I swear it. So, since you seem to like it so much: start howling your head off again."

As usual, Roy didn't get it right away. He needed a little demonstration (and Ed thanked god Mustang would probably never remember him trying to bark like a dog) to understand. But when he gave a tentative howl and Ed nodded him on eagerly, Roy threw himself into the exercise with abandon, clearly understanding, if nothing else, that this was _important._

And Ed, grinning, panting, bleeding, and _ready_ , hefted his grip on the weapon and waited.

It was time to go home.

When the doorknob finally turned, Ed raised the weapon even higher, took a breath, and prepared to fight.

"This one's for you, Mustang," he whispered.

And he attacked.

By the lovely [gokunobaka](http://goku-no-baka.deviantart.com/)

 


	13. Chapter 13

Cub.

In danger. _Bad._

Hurt. _Bad._

Threat to cub, standing above cub. _Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad._

His cub needs him.

_I WILL RIP YOU TO PIECES TEAR YOU TO SHREDS TAKE YOUR HEART GET AWAY FROM MY CUB_

His claws come out and bury into skin. His teeth come out and sink into the neck. His claws dig for the heart and his teeth for the eyes, as fatal as instinct, but Threat is unnatural. Threat is dangerous. He can not take any risks with Threat.

_Edward... Edward... Edward...!_

Threat hits him. Threat doesn't die quickly. Threat throws him across the room. Threat kicks him. Threat makes him hurt inside, over and over again. But Threat can not stop him, because cub has freed him. Cub has saved him. Threat can not stop him. Threat can not get to cub ever again.

He devours his stomach. Eats the intestines, gores the liver, tears the kidneys. He rips his heart out of his chest and yanks it free from the body. He mauls the mouth, the nose, the eyes. He scratches claws bites mauls eats rips devours till no blood runs and the threat to his cub is in so many pieces he can not live.

"Edward... Edward... Edward...!"

Threat is dead.

_YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH MY CUB AGAIN_

_**MY CUB** _

"Edward!"

_Help cub. Save cub. Help cub. Save cub._

There's cub. Bleeding. Not moving. Why isn't he moving?

"Edward," he calls, using that voice his cub likes. "Edward. Edward? Edward! _Fullmetal!"_

Cub stays not moving.

" _Ehhhhdward!"_

He licks his face. Cheeks. Arm. Shoulder. Face again. "Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward." Why isn't he moving, why isn't he moving? Threat's gone; why isn't he moving? "Edward, Edward, Edward!" He can hear the heart beat. Smell each breath. Why isn't he moving? _"Edward! Please!"_

Cub doesn't move.

Cub doesn't move!

_Cub, move! Move! Move! Move! Breathe! Smile! Speak! Please!  
_

"Edward, _please!"_

_LIVE!_

_"Edward!"_

But cub doesn't move!

He licks again, nudging the chin the way cub likes. Cub doesn't move. But cub will need to soon. Cub will need to start moving. He always does. When Threat hurts him sometimes he'll sleep like this, but then he'll move again. Cub will need to do that. Cub will need to move.

Cub's not moving!

_Cub, please..._

But cub doesn't move.

"Edward..."

He can move cub. He can move cub? Yes. Yes- that's a word cub taught him. _Yes._ Beautiful word. " _Yes."_ He can move cub. He can move cub. He will find the pack. The pack to help cub.

"Edward," he calls again, and bites carefully. _Carefully._ "Edward." Lifts not moving wrist into his mouth. Because his paw is still hurt. Paw is hurt because Threat hurt him, and he has failed to protect cub. But Threat is dead. He's protected cub now.

But cub's not moving.

_Fullmetal..._

_Please..._

_Don't- die-_

He drags cub away. Away from Threat. Drag him away from here. Take him outside, to Help. Cub always wants to go outside. He will take him there. He will protect cub. He will protect cub even dead.

Cub stays not moving.

He drags cub. Moving always. Searching for outside. "Edward, Edward... please..."

_Bad! Bad, bad, bad!_

Bad- that noise- _Bad_ \- like Threat- _Bad-_

_Save cub- save cub- protect cub- protect cub-_

He growls loud; sinks teeth deeper in cub's wrist, marking him as _his._ Growls again. Holds arm even tighter. _Stay away. Stay away. Cub is mine. Stay away from cub._ Drag cub away from Threat noises. Drag cub outside. Cub always wants outside; he will take him there. Away from Threat noises. Take cub to safe space. Away from Threat noises. Cub needs to be safe. Cub- _please-_ safe- _please-_

Ah! No! Threat noises, closer! Closer! Bad, bad, bad, bad! No! No, no! No! Get away!

"Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward-"

_Bang!_

Ow! Ow, ow! Hurts! Hurts! _Ow!_

Threat noises-

_Bang!_

Ow! Ow! Ow! _Ow!_

_Threats- hurting me to get to cub- they want to hurt cub- they want to hurt cub-_

Running won't work. Threats are too fast.

Stand and fight.

_GET AWAY FROM MY CUB!_

He drops cub and he _runs._

Two dangers. One big. One small. Both bigger than cub. Small looks more like Threat. Attack small first! Take him down! Kill him! Protect cub! _Kill him!_

_I'LL KILL YOU BEFORE YOU TOUCH HIM_

Small one isn't as strong as Threat. Small one struggles, but small one is too weak. Small one is not strong enough. Small one is too weak. Bite the arm; show superiority. Show _I am alpha. Respect me._

Small one doesn't show respect. Small one makes him hurt inside again. Small one kicks, and-

Ow! Ow ow ow! _Ow!_ Hurts! Bad! Hurts bad! Hurts _bad!_

Can't move-

He can't move- it hurts and _he can't move-_

_CUB!_

_CUB!_

" _ **NO!"**_

_CUB!_

" _NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"_

Ow! Ow! It hurts! Can't move- can't help- can't protect- can't save- can't move- can't move-

_Run, cub! Please! Move! Run! Escape! Save yourself! Be free!  
_

_"PLEASE!"_

_EDWARD!_

_DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY SON-_

Then there is nothing.

* * *

If it hadn't been the for the dog, it would've taken them twenty minutes to find the right warehouse.

As it was, Maes led Al and his best friend's staff into the right building minutes after arriving on scene- and this time, they knew it had to be the _right_ building, because Al had been forced to break an alchemic lock off the door.

The dog had stopped howling after only several minutes, and Maes was unsure whether or not to be unsettled by that.

They'd split upon reaching the warehouse; Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery investigating one side of it, and him taking lead with Hawkeye and Al on the other. So far, they'd not found anything living- not Ed, not Roy, not even Kuzon. However, they _had_ found signs of recent occupancy, and what they'd seen was disturbing.

The first room they'd found was what Al had instantly identified as an alchemy lab. There'd not been any chimeras, something Maes had half expected, after reading Kuzon's file, though it had still been dark and unsettling. There were huge, black transmutation circles etched carefully into the floor, clearly worn and expected to see much use, all so twisted and complicated it made his head spin to just look at them. Al had hesitantly confirmed the circles would relate to biological transformation, and some of the diagrams they'd found lying out on the lab tables- dogs with wings, rats with fangs, human beings with tails- left Maes entirely certain that this lab _had_ , in fact, been used for chimeras.

But clearly not anymore, and the lack of anything living meant they needed to move on.

They passed through two more chimera labs, each as empty as the first, and the warehouse remained eerily silent. Then through an empty, cold hallway. His heart was pounding, and his head was spinning; _god, why aren't we finding anything, they have to be here, they HAVE to be here...!_

"Um... g-guys?"

Maes stilled, glancing ahead to where Al was sticking his head into rooms they hadn't yet reached. The boy had stopped in one of the doorways, staring at whatever was inside, and he frowned, picking up his pace. "What is it?" he asked quietly. It wasn't Ed or Roy, either alive or their bodies- if they were alive Ad would've rushed inside, and if they were dead, well...

He wouldn't have sounded that calm if they were dead.

But Al just shook his head in response to his question, pointing inside the room with an unsure hand. And, exchanging a tense glance with Hawkeye, Maes followed his lead and stepped around him to look inside.

He promptly gasped.

The entire room was splattered in blood. From ceiling to floor, red-black arcs of blood splashed about the room so completely it took him several horrified moments of staring to even find the source in it all, and when his gaze drifted down towards the center and realized it had actually once been human, he nearly threw up.

That was a human body, all right- one arm partially submerged in blood, the other torn off and flung across the room, both legs mauled to literal pieces. The stomach was shredded, random bits of internal organs floating, exposed, some of them outside the body entirely, and Maes was pretty sure he could actually see what had once been a beating heart- now dangling against the ribcage after being ripped in half. And the head... god, the head. It reminded him vividly of Scar's crime scenes: things that shouldn't have been exposed at all splattered and smeared on the floor behind him, and face destroyed beyond any recognition.

This was the most brutal murder he'd ever seen in his life.

After several horrified seconds, Maes somehow shut his eyes and forced Al to turn away, tugging the boy backwards and orienting him the other direction. "L-looks like a chimera did this," he rasped, staring hard at the opposite wall and trying not to think too hard about what he was smelling.

Hawkeye, rockhard Hawkeye, even shifted a little so she wasn't looking directly at the mess, looking faintly green. "Yes, sir. Something canine, I'd imagine." She paused, looking as if she was about to step forward, then changing her mind when she realized she'd have to navigate a path through floating internal organs and pointed instead. "There, sir- that hair. ...It's Kuzon's."

Well, he was just going to have to take her word for it, because he wasn't in any mood to look again. He'd only looked long enough to confirm it wasn't Ed- too big, too many limbs- and not Roy- not the right hair. "Good," he muttered savagely, and gripped his gun tighter. "Then we keep moving. Al, Hawkeye: both of you, stick close to me. This chimera could still be here and is clearly dangerous. We need to find Ed and Roy and get out of here, now. ...Actually-"

"Sir, do you hear that?"

Maes froze, hand tightening on his gun again. "Hawkeye?" he murmured, casting a searching glance at the lieutenant.

She backtracked behind him, her steps echoing over the metal floor in a noise that sounded terribly too loud. "Footsteps," she whispered back, and their voices, too, felt so loud to his ears intruding on the impossible silence that he almost jumped. "It sounds like footsteps, sir. Coming from here."

She turned towards a nearby door, hesitating only briefly to glance towards him for approval. The moment he nodded, she quietly slid the creaking door open and let the way.

Maes gasped.

Hawkeye had opened the door to another, mostly empty, hallway. Keyword being mostly- because it wasn't deserted.

At the very end of the hallway was a massive black dog. It was surely as big as as Maes, a hulking figure that screamed danger and dripped with blood, slinking away on down the hall.

And beneath him...

Beneath him was _Ed._

Beaten. Bloody. Starved. _Not moving._

And the monster dog was dragging him away, gripping him by biting down into his arm. With every limped step, blood smeared on the floor as a macabre trail, and Ed still did not even move.

"Oh... oh my god..." he whispered, trembling.

It was horribly still for one long moment, the only motion the monster dog dragging Ed away from them.

" _BROTHER!"_

Al screaming shattered still horror and made it terror.

The dog jumped, snarling audibly even from so at least twenty feet away. Instantly he knelt down and took more of Ed's arm into his mouth, biting down viciously over his forearm and then leaping into a run. He sprinted down the hallway, still chewing on the poor kid's arm and forcing Ed along after him, moving so fast it would only be seconds before he was gone-

_Bang!_

The dog stumbled and nearly fell, crouching in a shuddering stop with a wretched moan. Gasping, Maes twisted to see Hawkeye by his side, smoking gun raised and eyes so cold it chilled him to look. "Hughes, Alphonse! Get Edward! _Now!"_

She did not have to tell him twice.

Maes burst into a sprint after the monster dog and his captive, holstering his gun and palming a knife in the same motion. Al ran on his other side, pounding even faster than him with his longer stride, and when the monster dog started to rise to his feet again, Ed's arm disappearing into his mouth, they both parted for Hawkeye to fire again.

True to her reputation, Hawkeye didn't miss by even an inch. The dog crumpled the moment the metal slug buried into his leg, hitting the floor with a howl. He still clung to Ed, chewing on his arm and curling even tighter around him for a terrified beat- and then suddenly, the beast was whirling to face them.

He crouched over Ed for a moment, snarling and growling in a loud, clear warning to stay away. _Not a chance in hell,_ Maes thought, hefting his knife and preparing to throw it.

The dog scratched a paw down on the floor, snarling at him now, hackles raised and teeth bared.

"Get the hell away from him, you monster! Leave him alone! _Now!"_

Shouting at him was a very grave mistake.

The dog lunged instantly, launching off the floor like a bullet out of a gun. Powerful hind legs carried him up at least four feet into the air and the thing collided with him in a body slam, knocking the wind out of him and sending him to his back in a wheezing gasp. Maes sliced and kicked in a panic but the thing pinned him down without flinching and leaned to clench strong jaws and sharp teeth directly over his arm.

" _AGH! Son of a bitch!"_ Maes writhed, trying desperately to throw the thing off but he just hang on tighter. "Fucking hell; _get him off!_ He's biting me! Hawkeye!" He kicked desperately again and cried out as claws came to his face, scratching at his cheeks- the dog was trying to maul him to death. _"Hawkeye! Al!"_

Maes somehow got another foot around just as Al tried to reach for the beast, slamming the toe of his boot into thin ribs with every bit of strength he had. Almost instantly the thing _howled,_ throwing his head back away from his assault in what nearly rang as a scream of pain. He bucked and dropped, howling in a miserable agony at the cold floor, letting Maes wrench himself away, gasping and bleeding-

" _NO!"_

Maes froze- and Al, still reaching for the thing, froze too.

"No! No, no, no, no, _no!"_

Maes let out a shocked exclamation, staring from the writhing, bleeding beast to Al in disbelief. "Did- did he just-"

"No!" the beast abruptly said again, "no! No! No! No! _Please!"_

His jaw dropped open.

"Did... he just say... _please?"_

Al gasped. "Oh, no- Hughes, sir, this is a human chimera! He- he was _human!"_

"Human?" Hawkeye questioned, now approached on his other side, gun holstered now that the threat was subdued. She immediately began to see to his arm, ignoring his hiss of pain. "He attacked us! He was going to attack Ed!"

"Doesn't matter," Al said firmly. "He's still got a human soul. We can't kill him."

Maes broke out of his incredulous stare just in time to stop the twitching, growling dog from rising again. He jammed his knife deep in alarm, wrenching himself away- but the knife was all that was needed to stop him.

"No," the dog whined again, almost piteously, "please, n-no... n..."

Then his head hit the ground, and his body went limp.

He breathed a sigh of relief, dropping his suddenly heavy head into his good hand, shuddering. That was one threat down, at least- _holy shit, Ed!_

Maes jerked upright again, mouth already open, only to see that it was unnecessary. Al had already gone to his brother's side, and the only reason he couldn't follow was Hawkeye's surprisingly firm hand on his shoulder. He swallowed, leaning forward anxiously, heart suddenly pounding again in his throat. "A- Al," he gasped out, straining to see around the huge suit of armor, "-is he-?!"

_When that dog had him, he... he wasn't even moving..._

"He's alive," Al said tersely, and beyond that, there was nothing else forthcoming- and that was telling. "Oh, Brother..."

Maes' heart squeezed painfully at the agony in his voice. Ed had looked terrible even from twenty feet away, and it was clear he looked even worse here, and he strained desperately, fighting to get up, but Hawkeye's hand held fast on his shoulder, and he didn't have the strength to break it.

_We surely got to him in time, we had to have... he's going to be okay, he has to be..._

At last, Hawkeye shifted to kneel in between him and Al, her eyes flashing. "We're going to have to pull back. I'm going to radio in for two ambulances; Al, you go ahead and get your brother out of here. He's in bad shape and if he's already at the entrance when medics arrive, it'll be better for him."

Normally, Al would've stayed and tried to question her- but right now, he was holding his beaten, suffering brother in his arms after months apart and was scared out of his mind. This was no normally. He simply picked up his brother in his arms and turned and _ran_ back to safety as fast as he could- all Maes could catch was a frantic murmur of, "Don't worry, Ed, you're safe now, we're getting you out of here!" before the boy was gone.

He somehow managed to swallow the rise of anxiety and glanced back at Hawkeye, who was looking at him as well. "Two ambulances?" he asked uncertainly, raising an eyebrow, and she just continued to meet his gaze without flinching.

"You're badly injured, sir."

He bristled instantly. "Entirely superficial, Lieutenant. I'm well enough to-"

"Additionally, we're both going to have to stay with the chimera until backup arrives. In your condition, it's not safe for you to either remain here alone, in case the chimera regains consciousness, or to continue investigating by yourself." The look she gave him was hard as iron and she simply did not allow him to protest; rather, she raised her radio and unmuted it, holding his stare the entire time. "Lieutenant Havoc?"

There was a few seconds of silence, and then, the reply came through the static hiss and crackle. " _Hawkeye?"_

"We've located Edward, alive and in critical condition, as well as a feral chimera that's now been subdued. There's a possibility there are more dangerous chimeras to watch for, but our team needs to retreat for now. You'll search the entire warehouse, now, as we will be unable to complete our half."

Maes gritted his teeth in frustration. How could she be so stubborn, so calm?! He just barely stopped himself from rebuking her in front of the others, listening in to the surprised whoops that then became worried gasps.

"Wait, you found the chief- he's okay, right?! What about the boss?!"

His heart thudded painfully in his chest. Ed had been in such bad shape... and Roy was guaranteed to be as well, oh, _no..._

Hawkeye's voice was steady again.

Her eyes, however, betrayed that that question had pierced her, too.

"I don't know, Lieutenant. You're going to need to locate Colonel Mustang. After the ambulance arrives for Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, I'll rejoin the mission- so keep me updated. Clear?"

"...Clear, sir."

"Over."

Maes breathed a sigh of relief, watching as the woman returned the radio to her belt and then continued to keep pressure on the vicious, deep bite marks on his arm. He gritted his teeth again and hissed; he'd had worse, but it still hurt greatly, and by the blood still pouring from them he was starting to think she was right about calling an ambulance. Oh, well. At least he wasn't going to have to convince her to continue the search for Roy instead of worthlessly accompanying him to the hospital.

"...I'll find some way to talk to Al when I get there," he managed to promise at last, his voice low. "When we hear something about Ed, I'll send it your way. But I don't want to see you at the hospital until you've found Roy- and only then, if he's managed to get his pretty boy face in need of a cute nurse. Clear?"

It wasn't funny. Not in the slightest. Not when they'd spent two months desperately searching, and that search had just come to a stumbling halt at the discovery of Ed collapsed as still as the dead, leaving a trail of blood behind him as he was dragged, so beaten and broken and small it had turned his stomach. Not when Roy could very easily be in the same or even worse condition. Not when the only reason those two were still _here_ , and hurt so damn _badly,_ was because they had all failed to find them in time.

So, no. It wasn't funny.

And Hawkeye didn't laugh.

"Crystal, sir," was all she said, voice crisp and professional. Her features stayed calm and expressionless, tense with the danger of a field mission but relaxed the way only experience could bring. But there was a black fire that flickered in her eyes then, a subtle wave of anger so strong he nearly flinched away, and Maes knew he could leave this to her.

She wouldn't be leaving this place without Roy.

That was final.

The chimera gave another quiet, plaintive whine at their feet, and Maes simply tightened his grip on the knife holding him down.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

As it turned out, Maes' 'superficial wounds' had required thirty stitches, and upon conclusion of the procedure the nurse had simply pushed him back down onto the bed when he'd tried to stand, informed him he also needed a blood transfusion and was going nowhere.

She'd warned him then that if he was not there when she got back with the IV, he would regret it, and Maes could tell by the look on her face alone that she was not joking.

When the door closed, he let himself flop back down on his bed in the ER with a sigh, tossing his good arm above his head. His face felt right awful, even with the numbing agents, and he was pretty sure he didn't want to go anywhere near a mirror for a week. His arm, less gruesome simply due to its quality of being an arm and not a face, had looked quite terrible as the shredded skin was being pulled back together into three black lines of stitches, but the damage was now thankfully hidden by several thick wrappings of gauze.

He sighed heavily, squeezing his eyes shut.

Still, he had no word from either Al or Hawkeye.

It took several minutes for his nurse to return, and he reluctantly gave her his good arm to allow her to set up the blood transfusion (dammit, he hated that Hawkeye had been right about him not being well enough to raid the rest of the warehouse, goddammit, damn her and the fucking chimera). He glanced up at the surly woman a little nervously, instincts telling him it was not that great of an idea to provoke someone currently threading a needle into his arm, but he couldn't stand it any longer.

"Excuse me?" he ventured cautiously. "Ma'am?"

"No, I will not release you early, sir."

Maes grimaced, resisting the urge to tug his arm from her grip. "No, I just... do you know anything about Edward Elric's condition?"

The nurse continued her look for several moments unchangeably, then suddenly started, her eyes widening a little. She looked up from his arm to meet his gaze, pausing in her work. "Oh, the little boy who got in here just a little before you? Poor thing..."

Maes gritted his teeth and remained silent. He wasn't sure why, but he almost wanted to shout at her, for that. Edward Elric was not a little boy. He was young, and he was small, but he was _not_ a little boy who needed kid gloves or coddling. Even before this nightmare that hadn't been true, and _now,_ after what he'd been through, it irked him to hear this nurse clucking her tongue sympathetically and talking about him like he was just a kid.

"His condition," he stressed through gritted teeth, only swallowing the rebuke through herculean effort.

The nurse frowned a little, returning her attention to his arm. "Well, sir, he's not my patient. I don't know his information. And even if I did, I could not release it to you anyway-"

"Please."

The rasp came out far more desperate than he'd intended, and yet, when no information immediately came, he was more than willing to plead even more pathetically again.

The nurse's stare turned questioning, and Maes shifted in bed, struggling to find composure or calm; neither one came. "Please," he murmured again, "he... he's my friend. I understand if you can't tell me much, but... is he at least expected to make it? ...Please?"

When the nurse turned away, the anticipatory shudder that ripped through him from head to toe nearly broke him.

"...I'll let you know when _we_ know the answer to that."

Maes lay back, trembling with the shock of it. He could die? Ed could _die?_

No... no, no, no... this was all wrong- this wasn't how today was supposed to have gone... they were supposed to have found Ed and Roy screaming and bickering at each other, and he was supposed to have grabbed his best friend in a bear hug to which Roy would instantly shove and complain at him for and Al was supposed to be tearfully berating Ed for scaring him- oh, no, _Al._ He was all alone right now, he had to be distraught-

Maes wasn't aware he'd started to swing out of bed, intent only on finding Al and at _least_ giving the poor boy someone to wait with, until the nurse's hand had met his shoulder. She pushed him, not gently at all, down onto his back again, giving him a severe frown. "Right now, sir, your job is to just lie there and finish the IV. Nothing else. Got it?"

Maes frowned, biting back the childish remark that he could finish this IV anywhere, and would complete it just as easily sitting next to Al as he would here. He doubted she'd appreciate the grouchy humor that wasn't really a joke, actually, and was most certainly not in the mood for her reprimand.

When he didn't protest, the nurse gave him another nod and headed towards the door. "The doctor will take a look at you in a couple minutes," she said over her shoulder, then lowered her voice, sympathy returning, "and, when I know something about Edward, I'll let you know."

Then she was gone, and Maes was left to lie alone in the cold exam room, struggling against panic and despair and waiting in breathless fear that that woman would not come back and tell him he had failed.

* * *

To his dismay, Maes found that he was being held for overnight observation. To his even further dismay, by the time they'd finally gotten him out of the ER to a private room, six hours after their arrival at the hospital, there was still no news on Ed- or anything from Hawkeye, something else that concerned him deeply.

The warehouse had not been _that_ big. It was going to take many days, sure, to catalogue their way through the alchemy labs and chimera notes, but it was not going to take _six hours_ to find a person in there- even if it was just a body, and not a living, breathing person that was found.

That was his only, if minute, comfort. That no news meant Roy at least had not been found dead.

Al made an appearance after only a half hour of being left to stew by himself, saying Ed's doctor would come to find them here when he had news for them. Apparently, the kid was in surgery, and had been since being stabilized- not a good sign, but, he supposed it could've been worse. At least Ed was stable.

Only a little after Al's entrance, Havoc came.

The chainsmoker took one look at him, winced dramatically, and stared openly like he was an animal on exhibit. "Jesus. What the hell happened to your face, man?"

Maes glared. As if he didn't already feel shitty enough. "Apparently dogs don't like me," he deadpanned, annoyed, and immediately changed the subject. "Now, what are you doing here? You should be with Hawkeye."

Havoc grimaced, fingering an unlit cigarette in his hands with the look of a man who'd already been warned not to smoke inside. "I was, until half an hour ago, when she dismissed us. She and the others are with Scieska now, working, but she wanted someone here who could update her." He raised an eyebrow appraisingly, looking him over. "Guess I'll be telling her you'll be taking a few days off."

"Bullshit." And it _was_ bullshit. "I'd be at work now if they'd let me out of this damn bed."

"Sir, I really don't think you know how bad you look."

"Doesn't matter what I look like. This investigation is not over and I'm not about to lie around at home and sit this out. Havoc-"

"How's the chief?"

Maes' eyes narrowed. The interruption, and abrupt change of subject, were both very intentional, he guessed- that the man was trying to avoid the only question he had for him. It made his gut clench and he fisted his one good hand, fighting to keep himself calm.

Al sighed from his position by the wall, looking especially downtrodden and miserable. "Don't know," he murmured, staring towards the floor. "He's been in surgery since we got here. Still waiting."

"...Oh..."

Havoc looked away himself, clearly having been hoping for better news. He leaned against the door with a gruff sigh, blue eyes turned towards the floor and arms folded, unlit cigarette now stuck in his mouth. He looked grim and frightened.

In keeping with how Maes felt, then.

Sighing himself, the investigator sat forward in bed and cleared his throat, trying to get the lieutenant to look at him. " _Havoc,"_ he stressed again, "what about Roy? What condition was he in?"

Havoc flinched, but otherwise did not even respond. Maes flinched, too.

Why wasn't he responding? Was it that bad?! Or, god, worse- was he _dead?_ The possibilities flickered through his mind too fast to count; Roy torn to shreds by that giant chimera, Roy tortured to death by Kuzon, Roy dead on the floor in a pool of his own blood, Roy...

" _Havoc!"_ he nearly cried, desperation trying to tear him limb from limb. "Answer me!"

"...He wasn't there, Hughes."

Maes froze.

What?

Slowly, Havoc raised his eyes from the floor to look at them both, tension and distress radiating from him, and he clenched his jawline in a clear struggle against frustration. "There was no sign of Colonel Mustang anywhere in that warehouse. No sign of _anyone_ ever living there, aside from Ed and Kuzon. ...I'm sorry, Hughes, sir. He wasn't there."

What?

Maes was only very vaguely aware of Havoc slumping back against the wall again, stuck in his own glum despair, or Al giving a confused exclamation and mumbling something about it not making sense. He slowly leaned his head back, staring blankly forwards to the wall, and simply breathed through the shock.

Roy wasn't there?

At all?

But... but that wasn't right.

Kuzon had taken them both. Hadn't he? It was not, after all, simply a _coincidence_ Ed and Roy had gone missing the same night, from the same location. Kuzon had taken them both, and since no bodies had ever turned up, he'd kept them both. Ed had been in that warehouse. Therefore, it followed logically that Roy, too, would have been there.

So why the hell was he not _there?_

"No... no sign of him at _all?"_ he rasped weakly, trembling in the face of despair. "But..."

Havoc heaved a heavy sigh and simply nodded. He looked away for a moment, folding his arms even tighter. "Hawkeye did not take it well. Honestly? Neither did we. It was obvious he wasn't there after three hours but we stayed until now, just going through that place top to bottom just in case, because- well."

He didn't explain or finish, not that he needed to, and Maes stared down at his legs, still with shock. He couldn't imagine any of Roy's staff taking it well; hell, _he_ wasn't taking it well. God, if he wasn't there, then...

No. They would find him. _Alive._ Ed would recover, first of all; that boy was not going to _die,_ not on his watch, and when he woke up, he would be able to tell them where Roy was. They would just have to wait until then.

He would believe that, because at this point, it was really all he had.

At that moment, the door to his room creaked open yet again, and this time it was not a military officer that walked in but a physician. They all instantly turned their attention towards him and the chart in his hands, keeping their silence in the sudden onset of tense anxiety that clouded over the entire room.

"Alphonse," the doctor greeted, shaking his hand first, then glancing towards the others in the room. "Would you like to speak in private with me?"

The boy gave an anxious shrug, wringing his hands out before them. "Anything you tell me I'll just tell them... it doesn't matter- just- just tell me, is my brother going to be okay?!"

"Yes."

The response came so quickly, so confidently, that it took Maes several seconds to actually process it.

When he finally did, it was the cue for a smile to swallow his whole face.

It took Al even longer than him; the boy just stood there and stared at the doctor even when Maes sank back into his pillows, rubbing a hand over his face in exhausted relief no matter the pain it brought; finally, Al stumbled backwards, clearly reeling, and gasped. "Oh... _oh..._ Br- Brother _..."_

The doctor gave them all a small smile, allowing them several seconds to process it. "My name is Dr. Winters," he said, mostly to Maes and Havoc, as Al had clearly already had introductions with him. "I'm going to be Major Elric's attending during his stay here. Now, his recovery is going to be a long one, but he is out of danger. I know it's hard not to, but you should try not to worry as much for now. He is going to be okay." He gave them another few moments, mostly for Al, who was still trembling with relief, as he flipped open Ed's chart and allowed them to get mentally prepared for the run down.

"Major Elric's fingers and toes are all broken. Most in more than one place; all severely. Unfortunately, there is very little we can do for these, but from what I've seen so far, we can expect a good recovery for those. None appear to be broken in such a way that amputation is a consideration."

Maes let out a shuddering sigh that was smothered under Al's moan of relief; he hadn't known that had ever even been a possibility. But he was relieved; _so_ grateful. God, of all the people in the world who did _not_ deserve to have their limbs sliced off, Ed was at the very top of the list.

"Additionally, his left shoulder is looking to be pretty bad. Torn rotator cuff, multiple recent dislocations... he's going to have a very limited range of motion and a lot of pain for a while. The PT'll probably last months." The doctor flipped to another page in his chart, pursing his lips as he continued to examine Ed's condition. "He's also got several broken ribs and some internal bleeding from them, though it's not serious- no matter how it sounds. No permanent damage from this, either."

Maes sighed again, trying to stay calm. So far, so good. No permanent damage. No amputation. No pain that time would not heal. _Alive._ With every additional injury they learned of he could imagine how terrible Ed's mental state would be right now, but the boy was alive and that was at least something.

"Also, he's got a pretty bad concussion- I'd surmise that's the reason he was unconscious when you brought him in. Looks like he took a recent blow to the head. Again, just give it time, for this, and it should heal well." Winters then shifted on his feet as he turned the pages in Ed's chart again, continuing to look over his condition. "That's about it for his physical injuries..."

"What about the dog bites?" Al queried nervously, wringing his hands together over by window.

Winters blinked. "What?"

"The dog bites..." Maes added on, frowning in confusion. "When we found him he was being attacked by a dog chimera..."

"...Um, no, he wasn't."

Al and Maes both stared at him, confounded. "What are you talking about?" Maes snapped, waving a hand in annoyance. "His arm was in the dog's _mouth._ What are you supposed to call that?"

Winters merely shrugged, glancing back down at the chart again. "If you're talking about the teeth impressions on his arm, then those are fine. They weren't even bleeding. I don't know what you saw, but he simply was not attacked by a dog. There are no signs of it at all."

Maes stared at him uncertainly, completely at a loss. How could there be no signs of it? The dog had been dragging Ed down a hallway, for god's sakes. He'd clearly been hostile towards humans. How the hell could Ed have gotten away unscathed from that monstrosity?

Winters cleared his throat, lifting up the folder in his hands a little and moving on, clearly not as interested or confused by this new development as the rest of the room. "As I was saying, earlier... No other serious physical injuries, though we just got his bloodwork back. There's traces of a hallucinogen- it's either been a while since he took it, or the dose was minuscule- and there's also something unknown in there. Whatever it is, neither I nor any of my staff have ever seen it before. While he's stable and does not appear to be deteriorating, I don't want to take any chances; he's in a delicate state right now- a toxicology expert is coming by in the morning to do a closer analysis."

Al shifted uncomfortably by the wall, clearly reluctant to voice the possibility. "He was being held by a... a rogue bio-alchemist," he hedged nervously. "So... it's entirely possible this isn't a previously recorded substance. The alchemist could've made it himself. You... do you have any idea what it's doing to him?"

His voice sounded small. Very, very small, and young- not like the man he looked like or his brother tried to be. It made something in his chest clench. Both of them were just children, and even so they'd dealt with more tragedy than most adults. It wasn't fair, and Maes just couldn't imagine how Al was going to handle this- even though Ed had now been found and was alive, he was clearly still a wreck...

Winters sighed. "We don't know. As I said, it's not causing him to deteriorate... beyond that, we just don't know."

Al slumped from his position by the window, crestfallen, and again, the doctor gave him several moments to collect himself before continuing on.

"Now, his most serious problem is malnourishment. He has severe nutritional and vitamin deficiencies and has clearly been starved, and for a long period of time. Now, this is difficult enough to treat in and of by itself- but his is going to be a lot more difficult than the normal case. He's showing signs of refeeding syndrome."

"...Refeeding syndrome?" Al questioned uneasily. "What's that?"

Winters scowled here, shutting the chart for a moment to fold his arms. "It means some idiot thought it was a good idea to start shoveling food into him without contacting a medical professional for advice. Tell me none of you are responsible?"

Maes blinked, startled, and a glance around the room showed Havoc and Al were the same. "Doctor," he stammered, speaking for them all, "Ed was unconscious when we found him... we couldn't have given him food even if we'd wanted to..."

Winters scowled again, plainly not entirely convinced. "If the man who held him was a bio-alchemist, he undoubtedly had some medical training. No one with medical training would've been foolish enough to cause this- so _someone_ has to have given him _something."_

"Well, it was none of us," Havoc grumbled. "So quit harassing us. What the hell is this refeeding thing?"

Winters gave them all another slow look, still suspicious, then sighed and tucked the file under his arm. "In cases of starvation, the body will resort to taking energy from any and all sources that it can to stay alive. When the starvation is severe, the body will have no choice but to go after the very sugars and proteins that allow us to digest food in the first place. It's a paradoxical development... in attempting not to die from starvation, the body will render itself incapable of eating. Now, ordinarily, we can correct this problem with careful supplementation and monitoring- the problem gets much more dangerous in cases where someone in such a state tries to eat anyway. This is called refeeding syndrome."

He once again met all their eyes with a grave look. "I'm going to be frank with you, gentlemen. This syndrome can be potentially fatal, in several different ways. It's also difficult to treat. We're closely monitoring him and have him on electrolytes that will help but, ultimately, his body needs to get itself back into balance before he'll be able to really heal. In this, we can only assist him... it's still just his battle, that he has to fight. We'll do what we can for him, but there is, still a chance, that things not end well."

Winters lowered the chart then, holding it to his chest and glancing over everyone in the room before his eyes landed on Al. The suspicion from before was gone, and now, in piercing grey eyes, all Maes saw was uncertainty. "There's... one other thing," the doctor said quietly, and he shifted uneasily again. "It's his automail."

Maes frowned. His automail? What could be wrong with it? It was missing, which was actually pretty standard, for whenever Ed got himself in a fix. It wasn't a nice thing to go through, he was sure- but in the face of everything else, missing automail hardly worth crying over.

"I've never seen anything like it," Winters admitted reluctantly. "The damage is undoubtedly intentional, and... severe. There's not even anything we can do for him; we have a few emergency automail repair techs on staff, but even they were stymied. He needs a proper mechanic."

"He... he has one..." Al said at last, still seeming a little lost. "I was going to call her anyway- but I don't understand. Brother loses his automail all the time. He even had to have his whole shoulder port replaced once... it's not that bad..."

Winters blinked, then shook his head, still clutching the file to his chest. "He didn't just lose his automail, Alphonse. Both areas were badly abused, to the point that I honestly think these injuries were sustained through torture- there's just no other explanation. He's going to need both ports replaced; I don't work in automail and even I can tell you that, just looking at them. Possibly even more amputation, the areas are so damaged. From what it looks like, after the automail ports were exposed, someone just- just ripped them apart. While they were still _in_ him." This was the first time in the whole discussion even the stoic doctor shuddered, and he glanced to the floor for a moment, shaking his head. "Some of the wires were tied into knots under his skin. Some of the bolts were so loose he would've felt them rattling every time he breathed; others were so tight I can't imagine there won't be permanent bone damage. The surrounding muscle tissue and tendons have been ripped to shreds by the wires being pushed out of alignment. Some of the damage is recent; some already shows signs of beginning to heal- badly, incorrectly, but it _is_ beginning to heal- some has already healed entirely, but with the damaging elements still in his shoulder and thigh it healed incorrectly and will need to be corrected surgically. The areas are so bad he would almost certainly lose the arm and leg if he still had them, and as I said we may even need to amputate a little more as is, due to nerve damage. ...I've... I've never seen anything like it... the pain would've had to been excruciating..."

When Winters trailed off into silence, it was just barely in time.

Al looked as if he would throw up, if it were possible.

Maes felt as if he might throw up, period.

This confirmed it beyond every shadow of a doubt, now. Ed hadn't been just kidnapped, he'd been _tortured._ Viciously, unfairly, brutally... and to what end? Just a madman's whim? And of all the people in the world, _god,_ why Ed?

Why _Ed?_

"...I'm sorry, you two," Winters murmured, when the black quiet had apparently drug on long enough. He sound reluctant and sympathetic, and the regret weighed heavily on his eyes as he looked around the room. "I'm sure you'd like to see him now, but visiting hours are over. It's really best if you head home for tonight, get some rest; tomorrow morning, you'll be allowed to see him."

Al stared at the doctor like he'd just spouted Xingese. "...What?" he rasped, as if the idea of leaving now simply made no logical sense. "But... but Brother..."

It was heartlessly cruel, Maes felt, to ask the boy to leave like this. After so many weeks, all he was going to be afforded was a few minutes with his brother back at that warehouse- and now, something as stupid as hospital rules was going to prevent him from being with Ed? No, he decided. No; this was not right.

"Dr. Winters," he interjected, striving to keep the hostility out of his voice, "I understand the problem, but Major Elric is going to need a protective detail." Technically true, after all... if Roy was still out there, it could mean that Kuzon had had accomplices... "I've already ordered Al take the assignment." Not true at all, but Al was not stupid; he'd know what he was trying to do here. "Al needs to be with his brother." Truest of all.

Winters paused for a moment, glancing around at them all again, then released a murmured sigh of defeat. He obviously wasn't fooled, but this was a military hospital and he knew protests would only turn the request into an official order from higher up the food chain. "Understood. Then, Al, if you'll please follow me..."

The boy didn't move, still too stunned as the doctor left the room, just staring after him while Maes relaxed, relieved. It wasn't until Winters was several steps out into the hallways that Al at last jolted, jerking away from the wall and clanking after him in a panic- only to freeze and spin around at the door. "Hughes- Hughes, thank-"

Maes held up a hand to forestall any such nonsense and grinned, no matter the pain it caused in his stitches. "Shut up and go to your brother."

He didn't have to tell him twice.

Al now gone, Maes slipped off his glasses for a moment, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion. As tired as he was, and as hopefully as the day had begun, it was very, very hard for him to face the reality their work was only half finished. He could never blame or judge Al for being so focused on his brother right now- but to Maes, it felt as if his heart was being torn and stretched in two different directions, Ed on one side, beaten, broken, surely going to need all the help they could give him in the coming weeks, and Roy's unknown fate on the other... he wasn't sure how much longer he could do this for.

Havoc cleared his throat by the doorway, raising his hand in a half-hearted salute. "I'll head back to HQ now, sir. Update Hawkeye." He paused for a moment, giving him a guarded look. "Also call your wife; give her a heads up."

Goddamn. _Gracia._ Maes flopped back again, dropping an arm over his eyes and instantly feeling like the worst husband and father in the world. "I can't believe I forgot," he muttered hoarsely, berating himself. "Yes... someone needs to tell her not to set a place for me at dinner... tell her I'm fine, just-"

Havoc nodded to cut him off, seeming unsurprised. "I'll handle it. Just rest up, sir... I'm sure we'll be seeing you at HQ anyway the moment they release you."

Damn straight they would. He'd said before he wasn't off this case yet, and now, knowing Roy was still out there, he meant it more than ever. Then, something the lieutenant had said actually registered, and he raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You're staying? What about East City?"

"Ha." Havoc snorted, rolling his eyes but also not looking amused in the slightest. "Hawkeye's grandfather is the commander of East City forces. When she called him and expressed her 'sincere wishes' to stay-" the man put up air quotes around this words, dripping with dry sarcasm, and Maes knew Hawkeye's request had been less of an actual request and more of a snapped _I'm staying, and that's that, "_ he managed to get us assigned under your command, temporarily loaned out to Central for the purposes of this case only." He smirked, though once again, there was no humor in it. "So, you'll be seeing a lot more of us around the office for now, sir. Until we get our own CO back."

It was said with all of the confidence of a man who would not yet fail, and all the bloodlust of one who was ready to kill to get to his goal. His eyes flashed as he gave another salute, this one far more straight-backed and sure than before, and without another word, he turned on his heel and left- left to resume the search for his superior officer and friend.

The search Maes would be resuming right along with him, come morning- because Havoc was right.

If Roy still breathed, they were _going_ to find him.

That was that.

* * *

1\. Roy wasn't there.

2\. There was a needle in his arm.

Fuck. Fuck. Shit. _No._ No no. _No._ Fuck no shit.

Roy wasn't there, Kuzon had put the needle back in him and Roy- Roy- where the fuck was Roy?!

_What did you do to him, Kuzon?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!_

No- no- he couldn't do this- he had to find Roy-

Ed brought his arm to his mouth and ripped out the needle with his teeth, and the whiplash of panic that bit through him because _Roy's head wasn't on his chest_ was nearly too much. He scrambled to stand on his one leg, the scream of injuries normal to him and now muted underneath terror, and he searched desperately around the room for Roy.

New room. New room? Why new room? Why had Kuzon changed his cell? Last time there'd been a room change, he'd ended up with Roy- was he taking him away now? No, no, no, _no, no..._ why had Kuzon taken Roy? What the _hell_ was he doing to Roy?!

Too terrified to marvel that his arm was free, Ed instead reached to grasp for the slim pole that had previously supported the needle dug into his arm. It was similar to the metal, alchemic staffs he liked to pull from the ground as weapons and it settled firmly into his mangled hand, bringing a sense of ease even as his heart pounded and eyes continued to sweep the room.

Where was Kuzon?

Where was Roy?!

He had to find him. He _had_ to find him. What if Kuzon had given up using him and was going to kill him? What if he was experimenting on him _again?_ He needed to find him _now!_

_Roy, dammit Roy, how could I let him get you again- fuck if he's dead, I can't, I, I can't do this...  
_

Outside the door he could hear voices- more than one- oh, god, there was more than one. More than one Kuzon?! He couldn't fight them all off but he _had_ to- he _needed_ Roy and they had him-

Suddenly the door burst open and now the voices were inside the room, multiple men all at once- white lab coats- _Kuzon-_

" _STAY AWAY!"_ he screamed, sweeping the pole in a dangerous arc to force them back. " _Stay the fuck away from me!"_

Roy wasn't there. Roy was still not there! Where was he?! Where was he where was he _where was he?!_

"Ed-" one of the men started, advancing a slow step, "Ed, it's okay, you-"

" _I told you to stay back!"_ He jabbed the pole forward again threateningly, heart fluttering weakly in his chest as his strength tried to fail him and adrenaline didn't let it. "Stay back, Kuzon! Stay the hell away from me! I took your shit out of me, you can't touch me you son of a bitch, now _give Roy back!"_

None of the men advanced further and Ed took another step back towards the corner, desperate to get as much distance between them as possible. He knew he needed to attack them- get past them- _find him-_ but they _terrified_ him and he could not- Roy- Roy- _Roy-_

" _Where is he?!"_ he shouted at last, the cry so loud his throat ached. "What did you do to him?! Why did you take him from me?! _Give him back!"_

"...Ed..."

They weren't answering him. They weren't going to tell him! They weren't going to give Roy back! Thy were going to keep him experiment on him kill him kill him kill him-

" _ROY!"_ he screamed, turning frantically throughout the room. _"ROY! ROY, if you can hear me, SAY SOMETHING! I'M COMING!"_

Ed held still for a moment in panicked terror, blocking out Kuzon and the others trying to talk to him, just straining his ears and holding his breath in horrified hope- but Roy's barks never came. Wherever he was, Roy couldn't hear him- if he was even still alive.

No. No. _No._ Had to get away from these men, had to find Roy, had to get him out of here. Had to find Roy. Where the fuck was he why wasn't he here damn it he could not _do this anymore_ without Roy's head on him and- and- and-

One of the men approached him again and Ed swung with the pole, enforcing the distance of at least four feet. They weren't fucking touching him. He was free now and they were _not_ going to get to him again. He wouldn't let Roy down now and he _wouldn't_ let himself get dragged back down that filthy wall and tied there _again._ He wanted out of here, damn it! _Out of here!_

Ed hopped another step backwards, still wielding his weapon and cast another terrified look around at his enemies. He was going to have to fight his way through. But there were so many of them- so many- and he could barely stand or hold his weapon, and exhaustion was already trying to make him sink, and-

Syringe.

That one had a syringe.

Instantly, white hot pain lapped at his feet and tried to swallow him whole.

_No... no, no, no... not again, not again, NOT AGAIN-_

And without Roy there, this time, he would surely die.

_NOT AGAIN-_

Couldn't fight. Couldn't risk it. Had to run. Had to run and sneak around them and come back for Roy later. Had to get away now and find Roy later. Escape. _Escape._ He swiveled desperately, but the exit was thoroughly blocked and-

There! There, a window!

* * *

When the alarms went off from inside Ed's room, Maes sprinted towards him without a second thought.

Al, despite having been further away than he had been, still beat him there, and had wrenched open the door and stepped inside before Maes had even made it at all.

He burst inside with the doctor, turning automatically towards the bed only to be caught as Al flung his arm out, stopping them from going any further. Frustrated, he tried to push the armor down, straining to see the hospital bed- what had gotten into him, why wasn't he letting them see Ed; he needed help-

" _STAY AWAY! Stay the fuck away from me!"_

Maes froze, his heart lurching.

When he followed the source of the scream, it was to find Ed was not in his bed at all- and the sight of him was enough to leave him horrified.

Ed was huddled back in the corner, barely standing on his one leg and already trembling in exhaustion- but he showed no sign of being ready to sit back down. He held his IV stand in his one broken hand like a weapon, swiping it at them to keep them back, and blood dripped from his arm where the needle had been torn out. He stood hunched over and trembling, impossibly small and frail and the hospital gown only made him look even worse- empty sleeve hanging off his shoulder, empty pants' leg swaying limply, painting him as a cripple- but when he looked to his eyes, what Maes saw was no helpless cripple.

Liquid amber that _burned_. Burned in a wild, livid hatred that was so strong it pierced down to his soul even it was clear Ed wasn't actually _looking_ at him, seeing something only his terrified subconscious had thrown up before him. The terrified _fury_ that gleamed there was enough to shock him to his core.

"Ed..." Al pleaded, voice broken. "Ed, it's okay... you-"

" _I told you to stay back!"_ Ed again swiped the IV stand as a warning at his brother- that horrible _hate_ still glowing in his eyes and transforming his face into one nearly unrecognizable. Ragged, loose hair dangled over his eyes in a vicious veil and his mouth had become a snarl, terror and hatred burned into features so severely it was horrifying. Ed swiped at them again and continued to yell- _screaming-_ screaming at his _brother,_ and Al was so stricken he heard the boy sob.

"Stay back, Kuzon!" Ed howled, another swipe of the IV stand stopping Al from advancing. "Stay the hell away from me! I took your shit out of me, you can't touch me you son of a bitch, now _give Roy back!"_

The words hit him like a slap to the face and Maes stumbled, horrified. Kuzon? Roy?

Ed thought he was still back in that warehouse... he thought they were _Kuzon..._

Which meant he thought Kuzon had Roy.

Maes gasped, heart pounding. But if Kuzon had Roy, then that would mean he would've been in that warehouse- he _had_ to have been- had they somehow missed him?! Surely it wasn't possible he'd been moved just before they'd found it- but then-

Maes' frantic musings were broken off when Ed screamed again, clearly terrified. _"Where is he?!"_ he cried, huge, frightened, furious eyes darting between everyone in the room without landing on anyone once. "What did you do to him?! Why did you take him from me?! _Give him back!"_

The raw desperation in him was stunning, and never mind how hard it hit him- Al was clearly devastated. "Brother..." he whispered mournfully, frozen helplessly in his tracks. "Brother, please... you're safe, Kuzon's gone... you're safe now, _please,_ Brother..."

But it was as if Ed could not even hear him.

" _ROY!"_ he screamed desperately, IV stand whirling before him in haphazard terror even as he threw his head back and shouted towards the ceiling. _"ROY! ROY, if you can hear me, SAY SOMETHING! I'M COMING!"_

But of course Roy did not answer him, and Ed continued to whip about in frantic, insane terror. Maes reached out a hand helplessly, heartbroken, and Al continued to shake by his side, so distraught at his brother's fear he couldn't even move.

"Ed, come on," he begged desperately, trying to get through to him, "slow down and look at us, it's okay..."

"Brother, please! Please, stop!"

Wild eyes swept over them without seeing them, staring straight through them in his search for Roy, and Maes remained frozen by the door, torn. Clearly Ed was not going to respond to any of them. Clearly, the only thing that could stop his panic would be if Roy walked through that door- but that wasn't going to happen.

"We need to calm him down," Winters said firmly from behind him, also hanging back to avoid getting attacked by his delusional patient. "He's in no shape to even be standing and if he keeps stressing himself out like this he could really hurt himself."

Maes grimaced, his frantic heart pounding, and turned back to face the terrified boy again. "Well, Roy's the only thing that'll calm him down, but that's-"

"We can't wait for this _Roy_ to get here. We need to sedate him. Now."

The matter of fact statement made his gut clench. Surely there could be another way? Clearly, Ed was already terrified, and this would just frighten him even more- but he _did_ need to calm down or he was going to hurt himself...

Paralyzed with indecision, Maes remained still, watching Al tried unsuccessfully to calm his hysterical brother down and the doctor prepared the sedative. By the time it was ready Al had made absolutely zero progress- in fact, Ed seemed to be even more scared- and Maes couldn't find the words to protest as the doctor began to cautiously advance.

Ed saw him.

And Ed _lost it._

He screamed, backpedaling frantically to press himself into the corner, trembling and gasping as if he'd just run a marathon. Wild eyes darted about the room in clear search for an escape route and he flinched like a spooked animal, flinching away from the doctor as if he was the devil himself. Maes forced himself to remain still, his heart in his throat; this was for his benefit, he made himself think, as hard as it was to watch now this would be good for him, and Ed had nowhere to run as it was, with them all blocking the exits, and-

The nearby, third story window's presence hit him in the exact same moment it hit Ed.

Cold horror congealed in his gut, and he stared back at the young alchemist just as the terror of being trapped became the exhilaration of a way out.

" _EDWARD, NO!"_

The pole hit the ground, and Ed threw himself into the glass.

" _BROTHER!"_


	15. Chapter 15

For the second time in as many days, Alphonse Elric saved his brother's life.

His reflexes were truly miraculous, the boy realizing what Ed was going to do and acting to save him before anyone else in the room had even understood the horrifying reality. Maes himself had only just reached a desperate, far too late hand out when glass shattered in a rainbow display of splintered destruction, and the electric blue light of alchemy lit up the room.

Both Al and Ed screamed.

And then it was over as quick as it had begun, the light of alchemy vanishing, the shattered glass shards hitting the ground all at once, Al running forward- and Ed, still screaming.

Al sprinted towards the destroyed window, hitting the floor next to the small balcony ledge he'd made at the very last moment to catch his brother's fall. Bonds had extended from the stone to tie Ed down, but even so, he thrashed, shouting incoherently and straining against concrete.

"Brother! _Brother!"_ Al cried desperately, throwing himself down next to him. "Ed... _Ed_ , come on, look at me, please... _Ed..."_

He sounded perilously close to tears, touching his brother's face with a trembling hand, but Ed was blind and deaf to it all. He just kept screaming and writhing, fighting desperately to worm himself away from the captors that existed only in his own mind- even if that meant throwing himself down a twenty foot drop.

"Ed..." Al gasped as if in mourning, "Oh, Ed... I'm so... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry, Ed... I'm so sorry...!"

Al dissolved the bonds and lifted his brother in the same breath, his arms a far more effective prison than the stone floor. He squeezed the boy to his metal chest, helmet buried against his shoulder as Ed thrashed and cried, pounding his broken, bandaged hand against the armor to escape.

"I'm sorry... I'm _sorry..."_

" _Roy!"_ Ed screamed at him, shouting and hurling his fist as his brokenhearted brother with all his strength. _"ROY! Where is he?! Give him back! GIVE HIM BACK!"_

"I'm so sorry, Brother..."

" _GIVE HIM BACK!_ _ **ROY!"**_

The wrenched howl of despair shocked him down to his soul, and Maes at last raised a trembling hand to his mouth, horrified beyond words.

"Brother, please... you're safe, you're okay... _please_ just look at me, _please...!"_

" _ROY! ROY! Roy, where are you?! Where are you?! ROY!"_

"I'm s-so sorry... _I'm so sorry..."_

" _ROY! Roy, help me! Please, Roy! PLEASE! HELP ME!"_

He sounded terrified for his life...

Although it took all his strength, Maes shut his suddenly wet eyes and turned away from the sorrowful sight, shifting back to face the stricken doctor. "Maybe now you should use that sedative," he whispered, voice hoarse, then shuddered at another tortured scream and felt his insides clench.

He couldn't make himself face the Elric brothers again, but no matter how hard he stared at the floor, Maes still heard them. Heard Al sobbing apologies to his brother who could not hear them, and heard Ed screaming for a man who was not there.

" _ROY, PLEASE!"_

"I'm so sorry, Brother... I'm so sorry..."

" _ROOOOOOOOY!"_

* * *

After that, they Ed was given ten new stitches, moved to a room without a window, and a bed with restraints.

* * *

His head felt... muddled.

Cottony. Slow. Medicated. Drugged. Off.

Just... _off._

He knew he should be frightened. He knew he should be forcing his eyes open, getting up, moving, searching, _something._ But it was as if there was a thick, suffocating blanket pressing down on him from every angle; every time he tried to remember _wake up- move- fight-_ it pressed just a little bit tighter, holding him down and murmuring _shhh, no you don't... no you don't..._

Roy's head wasn't on his chest, and there was a needle in his arm.

By themselves, either was enough to terrify him. And he was. Terrified.

He was pretty sure, anyway. It was a little difficult to _feel_ enough to be gripped by something as vibrant as terror.

But he should be terrified. Because _Roy._

The suffocating blanket didn't let him be terrified, but it did let him open his eyes, so he tried it. Blinked a few times in uncertain, still confusion- sure he _should_ be confused, but not realizing why. Something wasn't right, but... but what...?

"You're awake!"

More things that were not right. Ed frowned with difficulty, his facial muscles not too excited to be following his orders, and turned his head with even more effort to blink uncertainly at the source of the voice. His brother stood anxiously by his side, hands clasped before him, eyes bright with a painful kind of hope.

Al?

What?

No... no, that... that wasn't right... this wasn't _right..._

"It's okay, Brother," Al hastened to promise, clunking to his side so quickly it happened in a blink. "You're safe now. You're in a hospital."

...Hospital? But...

The needle niggled uncomfortably under his flesh, and Ed raised his arm to stare at it. The suffocating blanket tamped down on the shock of terror at the last minute, but a few tendrils still snuck through, and he let his wrist drop to his mouth, preparing to rip it away from him for no other reason except he wanted it gone.

"Brother, stop! You can't do that!"

Suddenly, Al's hand was around his arm, holding it just far away enough that he could not reach. Ed stared at him, hurt and betrayed. Why would his brother stop him from taking that out? Didn't he know what was in it? Didn't know how much it was going to hurt...?

"Ed, you really can't take that out," Al told him again, but now his voice had softened from a scolding to a nervous sort of pleading. "I know you don't like needles, but you need it, okay? It's helping you..."

Helping? _Helping?_

How could Al say that? Why would Al _lie_ to him? No- no, Al would never... Kuzon had to have lied to him... Kuzon had to have told him it was helping him... but why would Al have believed him?

He wanted to make his mouth move, to warn Al of the danger, to warn him Kuzon had lied to him, but that sounded like a whole lot of difficult words to say when he really just wanted this thing _out_ of him. He pulled his arm away back to his mouth again, licking dry lips before sinking his teeth into the tubing.

"Brother! Stop that!"

Again, Al's hand foiled him.

This time, his brother didn't let go, and his eyes stared at him imploringly; desperately. "Please, please, just leave it in for now. Please. Hughes and I managed to get the doctor to take the restraints off, but he said if you take the IV out again, he'll put them back on, so _please_ just leave this in for now, all right? I know you don't like it... I'm sorry..."

Ah. So taking it out meant punishment. That was why Al was telling him to leave it again. To help him avoid punishment. _Ah._

That was good. Al wasn't lying to him, Al wasn't believing Kuzon, Al was just helping him. Al was being Al; too sweet and helpful for his own good. Dammit, he loved his brother.

"Okay," he promised hoarsely. "Okay." If leaving that in him was all he had to do to avoid another punishment, then, for once, Ed knew he'd be able to sidestep the pain- and he was more than willing to suffer the indignity and discomfort if the pain didn't return.

Al still looked distrusting, but he did, very cautiously, release his hand. Ed forced himself to lower it back down to his side with only one uneasy glance towards the needle dug into his vein, swallowing. _See, Al?_ he thought, looking back up at his brother. _See? I'll be good. I'll be good, Al. So... so don't let him punish me again._

_(Al has more reason than anyone in the world to punish you, though, doesn't he? You took away his body, his life... he has more reason than anyone...)_

Again, that suffocating blanket that smelled like sedatives pushed back on muted disquiet and unease that tried to come forth.

"Where's Roy?" he asked unsteadily, letting his hand drop to the empty space on his chest where the chimera would normally rest his head. He looked around the small room in a nervous search, but there was nothing to be found.

He wanted to panic. He- he needed to...

But that cottony blanket wouldn't let him.

_I need to... need to find him..._

Al stiffened at his question. "I... ah..."

Panic he couldn't do; worry, he could force through the calm threatening to suffocate him. "Al, where's Roy? Where is he? Is he okay?"

"He's..." Al shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "He's okay, he's... he's resting in another room right now. But you should worry about yourself, for now, okay? You... you were really badly hurt..."

Ed frowned. Something about that didn't sit right with him, though it was hard to pinpoint exactly why, and Al looked very uneasy- well, it was probably just the discovery that Roy was a chimera now. But not for long. He licked his dry lips, trying to focus. "Hey, Al, don't worry, okay? Kuzon said he has a way to fix him. I'll find it. I'll find it without telling him what he wants, and I'll do it. It'll be fine."

"...Okay, Brother," Al said quietly, but somehow, he sounded even more uneasy than before.

Slightly put off, Ed looked away as well, shifting uncomfortably in bed. "I want to see him," he pressed worriedly, and he managed to shake off the irritating calm just a little bit more. "I... I think... I think I remember Kuzon hitting him...?" He shifted and squinted, trying hard to sift through the haze of memories. Yes... there was a vague, shadowy recollection of Roy throwing himself on Kuzon- getting kicked to the side- getting up again- kicked to the side again...

But he'd passed out before the end of the fight... if he was still with Kuzon Roy must've lost, but Al said he was still alive...?

"Is he okay? I want to see him!" he insisted weakly, wishing he could thrust off this unsettling sense of force calm. "I- I want to see him..."

Once again, Al's reply was just a little too quick, a little too confident. "You, uh, can't right now, Brother. He's okay, but they said he can't have visitors for a little why. Maybe later, okay?"

"...They? Who's _they?"_

Al looked at him uncertainly, clearly takenaback. "...The doctors," he said at last, seeming surprised. "Ed... Ed, do you realize you're in a hospital? You're safe now... you do understand that, don't you?"

He struggled with the words, uncertain and unsure. Hospital? Safe? So then Roy _had_ won? But then why was punishment still a danger?

And if he was in a hospital, why would Roy be in another room down the hall?

"Did... did you already change him back?" he asked disbelievingly. Surely Al would've mentioned it if they had, surely Al would be excited; even if he didn't like Roy, and Ed was pretty sure he did, never before seen alchemic accomplishments to his name... "Did you fix Roy?"

"...Yeah. Yeah, we did, Ed. We did. He's okay."

He didn't sound like he believed it when he said it.

But, Al wouldn't lie to him.

"Brother, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes is outside. He wants to talk to you for a little while. Is it okay if I bring him in? Don't worry; I'll stay with you."

Hughes? So he really _was_ in a hospital. Kuzon had no reason to take Hughes. But how was Roy also here? Ed blinked, tired mind fumbling for words, and managed to shove off the sedation a little further. "Uh... sure," he muttered, head lolling to the side. "That's fine. But don't leave me, Al, okay?"

Dammit. He hadn't meant to say that last part aloud.

But he was just too tired... too fucking _relaxed..._

He regretted it even more when Al looked at him very, very sadly, hand shaking almost like he was trying not to cry. But he couldn't cry, because Ed had taken that away from him years ago. Dammit, he hadn't meant to make Al feel even worse, he just...

"Okay. I promise I won't, Brother."

...just didn't want to be alone...

True to his word in the way only Al could be, his brother didn't leave the room even to call Hughes in. He just moved to the door and pulled it open but stayed in his line of sight, calling softly for the investigator- damn, he must've been just standing right there, waiting... okay, mildly creepy...

Al instantly moved back to his side before Hughes even made it inside and, suddenly self-conscious, Ed tried to sit up a little. It was hard, minus one leg and one arm, the one foot and hand he did have too much of bandaged lumps to even move- but Al had been there through the automail recovery, he _knew,_ so rather than chastise him he helped him without a word, gently bringing him to shift so he was leaning against a pillow rather than collapsed on it.

See? _See?_ Al was simply the best brother in the world. Of course Al wouldn't lie to him.

Barely a moment after he'd gotten situated, another man stepped into the room. For a few seconds Ed was confused, and thought some other patient had simply wondered in from outside- because that wasn't _Hughes-_ but when the man turned and smiled at him gently, green eyes bright behind his glasses, and said, "Hey, Ed," he realized.

"...What the hell happened to _you?"_

Because he looked like _shit;_ looked as bad as Ed was sure he himself did, although he clearly didn't feel as bad, because he was up and around. He stood there in hospital pajamas that did zilch to hide the thick bandaging that covered his forearm, and his face was swollen and malformed, crossed by four stitched gashes that looked recent and _bad_.

Hughes gave him an uneasy smile, walking closer to stand next to Al. "Run in with a chimera," he said, waving his hand, and pressed on. "Not important. How are you feeling, Ed?"

Run in with a chimera? By the claw marks, something canine.

But, no, Roy wouldn't have...

And- and Al said they fixed him, didn't he? Didn't he say that? Al promised. And Roy as a human couldn't have done that; he simply morphologically wasn't capable of it. Al promised?

But then...

"...Ed?"

Ed blinked, realizing both were staring at him in outright worry. He shook himself, trying to force the muffled haze that wanted to descend off a little more. "'M okay," he muttered without giving it any thought, then looked towards Hughes again, concerned. "Did you leave someone with Roy? He probably doesn't like to be alone." Wait, no, no... that was _Roy_ who wouldn't want to be alone; if they'd fixed him he was Mustang, Mustang the grown man, Mustang who didn't need a pathetic, whining child like him coming after him, Mustang who didn't care...

Hughes exchanged an uncertain glance with Al. "...Uh, yeah," he said at length, they faced him again with another weak smile. "Hawkeye's with him. Listen, Ed, I know this is a really bad time, but I need to ask you some questions. I would wait, if it was at all possible- but there are some loose ends that really need tying up, about Kuzon, and we need your help to do it, okay? Is that okay with you?"

Loose ends? Heh. He could imagine that. Human chimeras being made in the middle of Central _were_ par for course, but not when it wasn't by someone on the government's payroll... "Kuzon," he muttered, sifting through memories again, catching a flash of Roy hurling himself upon him like the devil. "...Is he dead?"

This time, the answer came without hesitation, and it was from Al. "Yes. He's gone, Brother. You're safe now."

Dead? But then... "Then how did you fix Roy? Kuzon... Kuzon was the only one who..."

Again, they exchanged that uneasy glance. "...We figured it out ourselves," Hughes said at last, but Ed frowned, the words refusing to sit right with him. There was something he was missing. Something this suffocating, calming blanket of drugs didn't want him to panic about. Something about Roy.

He pushed away the calm a little more, fighting to worm his way past it.

Hughes cleared his throat. "So, about Roy. Was he being kept with you the whole time?"

"...Yeah," he mumbled, looking at him suspiciously.

Hughes and Al had figured it out themselves? Hughes and Al? But Hughes wasn't an alchemist at all, and Al was talented but not a bio-alchemist...

_Something's not right..._

"When was the last time you saw Roy?"

Ed frowned again. "When he was attacking Kuzon," he said, mind trying to race. What? How was this important?

"And when was that, Ed?"

Why was he pressing this? Why was it important? "I don't know, depends how long it's been since then," he grumbled. "I saw it when I passed out... then just woke up here." Ed pushed off the calming blanket with another momentous heave and felt some small claws of panic manage to sink into his subconscious. "How on earth did you manage to fix Roy yourselves?"

Hughes' frown deepened. "...Roy helped us out a lot. Figured it out mostly and talked us through it. So, Ed, if the last time you saw Roy was-"

"Wait, _what?"_ Ed stared at him, bewildered. "That's not possible."

"...What do you mean it's not possible?"

He shrugged one shoulder, as if it should be obvious- because it _should've been_ obvious. "Roy couldn't have talked you through it. I'd only taught him how to say 'yes', 'no', and 'pain', if something hurt and he needed my help... well, that, and his name. And he already knew my name. But that was all he knew how to say; he couldn't have talked you through it. Hell, he couldn't have even figured it out himself at all, like that."

Panic sunk deeper.

Hughes and Al were both staring at him in piteous disbelief, as if they had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and felt _sorry_ for him because of it, thinking he was just a confused child. "...Well, of course I didn't mean that _literally,"_ Hughes said lightly, smiling at him, but it looked forced, somehow. "He, ah, just figured out a way to communicate with us-"

"No. No, he couldn't have helped you." He broke off for a moment, embracing the panic that swooped up to grab him with open arms. "There was no way he could've helped you... and those questions that you were asking me- Hughes, Roy could've answered them; why do you need to ask me?"

This time, when Hughes and his brother looked towards each other uneasily, no explanation followed it.

Instead, Hughes just looked uncomfortably towards the floor, shuffling his feet, and Al moaned. "I told you it was a bad idea to lie to him, Hughes," he muttered, but instead of accusation, his voice was full only of self-loathing and regret.

Lie?

Lie to him?

They'd _lied_ to him?

His mind spun.

No, Al would never...

_(But he just said he did.)_

But- but he _wouldn't-_

"What?" he heard himself ask, voice weak and mouth numb. "...What?"

Al shifted nervously next to him, looking like he wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and never be seen again. "I'm sorry, Brother," he whispered, staring only at the floor. "I... I'm really sorry..."

_No... no, no, no..._

_(HA! Of course he lied to you, of course he did! You stuck him in that suit of armor, you killed his mother, why should he be honest with you? And remember what he said? Remember what he said? That Roy was okay...? If he lied, then that means...!)_

Panic claimed him.

" _Where is he?"_

Hughes and Al just looked away- and that was the last straw.

" _Where is he?!"_ he snarled again. _"Where the HELL is Roy?!"_ He threw himself out of bed and _away_ from both of them when they reached closer in panic, dodging their hands and hopping backwards on one unbalanced leg. "You lied about him being here, didn't you?! He's not here, is he?! You haven't even fixed him, have you?! _Have you?!"_

"Ed, please, just calm down-" Hughes begged him, taking another step closer.

" _No!"_ he shouted, flinching back. _"NO!"_ Hughes had lied to him, Al had lied to him- they'd lied, _they'd lied, (Roy's not okay, Roy's not okay, Roy's not okay),_ "Where the hell is he?! _Where is he?!"_

_Roy... oh, no, no no no, nooo..._

Al looked absolutely miserable, and Hughes, for his part, seemed almost sick with regret. "I'm so sorry, Ed," the investigator managed at last, voice weak with self-loathing. "I didn't want you to find out like this- I didn't mean- I'm sorry, Ed..." He tried to reach for him again, looking horrified with his own mistake.

No. _No._ If they wouldn't tell him he'd just find him himself. _"Don't touch me,"_ he hissed, shying away from the hand and hopping a step away. "Keep your fucking hands away from me." He limped for the door, supporting himself on the IV stand _(keep that needle in your arm, Ed, keep it there, you'll be punished otherwise...). "Roy! Roy, can you hear me?!"_

"Brother, wait! You need to stay in bed-"

" _ROY! SAY SOMETHING, YOU DAMN MANGY MUTT! ROY!"_

But Roy didn't answer him, nothing at _all,_ so Ed dragged himself forward another few exhausting, agonized steps, eyes set only on the door, escape, freedom, _Roy-_

Al grabbed him from behind, one huge, metal arm lifting him into the air and holding him against his chest plate- and just like that, he was helpless. Couldn't reach the ground, couldn't worm free- couldn't escape- couldn't fight- couldn't run-

_(Told you not to trust him...)_

" _NO! NO! NO!"_ He thrashed desperately against the hold, shoving and kicking with every iota of flagging strength in wild panic. _"Let me go! LET ME GO! AL! STOP IT!"_

"Brother- Ed, please! Please! You're going to hurt yourself, _please,_ Ed, stop... you need to clam down...!"

" _No! LET ME GO! Let me go, Al!"_ He shoved frantically again, panic choking off each breath to leave him strangled. "I have to- have to find Roy- have to find him- _ROY! Roy, help! ROY!"_

Suddenly Hughes was in front of him, scratched face contorted in concern. "Ed, listen to me," he pleaded- then had to reel back to avoid getting kicked. "Ed, Roy's not here. We... we don't know where he is. When we got you from the warehouse, he wasn't there with you."

"Hughes!" Al gasped, horrified. "Hughes, don't-"

"He's still in danger," the investigator went on, voice calm and placating as he inched another careful step forward. "And we _will_ find him, Ed, you don't need to worry- but you have to tell us everything so we can find him. Okay, Ed?"

Roy... Roy... _Roy..._

_No..._

" _WHAT?!"_ Ed finally screamed again, tearing violently out of his brother's impossible hold. He stared around at the shocked onlookers, horrified by the lack of answer. _"_ What the hell are you talking about _he wasn't there?!"_

Once again, it was Hughes who tried to answer him- his brother seeming too heartbroken and shocked to attempt it. The investigator stepped hesitantly forward and raised a hand, looking very, very worried. "Ed, there wasn't anyone else there with you..."

" _What the fuck?!"_ he heard himself howling. "He was _right there!_ Roy was _RIGHT! THERE!_ How could you miss him?!" How fucking incompetent were these people?! First they had to break _themselves_ out, and now apparently even that had not been enough, and they had just completely missed the fact that one of their own was right under their noses! " _HE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!"_

Once again Hughes tried, but he was losing his false sense of calm more and more by the second. "Ed, there wasn't anyone there! It was just you, Kuzon, and a chimera. By the looks of things the chimera attacked both of you- but, there was no sign of Roy anywhere..."

Him, Kuzon, and a chimera?

No sign of Roy?!

They'd seen the chimera- but they hadn't seen Roy- the chimera but not Roy-

Then that meant...

They'd found him.

And then they'd missed him.

They'd found him, and then, they had _missed_ him.

Some very quiet voice in the very back of his head whispered that he could hardly blame them, that it had taken him god knew how many days to realize who the chimera really was, but-

_They'd fucking missed him!_

Whatever strength that had somehow kept him on his feet until now gave out on him, and his knees buckled.

"Ed!"

"Brother!"

"Catch him, Al, he's-"

Ed shoved off the blurry hands before they could reach him, disgusted and repulsed and just unable to tolerate being held by the same hands that had so carelessly _left him behind._ He hit the floor and buried his head in his knees, trying not to sob even as burning tears welled in his eyes and his breaths came in short, agonizing gasps. Panic strangled his heart and it hurt so fucking much and he was so damn _scared_ and _he wanted Roy._ Roy'd kept him alive, Roy'd kept him safe, Roy had _been there,_ and Ed needed him right here, right _fucking_ now, he needed to see Roy to breathe again and he needed to see him to _know_ he'd survived too but- _but-_

" _You left him... you left him... you left him..."_

He heard his brother clank to sit behind him and buried his head deeper, his chest so tight he couldn't breathe. "Brother, what are you saying?" Al coaxed gently, sounding almost as scared as Ed felt. "There... There was no one else there..."

"You left him," Ed choked out again, his throat thick with sobs. "You... y-you left..."

"Ed, come on." This time it was Hughes, by the sound of it the investigator now kneeling on his other side. "You've gotta explain this to us. There was no sign of Roy-"

"He was the chimera."

That was all he could take, and Ed found himself sobbing again. It felt like the room was closing in around him, like the walls were about to crush him, every breath not enough at all, every harried gasp leaving him only needing _more,_ it hurt, he was dying, he _had_ to be dying. "He was the chimera. T-that... _bastard..._ t-turned him into a... a _chimera._ He turned him into a chimera and you... _you left him there!"_

There was a stunned, horrified silence.

_I need him... I need him here... I need him here... I can't do this without you, Roy, you kept me alive, please god I can't do this without you, you kept me alive how the hell could I not protect you, oh god I'm so sorry..._

"R-Roy... he was..." Hughes gasped beside him, weak and terribly unsteady. "Roy was the black dog?!"

Ed fought to swallow the crushing lump in his throat. He fought to close his eyes against panic and dying, fought to survive against what felt like suffocation and terror. "He was saving me," he heard himself whisper. "He was _saving_ me. How the hell could you think he was attacking me? Without him I would've died... Hughes, how _could_ you..."

The investigator sat back weakly with another stunned gasp. Something about it made Ed look up at him again, and the horrified look on his face reached in to touch the fury inside him. The man looked like he was about to be sick, not that Ed felt any better, but even as he looked to him the investigator raised a shaking hand up to his mouth, staring sightlessly in horror. "Roy was the... the black..."

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes?" Al asked uncertainly from behind him. "Are you all right?"

Hughes, very pale and drawn, now, didn't seem to have even heard his brother. He shut his eyes for a moment, trembling, then breathed out a quiet, "Oh, no."


	16. Chapter 16

"He's _where?!"_

Hughes dropped his head into his hands, looking so acutely miserable Ed wouldn't have been surprised if the investigator just sank down to the floor and melted into it. "I'm sorry," he whispered, covering his mouth for a moment, shoulders trembling. "I... I'm sorry..."

"Hughes..." Al whispered in muted horror, and the investigator sunk even deeper into himself, moaning.

"I... I didn't recognize him... I thought..."

" _So you let the military take him?!"_

Hughes simply buried his face in his hands, the only answer Ed got being a whimpered sort of affirmation. But it was the only answer he needed.

" _Which lab is he in?"_ he snarled, dragging himself to stand on his one leg and throwing off Al when he tried to stop him. "Which lab did you put him in, you _bastard?!"_

"Brother, wait!" Al pleaded, trying to get him to sit back down on the bed. "You can't just go-"

"The hell I can't!" He threw his brother's hand off again and rounded on Hughes, breathing so hard and fast he could barely catch enough air to shout. "I'm breaking him out of there if it kills me! Do you have _any idea_ what kinds of experiments Kuzon did on him?! Then you just hand him to the military to do even _worse?!_ How could you, you son of a bitch?!"

Hughes made no move to defend himself against the accusations; he just shook his head miserably, face still hidden in his palm. "I had no idea it was him," he whispered, voice muffled, and sank weakly to collapse in the chair by the empty bed. "My god, Roy..."

At that moment, the door to his room swung open, and Ed swiveled towards the noise just in time to see Hawkeye march forward. The lieutenant came to a surprised halt in the doorway, her eyes darting over Hughes' guilty slump, his brother's panic, and his own ferocity, and her eyes widened.

"What... what's going on?"

Growling, Ed yanked his arm away from his brother again and hopped back an unsteady pace, seething at the floor. "Ask _him,"_ he hissed, pointing towards the investigator that had betrayed his so-called best friend.

"...Hughes, sir?"

Haltingly, the man told her.

He told her everything.

Throughout the explanation that Ed could barely stomach to hear a second time, Hawkeye turned steadily paler and paler, and at its end, she raised her hand to her mouth and stood there in horrified, disbelieving shock.

It was pretty hard to feel sympathetic. He was pissed off at her, too.

"Yeah," he grunted, when Hughes was done. "So, if you don't mind me going to fix your damn messes, _I'm_ going to go get him out of there and turn him back. Al, come with me."

"Wait, what? You're going to change him back?" Al asked, attempt to stop him before he left the room forgotten mid-reach. "How?"

Ed shrugged one shoulder, supporting himself on the IV stand as he hopped for the door. "Kuzon said he had an array. I'm going to find his stupid array, then turn Roy back with it- and you two better stay the fuck out of my way. Al, _come on."_

His brother stumbled after him uncertainly, still reaching him. "Hey... hey, Brother, wait, you can't just-"

This time, it was Hawkeye who blocked his way.

Unlike his brother, she didn't look he'd be able to move her with just a few words or a well-placed shove.

"Wait, Edward," she ordered, still drawn and pale, eyes haunted- _good; she better feel guilty after letting the military take Roy-_ and when he tried to slip past her, she simply shifted her stance to firmly block the entire doorway. "There's a chance you can fix him? Make him human again?"

" _Yes!_ Now get out of my way!"

Still, she did not move.

"What the hell's your _problem?!"_ he cried when she remained in his path, pulling frantically to yank his arm from his brother's grip. "Come on! Don't you have any idea what they could be doing to him?! We have to help him- help him right now!" What was wrong with them; didn't they care at all?! Didn't they realize the hell they could've put Roy in, couldn't they see he was losing his mind and _needed_ the bastard here just to breathe, goddamn them they had _no idea-_

Hawkeye, looking faintly ill, finally cleared her throat. "...If there's a chance you can fix him, then..." She paused reluctantly, as if it was an arduous struggle to even force the words out at all. "...then we're going to have to wait."

...

" _WHAT?!"_

_Wait?! WAIT?! For fucking what?! Can't you see I'm losing my mind without him here; don't you know what could happen if I'm not there to protect him, how am I supposed to fucking know he's safe if he's not here with me, how am I supposed to hold myself together when he's NOT HERE-_

"I'm sorry," she rasped, her voice pained and raw. "But, Edward- what exactly is your plan? Call Lab Three and tell them their human chimera is Colonel Mustang?"

Ed stared at her, horrified by her reluctance. " _Yes!"_ he cried, again trying to push his way past her. "Yes! I'll tell them it's Mustang and I can fix him, and they'll have to let me! It's _Colonel Mustang!_ They'll have to let him go!"

Hawkeye simply shook her head slowly, sherry eyes sick with regret. "No, Edward. They don't."

"What-" he gasped, another short screech of a panicked breath cutting off his sentence before he could get more than a word in. "What... of course they would! It's the colonel! Military may suck but they're not going to just hold him when they know who he really is!"

This time, it was Hughes who spoke up, the investigator still sitting quietly behind him, miserable and guiltridden. "Ed, you're greatly overestimating the military's kindness."

"Shut up," he hissed, glaring at the bastard venomously. _"Shut up,_ you have no right to talk-"

"They are not going to release Roy to us even if you tell Lab Three who he is," Hughes went on heedlessly, exhausted, bloodshot eyes holding his own. "And it is highly unlikely they'll even let you attempt to help him. And even if they did- Ed, _if_ you succeeded, succeeded perfectly, they still wouldn't let him out. A chimera has never been reversed before- especially not a human one. They'd still experiment on him, and I don't have the pull to stop it."

Ed stared at him in horror.

Hawkeye swiftly continued on after him, and when he jerked around to face her it was to find her just as pale and drawn as the investigator. "And even _if_ Colonel Mustang had the connections to get himself out of there, he would never be allowed back in the military. Edward... I know you intend to leave the military as soon as possible; I know we're just a quick means to an end for you- but for the colonel, this is _everything._ The military's everything to him, Edward." She paused briefly, turning her head away to shut her eyes as a pained expression came over her face. "If we act rashly now and end up having him forced to retire as a result, it will devastate him. I won't do that to him."

Ed blinked, aghast. How the hell could she think about Roy's _career_ right now? He knew she was cold, but to be so heartless now... his fucking _career?_

Fuck his goddammed career.

No. _No._ If Hughes and Hawkeye weren't going to fucking help him- _he protected me, he kept me safe, if it weren't for me this never would've happened to him in the first place-_ no! _Fuck_ his goddammed _career!_

" _Fine then,"_ he hissed, twisting away from both of them to face his brother again. "Al, me and you will handle this. _We'll_ tell Lab Three the chimera's actually Roy, and then if they won't let him out we'll just bust him out." Easy enough, right? They'd broken into Lab Five, and that not-supposed-to-even-exist shithole was guaranteed to be guarded more heavily than this one. Sure he didn't have his arm or his leg back yet; fine, fine, Al could be his alchemist, that was fine; he couldn't just wait for Winry to get to Central...

It was all perfectly obvious to him. The only logical course of action. The fact that Hughes and Hawkeye were resisting, while bewildering and infuriating, was ultimately immaterial; whatever nonsense they were thinking it was very clear this was the only way to do things. Roy needed to get the fuck out of Lab Three and back to his side _now._ That was all that mattered.

So... why wasn't Al moving?

"...Al?" he asked uncertainly. He shifted to stand a little more steadily, leaning against the wall. "Come on. Come on, let's _go."_

Soulfire eyes watched him hesitantly, his brother standing his ground and not rushing to agree with him. He seemed uncertain and reluctant, and when he finally found his voice, it wasn't the surefire agreement he'd expected, but instead some softer, gentler, more sympathetic noise that made his insides twist. "Ed, you're not thinking straight right now... I know you're worried about him, but you're not in any sort of shape to be doing this. Just- just lie back down for now, okay; let Hughes and Hawkeye take care of this..."

He was begging with him, Ed realized, horrified- actually _pleading_ with him to let this go. To _relax_ and _rest._ Didn't he have any idea what Roy had gone through to keep him safe? Had gone through because of his own pathetic _failures?_ Didn't he realize he couldn't just _calm down_ when Roy. wasn't. _there?! (And aren't you a selfish little fuck, just wanting to drag him back here as your damn security blanket? Just like always... just like always, you pathetic, selfish, brat... you take, take, take, and take and you never once give...)_

"Come on, Brother," Al tried to cajole him again, this time gently grasping him by the arm and trying to lead him back to bed. "I know you may not feel like it, but you're really badly hurt and you need to stay put, okay? Colonel Mustang'll be fine..."

" _Fine?!"_ he gasped, trying to yank his arm away but the motion was too rough and unbalanced him, nearly sending him tottering onto his side. He brushed off the supporting grasp and ignored the alarmed cry, seething too much to even _think_ about accepting help. "Oh, yeah, if we just leave it to _them!_ Al, they're the reason he's stuck there in the first place!"

"Brother, I was there- he didn't look anything like Colonel Mustang- he _attacked_ Hughes! And we had no idea he'd been made into a chimera at all! You can't blame them-"

"Yes. He can."

Cold, stony acceptance of guilt broke forwards into panic, and, slowly, he turned to face Hawkeye again.

The lieutenant was drawn and haunted still, but her eyes were steady and reflected nothing beyond the iron confidence of her colonel's loyal adjutant. She stood straight backed by the door, jaw clenched and hands fisted by her sides, whatever internal guilt she was still mired in hidden behind professionalism and duty. "We knew that you were being held by a bio-alchemist with experience in making human chimeras. It is inexcusable that we did not fully prepare ourselves to deal with the possibility that one of you had been made into one. But that's been said and done- all we have now is to proceed. Alphonse," she said, eyes flashing. "You, accompanied by Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, will return to the warehouse and search for Kuzon's research notes. Upon location, you will return here to decipher them with Edward. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, you will return to the office to assist me."

"Wait, I'm not going to leave my brother alone right now-"

"You won't be," Hawkeye cut in sternly. "Master Sergeant Fuery will be arriving at the hospital shortly; he will watch Edward until you return. Now, Edward." She turned to face him now, speaking in a tone that belied absolutely no room for argument. "You will stay here. You will do everything that your doctor requests and that is _all_ you will do _._ Your role as of now is to recover. That is all. You're going to let the adults handle this now. Are we clear?"

Ed stared at her, takenaback. That again- stay here in bed like a good boy?! He was a child and needed to step back and let grown ups take care of adult business?!"And what exactly are _you_ going to do?!" he snapped back, nearly shaking with the anger of it. "You know, since you've been such a _great help_ so far-"

"I'm going to do what I should've been doing from the moment you two went missing, Edward: my job." She paused, dark eyes coloring with a black determination so cold it left even him unable to speak.

"We'll have Colonel Mustang out of lab three by the end of the week."

And with that, she saluted Hughes, turned her back, and left.

"Er... what did she mean by that...?"

Hughes gave a startled, quiet laugh, glancing at Al in veiled disbelief. "She means we'll be attempting a jailbreak," he said, clearly taken by surprise as well. "Not attempting, really, because failure is not an option." He paused for a moment, looking towards the floor, then breathed out heavily and pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "Hawkeye is right," he said, standing. "Roy... Roy may never forgive us for what we've done, but it doesn't matter. All we can do right now is get him out of there, so that's just what we're going to do. I'm going to go wait for Fuery, explain to him what's going on." He shifted for a moment, glancing down at his feet before his eyes hesitantly lifted to meet his.

"Ed- ...Ed, I..."

He looked sick with guilt again. Regretful beyond words; like he wanted to apologize until he was blue in the face but just didn't know how to start.

Stomach churning, memories of earlier rage flickering through his head, Ed jerked away and glared at the wall.

"Just get the hell out of here."

Once again, it looked as if Hughes was about to say something.

This time, however, the man thought better of it.

"...Okay," he murmured at last, guilt screaming in every syllable. The investigator gave him one last mournful, apologetic look, then left as well.

Now, in the small, claustrophobic hospital room, just him and his brother and the weight of new revelations, his thoughts felt entirely too loud, and he was struck again with the desperate urge to follow Hughes right outside just so he could _do something._ Anything. Anything at all, rather than just stand here and _wait_ for something to happen.

He had to- he had to _go,_ had to help- Hawkeye and Hughes couldn't be trusted with this, they'd already messed it up once, he had to _help,_ move, do _something-_

"...Brother?"

Ed sighed.

But of course, Al wouldn't let him.

He slowly glanced towards his brother out of the corner of his eye, mouth dry, head desperately full of instincts and anguish screaming at him but pathetically empty of anything to say. He shifted a little on his one foot, leg horrifically sore and pained, and tried not to tremble from bottoming out strength.

"I... I'm really sorry, Brother..." he mumbled, and somehow, he managed to look even more guilty than Hughes had. "I never should've lied to you... Lieutenant Colonel Hughes just wanted to find Colonel Mustang, that was all- he didn't mean to scare or upset you, but I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn't have just-"

"Stop it."

Obediently, Al did.

_Damn it, Al, you are way too good to me..._

His gut churning again, Ed took a breath, trying to find some way to put the internal storm of conflict into words, then just gave up. He didn't _want_ to hear Al apologizing like that. He didn't want to hear him sad and regretful and talking about things he didn't want to think about _(he lied to you, though... you can't just ignore it, it DID happen...)._ He didn't want to be mad at Al. He didn't have the energy for it or the will to fight with him. He just...

He just _could not_ deal with that. Not on top of everything else. He just _couldn't._

"...Brother...?"

Without saying anything in explanation, Ed dragged himself back towards the bed. He sank reluctantly back down on to the edge of it and stared at the floor. The needle itched and stung in his arm, and he found himself raising his arm towards his teeth for a half second before he remembered that punishment waited if he went towards it and let it drop again, uneasiness churning.

"...I'm going to go catch up with Hughes," Al said abruptly, and Ed could still hear misery hanging off every single word. "Tell him to go ahead without me. I'm not leaving."

Ed swallowed, shaking his head. He knew instantly what Al was trying to do, and no matter how much his heart instantly swelled with relief to know his perfect brother didn't want him to be left alone, he knew it wasn't worth it. "No," he forced out past the lump in his throat. "No. You need to go with Hughes. I don't trust him with this anymore and besides, he's not an alchemist. He has no idea what to look for."

Al shook his head firmly. "No, I'm not going to leave you right now. They can just find another alchemist, Brother... I'm staying here."

Damn it. _Damn it,_ he loved his brother. _Damn it_ he did not want to be alone, because as insufferable as this tiny room felt right now it'd be a thousand times worse when Al left, and Al _knew_ that, that was why he was staying- but- " _No,"_ he insisted again, looking instead at his knee because he knew if he looked at his brother he'd lose the strength to do this. "No. Al, I know what you're doing, and I'm grateful, but _no._ I'm not important right now; what's important is helping Roy. If you want to help me, then do it by helping him."

That was just that, he told himself. After surviving it all, he had no right to give in and feel needy, childish, pathetic, clingy, now. He had no right to be frightened just because Roy wouldn't be there to keep him safe. Kuzon was dead, he was in a damn hospital- he had no _right_ to want to cling to his brother or have Roy sleeping next to him, he had no right to still be scared, he was _safe,_ goddammit. Roy was the only one still in danger; he needed to be one hundred percent focused on helping him, that was _all..._

"...Um, Brother?"

Ed jolted, sucking in a ragged breath. Al sounded confused, like he'd asked him a question and somehow he'd completely missed it; he shook his head slowly, trying to clear it, and sent an uncertain glance up towards him. "Sorry, what'd you say?"

Al looked even more worried now, staring at him like he was unstable, or damaged, or broken, or just... all kinds of things that he didn't like. "I asked you what happened..."

"...What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just-" He paused for a moment, looking unsure of himself. "I mean... I know you don't actually hate Colonel Mustang, as much as you two fight, but... I guess I'd just never thought I'd see you concerned about him like this. ...What happened to make you worry so much about him?"

It was a fair and innocent question. Al had every right to be confused, he realized; Fullmetal and Colonel Bastard bickered and shouted at each other and that was it, that was just what they _did._ But Colonel Bastard hadn't done for him what Roy had... surely _wouldn't_ have, if it had been him as a human and not a half-dog, alchemic aberration... _(Mustang doesn't care, you idiot, stop trying to make yourself think that he does)._ He hadn't seen Colonel Bastard go through and endure any of this shit, just _Roy,_ and how was he supposed to not worry...

"...I don't want to talk about it," he muttered harshly, drawing one leg up to his chest and turning away. "Just go get Kuzon's notes and bring them back to me so we can fix him."

He could tell just by the way Al looked at him that he didn't want to.

But, at last, he gave a slow, dejected nod.

"Okay, Brother," he promised quietly.

Ed continued to look away.

* * *

Al didn't speak to him the entire drive to the warehouse.

And the fact that Maes knew it wasn't that the boy was too angry with him for conversation, but instead, just feeling too _guilty_ that he'd gone along with the plan at all, made him feel even worse.

After all, he was extremely familiar with how _too guilty_ felt, right about now.

At last, he cleared his throat when they pulled up to a red light, unable to take sitting in silence any longer. "Al, listen. What happened with your brother back there... I..."

But Al raised a hand to stop him before he got further than that, gaze still downcast and head bowed. "Don't worry about it, sir," he mumbled, forlorn. "I should've known better than to lie to him."

Maes frowned. "That's the thing... you _did._ You told me it wasn't a good idea, and I made you anyway-"

"You didn't make me do anything," Al said quietly, but he still wasn't looking at him. "I choose to lie to him about this. He's going to be mad at you for it, but really, it's my fault... but Brother doesn't like blaming me for anything..."

Maes barely stopped himself from cursing aloud. Ed _should_ blame him. There wasn't anything about what had happened that was excusable, no matter _how_ worried about Roy he'd been when he'd made that decision...

His gut clenched.

_Roy._

And, god, just when he'd thought he couldn't feel any worse...

Maes swiftly put an end to that line of thought before it could derail him any further. He knew it was something he was going to have to face and attempt to deal with- if betraying his best friend could ever, really, be just _dealt_ _with-_ but right now he needed to help Roy, and he couldn't do that sick with guilt and second-guessing himself into oblivion. Hating himself could, _would,_ come later.

Right now, there was only fixing the worst mistake he'd ever made in his life.

The hand he'd used to stab Roy suddenly shook against the steering wheel and, gritting his teeth, Maes tightened his grip until it hurt and just drove faster.

"I don't want to talk about this," Al said abruptly, bringing an end to the conversation that had already been pretty much over. "I just want to find these alchemy notes for Brother so we can figure out how to return Colonel Mustang to normal. I tried to talk to him about it, but he didn't really give me an answer on why he was so worried... but this is all I can do for him right now. So, I'm going to help him fix the colonel as fast as possible. ...If we can."

Al's words brought another uneasy twist to his stomach, and he glanced nervously towards the boy out of the corner of his eye. " _If?"_ he quoted, the possibility tasting like lead in his mouth. "What do you mean, _if?!_ Ed said-"

"He said _Kuzon_ told him he could do it. He hasn't seen the array for himself." Al hesitated and looked away for a moment, giant fists clenching. "But reversing a chimera transmutation's not something that's ever been done before." He gestured a little absentmindedly, bringing his hands together in the air and intertwining his fingers for him to see. "Chimera transformation is combining two bodies into one. In theory, it's as simple as separating the two bodies out into two different entities again- the souls should naturally follow, to their proper vessel. But... not every solution can be separated out into its original components, sir... it's just that no one's ever done it with chimeras before, and even though Kuzon was a good alchemist, I'm not convinced he wasn't just lying to Brother when he told him he could..."

Maes clenched his jaw, trying not to feel ill. He was quite aware a chimera had never been reversed before- but when Ed had said he could do it, he'd believed him. Ed was the most amazing alchemist he knew- even better than Roy (though Roy would roast him if he ever heard him say it). While Roy was a specialist and could squash anyone else's attempts at flame alchemy with little more than a snap of his fingers, Ed's included, it just seemed Ed was at least capable at _everything_ he tried _._ So when Ed had said he could do it, he'd believed him without a second thought.

But now...

He shut his eyes for a brief moment and clenched the wheel tighter, struggling to keep a hold on his composure. The memory of that monster dog flickered through his head again- so deformed he hadn't even realized there was a human in there until Al had told them... so unequivocally _not_ his friend in any way, shape, or form...

Could he really be stuck like that? _Forever?_

"So... um..." he stumbled, fighting to get the words out and have them sound casual, working his jaw, "if you two can't fix him... what happens then?"

Al hesitated, again refusing to meet his eyes. "Well," he began tentatively, "from what I saw, there are two souls in one vessel right now. Colonel Mustang's, and the original dog's. That's inherently unstable, sir. I'm not entirely sure which one's dominant, or if they share control somehow- but it doesn't matter, really."

Maes swallowed hard, struggling to keep his focus on the road. "Why not?"

"Well..." Al paused again, seeming even more reluctant to go on than before, "there's a chance the chimera isn't stable enough to survive for very long. And even if his body holds out... the only other chimeras I know of... well, Mr. Tucker's wife killed herself, and we could tell that Nina... Nina was suffering..." He broke off nervously for a moment, voice subdued. "It's just, any reports of human chimeras we've been able to find, they either died or... or killed themselves, sir..."

It took him several seconds to grasp where Al was going with this, because the boy was trying very hard not to spell it out- but when understanding hit him, it doused him from head to toe in a horrified, icy chill. He nearly swerved to pull the damn car over, gasping in sickened disbelief. "No!" he exclaimed, hands tightening reflexively over the wheel and heart pounding. "No- Roy would _never-!"_ Except he _had_ tried, after Ishval... but things were different now, he stubbornly reminded himself; just because it had happened _then_ didn't mean it was possible _now._ "You don't know him like I do, Al," he repeated firmly, fighting to stop his voice from shaking. "Roy would not kill himself."

"But it's not just Colonel Mustang anymore," Al reminded weakly, staring at his knees. "Remember, he attacked you."

Maes stiffened, the unhealed, still stinging gashes on his face suddenly hitching their pain up a notch. Yes, Roy _had_ attacked him, he remembered belatedly... had shown absolutely no hesitation or human awareness- and if it hadn't been for Al and Hawkeye, his best friend most likely would've mauled him to death.

"That... that doesn't mean anything," he managed at last, but his voice was horrifyingly weak. "He was- he was _scared,_ and... for god's sake, Al, we shot at him! What did you expect him to do, just let us kill him?!"

"I'm not trying to blame him for anything, sir!" the boy exclaimed nervously, voice rising as he rushed to make himself clear. "All I'm saying is that it's not just Colonel Mustang in there. His soul may by there but life is more than just a soul, sir... and if Kuzon was lying, and there's really no array... if there's nothing we can do, then it... might be kinder, if we just..."

Suddenly, Al stopped mid-sentence, as if he'd only just remembered that he wasn't alone in the car. "Of course, none of this matters anyway!" he squeaked, waving his hands frantically and looking at him with forced optimism. "Brother said he could do it and I believe him! There's no reason not to, sir! I don't know what I was saying- stupid of me; don't worry about what I was talking about, Brother's a genius, sir, we'll figure something out..."

His attempts at backpedaling and erasing what he'd said, however, all came far too late.

If they hadn't already been stopped at a red light, Maes would've needed to pull over so he didn't crash the car.

No. _No._ This was not happening. This wasn't... they _couldn't..._

No, he wouldn't allow it. Not to _Roy,_ god damn it. He'd already failed him in the worst possible way; he was not going to let his best friend be put down like a sick dog because there was _nothing they could do._ No... _no!_ It was the kinder, more merciful thing to do? Fuck kinder; fuck merciful! They would figure something out. That was the only option. If there was really no array, then Ed and Al would just have to figure something out. He may have failed and betrayed his best friend in every way possible, these past few months, but god _damn_ him if he failed him now.

The gashes on his face twinged again, and, slowly, furious determination gave way to sick hesitation.

Al had been right about one thing. Roy _had_ attacked him. Maes didn't blame him for it in any way, and as far as he was concerned there was nothing to apologize for in the first place, but it had happened. And Roy could have- _would_ have- killed him, if the three of them hadn't managed to incapacitate him.

If it _hadn't_ just been a reaction to being shot at... if that had simply been a feral, wild beast acting the only way it knew how, all form of humanity lost...

His best friend, he knew, wouldn't have wanted to live like that.

A massive tear shuddered straight down through his heart, ripping it in two.

He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing out harshly. _Might be kinder..._ if they really couldn't fix him... if Roy really was trapped like that, then...

"I'm sorry, Hughes," Al whispered from beside him. And he sounded sorry. He sounded like he hated himself; like he wished he'd never even mentioned any of this in the first place.

He made himself shake his head, but his heart was pounding and he still felt sick. "N-no," he gasped out, gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles ached. "No... like you said, we don't know anything yet. Let's just go into the damn warehouse and look for the array. For all we know, there is one after all."

His voice cracked multiple times throughout the pathetic, little speech, and by the time he reached the end of it, his eyes stung.

_Might be kinder..._

Again, Al fell silent, and this time, Maes let him keep it the entire drive to the old warehouse.

When they finally reached it, though, all hopes for tearing the damn place apart from top to bottom were dashed immediately.

"...Who is _that?"_ Al asked uncertainly, pointing out at the man standing guard in front of the warehouse. "One of your men? But I don't recognize him..."

Maes shook his head as he threw the car into park, staring after the anomaly as well. "No," he rasped out, then forced himself to clear his throat and focus on the situation at hand. "No, that's a military uniform- but it's not Amestrian." Grimacing, he wiped his eyes and tossed open his door in the same motion, pushing himself out of the car. "Hey!" he shouted, stalking forward. "This is a crime scene! Who are you, and what are you doing here?!"

The officer turned towards him without stepping away from the doorway. "Lieutenant Colonel Hughes?" he asked, and Maes stumbled to a halt, eyes widening.

His speech was Amestrian, but...

_Aerugian accent._

"...Yes," he admitted grudgingly, this time hanging back. What the hell was Aerugo doing here? "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" he repeated, gesturing for Al to stay back.

The officer frowned at him. "Major Yamanaka, Aerugian military. We spoke on the phone, sir." He paused for a moment, tilting his head to the side. "I thought I recalled telling you to wait until we arrived."

"Change of plans," Maes spat, though it hadn't been, not really; he'd never had any intention on waiting for the Aerugians. "Kuzon is dead, if you weren't informed. So there's nothing here for Aerugo to lay claim to."

Yamanaka frowned again. "To the contrary, sir. Kuzon _was_ an alchemist for our government for some time, and many of the developments he helped pioneer are still classified. We've been told he was likely researching alchemy here. Therefore, due to your country's treaty with us, Lieutenant Colonel, any and all research projects and or documents produced by Kuzon within your country are still considered our government's property. They are for our eyes, and our eyes _only. ..._ So." He broke off for a moment, smiling like a man who knew that he had won and was now just savoring the moment. "Unless you want to set off an international incident, Lieutenant Colonel, I suggest you turn around, get back in your car, and leave the way you came."

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

By the time Maes got home that night, he felt dead.

Also a bundle of nerves. Also so anxious he could not catch his breath. Also frightened enough to scream. Also exhausted enough to pass out.

But mostly dead.

For god's sake, that meeting with Hakuro would've been enough to do him in on a _normal_ day. Waking up in a hospital bed with his face feeling like it'd met a cheese grater would've also been enough to, by itself, ruin a day from the outset. The brutal shouting match with Ed that had mostly consisted of his heart being ripped out of his chest to be stomped on would've also been enough to screw him over.

Add _everything_ on top of each other, and then mix in the understanding of what he'd done to his best friend, and, well...

So, yeah. He felt _dead._

When Maes unlocked the apartment door and nudged it open to find his wife on her way out, he was so drained he didn't much other than just still and blink at her in surprise. Gracia, however, jumped to an abrupt halt and stared at him, freezing in the middle of the hallway to stare at him with wide eyes.

"Maes!" she exclaimed after a beat, and he just stood there dumbly, too drained to reciprocate. "I was just about to head to the hospital- I didn't know they were releasing you; you should've called! I would've picked... picked you... my god, Maes, what _happened_ to you?"

He continued to stare at her blankly, struck for a moment with a bitter sort of humor. The hospital hadn't actually released him; he'd just left that morning, now many hours ago, without bothering to even speak to a doctor, because something more important than painkillers had come up. Hell, the only reason he wasn't still wearing hospital pajamas was he kept a spare uniform at the office.

Maes blinked when his wife's fingers tentatively reached his cheek, tracing over the claw mark that had nearly taken his eye out. The faint, cool touch made him shudder involuntarily, and he found himself drawing back without conscious thought. Gracia's eyes widened in surprise, her hand still frozen in mid-air.

Swallowing, he turned away and moved past her, not wanting to face the worry and concern shining in her eyes. He automatically went to his belt to remove one of his throwing daggers, to place it where Elicia couldn't reach it, then stumbled when his fingers hit open air.

Right. That dagger wasn't with him.

That bloodstained dagger was locked away somewhere down at HQ in an evidence case, because he'd buried it in his best friend.

Once again, his heart plummeted.

"...Where's Elicia?" he heard himself ask dully, then shuddered to hear his own voice- even more exhausted than he felt, and strikingly _empty_...

"At a friend's house," Gracia whispered, seeming unsettled. He heard her shift uncertainly behind him for several moments. "...When Lieutenant Havoc said you were hurt, I didn't realize it was... Maes, are you okay?"

He nearly laughed aloud at the bitter irony of that one. Ed, severely traumatized, nearly starved to death, his automail still in pieces inside of him. Roy, not even _here,_ because his own best friend had stood by to watch him get shot and then betrayed him. And yet people kept asking if _he_ was okay? A few scratches and suddenly _he_ needed their sympathy?

"I'm fine," he snapped, or, he wanted to snap it; somehow it just came out sounding even more tired than before.

He heard Gracia come to a stop just behind him; could almost feel her reaching out hesitantly to his shoulder before she stopped in midair, nervous and distressed. "...Did you find Ed and Roy, honey?"

He gritted his teeth.

"...Yeah," he choked out. Somehow. "...Yeah. We found them."

She'd only asked if they'd been found, after all. Not if they were both actually safe.

Gracia had known before they'd set out on the mission that he'd been hoping to find his missing best friend and the boy who'd somehow managed to become something like a son to them. He hadn't wanted to tell her- had not wanted to get her hopes up in the chance that they had failed- but somehow it had come out anyway, and now...

"...Are they okay?"

What he should've done then was simply tell her the truth. What he _should have_ done was turned around, shaken his head, and then told her everything that had gone wrong- because no, _neither_ of them were okay. He should've told her that he'd failed Roy so badly he didn't know that his friend was even going to get out of this alive, and he'd fucked up so greatly with Ed that the boy hated him and was refusing to even speak to him. What he _should've_ done was just be a good husband, even while he'd so magnificently failed as a friend.

He opened his mouth to do it...

And all that came out was silence.

All the turmoil and impossibility of the past few days finally really hit him in that moment, everything coming to the forefront at once and overwhelming him so completely he could not even breathe. Were they okay? Were they _okay?!_

Ed was hurt and scared... and Roy wasn't even _human..._

And rather than help either of them, what had he done?! Lied to Ed. Made him believe everything was okay only to snatch it all away at the last moment. _Stabbed_ Roy. Left him in what might as well have been a military prison; trapping and isolating him when _now_ , of all fucking times, he needed to be with people who loved him and would help him. _That_ was what he had done.

"...Maes...?"

It was just too much.

Rather than be a good husband, Maes Hughes sucked in a ragged breath, covered his mouth with his hand, and sobbed.

* * *

As it turned out, Hakuro was not a very big fan of letting Aerugo run the show in his jurisdiction.

Maes didn't even need to _try._ One mention of the fact that Kuzon was an amazing bio-alchemist and Aerugo was trying to take his possibly groundbreaking research off for themselves and the general was storming out of his office. Less than ten minutes later, Maes had a court order slapped into his hand that demanded they have access to any and all documents discovered in Kuzon's warehouse and lying claim to the human chimera, Roy.

Aerugo, of course, had fired back immediately with its own protests. Maes had simply stood back and let Hakuro run the show, at this point, and it had not taken very long for a compromise to be hammered out: Amestris would be allowed access to the documents, but only in the presence of Aerugian officials, and they would only be permitted to _read_ them, to ensure Kuzon had not gleaned any classified information from Ed during his capture. The files, at the end of it all, would all be returning to Aerugo, and Roy would remain in Amestris.

Clearly, Aerugo had come out of it all thinking they had won. Trying to get Roy had been a stretch from the beginning, and they'd gotten their files. It wasn't as if Amestris could get much out of just _reading_ them over once, after all...

They were unaware, of course, that Scieska and Falman both had photographic memories.

* * *

"So... we have to wait for a week to get any information?"

"At maximum!" Al fretted nervously, clearly trying to make it not seem as bad as it was. "It's just that Kuzon had a lot of papers, and it'll take a week to get through them all... Falman and Scieska are going to read them during the day, then copy down the relevant information for us at night, so we can read them the next day. So, we could get something tonight!"

Ed sat back with a scowl, glaring at his foot. He knew Al was _trying_ to sound hopeful and cheerful, but, in all honesty, it just was not working- and he was not in a mood to be cheered up, anyway.

"...Hawkeye's still looking on getting into Lab Three," his brother said after a few moments, clearly still trying to raise his spirits. "She thinks in a few days she'll have a plan to get him out..."

"Oh, great," he spat. "And I'm sure it'll be a _perfect_ plan. You know, considering she and Hughes are the reason he's _there in the first place."_

Al looked at him sadly, wringing his hands together. "You shouldn't blame them, Brother... I was there, too, he really didn't look anything like Colonel Mustang... he didn't really say anything, either- nothing to make us think it was him. And they already feel bad enough!"

"They should feel bad," he muttered under his breath, but raised his hand to stop Al before he went on in their defense. "I _really_ don't want to talk about this right now, Al."

His brother shifted hesitantly beside him, clearly unsure of what to say but at least willing to drop the previous subject. Sighing, Ed squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and pulled his knee up to rest his chin on it, trying to clear his head. Some still barely logical part of him knew he couldn't blame Hawkeye or Hughes for what had happened... after all, he sincerely doubted Roy had just walked up to them and told them who he was. Just looking at Hughes was enough to tell him how exactly they had met the chimera. In their position, he would've almost certainly not recognized him, either...

Understanding that, though, was quite different than being ready to forgive them for it.

"...Winry's catching the next train to Central..." Al spoke up quietly, and Ed could hear just how hard he was trying to sound cheerful. "Aunt Pinako's coming with her, too, Brother! They want to see you."

Ed paled, something in his chest twisting at the thought. He looked down at himself self-consciously, struggling to keep his calm. He was frail and thin, disturbingly so, arm bony and pale underneath half-healed cuts and scars and what was probably meant to be a child's hospital gown still so loose it didn't even fit. His hand... god, his hand. Broken fingers set in worthless splints, rainbows of bruising expanding so far he couldn't even find his hand hiding behind the swelling and discoloration.

And then there were his automail ports. Both of them, hidden beneath a neat layer of gauze to protect the abused areas from somehow being touched and made worse- but Winry and Pinako would take that off. They would _see_ the disgusting, horrific damage that was so bad he could feel it aching and burning even now, blanketed by a thick haze of painkillers.

Being seen without his arm and his leg was bad enough. It made people think he was a helpless cripple. They looked at him with sad pity and didn't see a capable State Alchemist but a weak child. But _now..._ being seen like _this..._

"Can't... can't they just stay in Risembool?" he croaked, and instantly hated himself for how dry and weak his voice sounded. "Why the special treatment? I can just go out there to get new automail again, like always." Yes. Good. Perfect. Give him a few weeks to recover and look like a human being again, let him fix Roy first, then he could face people... just not now...

Al hurried closer to his side, swiftly pouring him a small glass of water and trying to help him drink it. Ed batted his hand away and was too irritated to feel guilty for it; he just folded his screaming hand around the glass and tossed back the contents probably quicker than he should have even as Al made nervous, sympathetic noises beside him, clearly wanting to help him but loathe to force it. "They want to _see you,_ Brother," he said weakly when he let the empty glass roll down onto the sheets, taking it and putting it back on the nearby table for him. "Yeah, they're going to fix your automail while they're here, but they really just want to see you again. They've been so worried. Besides, it'll be a while before you're out of the hospital; you want your arm and your leg back sooner than that, don't you?"

Ed glared at his foot and chose not to respond.

When his only answer was silence, Al wilted next to him, looking sadly towards the floor like he wasn't sure what to say. Instantly, Ed regretted it. His brother was the only one blameless in all of this, and here he was, as usual, making him worry, making him sad. Al was only trying to help, and what did he do? Throw it back in his face.

"...Sorry," he mumbled, but he found himself still unable to look up from the blanket and meet his brother's eyes again. "Sorry, I... I'm just tired, Al. I- sorry..."

Tired. Ha. What a fucking underestatement.

Sorry. _Ha._ Even bigger one.

"No," Al said softly, voice heavy unspeakable sorrow, "Brother, don't say that. You- you don't have _anything_ to apologize for!"

Again, Ed found himself unable to reply, but it wasn't out of mean spite. Again, he found himself staring at his foot, but this time, it was in a struggle to swallow back the mournful tightness in his throat without making a sound.

When he said nothing back, Al fell silent as well, seeming unsure of what to say. After a few moments, he dropped wearily down to sit on the floor next to him, leaning his head to rest against the edge of the hospital bed. Without thinking, Ed pushed himself over an inch so his thigh was nudging against the helmet, and Al just responded by leaning a little closer.

In took him several moments to realize that the reason he was left feeling even emptier than before was that some part of him had been expecting reciprocation to come in the form of a dog's warm head resting over his heart, not his brother's cold helmet resting against his leg.

Then, of course, he just felt even worse.

"Aren't you going to finish your dinner, Brother?"

Ed blinked, pulled slightly out of his dark haze by the mumbled question. He shifted a little, glancing back towards the tray of nearly gourmet quality soup after the scraps he'd been sustaining himself off of for two months. He hadn't even realized he'd only eaten half- but there it was, half full, plain as day.

It was just habit. Eat half, then split the other half with Roy.

He hadn't even realized...

Cautiously, Ed reached his hand forwards, nudging the forgotten spoon without any real intentions of picking it up. He wasn't hungry in the slightest, but he supposed Al was right; he needed to eat it. Besides, he'd have to be stronger than this if he wanted to manage the transmutation to fix Roy...

He froze before the spoon even made it out of the bowl.

He needed to save it for Roy. He couldn't eat it all- what was he thinking? God, he was already selfish enough to take more than his fair share, now he wanted even _more?_ Did he want Roy to starve to death, was that it? He was already being unfair and selfish enough as it was; _stupid Ed, how could you even want to hog it all, split it with him, you asshole, equivalent exchange..._

"...Brother?"

He jumped, and suddenly, reality descended.

Right. He didn't need to split food anymore. Kuzon was dead, and he wasn't in that damn warehouse, and...

And he didn't need to split food anymore, because Roy wasn't there.

...Right.

Ed took one look at the soup and found himself squeezing his eyes shut, breathing hard against his suddenly rebelling stomach. He pushed it away, trembling hard, and had to resist the urge to chuck the fucking spoon across the room.

"I'm not hungry," he growled, and jerked away from his brother.

* * *

The next few days passed in a tedium of unbalanced anxiety alongside impossible boredom.

The hospital, as usual, sucked. It had always sucked and it always would. So far, this one managed to rank as his worst stay as of yet, for any number of reasons he didn't like to think about. His automail was gone and it hurt _constantly._ He could barely move the arm he did have, his shoulder so badly abused the doctors were talking about permanent damage. And he could barely move his leg, either, not due to injury but because every time he even _looked_ like he was thinking of getting out of bed, Al or a doctor or nurse was there to stop him.

Ah, well. Wasn't as if he could go anywhere anyway... without the benefit of adrenaline and the direness of an escape plan in the works, as it turned out, standing on five broken toes hurt. A _lot._ To the point Ed was beginning to wonder if about the benefit of automail toes and convince himself that it couldn't possibly hurt any worse than now if he just cut them off.

See, that was his pathetic idea of a joke. Maybe not a good one, but still, a joke. Al hadn't realized that, and had promptly looked so horrified Ed had found himself disturbed.

That was another thing he was apparently good for, nowadays: frightening his brother. Al was clearly loathe to leave him alone for any period of time and sometimes, just the way he looked at him... it was unsettling. It had taken a little bit of work to get the information out of the doctor, but, apparently, the first time he'd woken up, he'd nearly scared his brother to death. Ed didn't remember it at all, and the doctor had refused to tell him anything more than that- something that did not bode well.

He was extremely reluctant to ask Al about it. It was clear it was still bothering him, whatever he'd done, and he'd already put his brother through enough, damn it. But, unfortunately, that left him with not many options... Hughes and Hawkeye were likely to know, but at the moment, he still was too angry with them for such a civil conversation...

Of course, dealing with whatever it was he'd done to his brother was pretty much all he had to do.

Scieska and Falman had yet to uncover anything relating to chimera transformation in Kuzon's notes. From what he'd heard, they'd mostly related to soul transmutations, thus far- or, in other words, completely unhelpful bullshit. Roy wasn't there, either to talk to, distract him, or keep him sane. And thinking about Roy at all right now ended up leading to bad places, something he was trying to avoid.

There was physical therapy for his shoulder, which _sucked._ There was glaring at the splints on his broken fingers, which was irritating but at least not overtly painful. There was dodging Al's nervous questions about why he still wouldn't eat more than half of anything offered, questions that he still could not bring himself to answer. There was trying to pretend the IV didn't bother him, and when Al asked him about it- because Al always noticed, no matter what he did- pretending it just that he didn't like needles.

Still, as insufferable, impossible, painful, and _boring_ as the hospital was, when distraction arrived in the form of Hughes, Ed instantly decided he'd rather be left alone.

"Get out," he snapped, turning his head away away from the door without giving the investigator time to even say hello. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Brother..."

Hughes sighed quietly but didn't attempt to speak, either to protest or defend himself. Ed continued to glare at the opposite wall, fist clenched no matter the pain that shot down to his palm and up his wrist from the broken bones.

"Brother, he needs to talk to you," Al tried again. "I know you're still upset with him, but he needs to get your statement, about everything that happened..."

Ed stiffened. Of course... he'd known this would be happening. Just another thing that he'd been trying to put out off- mostly because it would entail _a lot_ of thinking about things he wanted to avoid. He continued to look away, now even more irritated with Hughes even though he knew the guy was just doing his job.

From behind him, Hughes side again, deflating. "It's fine, Al. If he really doesn't want to talk to me, I can send another one of my officers... I understand."

Ed stiffened. _Another one of his officers..._ instantly, his mind spun, racing through the implications. Of course Hughes had other subordinates he could send. But the specifics of what had happened weren't something the military could know. And even if he was mad at Hughes right now, he still at least trusted him to tell him the truth and keep it quiet. Ed really wasn't sure if he could manage to lie about the entire experience to someone else and besides, he had no way of knowing how much they already knew. He was drugged out and exhausted; it would be just too easy to slip up and create a mess he couldn't clean.

Gritting his teeth, Ed shifted just enough to see Hughes out of the corner of his eye and glared.

"Wait."

The investigator hesitated on his way out the door, glancing back at him uncertainly.

Once again, his hand formed a fist, trembling weakly under the blankets. "...It's fine. You can do it, Hughes."

Hughes remained still, just looking at him in surprise. Ed cleared his throat then and looked up to his brother, trying to instill some sort of confidence or steel in his voice even though he was aware it was a fruitless venture. "But I want you to go check up on Hawkeye and them. I want to make sure whatever they're planning will work, okay?"

It was Al's turn to hesitate, though at least he didn't outright refuse- he would've, if Ed had been asking him to leave him entirely by himself. Still, his brother glanced between him and Hughes and shifted uncomfortably, obviously loathe to make his exit. "Are you sure?" he asked at last, glancing towards Hughes again. "I can stay, if you want-"

"No. I need you to make Hawkeye's not going to fuck this up, since I can't do it myself."

Al sighed sadly, but at his continuing insistence, his brother gave in and nodded. "Okay. I'll be back later tonight, promise."

"...Okay."

Damn it, and there he went again, shifting nervously and trying to ignore the anxious clench in his gut as he watched his brother leave. He was _safe_ here, Kuzon was dead- since when had he _needed_ Al to be there with him?

Oh, yeah. Since Roy hadn't been.

And even then, Al still didn't make him feel as safe as Roy had.

"Why did you make him leave?"

Ed stiffened, Hughes' quiet question drawing him out of dark reverie and making him flinch away. Cursing himself, he rubbed his hand over his face and tried to control himself, meeting his eyes with as steady as a gaze he could. "Because there are things I'm going to tell you now that I don't want him to know. And you're not going to tell him, got it?"

Hughes paused, watching him carefully, but when he didn't say anything else, he accepted the statement with a nod and moved to sit down in the chair next to the bed. "Okay," he agreed easily, flipping open a file he held under his arm and clicking on a pen.

"And don't take this to mean I'm okay with... everything," he snapped, glaring heatedly. "But a lot of what happened, the military can't know. So I can't tell really tell it to anyone else, but I know you have to know something to give to the dammed generals.

Hughes paused for a moment, watching him even closer now. "All right," he said guardedly, and shifted his grip on his pen. "Anything else?"

"No."

Hughes gave him several more moments, as if waiting for him to change his mind, then sighed and reverted his attention to the notepad in his lap. "Understood," he murmured, lowering his gaze. "Whatever you say now will stay between you and me. And... for record, Ed. I _am_ sorry. For everything."

Then, before Ed had time to do more than stiffen in surprise, he continued on.

"Let's start from the beginning. What's the first thing you remember?"

Still a little thrown by the apology, Ed shifted for several seconds, clearing his throat, then lowered his gaze to his leg. It felt easier, somehow, if he didn't have to watch Hughes' reaction as he explained. "Uh... waking up in that warehouse. With Kuzon. He'd already taken my automail- and I don't remember the explosion at all, so don't bother asking."

There was the scratching of the pen for a few moments, and then: "What happened next?"

Ed rubbed his head for a moment, straining to remember the conversation that was so distant it felt as if it had been years. God, it couldn't have only been two months... "He... it was weird, I guess. He wanted me to tell him how to do soul transmutations- keep that out of the official report, Hughes, that's not something I'm supposed to know about- but, he kept talking like it was equivalent exchange. That was how he talked about everything. He promised he'd let me go if I showed him how to do it, and I... you know, I think he was telling the truth. He was crazy, but... I really think he was being honest."

It was why he'd always believed Kuzon when he'd said there was an array to fix Roy. As unlikely as it was, Kuzon had always seemed genuine. No doubt he had also been dangerously psychotic and unbalanced, but he'd offered him that array in a gesture of equivalent exchange and one thing Kuzon had never done was lie to him about that.

Hughes seemed to find the statements a little unsettling, because this time he just watched him for several seconds before picking up with the questioning again, and his voice was quieter than before. "Why did he want to know how to do a soul transmutation?"

Ed glared even harder downwards. "Stupid ass reason. Like everyone who actually _wants_ to do one. His was immortality. Dumb shit. Somehow figured out I'd done one before, on Al, and got the idea in his stupid head that I would just tell him how. _Dumb ass."_

"...We know how he figured out you'd done a soul transmutation before, actually." Hughes waited for a moment, and when he didn't say anything, the investigator cleared his throat and continued. "Apparently, you and Al contacted him a few years ago. Al said Kuzon was one of the alchemists your father had once corresponded with?"

Ed winced at the reminder. _That_ had not been one of the brighter moves in his life... though he supposed it all worked out in the end, since it had gotten Roy and Hawkeye out to Risembool... "We could have. I don't remember all their names. But, so? What does that have to do with anything?"

Hughes explained to him quietly how Kuzon had visited the Rockbells, lingering over how Pinako had showed the psycho a recent picture of them- Ed in his automail, and Al in the suit of armor. When he realized the implications of it, Ed swore under his breath, shaking his head at himself. Of course... Kuzon _had_ mentioned something about seeing pictures and putting two and two together.

"We figured that he was actually there looking for your father, but got sidetracked when he saw that picture of you two," Hughes interjected. "If he was after soul transmutation knowledge, then I think we were right. ...You boys shouldn't have gotten dragged into this mess at all..."

The pity that lurked in his voice made him stiffen again, and Ed glared at the opposite wall, gritting his teeth. "Yeah, well, maybe things would've worked out perfectly had that bastard been there instead, but he wasn't and this is what happened. Sure wouldn't be the first time he left us to deal with something _he_ should've helped with. So it doesn't matter."

"...Ed-"

"Next question." Because damn it, if there was _anything_ that could make this more unpleasant, it was the mention of Hohenheim.

Hughes hesitated for a moment, and when he started up again, he sounded even sadder than before. "All right. Sorry for bringing it up... so, Kuzon wanted to know how to do a soul transmutation. I'll tell the military something else, don't worry... so I guess this next question is just for me, then. Why didn't you tell him?"

Ed swallowed at the regret that tried to form. He hesitated for a moment, struggling with the urge to just lie and make something up- but suddenly the words were just coming out before he could even consider a cover story. "Because I couldn't. I _couldn't._ It would've taken Al- what was I supposed to do?! My only choice was to keep it secret... if I hadn't, he..."

"What do you mean it would've taken Al? Did he threaten your brother?"

He forced himself to take a breath and shut his eyes, struggling to put it in terms a non-alchemist would understand. And hell if he knew why he was telling this to Hughes anyway... the words just kept coming out as if just desperate to finally be heard, and he didn't have enough strength to stop them. "It's complicated," he gasped out, and at the telltale feeling of panic that tried to worm its way through he shut his eyes harder and struggled to keep his breaths even. "When I... when I stuck my brother in that tin can, he... it wasn't just a soul transmutation. I had to give a little more, to make it equivalent. I ended up giving away my ability to do soul transmutations. I can't do them anymore, Hughes. I don't even know how and even if I did, part of the deal was that if I ever did one again, then they'd take Al's soul back. They'll take him back and so it didn't _matter_ what he offered me, it'd never be equivalent... but it wasn't even equivalent in the first place, and... and I just..."

He bowed his head, gritting his teeth as grief and desperation tried to assail him once again. His heart was pounding and Ed found himself pulling his knee up to his chest and wrapping an arm around it, drawing away from Hughes as he gasped and fought to get control of himself. He found himself waiting desperately for the sound of a concerned growl, or a paw pushing sadly against his knee, or a head resting in concern on his chest, or a miserable murmur of _Fullmetal,_ and when it finally clicked and he realized he was sitting here trembling and actually waiting for _Roy_ to comfort him he instantly just even more miserable.

A warm, disturbingly _human_ hand rested very gently over his wrist, and before Ed could even process it he'd jerked away, heart startled even faster and panic rising. "Don't touch me!" he snarled, because Al was cold and metal and Roy was warm but not human and anything else other than meant-

"Ed..."

...

Oh. Right.

Kuzon- dead. He was safe. He was _safe._

...

His heart still wouldn't quit pounding.

"'M fine," he gasped, even as he pushed Hughes' hand back as hard as he could, gasping for breath and struggling against the still descending panic. " _Next question."_

"...Ed-"

"Next question!" he snapped, but his voice didn't come out strong or confident at all, and he gasped in another breath, fighting for calm. "Wait- no, wait, Hughes-" Still gasping, he yanked himself back around to stare at him, ignoring the near alarm he saw in his eyes and forcing himself forward no matter how hard it was to get the words out. "You can't tell Al any of that, okay?! He doesn't know what I did, and if he found out- he'd blame himself for all of this, I know he would... it's just what he _does,_ Hughes, he blames himself for things when he shouldn't... you _can't_ tell him!"

Because Ed had never told Al the specifics of the transmutation that had stuck him in that armor- had never seen a reason to. He'd lost his arm, Al knew that, and he felt bad enough about it- even though Ed would've torn off the rest of his limbs without a second thought if that had been the price, and _still_ not regretted it. There'd never been a need to mention his deal with Truth. Until now, his ability to do soul transmutations hadn't exactly been missed, and it just hadn't been important...

But if Al knew that was what Kuzon had been after- if he'd known the reason he'd kept silent was to keep him alive-...

Hughes gave him a long, sad sigh, his gaze mournful and shocked. "...I won't tell him, Ed," he promised sincerely, voice low, "but for the record: I worry far more about you harboring guilt that you shouldn't than Al."

Then he was moving on again, without give Ed even a second to protest.

"What happened when you told Kuzon you weren't going to tell him how to do the transmutation?"

Still a little thrown, Ed watched Hughes quietly for several moments before just shutting his eyes with a forced breath, trying to make himself just let the argument slide and calm down enough to continue. The quicker this was over with, the better.

He made himself think back to his first real confrontation with the bastard, then flinched, wilting back from the memory as well as the pathetic embarrassment of losing so easily. "Long story," he muttered evasively, keeping his eyes down. "Basically, I tried to fight him, found out he had a tail, because what the fuck, why not, and I lost. Then..."

_It's your punishment, Edward. Your punishment!_

The IV dug very painfully into his arm, and once again, he had to resist the urge to yank it out with his teeth and throw it across the room.

"Then?"

"...Don't know, really," he muttered, purposefully vague. "Don't remember most of it. I know he gave me something. He claimed he invented it himself; probably did, psycho. Wanted to make me talk, so he just gave me some kind of drug that... it just made it hurt ...A lot." And saying it like that was easier, somehow, than explaining it as a punishment. Perhaps because punishments, by virtue, were something _deserved,_ whereas what he had said was just the enemy trying to get him to talk- and it was easier for him to say and accept that, far easier than it was than to think about it in terms of _punishment._

And again, he lied, phrasing the hell out of what had followed into lasting days and not weeks, and then softening what had happened after that. He shrugged vaguely rather than recount how Kuzon had used his bio-alchemy to made him feel like he was drowning and being burned alive, instead just saying _he tried to make he talk, and I wouldn't._ He didn't talk about how much the alchemist breaking his automail had _hurt,_ just his realization that if he could antagonize Kuzon into drawing blood he could sketch out a circle and break free.

He stumbled briefly here, remembering how pathetic the escape attempt had really been- how he'd not even made it out of the fucking warehouse, never mind close to safety, and his cheeks burned in embarrassment as he again stared hard at his foot. He refused to admit how terrified he'd been when he'd realized Kuzon had caught him, _refused_ to allow that shameful, sheer fear to seep into his voice and retold it all in what he hoped was just a flat monotone.

In catching a glimpse of the horrified look on Hughes' face, one that screamed sympathy and cried pity, Ed was pretty sure his efforts failed completely.

At this point in the retelling, he found himself unable to meet Hughes' eyes, the memory of what had happened next making his stomach churn. "That was the first time I saw Roy," he muttered, fighting to keep his voice steady. "...Kuzon didn't even tell me who he was... he'd just realized I had a problem with him making human chimeras and tried to use him as leverage. Told me he'd fix him if I did the transmutation for him." He broke off briefly and twisted back around to face Hughes, suddenly desperate to make him understand. "I had no idea who he was! I had no idea he'd taken Roy, too, and back then he couldn't even talk- he looked nothing like him- I just thought he was a human chimera... I had no idea it was Roy..."

It was hardly like that made anything better at all. Even once when he'd known the chimera's identity, he still had refused to tell Kuzon anything, to get the array that would fix him. Even _now_ he couldn't make himself regret the decision, no matter how horrible he felt for it. It had been for Al. But for some reason, he still felt compelled to offer at least _some_ kind of explanation for why he'd refused it when Kuzon had tried to hand him the keys to restore Roy's humanity.

"It's okay, Ed..." Hughes said after several moments, his voice indescribably pained. He looked away as well, guilt screaming in every line of tension that held him stiff. "I... I didn't recognize him, either."

The admission sounded incredibly difficult for him to make, and Ed just looked away as well, swallowing at the mournful tightness in his throat. He was still mad at Hughes, damn it. Not understanding because they'd made the exact same horrible mistake. He was still supposed to be _mad_ at him.

"It... it took him a couple days, to be able to make me realize," he said at length when the moment had passed, again staring down towards his foot. "He kept trying to say Fullmetal. That was did it; he called me Fullmetal- but I just had no idea what he was doing before then and was of no help at all... he couldn't even say his own name, just... just mine..."

Hughes shifted uncertainly in his seat, written report long forgotten. "So he recognized you, then? Doesn't that mean his soul was in control? Was dominant over the dog's? ...But then..." He didn't finish his sentence, but Ed caught a glimpse of his fingers straying towards the deep bite marks along his arm, and he sighed deeply, leaning back for a moment.

"Yes and no," he said at last, again struggling to put this in terms a non-alchemist could easily understand. "It definitely means his soul wasn't lost in the transmutation, yes, and I'm rather sure his is the dominant soul in the chimera. But he's not... it's not as simple as it just being Roy in dog form, Hughes.

"What do you mean?"

Ed grimaced and held up his hand, raising three broken fingers one by one. "The body. The mind. The soul. The three components of life. The body is mostly a dog's. The soul is Roy's. But the mind connects the two- the mind is how the soul perceives the world, and the mind was also the dog's, Hughes. And from what I saw, the more danger there was, or the more scared he got, the less human he was. Which makes sense... situations like that would make the dog's instincts and reflexes way harder to control. He'd do some real stupid shit, when he was like that..." He paused for a moment and shook his head, glaring downwards just at the memory of it. "Kept losing his mind, throwing himself at Kuzon, even though it'd accomplish nothing except getting himself hurt. Whenever he was especially worried about me, he'd..." Ed cut himself off before fumbling into an explanation of a terrified chimera would become clingy and desperate, licking his wounds and nuzzling his head against him. He had no intention of telling anybody about that, ever, and besides, if he did Roy would kill him when he was back in his right mind and body. It was sure to be twice as embarrassing for him, he clung so firmly to his cold hearted, professional colonel facade...

Still, Ed found himself shoving back the twinge of sadness that his only comfort in that nightmare had just been a dog's instincts, nothing more, before continuing on his explanation- purposefully leaving his previous sentence unfinished.

"So, when he attacked you, you probably did something to frighten or threaten him in some way." He hadn't meant for it to sound so accusing, but that was how it had come out and he didn't have it in him to apologize. "...What actually happened? How did you provoke him?" he pressed, glancing at Hughes out of the corner of his eye.

At the question, the investigator wilted in his seat, suddenly looked towards the wall as if was inordinately more interesting then this conversation. He rubbed a hand over his face for a moment, shoulders tense, then at last cleared his throat to mumble, "We... may have... sort have... well..." He shifted again, fists clenching.

"...shot him."

Ed's brain stuttered to a halt.

"...You. _What."_

Hughes doubled over with a groan, burying his face against his hand again. "He was dragging you down the hallway, Ed. You weren't moving- and this was _after_ we saw what he did to Kuzon! We thought he was going to kill you. We thought he was a danger to you and we didn't have any choice. And trust me, I already feel bad enough about the fact that I stood by and watched as my best friend was _shot;_ there's no need for you to add to it, Ed."

The level of self-revulsion in his voice gave him pause, somehow, stopping him before he could launch into a shouting tirade. He wasn't sure- maybe it was just that being angry was exhausting and he was already exhausted enough; maybe it was that he already felt guilty for all of this and blaming Hughes felt like he was trying to cast some of the blame off onto someone else. Whatever it was, the shock and rage cooled, and he found himself slumping over to stare downwards again, anger draining away in favor of morose resignation.

"...It's probably not entirely your fault, Hughes," he muttered, remembering just how violent and animalistic Roy had been in his last moments conscious in that place. "He was pretty freaked out before you got there, I think. And probably would've associated any other people he saw with Kuzon. There's a chance he would've attacked you even if you hadn't fired at him."

That said, Ed let several moments drag by in uncomfortable silence before he cleared his throat, very eager to let this part of the conversation pass.

"Next question."

Hughes started, blinking out of staring at him and looking down towards his notes instead, plainly distressed. "Er, right," he mumbled, clicking his pen. "Think we got off track here; let me see... right. What happened after he showed you Roy?"

Ed sighed heavily, recounting again how things had deteriorated after that. Broken fingers were waved self-explanatorily, and the more passive measures of torment Kuzon had been forced into using when he'd grown too wary of drawing blood to risk it very often were mumbled about. When he muttered how Kuzon had injected him again, though, trying not to think about how it felt like the IV needle was scratching and poking him under the skin, Hughes made a low start of an exclamation, and Ed paused, still staring down at his leg. "...What?"

Hughes hesitated, twirling his pen around in his hand in a display of nervous energy. "When we first got you here," he said at length, still seeming a little reluctant, "your doctor told us there was something foreign in your blood he'd never seen before. ...Is this what it is, Ed? This- this thing that Kuzon kept doing to you?"

Ed frowned, glancing at him uncertainly. "I don't know. Probably. Don't know what else it could be."

"...Does that mean you're still in pain from it right _now?"_

The concern and near alarm in his voice gave him pause. He stared at Hughes, finding himself honestly considering the question. Was he in pain? His fingers and toes hurt. His shoulder was killing him. His chest felt like he was being stabbed with each breath he took. His head was pounding. One hundred percent of him was one hundred percent sore.

 _Was_ there still that muted, deep ache that he'd come to associate with the days and weeks after one of Kuzon's god dammed needles stabbed him in the neck? Yeah, he supposed. But it was nothing compared to what it could've been, what it _had_ been, and after so many weeks of being in constant, far worse pain, Ed had forgotten what it was like to feel anything different.

"Yeah," he mumbled offhandedly at Hughes, unsure of what to make of it when his eyes widened in concern. "I guess."

Hughes continued to just look at him in blatant sympathy and surprise. "W- why didn't you say something before?" he stammered at last, sitting back in his chair to stare at him. "They could've given you something!"

Ed shifted uneasily under his stare, disquieted. "...I'm used to it," he muttered at last, uncomfortable with the attention. "Hughes, they probably can't even do anything for it anyway... Kuzon told me how it worked. Morphine wouldn't affect it. ...I'm fine, though, really... I've had a lot worse, recently."

He said the words with a bitter, ironic sort of humor, shrugging his shoulder that ached the least. Rather than accept them as easily as he'd said them, though, the investigator's face contorted in deep sadness and pity, and now, he stared at him like a man beholding something broken.

Ed shifted again uncomfortably and looked away.

At last, Hughes leaned forward again, hands twisting together anxiously in his lap. "I'll talk to your doctor after this," he said quietly, as if it had already been decided. "Just because Kuzon told you there was nothing that could be done doesn't mean he was right."

"Hughes, I told you, it's-"

"I know you said it's fine, but just because you _can_ handle this does not mean that you should have to."

Again, the outright concern and pity left him intensely uncomfortable, and he found himself unable to meet Hughes' eyes.

After several moments, the investigator looked back down towards his notes and wrote for a few seconds more, pen scratching noisily against paper. "Is this how things continued until you were rescued?" he asked, still looking down as he wrote.

Ed grimaced again, twitching with the lie. "Yeah, more or less." No reason to mention nearly losing his mind when Kuzon had taken Roy and left him alone for over a week. Or him being stupid enough to throw himself after Kuzon's offer of food when it had only ended in him making himself sick. Or that he and Roy had taken to splitting everything they had.

No reason to be talking about this at all, actually, now that he really thought about it.

"All right, then. So... how _did_ you escape, then?" Hughes paused for a moment, tapping his pen against the paper. "When we found you, Roy was dragging you down the hallway, and you... you were in bad shape..."

He let out a sigh, once again resigning himself to explaining the specifics of advanced alchemy to a non-alchemist. He glanced up towards Hughes and fumbled through the explanation of how he'd used Roy as a conduit to manage to free his hand, then managed to get Roy to draw blood so he could attempt further transmutations after that- skirting around just how exactly he'd gotten the idea, to use Roy as a conduit. By the uncertain look on the investigator's face, he was pretty sure Hughes didn't understand the process one hundred percent, but Ed was just too tired to press the issue. Ordinarily, he'd love for the chance to be able to explain something like this, but to someone like Izumi or Al, not a non-alchemist who had no clue what he was talking about, and anyway, right now he just was not in the mood to science.

Hughes, however, held up a hand to stop him before he went on after that, brow furrowed. "Wait," he said, head tilted to the side. "I'm confused. If you could use alchemy all along, why didn't you just do it when you ended up with Roy? Why did you wait for so long?"

Ed sat back with a huff, irritation making his head hurt. "This isn't exactly simple stuff, Hughes. I didn't even realize it'd be possible for weeks, okay? Pretty sure _no one's_ ever done it before, or even theorized about it. And even when I did get the idea for it, I refused to do it, at first. It was _dangerous,_ Hughes."

"Dangerous?"

He groaned, slumping back in annoyance. Great. _More_ explaining of advanced alchemy. Just what he wanted to do. "To Roy," he said gruffly, wishing he had the ability to draw it out or even just blow the whole thing off until later. "If it was dangerous to me, I wouldn't have cared, I'd have done it regardless. But it was really dangerous to him, Hughes. Once my alchemy reached him, I couldn't control it. My energy was going to fuel the transmutation, yes- but it did damage to him along the way. I knew it was unavoidable before I did it."

Hughes stared at him, drawn and pale. "What.. what are you talking about?" he asked at last, dropping his pen down faintly once again- which was for the better, Ed decided. No need for HQ to hear about this.

"What I did to him is similar to touching a live wire," he spelled out, waving his hand a little as if the gesture made things any clearer at all. "Except being stupid, and touching it for five minutes instead of two seconds. So, yeah, Hughes. Bad shit's going to happen." He rolled his shoulder for a moment, steeling himself. "I only did it because Kuzon was going to wind up killing him if I didn't get him out of there. I figured risking his life was better than letting him die. And I guess I was right. Obviously, I didn't kill him. And he was a little out of it afterwards, but mostly he seemed okay... I'm not too worried. I think whatever damage I did was minimal. He wouldn't have been conscious and coherent otherwise." He glanced at Hughes again, scowling. "Though considering you guys were right around the corner, in retrospect I really should've just waited."

Hughes grimaced as well. "Things would've turned out much better if you had, yes... though I think we can hardly blame you. You had no idea we were coming..." He sighed heavily, tapping his pen against the page again. "On that subject, though. What happened then? Did he find you before you could get out of the warehouse again?" Or..."

Ed's grim smile faded at the memory. He leaned back for a moment, breathing out heavily, and tried very hard not to remember just how quickly things had gone badly.

"...I was stupid enough to risk trying to handle it by myself. That's what happened, Hughes. I was an idiot."

_Whacking Kuzon over the head hard enough to knock out a normal person, as it turned out, was not a good strategy, when dealing with a biologically enhanced alchemist._

_Actually, it was quite a bad one, given that the first blow was the only blow he could get in, since he could barely stand, barely hold his weapon, and still felt only several minutes away from passing out at the very best._

_And Ed knew that, so when Kuzon's only reaction to the attack was to stagger, not fall, he found himself rooted to the spot in terror._

_Very calmly, Kuzon raised a hand to the back of his head, still swaying a little, then shifted around to look at him, pale eyes wide. "What, exactly, do you think you are doing, Edward?" he murmured quietly, head tilted curiously to the side._

_Ed gulped._

_And the moment of calm was gone, and Kuzon was on him._

" _Are you TRYING to get me to kill you, Edward?! Is that your goal?!" The fist that locked around his throat came out of nowhere, slamming his head back against the wall with enough force that it left everything spinning and unsteady. He bucked and gasped with the ferocity of the pain and vertigo, the rest of Kuzon's words drowned out underneath the roar in his head. Dimly, he felt his broken hand fall loose, his weapon dropping to the floor, and his leg wavered, struggling to give out on him-_

_And then Kuzon was gone, and in the many seconds it took his vision to clear, the alchemist had been forced backwards, and Roy now crouched in between them, snarling so loudly it was frightening._

"I should've let Roy attack him first. He was in way better shape than me, and I knew it. But I was too stubborn... I thought my plan would work, and that aside, I was worried... didn't want to put him in the line of fire if I screwed up. Of course, I did screw up. And if it hadn't been for Roy he would've killed me..."

" _Oh... what is this, now?" Kuzon took several large, overly cautious steps back, withdrawing away from the feral chimera and watching them both with narrowed eyes. "You're trying to turn my own pet against me?"_

_Ed's vision spun sickeningly, and he wavered dangerously against the wall, battling with the sudden urge to vomit. "R... Roy..." he wheezed, reaching out a trembling hand blindly into the blur. "Roy..."_

_Roy growled dangerously again, still crouched between him and Kuzon and clearly ready to pounce. "Edward," he snarled, the name rippling through clenched teeth._

_Somehow, Ed managed to tilt his spinning head back, struggling to not look like he was about to pass out. They still had the advantage here. Two on one. Advantage. They could still do this. "You get... one step closer, Kuzon..." he gasped- why did his tongue feel so heavy? Why was he suddenly so exhausted?- "-and Roy will attack. Stay where you are."_

"At that point I couldn't fight. I could barely even see. If I hadn't been such a fucking idiot... if I'd just let Roy at him before I tried, Roy would've killed him, but I would've been conscious when you guys got there- I could've calmed him down- and he- he wouldn't be..."

"Ed, what happened is not your fault. Do you understand me? You had _no way_ of knowing this would happen."

"..."

_Kuzon laughed at him quietly, incredulously, but he did not attempt to move forward. "Are you trying to tell me you've trained my chimera into becoming an attack dog? Please, Edward, do not jest. You and I both know you can't tame chimeras. You don't have any more control over him than I do."_

_Ed gritted his teeth and sucked in a weak breath, shutting his eyes in favor of staring towards the nauseating blur before him. Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it. His head was not clearing. "Y... yeah..." he mumbled, and Roy's growls grew even louder, "so... if you're so confident... why aren't you stopping us?"_

_Roy growled again, and Kuzon, for his part, simply frowned._

_Knowing he'd won, Ed managed to push himself a little further up against the wall, though the effort left him winded and about to pass out. "Here's how this is going to work, Kuzon," he gasped, somehow, head still spinning as he stared at the pale blur that could only be the alchemist. "You're g-going to... to move aside... and let us p-p-pass. Otherwise, Roy'll... Roy'll kill you..."_

_Again, Roy growled, and the chimera shifted a little closer to him, snarling protectively. Ed clung to that sound as the only thing there was to stop himself from losing consciousness alltogether- because he was NOT leaving Roy alone with him._

_Kuzon, however, did not move._

"I tried to use Roy to threaten him. After Kuzon hit me in the head I was essentially useless and both of us knew it, but Roy was ready to attack him, and... well, you saw him, when he was like that. The only chance Kuzon had of getting out of that alive was not provoking him... but..."

" _You're threatening me, Edward? ...You... are threatening... me."_

_Roy slid back even closer to him, another snarl erupting from his chest- and Kuzon just watched placidly, pale eyes narrowed._

" _I think you've misunderstood something, Edward." Calmly, Kuzon nudged the door behind him shut with his heel and withdrew another few paces- tail flicking dangerously on the floor behind him. "This soul transmutation is worth EVERYTHING to me. I will give anything for it- and you are the only one who can give it to me. You threaten my life, as if it will accomplish something... Edward, this secret is worth my life." He bared his pointed teeth, something like a hiss emerging from his throat, powerful hands shifting to become hooked like claws, and his eyes drifted from him towards Roy._

_Ed stared at him, horror rising. "Idiot!" he snapped, barely keeping his voice from rising to a shout for fear that it would provoke Roy. "You can't stop us both! Don't make us kill you; just get out of our way! NOW!"_

_Kuzon raised an eyebrow, his focus never shifting away from Roy. "There is no both of you. You're in no condition to fight, Edward. I can see from here I gave you a concussion just now. You can't even stand. That just leaves my chimera... and I think I will take my chances with him."_

"He just wouldn't get out of our way... he wouldn't do it..."

_Kuzon hissed quietly again, the sound reminiscent of something reptilian rather than human. "Really, how foolish of you, Edward. To think such an ill conceived plan would work. I've already given up my human body in this search for immortality... to think I would shy away at this? Is that what you expected, Edward?"_

_Roy growled again, twitching with Kuzon's every move. "Edward, Edward, Edward," he snarled, claws scratching the floor in a desperate sort of energy, and the alchemist took another slight step back- obviously wary of provoking him, no matter what he said._

" _I sent my mother to hell already, Edward," he commented blithely, and when Roy gave a near howl of a noise Kuzon's hands curled into an even closer approximation of claws than before, teeth bared. "And if she was to be believed, I sent my father there long before her. And yet even from there, they still torment me... torment me because I'm still chained to this mortal, imperfect form that will one day follow the same path I sent them down." He laughed suddenly, a chilling sort of sound that screamed apathy, and when Roy flinched and snarled threateningly in response his answer was another hiss, a hiss of an animal that was about to pounce. "Killing her was not enough to stop her. Burning her alive merely released her from any means of protection I had against her..." He cocked his head to the side for a moment, still just watching him with an eerie calm. "All I have is this one chance to escape it forever. If I can grasp the immortality you offer me- if I can make it my own... that is the only way I'll ever be free."_

"He'd lost his mind... he was _crazy,_ and he just- he wouldn't stop talking..."

_Roy howled again, the war cry rebounding in the small space as he advanced a step, clearly warning his enemy to back off. Kuzon merely watched, making no move to retreat- it was as if the very real danger he was in was of absolutely no concern to him at all._

" _I suppose being haunted by the dead would qualify me as insane," he murmured on the tail end of Roy's howl. He had eyes only for the chimera now but seemed barely present in the room at all, mind lost somewhere decades past. "If that is the case, so be it."_

_Even then, his gaze did not leave Roy, the only thing that stood between him and finally grasping what he wanted. But he spoke only to Ed, even as his tail started to flick along the floor ever faster and his teeth clenched together in a brutal, animalistic snarl as he prepared himself to fight._

" _This secret is worth my life, Edward. You are the only who knows, and if you escape me now, then it will be as if I have already died- because without it I will fall back into the hell I've already sent so many others towards. No, Edward... no. If it costs me my life, then so be it: You. WILL NOT. Escape me."_

_Kuzon took a single step forward, and Roy lunged._

Ed opened his eyes with a breath of air, the dark, bloodied space still playing on an unending reel in the back of his mind. "That's the last thing I really remember," he mumbled, shuddering with the flashes that were all he had after that- Roy being thrown across the room... Roy tearing Kuzon to literal pieces...

His wrist throbbed faintly, not any actual injury but the mere memory of one, and he smirked weakly at the memory of it. He could remember how faint those bite marks interlaid over the skin had been- they had never even been bandaged at all, and as of this morning had faded away to the point he couldn't even find them.

"And I guess you know what happens after that," he said quietly, still thinking of those weak bite marks in near bewilderment. The same teeth that had ripped Kuzon to shreds had somehow managed to grip the tender skin over his wrist so carefully he hadn't even drawn blood.

 _Guess his bark really is worse than his bite,_ he thought with a bitter grin, and then promptly decided the only reason he found that funny at all was that he was so close to the edge he was hanging off of it.

Hughes was silent for several moments, not even the sound of his pen scratching to break the quiet for now. "Thank you for telling me all of this," he said at length, and Ed shied away from the muted sympathy in his voice like it was poison. "I know it wasn't easy."

The words made him even more uneasy and he coughed, glancing away to glare at the corner of the room. "Whatever," he muttered, chewing viciously on the inside of his cheek. "...What are you going to put in your report?"

"That Kuzon took you to try and force you to aid him in creating human chimeras. You never met the chimera, and you have no idea who he was before Kuzon took him. Is that all right?"

Ed gave a half-hearted shrug, still averting his eyes. "You're the expert."

Hughes sighed heavily, leaning forward to balance his elbows on his knees. "It's safe, and more importantly, it's believable. My source finally got back to me about just what the hell went down in Aerugo four years, that got Kuzon kicked out of government. Apparently, he'd taken to stealing prisoners slated for execution the same way Gran was, and using them as lab rats- making them all into human chimeras. Except he didn't have his government's permission. Aerugo was desperate to keep the human rights abuse by one of their alchemists out of public knowledge... but we know it, now, so hearing he was only doing more the same, down here with you, won't be anything too hard for Hakuro to swallow."

To that, Ed just scowled and did not reply. This was probably something that would stick its ugly head back up in the future- just because human chimeras were technically illegal, after all, did not stop the military from wanting them. Hakuro probably would come calling now, at some point, wanting to know how much he knew... well, if he did, then Ed would just tell him the truth. He wasn't a bio-alchemist, and if Hakuro wanted chimeras, he probably should go find one. The only bio-alchemy he planned to dabble in now was fixing Roy- and that was going to be with an array stolen from Kuzon.

Speaking of which...

"How are Scieska and Falman doing?" he asked, voice rough, and continued to watch the corner of the room intently. "Progress?"

Hughes cleared his throat. "Falman called me a couple hours ago, actually. They finally ran into papers dealing with Roy. They're going to start copying them over tonight... you'll probably have them before tomorrow morning."

Ed sighed, shuddering faintly with the relief of it. _Good._ All this waiting around worthlessly was starting to make him go crazy. If he and Al could finally get their hands on Kuzon's notes then he'd have something to work on, distract him... maybe actually sleep at night, because right now without the chimera next to him, that wasn't happening.

"Actually..." Hughes started, hesitating a little, "about that. I spoke with Hawkeye, too. We're thinking we're going to try hitting Lab Three very soon, just in a few days. She's going to need to know some more about the layout of the place beforehand, though, so... well, I'm headed there tomorrow." He paused again, the weight of his stare making the back of his neck prickle. "...I'm going to see Roy, Ed."

His breath caught.

...No, he was _not_ envious.

"...So, any advice for me...?"

Ed started, gritting his teeth and trying to stop the reflexive complaint. It was probably a good thing Hughes was the one going. If he went and saw that they were mistreating Roy- which, because it was the military, they _were-_ then he'd probably bring the whole building down in one of those explosions the bastard was always shouting at him for. Hughes would at least control himself. Probably.

Shaking his head slightly in response to the investigator's question, Ed leaned back for a moment, trying to think. "Uh, n-no," he said slowly, shaking his head again. "I mean, there's not really anything I can tell you. Given everything, he's probably already regressed a lot... the dog's instincts are probably in control most of the time now. You won't be able to get through to him. At least, not while he's still there." He bit his lip, barely stopping the _I'd be able to manage it, just not YOU-_ even if some part of him did still hate Hughes for everything that had happened, he knew that would cool, given time, and there was just no reason to make the man feel worse than he already did.

Even without saying that last part, though, the investigator's face still fell, and he slumped in his seat a little, looking almost crestfallen. "Oh," he mumbled, staring down at his lap for several moments. When looked up again, his face was bright with a cheer so false it hurt to look at it, and his fists clenched even tighter. "I guess it doesn't really matter, does it?" He laughed weakly, tilting his shoulders in a shrug. "He'll be out of there soon. That's all that's really important."

The smile was still so false and grim it was painful.

Breathing out heavily, Hughes stood, slipping the file under his arm and tucking his pen into his pocket. "I'll tell you how he's doing," he promised sadly. "And make sure Falman or Scieska gets over here tonight with the notes. I want to tell you you should sleep, not work on them until the morning- but that really won't do any good, will it?"

Well, at least Hughes wasn't an idiot.

At the look on his face, Hughes just sighed and flashed him another weak smile. "Yeah. I thought so." He sighed heavily again, shaking his head for a moment, then turned towards the door, offering him a half-hearted wave with one hand. "I'll keep you updated. In the meantime, you- oh... Ed..."

The look on his face was disturbing to say the least, and Ed inched away from him, unsettled. He followed Hughes' surprised, sad stare down to his arm- then flinched back himself.

He'd been rubbing it against a sharper edge of his broken automail leg, something he'd only been vaguely aware of. The muted pain hadn't been bad enough for him to focus enough to stop it and so, until now, he'd been content to scratch the irritating needle buried in his vein against automail, taking a sick sort of solace from the discomfort.

Now, however, he was able to see the damage.

The edge of his leg port had scraped against the inside of his wrist, sharp enough to draw blood. It wasn't deep or serious, but the red scratches ripped up from the base of his wrist to nearly his elbow, twisted and suddenly aching. Lines of blood snaked along on his pale arm to drip sluggishly down to the sheets, dark red intermingling with bright crimson to make a scarlet rainbow of self mutilation scrawl down the limb.

He hadn't even realized...

Slowly, Ed raised his gaze up to see Hughes still staring at him, stunned and clearly horrified. Ed looked between him and his bleeding arm again, working his jaw, feeling as if he should say _something-_ but his mind was just completely blank.

He was well aware of how bad it must've looked. Well aware what exactly Hughes was thinking right at that moment. Well aware that he really should be saying something to convince him he wasn't crazy or suicidal.

But he just couldn't find the words to say it had only been an accident.

Hughes staggered back a few steps, still staring at him in silent horror. Ed couldn't face it and kept his eyes down, transfixed by the blood still running down his skin. It really had been just an accident... he'd wanted the needle out, but not like _this..._

_(Remember, Ed? Remember, you can't take that out. You'll be punished if try and you take it out... ha! Ha! Too late, isn't it? Too late to remember that!)_

_No, that's not... that's not true anymore- that's not true-_

"I didn't mean to," he stumbled hoarsely before he'd even processed the words, listening as they lurched sickly, pathetically, out of his mouth like something a child would say. "Hughes, I didn't mean to... it just..."

It just _happened..._

"...I know, Ed," Hughes managed at last, voice weak. Obviously shaken, he took a few steps back, then roughly cleared his throat, turning abruptly towards the door again. "I'm going to get a doctor. Sit tight."

Panic ignited before Ed could tell it not to.

"No- no, wait! I didn't mean to, and I won't do it again, I promise, just don't-..."

But Hughes was already gone, and Ed was left with nothing but to sit quietly and try to battle the rising anxiety. To convince himself that there was nothing to be scared of, so he _needed_ to stop being so dammed, pathetically, terrified.

Hesitantly, he lowered his hand to drop again against the spot where Roy's head was supposed to be, feeling the warm blood start to soak through the thin shirt.

His heart was pounding so hard he was convinced he was going to throw up.

It took far longer than Ed had expected, but finally a doctor did come into the room, entering brusquely and shutting the door behind him without so much as a startled look in his direction. Ed flinched at the entrance and instantly hated himself for it.

The physician gave him a calm once over, gaze lingering on his bloody, scratched arm, though his solemn expression did not shift in the slightest. "I'm told someone needs a little patching up," he said quietly at last, holding up a roll of gauze in one hand and not moving forward- just still standing by the side of the bed, waiting for the response.

_(He'll hurt you... he'll kill you...)_

_Shut. Up._

Forcing out a measure breath, Ed made himself give a silent nod, not trusting himself to speak. He hesitantly turned his arm over, allowing the doctor a closer look and stopping himself from curling away when that closer look became a step forward.

"You know," the man said after several quiet seconds, his gaze still focused on his arm, "usually, wound like this, and I'd have to ask you if you were trying to kill yourself. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes was quite adamant that was not your aim, however."

Ed held very still, unsure of how to respond to that, and found himself just watching as the doctor started to examine his arm, beginning to deftly wrap the shallow wounds in sticky gauze. "...It really was an accident," he muttered at length, fighting not to twitch away as the white bandages were snagged around his wrist.

"Mmm. That's just what Lieutenant Colonel Hughes said. You know, in between all the disturbed staring and nervous flailing."

"...Hughes doesn't flail."

The man raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to call it, then. I'm Dr. Winters, by the way. I saw you when you first ended up here."

Ed hardly could've shaken his hand at this point, and he shifted uncertainly at the introduction, unsure of how he was supposed to react. "...Okay," he said at last, biting back a hiss as the doctor tended to a particularly deep scratch.

"You don't like this, do you?" Winters brushed a light finger over the needle in his arm without looking up. "Lieutenant Colonel Hughes asked if there was any way we could take it out, but all he would say in terms of explanation was that you didn't like needles. ...There's more to it, isn't there?"

Ed stiffened, instantly both surprised and repulsed. Hughes had told him that? _Hughes_ had even noticed how much it bothered him? _Screw him._ He wasn't a kid. Just because he wanted that thing out of him didn't mean Hughes had to say anything, didn't mean he had to be a jerk and notice. It was medicine, and he was sick. End of story. He could tolerate it. Screw Hughes for trying to treat him like a damn kid.

"...So, there is more to it."

Ed gritted his teeth, annoyance rising. "It doesn't bother me," he lied, glaring hotly enough to hopefully make the bastard knock it off. "I'm fine."

Winters calm raised an eyebrow, glancing pointedly down to the bloodied scratches lining his arm. "Yes," he deadpanned after a moment, plainly fighting amusement. "I can see that."

Glowering in irritation, Ed let out an annoyed breath and turned away, resisting the urge to yank his arm back. He couldn't decide who pissed him off more at the moment, Hughes or this asshole. "I said I'm fine," he repeated stubbornly, but this time the protest came out closer to a sullen mutter than anything else.

Winters, however, let the statement pass for several moments without calling him out on it. A few taped on bandages later, though, and he cleared his throat. "I'll make you a deal. I'll take this out for you. And, in exchange- you'll start eating."

The retort came out before he'd even processed it. "What are you even talking about, you-"

"I mean actually eating. All of it. Not just half and then claiming you're not hungry."

Yes, he decided belatedly, this guy definitely annoyed him more than Hughes.

"...Aren't you going to ask me why?" he grumbled at length, still glaring downwards. Why was it suddenly so hard to look people in the eye? "Everyone else is." The nurses wouldn't quit harping on to him about it, Al was constantly worried, and hell, he was sure the moment Hughes found out, he'd be back here nagging again...

Winters laughed quietly. "I'm curious, yes. But it's none of my business- and I imagine if you won't tell your brother, you won't tell me." He finally drew back, turning over his arm over for several moments before, evidently satisfied, letting it drop down again and standing, rolling up the unused gauze with a business-like manner. "Besides, it doesn't matter why, to me. I'm not a psychiatrist. All that really matters to me is getting you eating. So, Ed? What do you say? If you can promise to at least start taking more than half, then I will take the IV out for you. You're an alchemist, right? Equivalent exchange, all of that? Is that equivalent enough for you?"

Ed flinched so hard he nearly rocked straight out of bed.

Equivalent exchange. Again.

He knew it was dumb. He knew it was misplaced anxiety and rage created only by a memory. But the words made him suddenly have to fight to keep his breath even, and if making a fist hadn't hurt so much, he probably would've punched him. As it was, he just glared down at his knee again, struggling to contain the shaking that tried to wrack down through his shoulders to the base of his spine, and waited only until he could trusted himself to speak without shouting to give the bare minimum of the response required.

"No."

Equivalency was giving up secrets he couldn't say to gain his freedom; equivalency was letting his brother die to give Roy back his life; equivalency was torture within an inch of his life for trying to escape; equivalency was Roy nearly starving himself for him; equivalency was...

He was fucking _sick_ of _equivalency._

_Sick of it._

Ed could tell Winters was staring at him; he refused to meet it, instead seething silently down at his lap and battling the internal turmoil. Equivalent exchange could go to hell for all he cared about. Kill Al, kill Roy, let himself by killed, all in the name of equivalency- _go to HELL, equivalency._

Finally, a reluctant sigh met his ears, followed by the physician withdrawing a few steps again to leave the room. "As you wish," he said, voice still light and easy; it grated on his ears like nails on a chalkboard and he watched as his hand shook.

The doctor headed again towards the doorway, then stopped, pausing still several steps away from it. The returned examination made his skin crawl and this time he stared up to meet it defiantly, daring the bastard to open his mouth and say aloud that he was broken.

Winters frowned.

"Today makes the second time your friends have needed to convince me you're not suicidal in less than one week," he said calmly, his eyes betraying nothing. "If something like this happens again, Ed, then I'm not going to be very inclined to just accept that it was an accident."

Then he turned away and headed for the door.

He was almost gone before Ed had somehow managed to find his voice.

"...What do you mean the _second_ time?"

* * *

That night, Ed couldn't stomach more than a fourth of dinner, and when Al tentatively asked him, he couldn't bring himself to even offer up a single answer.

After all, the only words he could think to say would only frighten or unsettle him. And now, knowing what he did, knowing he had made Al watch him try to throw himself out a fucking third story window- put him through hell, again, again, again, _again,_ always _again_ , he didn't have it in him to hurt his brother even more.

So he said nothing at all.

Not for the first time, Ed told his selfish, stupid brain to shut up and quit reminding him that if Roy had been there, silent and without expectations and just- _there-_ it would've been easier. He wasn't with Kuzon anymore. He needed to grow up and quit trying to cling to the bastard.

_(Isn't it so crazy, though? Insane? You're with AL and yet you're thinking you'd rather be with Roy? What the hell is wrong with you?)_

It would just be easier... easier, because Roy knew everything that had happened, he knew and so he wouldn't have to ask, and he wouldn't worry... all he was managing to do now was worry and terrify his brother, and that just made everything ten times worse, and...

When Falman finally showed up that night, bearing transcribed and translated copies of Kuzon's notes for him and Al to decipher, it was probably the only thing that stopped him from losing his mind.

Al, for his part, only took one hesitant look at him before deciding trying to talk him into resting for the night, and only starting on the files the next morning, wasn't going to happen.

Rather than try and persuade him, Al just took one of the files from his stack, sat on the floor next to his bed, and started reading.

It hurt, sometimes, how damn good his brother was to him.

Ed, however, just let his gratitude pass in the silence that dominated the small, cold hospital room as he read through alchemy notes until dawn, searching for the array that would be his absolution for putting his brother and Roy through all of this in the first place.


	18. Chapter 18

The stares Maes received as he trailed the scientist down the corridors of Lab Three made him so uncomfortable enough he just wanted to turn straight around and walk back out.

Wait, no, that was a lie. He was _already_ uncomfortable enough to want to just leave and never return. The stares just gave him a convenient excuse.

"So, Lieutenant Colonel," the doctor, a young scientist named Nadia Weber, asked him as she withdrew her keycard from her pocket, using it to unlock yet another door barring their path. "I know you're handling a case that relates to it, but why do you want to see this chimera? We've already sent all the evidence we could get off of it to your office."

"...Yeah," he muttered uncomfortably, thinking of the blood samples that had Hawkeye had told him had already turned up on his desk, as if he was supposed to do anything other than confirm DNA from himself, Ed, and Kuzon in the mess. "Well, Doctor, I've got a vested interest in this chimera. I mean, just look at my face." He chuckled with quite a lot more easygoing charm than he felt. "Just want to make sure this thing is secured and not about to claw up anyone else."

Schmoozing may have been Roy's thing, after all, but he'd been known to dance his way through a complete lie of a conversation or two.

And this girl was quite susceptible to schmoozing, it seemed, when she gave a trilling laugh that made his ears hurt and nodded. "Oh, of course- I can understand your concern! Well, don't worry, sir- we know how to handle chimeras here." She swiped her keycard again and led the way past another door- this one with the words _Human Chimera Processing, Center 2: Restricted Access_ printed in bold black over the front.

His hands clenched.

Weber shut the door behind him, pointing past him as she did so. "The chimera you're after is over there. Haven't seen a human chimera in a while, though, so its alone in here, most of the time. Doesn't seem to be doing any wonders for its temperament, I'll tell you that much."

Once again, Maes was struck with the urge to just turn around and walk out.

But that wasn't an option, and so, steeling himself, he walked past the doctor towards the array of small cages lining one of the walls. As she'd said, most were empty- all, in fact, but one.

He dropped to his knees, squinting into the darkness. It was hard to see; the black chimera was curled up at the very back of the cage, pushed as far away from any humans as he could get to the point that he melted into the shadows by the wall. It took him a few moments to discern any detail beyond his general shape, but when he did, his breath caught.

"What- what is _that?"_ he asked, as calmly as he could, and pointed.

"Mmm? Oh, the muzzle? Standard procedure. Aside from you, it attacked the doctors trying to treat its wounds. Clearly, it's feral. If we let it run wild we'd be handing out daily tetanus boosters," she chuckled, smiling.

Yes, Maes decided, his fists clenching so tight his nails nearly drew blood. He _really_ did not like this woman.

Somehow choking back the momentary urge to strangle her was about all he was capable of; he couldn't master his emotions well enough to give a sickened chuckle along with her, and he just turned back towards the chimera instead, trying not to scream.

With the doctor here, he couldn't very well risking talking to Roy- it was imperative his friend's state be kept from the military until they decided how they were going to proceed. Unfortunately, talking to him was about the only method of communication he had. The chimera was refusing to so much as look at him; not that he could very well blame him. After all, he'd been the one to _stab_ him.

_How could I have done this to him? How could I have stabbed my best friend and then just left him here?!_

The doctor cleared her throat from behind him. "You've only got a few minutes, sir, then we have to start the treatment. Well, try."

"Treatment?" he rasped, feeling as if he was going to be sick. They were already experimenting on him?!

"Yes. The thing's fought us every time we tried to treat its injuries- we barely fixed the internal bleeding before it woke up the first time- and we don't know its blood chemistry well enough for sedation, so we've just stopped trying," she said, shrugging carelessly. "Won't eat, either, even when we tried forcing him. The way things are looking, he's probably going to die pretty soon." She shrugged again, making a note on the file in her arms. "We're just doing as many experiments as possible as fast as we can; get as much data while he's still alive. In a few minutes we're going to do an exam as best we can, to record the results so far."

...

Was this woman actually _trying_ to get herself hit before this meeting ended?

It was miraculous, really, how every word she said seemed specially conjoined to prod him exactly where it'd hurt and make him want to scream or die from the guilt of it...

"...I see," he ground out, barely able to even hear his own voice over the roar of anger in his head, and completely at a loss to whether he managed to make it sound calm enough or not.

' _Roy...,'_ he mouthed at the chimera, heart clenching, _'I... I'm sorry...'  
_

Suddenly, there was an alarm from behind him. Maes turned, unable to stop himself from reaching for his knife, but it was just one of the monitors in the room beeping a warning of something. Weber cursed quietly, turning to the computer for a moment and observing the situation, then swiftly typed in a few commands and pulled her keycard out again. "Sorry about this, Lieutenant Colonel; need to go attend to a situation here. Some intern seems to be a little lax on procedures for how to handle flammable solvents... idiot..."

Maes blinked, staring after her as she retreated from the human chimera lab as quickly as she had come in, shutting the door behind her with a snap that, in an impossible turn of events, actually left him alone with Roy.

Hardly daring to believe his luck, Maes actually remained frozen for several moments, honestly expecting it was a trick and waiting for her to burst back into the lab, but when she didn't, he threw all caution to the wind and dropped back to his knees again, moving as close as he could to the cage and sticking his hand out. _"Roy,"_ he hissed, keeping his voice quiet for some reason he wasn't sure of. "Roy, hey. Can you hear me?"

He wasn't exactly sure what kind of a response he was hoping for- it wasn't as if his friend could answer him with that thing over his mouth- but when all he got was a flinch and a low, throaty growl, his nameless hopes were doused. "Roy," he pleaded, lying his hand on the ground, trying to show him he wasn't a threat. "Come on. It's me. It's _Maes._ Come on..."

But Roy just continued to growl at him, flinching away every time he tried to move forward.

"Roy, please... I'm not going to hurt you... it's _Maes,_ come on, don't you recognize me? Roy..."

Again Roy growled, curling into an even tighter, protective ball. When Maes tried to reach a hand forward the growl grew louder, his friend cringing back deeper into the shadows like he expected to be struck.

The guilt that hit him then was so strong it was all he could do to even stay upright.

Ed had been right. Whether it was the dehumanizing treatment from the military scientists or the fact that he'd been _shot_ by his closest friends, it just felt as if he was talking at a dog. There was nothing human in those eyes, and talking at him like he was his friend was so pointless he might as well been talking to himself.

Maes had been aware this could be how things turned out, however. As much as he'd not wanted to think about it beforehand, he had come up with a plan for this scenario, and so, rather than just give up entirely and sit there, stewing in self-hatred, he tried one more time.

Maes cleared his throat, forced back heartbroken, guiltridden sorrow, and whispered, _"Ed."_

The change was instantaneous.

Roy's head jerked up off his paws, muted growl becoming silence. He slunk forward a few inches, bright, piercing eyes finding his, and Maes didn't know if it was just wishful thinking, but he swore he saw something _human_ in there.

"Ed," he repeated again, and he found himself delighting in the fact that Roy slunk even closer, tail wagging. He heard the chimera growl again, but it wasn't a threat or a warning, this time, and he made himself smile, trying to keep his words short and simple enough for the chimera to understand. "Ed's okay. Ed- okay. Safe. Alive. Roy..."

At his name, the chimera perked up even more, ears twitching. It looked almost like he was trying to say it through the muzzle for several seconds before he gave up and growled again, dark eyes flashing with irritation- _irritation, that's a human emotion, right? That's a good sign..._

Trying to inch his hand forward again garnered more growling, the chimera cringing away again, but he didn't retreat quite as far this time and Maes laid his fingers on the ground again, trying to get through to him that he wasn't dangerous. "Come on, Roy, focus. It's just me... if you can recognize Ed, I _know_ you can recognize me..." He kept his voice carefully lighthearted and watched as the chimera started to move a little bit closer at his subordinate's name again, still skittish and wary. "Roy..."

In the end, while he was able to cajole the chimera almost within reach of his fingers, Roy still wouldn't let him touch him, shifting back with every move he made and a slight, startled growl of fright rippling from his throat, and Maes just had to give up. It was amazing he'd been able to do even this much, in this setting, and in the end there was hardly a point, anyway. What would be accomplished by convincing Roy to trust him and that he was safe when any minute now, he was going to have to leave? He would just be doing more harm than good.

He swallowed past the mournful tightness in his throat, giving another cautious glance over his shoulder to make sure that doctor was still far, far away. When he glanced back towards the chimera, he opened his mouth, more words coming to the fore- then stopped, heart clenching. Anything he said would be purely selfish. It would only to put himself at ease, because Roy almost certainly wouldn't have a clue what he was saying. All he would be doing was making Roy think he was safe then getting up and leaving him behind _again_ , his heart more at ease and his friend even worse off than before. What right did he have, to be that damn _selfish?_ He couldn't handle knowing his best friend was here, that he was here because he hadn't done him the decency of even _recognizing_ him, but Roy was the one actually living this hell...

In the end, no matter how selfish it was, he still couldn't stop the choked murmur from wrenching from his throat.

"Roy, I know you probably can't understand me. But we're going to get you out of here, I promise. And... and I'm really, _really_ sorry for not realizing it was you in the first place. For not finding you before Kuzon made you into this- not finding you earlier, _period-_ and then when I finally do... I don't even fucking recognize you!" He bowed his head when his voice finally broke, biting into his lip to stop it from trembling and fighting against the sorrow that tried to swallow him whole. "I just yelled for Hawkeye to shoot you then exchanged one prison for another. My god... what's _wrong_ with me..."

How he had managed to only make things worse? _How?_ Ed was a mess and every move he made only seemed to make things worse. Al seemed to just be taking on even _more_ guilt with each passing day, even when he deserved none of what was he was trying to bear. And rather than recognizing Roy for who he was, he'd simply _left_ him behind for the military to shove into a cage...

_He never would've left me behind._

_Never._

"Roy... I-"

Maes froze.

A warm head was nudging against his fingers.

Breathlessly, Maes jerked his head up to stare.

Roy had somehow slunk forward without him hearing or noticing, and now was crouching as close as he could get to him. Maes had left his fingers lying between the bars heedlessly, and the chimera was now pushing his head against them sadly. A mournful whine emanated from his throat and and he continued to push against his fingers, two dark eyes watching him in silent concern.

Maes stared at him, hardly able to believe it.

Was Roy actually trying to _comfort him?_

Again, Roy pushed his head against his fingers, whining sadly at him. He was very clearly concerned by his obvious distress, forgetting his own predicament and fear to try and make him feel better.

Startled, Maes stared at him for a moment longer before sinking back onto his heels, rubbing at suddenly wet eyes with the hand the chimera wasn't nuzzling against. "Damn it, Roy," he choked out. "You stupid, stupid man. Worry about yourself for once, would you? I'm fine..." He wiped irritably at his eyes again, voice quavering. When another few growls reached his ears a chuckle tore its way loose, painful and raw but still somehow heartening all the same. "Oh, shut up. I'm weepy sober, I know; well, you're a weepy drunk. We both know all I have to do is buy you a couple of whiskies and you'll be sobbing about how beautiful Hawkeye is, or how much you hate paperwork, or for some godforsaken reason the fact that you're convinced you'd be dead sexy in a miniskirt. Quit harping on my case for once, would you?"

This time it was closer to a snarl, Roy's head butting against his fingers it what could only be described as annoyance. Maes let out another weak laugh and leaned his head against the hand that wasn't otherwise occupied, chest painfully tight and heart overflowing with frantic emotion. "Ed's right," he muttered, voice still shaking. "You really are a bastard. Up and vanish out of nowhere, we nearly lose our minds trying to find you two, and _this_ is how you repay us... go to hell, man. You're gonna end up giving me a heart attack before long, you know that? Yeah, that's your aim, isn't it? Stress me to death so you can end up raising my beautiful Elicia in my place. You know, she _has_ always wanted a puppy... you're a little big for that, though..."

At this point, it was clear Roy would've bitten him if he were able, still growling and his eyes blazing in irritation. Even if he couldn't understand the exact words, he seemed to somehow have managed to pick up on the fact that he was now being poked fun at. A paw snuck forward to scratch at his hand, claws sinking just deep enough to sting, and Maes slumped with a weak chuckle, allowing the bastard to try and mangle his palm.

Yes, he thought, watching the colonel take his revenge with a wavering smile, Roy would be just fine.

* * *

Chimera research sucked.

Twelve hours straight, minus a few cat naps, of reading Kuzon's notes, and what had they accomplished? Jack shit, that was it. Well, not quite- the floor had transformed from just a _floor_ into a catastrophe of scattered papers. Just what benefit the mess was going to bring to anyone, Ed had no idea, but twelve hours later that was just about the only development he had to report, when Scieska hesitantly stopped by during her lunch break so as to inquire to their progress.

And at least he and Al were reading only about chimeras. Scieska and Falman were reading _everything._ Just from how exhausted the young private had looked he could tell they were getting off relatively easy...

Ed sighed, flipping shut the folder in his lap and tossing it towards the finished stack/pile/mess in the corner of the room. Well, no use complaining about it. This was nothing compared to research in Central's library, after all. "Give me another one, Al," he said absentmindedly, rubbing his tired eyes with a faintly shaking hand.

Al gave him a mildly disapproving look from the floor, surrounded by his own stacks. "Brother, you really should rest some more," he said, even as he complied with the request and handed him the next set of notes. "You've worked almost all night..."

"I'll get sleep after I've fixed Roy," he retorted brusquely, tossing open the file in a quick, one-handed motion. "Besides, I took a break an hour ago."

"For twenty minutes! Not even!"

Ed just hummed distractedly at the comment, already reading again. This wasn't the first time he had sacrificed sleep for alchemy research, and Al had learned years ago that there was just a limit to how much he could make him put the books down and try and relax like a normal human being. Besides, he reasoned, he was in a hospital. What was the worst that could happen? If he ended up passing out from exhaustion, well, he was in a bed. No better place to pass out.

Even though he was pretty sure Al wouldn't see it that way...

Frowning to himself, Ed skimmed down the first page, searching for any reference to chimeras. Nope... nope... and another big, fat nope... He sighed in aggravation, flipping to the next sheet.

_Subject: Human male, appears to be late twenties, early thirties_

_Intentions: merge with subject C (canis lupus), with end goal creating a chimera_

Ed bolted upright.

"Brother? What is it?"

"...Nothing certain, yet," he managed, trying to tamp down on the excitement. This wasn't necessarily Roy. "I think it's him, but... just let me keep reading for a second..."

Ed scanned frantically down the rest of the sheet, where Kuzon had detailed descriptions of both the man and the dog. Both matched perfectly. The next page was a sketched version, in Scieska's steady hand, of a series of photographs of a large, black dog- a dog that was completely animal, not yet half human. He glanced over them as quickly as he could; yes, that was definitely the dog he knew, it had to be... which meant-

Hand trembling, Ed set aside the pictures of the dog and moved to the next section.

His heart stopped.

It was _him._

Bound and stripped, the set up obviously meant to be some sort of clinical examination, fully human Roy Mustang starred in Kuzon's notes for page after page, eyes blazing in every single one. In some, he looked to be caught in the middle of shouting his head off; in others he was glaring so defiantly Ed was almost surprised the camera had made it through without spontaneously combusting. In one, it looked as if the blurred snapshot had been grabbed milliseconds before Roy's foot connected with the camera; the next, the colonel had a split lip, and was still glaring so hotly Ed could almost hear him yelling.

Ed stared in mute amazement, letting the last picture drop into his lap and just looking at it in disbelief. It had been so long since he'd actually seen the bastard as a human, he realized- it actually looked almost _strange_ to see the man glaring in the defiant stare he'd come to associate with his chimera. Because Roy had _definitely_ kept his asshole I'm-the-Colonel-you'll-do-what-I-say stare as a chimera.

He grinned a little, looking between the myriad of shots and being greeted only by fury in each one. That was another thing Roy had kept even after being shoved into a chimera's body... that god damn temper. Except now, rather than existing as a goal for him to provoke as many times as possible, it was rather a simmering force that always seemed just underneath the surface- always ready to be turned against Kuzon, but it seemed no matter what Ed did, Roy just would not get angry with him. He stopped briefly, smirking in bewilderment at the fact that this was quite easily the longest he'd gone without managing to provoke him into a shouting match. After all, _you're useless in the rain_ just did not have the same affect on his chimera as it did on the Flame Alchemist.

Ed closed his eyes for a moment, trying to master the sudden thrill of mournful nostalgia. That was the whole _point_ of this, he reminded himself, blindly stacking the sketched pictures into a neat pile for later. Get Roy back as a human so he could shout at him like the bastard he was, and not stay as this clingy chimera forever, whether the chimera made him feel safe or not. That was the damn point. Gritting his teeth with annoyance at himself, Ed set aside the small pile and went for the next page.

Again, his heart almost stopped.

This one was another sketched picture, with Roy still in the center. This time, however, the dog from before had joined him, and though it was hard to tell, with the colonel blocking most of the symbols, he could tell they were lying in a transmutation circle, which had been labelled off to the side as the Epsilon array. The dog was unconscious, it seemed like, and while Roy was still awake, he was no longer livid.

He looked terrified.

The naked fear and horror contorting his face was so unfamiliar Ed almost didn't recognize him for a moment, but there was just no one else it could be. And he knew why that terror was there. Roy was an alchemist, and there was no alchemist who wouldn't realize what was going on, putting a human and an animal into a transmutation circle together. That moment, right there, was when Roy had become a chimera, and Roy had clearly realized before Kuzon had ever activated the transmutation what was going to happen, and that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"...Brother? Are you okay?"

Ed took in a shuddering breath, painfully reminding himself that this was all his fault in the first place.

"Fine," he managed at last, and hurriedly shoved the offending page, face down, to get lost in the already compiled stack. "Fine. No- great. I'm _great_ , Al. I found what we've been looking for. Epsilon array- that's what he called it. That's the array he used to make Roy into a chimera. So all we need to look for is the circle that fixes the Epsilon array."

Al started, looking up at him from the floor. "Really?" he exclaimed, sitting upright a little. "I think I remember reading something about that last night! I put it over here- hang on, give me a second..." His brother got to his feet, meandering his way through the papers to go for some of the stacks he'd set up in the corner. Ed watched eagerly, his heart pounding, as Al sifted through the material, hurriedly searching for notes he'd first read the night before.

Finally, Al flipped open one of the files, looking it over for several moments- then gasped. When no explanation came, Ed leaned forward frantically, barely resisting the urge to chuck the nearest folder at him. "What is it?!" he demanded, unable to take it anymore. "Is is the array?!"

After several seconds, Al turned back to face him, shaking his head miserably. "No," he said, clutching the papers in his hands. "I'm sorry, Brother, I... must've remembered wrong- this one is the reverse to the Delta array."

Ed grimaced, crestfallen. Damn... "W-well, at least we're close," he said, struggling valiantly to keep his voice cheerful. "Come on, let's keep looking. ...Al?"

His brother started again, looking up from the file in a nervous, anxious sort of motion. "What? Oh, yes, of course- hang on; I'm going to go call Hughes first, now that we know what we're looking for. He can pass it on to Scieska and Falman."

"...Oh. Okay." Ed frowned, watching his brother closely. It was clear Al was suddenly uneasy, though about what, he wasn't sure. And normally, he would've pressed the issue- but now, when they were _so close,_ he just didn't have it in him to focus on this. He would deal with it later. Right now, he just needed to find this array. Needed to find it _now._ "Okay, yeah, good idea, Al. Hurry back, okay?"

This time, Al wouldn't even meet his eyes.

"...Okay, Brother," he mumbled, staring down towards his feet.

Then he rushed out of the room so fast Ed didn't even have time to ask him what was wrong.

Frowning, Ed stared after him for several moments, then forcibly shook it off, returning his focus towards the papers in his lap. He would talk to Al about it when he got back, he decided- right now, his only concern needed to be finding this array.

* * *

Maes' plan of crashing a research party died when he ran into Al long before he ever reached Ed's hospital room.

The boy was sitting against the wall around the corner from his brother's room, a single file in his lap, head down. Maes nearly walked straight past him entirely; despite being an enormous suit of armor, Al had a real talent for blending into the background, but several steps past him he did a double take and backtracked, moving back to look down at the boy in surprise.

Al didn't even look up at him, seeming entirely oblivious to the attention.

"Al?" he ventured cautiously, frowning. "What are you doing?" Had he and Ed gotten into a fight? The spats the Elric brothers could get into, while rare, were almost legendary, and nowadays, Ed was taciturn and irascible at best- but he found it hard to believe Al would let his brother aggravate him into leaving his side right now...

Al started, head jerking up to meet his gaze in surprise. "Oh... Lieutenant Colonel Hughes..." he mumbled, then reached down to pull the file a little closer to him, as if trying to hide it. "What are you doing here?"

Maes shifted uneasily, not missing the fact that Al hadn't made even an attempt at answering his question. "Checking up on you two," he answered honestly, then bit his lip. Clearly, something was wrong. Carefully, Maes dropped to a crouch beside him, glancing over the file to see that it was a single, sketched replication of a dizzyingly complicated transmutation circle, the sheet labeled as Epsilon Array Reversal. "Al, what's going on?"

Al did not answer him for several seconds, just staring blankly down at the array in his lap. Maes' insides clenched at the increasingly long silence and he shifted a little closer to the boy, trying to stay calm. "Al..."

"This is the array, sir," he answered at last, voice dull. "This is what we've been looking for. It's the array Kuzon made to fix Colonel Mustang."

"Wait- what?! You found it?! That's wonderful!" Maes only barely stopped himself from snatching the paper out of his hands in ecstatic joy. "This is great, Al! So you can fix him now?! What, is there some problem with the array? You two can fix it, Al-"

"The array is perfect, sir."

Maes broke off for a moment, the monotonous reply cooling his excitement slightly, and he looked between Al and the paper again in confusion. "So what's the problem?" he asked, voice only barely calmer, and he didn't even try to stop beaming. "If the array is perfect, then why are you upset?"

Al didn't say anything for several moments again, and when he finally did start talking, the explanation was so quiet and miserable it was almost frightening. "Look at this symbol," he said, showing the sheet to him and pointing towards the character in the center of the array. "Do you know what this is?"

Frowning in confusion, Maes watched Al uncertainly for several seconds before, sighing, he reverted his gaze to the array. He pushed at his glasses and squinted, trying to make out the symbol buried amidst all the others in an interweaving black web. "Ah... I think so," he said, grimacing. "That's an egg, right? Doesn't it mean spring?" While he wasn't an alchemist, the military required all officers to go through some mediocre training at at least interpreting alchemic arrays, in case of emergency- one too many soldiers having been blown up because they'd been to ignorant to realize the array in front of their face was lethal.

Al chuckled weakly, but he was plainly still upset. "Close. The egg does mean spring, and this symbol is related to that- but that's not what this is. The egg means spring because spring represents birth. Now, see this crack, here? That modifies it. It means _rebirth,_ not birth. It means the life was already created, and ended- that the alchemist is trying to put the broken egg back together to be born again. This symbol is used to mean rebirth of the dead, sir. ...It's human transmutation."

And just like that, relief and joy were frozen into cold horror.

Human transmutation.

Or, the reason he was sitting here conversing with a cold, empty suit of armor and not a flesh and blood boy.

What Roy had threatened after Ishval... not because he'd believed it would actually succeed, but because it would've allowed him to put a metaphorical gun to his head and pull the very real trigger, but still hide it under the guise of atoning for his sins.

Because human transmutation didn't work.

"But... but you said the array was perfect..." he managed to force out in one last ditch attempt to grasp at hope, nausea striking him.

"Yes." Al hesitated sadly, glancing up from the folder to look at him in abject misery. "That's why Kuzon told Ed it would work. He honestly thought it would. But... our array was perfect, too, when we tried to transmute Mom. That array was perfect, Hughes. And it still didn't work, because human transmutation is not possible."

The finality in the statement was chilling.

Maes limply dropped to sit back against the wall, hollow and empty. His head spun, and for a moment, the dizzying reality he'd been faced with was so strong he couldn't even breathe.

That was it, then. Just like that: it was over.

They'd lost.

They'd lost, and now, Roy was as good as dead because of it.

"I couldn't tell Ed," he heard Al say distantly, the words muffled under the roar in his head.

_Might be kinder... if we just let him die..._

"I just _couldn't_ tell him... I came out here to try and find some way to modify this; make it work, make it not be human transmutation- but I can't. It's not possible, Hughes. The only way this would _ever_ work is with a philosopher's stone... but we don't have one, and I just... oh, Hughes, I _can't_ tell him this. This is all he's been focused on and if he finds out the array won't work, that it _can't_ work... he's already not eating, barely sleeping...

Maes would never understand how that one detail of what he'd said managed to worm its way through the deadened, expansive, suffocating despair. He'd never understand how it managed to register with him and trigger the memory. But it did, and the moment Maes realized the implications, he flung himself back towards hope without even the slightest sense of hesitation- because this hope was all he _had_ and even if it was false, even if it was all just a cruel lie, _anything_ was better than sitting here in grief so acute he could not even breathe. Even if it would only be for a few seconds, that lie of a hope was so suddenly all he wanted, and he desperately grabbed for it.

"Did you just say this will work with a philosopher's stone?"

Al looked towards him miserably, still clenching the sheet in his massive hands. "Well, yeah," he said after a moment, voice weak. "Anything is possible, if you have one of those. But it doesn't matter. That's not an option-"

"Philosopher's stones. That's alchemic augmentation, right?"

Again, Al stared at him uncertainly, seeming wary, now. "...Yes..."

"Small red stones that accomplish alchemic augmentation?"

"...Hughes, where are you going with-"

"Is that what they are or not?"

"...Yes," Al said at last, voice small, now staring at him almost as if he was afraid he'd lost his mind. "That's what they are, sir."

And with that, tentative hope become exhausted relief.

Maes leaned heavily back against the wall, burying his face in his hands and struggling to calm himself down, trembling in the face of the twisted emotions. Going from despairing to _this_ in the space of barely a minute felt exhausting and he let out a startled laugh, barely able to keep his composure. God, if this nightmare kept on going like this, he really was going to end up with a heart attack before he hit forty...

"Sir?" Al questioned nervously, seeming even more anxious than before. "What's going on?"

At last, Maes forced himself to sit upright with another shuddering, meant to be calming breath. Still trembling, he shifted to meet Al's eyes, and once again, he just could not stop himself from grinning, although now it was more likely from the recent rollercoaster of emotion leaving him a shaking mess rather than true joy. "Al," he said at last, "what I'm about to tell you is not something you or Ed are supposed to know. It's still classified, so keep quiet about this, all right? Now... in the Ishvallan war, all the State Alchemists were given red rings. No one knew how they worked, but it allowed them to accomplish... well, _anything_. I remember Roy telling me at the time it was as if equivalent exchange didn't even exist anymore- that he felt like he could blow up an entire mountain with that thing on."

Al stared at him, the implications hitting him nearly instantly. "The military gave them philosopher's stones?!" he gasped, and Maes nodded gravely.

"I imagine so. If there's another explanation, I have no idea what it is. We didn't realize at the time, though... we didn't know until you boys figured it out that philosopher's stones could be manufactured. Anyway," he rushed on eagerly, "when the war ended, the military made all the State Alchemists give back what was left of the stones. Roy handed them back an empty ring. Told them that the stone had been entirely used up. _Really_ do not tell this to anyone else, Al, it would get him executed for treason... but, he lied."

Al stared at him in shock, and Maes answered the unspoken question with a grim nod.

"He didn't tell me for a long while," he admitted, wringing his hands together anxiously. "I only found out when I was helping him pack for his transfer to East City and found the stone." He shrugged for a moment, thinking back to the quiet conversation that had followed the discovery. "He said he hadn't given it back because the military would've just used it in another war. That if he could've figured out how to safely destroy it, he would have. I think, once we found out how these things were made, he was planning on destroying it anyway, but with everything that's been happening, he never got the chance before he went missing. He still has the stone, Al."

Al sat up a little straighter, eyes impossibly bright as he clutched the file. "Then that means, if we can just find where he keeps it-!"

"I _know_ where the bastard keeps it. He had it made into a necklace to throw off suspicion and gave it to Hawkeye for safekeeping." He sat back for a moment, grinning brilliantly. _Finally,_ something was actually going right. How long had it been since he'd been able to say that? But it was true- Al had already said the array was perfect, which meant all they had to do was get the remnants of Roy's philosopher's stone, get Roy himself, and then let Ed work his magic.

The reminder of Ed made him still, blinking as excited fervor cooled into nervous hesitation. "Wait... Al, will Ed even agree to this?" he asked softly, biting his lip. "I know that you've both refused to use one before. Because of what it's made out of... will Ed be all right, doing this?"

Al, however, did not hesitate for even a moment. "Yes, sir," he told him, clutching the folder tightly. "We've refused to use one for ourselves before, and we've talked about it and agreed we never will. This is different. We made our mistakes, and we knew what we were doing was taboo, what the price could be; we _chose_ to do it anyway. It was our mistake, this price was equivalent exchange for us committing taboo, and we can't have the people in the stone pay that price for us. It's not equivalent. It's not _right,_ Hughes. But... but what happened to Colonel Mustang is different." He hesitated for a moment, looking down to the complex transmutation circle in his lap. "He didn't choose any of this. There's nothing equivalent about letting him suffer like this. And, besides, Hughes, Brother and I can live like this. We may not like it, but we can. Colonel Mustang _can't._ Brother knows that, too... we'll use the stone on him, sir. We'll do it."

Hughes breathed out a thankful sigh, leaning his head back against the wall numbly with the feel of dizzying relief turning his limbs to jelly. All things told, he really wasn't sure what he would've done, if Ed had refused to do it. There was no other alchemist he trusted to do this, and even if there had been, something about ignoring Ed's moral objections and just using the stone regardless did not sit well with him. But, then, it was Roy's _life_ they were talking about... he wasn't sure if he'd be able to accept just _not_ using the stone to save him, either...

But, he reminded himself, that was now neither here nor there.

Al hesitated, still looking down at the transmutation circle. "Honestly, sir, it's still not right," he murmured at length, averting his gaze. "We're still going to be taking those people's lives, lives that were stolen, and using them for our own needs. It's not right, and I know Ed won't feel too good about doing this... but there's nothing else we can do. We can't give them their lives back. All we can do is use the stone... that's what Marcoh does, too. All he can do is just use the stones helping people. It may not be _right,_ but if the stones already exist, sir... all we can do is use them."

Maes frowned, the implications of what Al was saying weighing heavily on him. It was true, now that he thought about it. Ed probably wouldn't be too thrilled about using a philosopher's stone at all, knowing what it was made out of- even, as Al had said, knowing that there really wasn't a kinder choice. That was just the kind of person Ed was. Even worse than that, he couldn't imagine Roy would it take it well. Especially given the fact it was almost certainly Ishvallan souls in the stone. Possibly Ishvallans that Roy himself had killed...

When the realization made his stomach turn, he frowned to himself and straightened, swiftly managing to reclaim his composure. He dusted off his uniform and stood, holding out a hand to Al in the same motion- then regretting it, when the kid politely accepting it nearly made him topple. This was their only option, and just because it wasn't easy to face meant nothing. Nothing about any of this had been _easy._ Right now, they needed to just finish this goddamn case, and see both Roy and Ed safe- he'd pay whatever the price was for it.

"I'm going to go call Hawkeye," he told Al as he slowly led the way back towards Ed's room, mind still racing with everything that had been learned. "Discuss our next step. It shouldn't be too long, now." He paused for a moment, fingers twisting anxiously over the lint on his sleeve. "...I'll talk with Ed about this, too, but, Al- if this all works, can you just... not mention to Roy, what we did? About the philosopher's stone?"

Al gave him a startled look. "I think he'll be too curious to just not ask us, sir."

Oh, of _course_ he would be. Maes already knew that for certain. "Yes," he said uneasily, "and I'll think of something to tell him, but he doesn't need to know we used a philosopher's stone full of Ishvallans for this." He broke off there, uncertain just how much the brothers knew about his friend's guilt over the civil war and unwilling to spell it all out right now, not to mention uncomfortable about breaking Roy's confidence like this.

Al, however, wasn't extraordinarily perceptive, almost moreso than Ed, and was able to tell what he was hinting at very easily. After several tense seconds, Al simply looked away and favored him with a reluctant nod. "All right," he said slowly. "For the record, I don't think hiding it from him is a great strategy- but it's your call. If you don't want him to know, then we won't tell him." He walked in silence for several more moments, then started and frowned, turning to face him once again. "Oh, Hughes, sir- I don't know if Scieska or Falman told you- there's a lot of mention of Colonel Mustang in Kuzon's notes. There are even pictures. Well... won't it be pretty bad, if the Aerugians look at them and recognize him? Couldn't they blackmail him somehow, if they found out he was a human chimera? After we've fixed him, I mean."

Maes let out a vaguely amused, dark chuckle at that, raising an eyebrow at him. The possibility had already occurred to him, and suffice it to say he was not very interested in letting that happen. "You just leave the Aerugians to me, Al," he said cryptically, offering up nothing more than. "I only want you two to focus on this transmutation. You leave everything else for me and Hawkeye to handle."

Al cast him another doubtful look, but when it was greeted only by cold confidence, the boy just shrugged and gave in. "Yes, sir," he agreed, and came to an uncertain halt outside of his brother's room.

Nodding gratefully, Maes again tugged on his collar to straighten it then stood back with a decidedly unmilitary-like wave, parting ways. Al was going to need to talk with Ed and work out the details of this transmutation for a while- he would not be of any help in that conversation. No, he decided, smiling grimly. What he needed to do was get in contact with Hawkeye.

It was time to put their plans into motion.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

It had been three days, since they had found the array to fix Roy.

Eight days, since Kuzon had been killed and Ed, rescued.

And far, far too long since this whole nightmare had began.

Simply put, Maes was _beyond_ ready for it to end.

Ed was still in the hospital, and actually would be for a while- save for when they stole him out to do the transmutation. Hawkeye had taken Falman and Fuery on her mission to rid any mention of Roy from the files the Aerugians would be taking home with them after this. Just how she was going to accomplish this, she hadn't said. She had just told him not to doubt Mustang's men and left.

Maes had found himself running to catch up with her five minutes later, and ensure her plan didn't end in any of the Aerugian soldiers being assassinated via sniper rifle.

Whatever Hawkeye's plan was, it was guaranteed to be effective. And that left him with Havoc, Breda, and Al waiting two blocks away from Lab Three, ready to strike as soon as the last of the day staff had left and the lab was as deserted as they could get.

Granted, Al was only there because Ed had forced him. Al very clearly had not wanted to leave his brother alone for any length of time, and Maes hadn't been about to force him into this- hell, he actually agreed it would be better for Al to stay with his traumatized brother rather than join in on the rescue mission- but Ed had insisted. The kid plainly still did not trust him or Hawkeye to handle this and had wanted his brother there to ensure everything went well... and again, Maes had not been able to blame him for that.

Regardless of his reluctance to join, though, Al's presence was going to make everything go much more smoothly.

" _This is Raven, reporting in. The last team of researchers has left the building. You're good to go. Repeat; you're good to go."_

Breda's signal crackled out of the receiver clipped to his belt and Maes glanced gratefully towards the rooftop across the street where he'd stationed the second lieutenant with a sniper rifle. "You heard the man," he muttered, reaching for a throwing dagger. "Let's head out. Al?"

There was a flash of alchemic light from behind him faster than he could turn to look- and the sound of Havoc swearing as he nearly tripped into the sudden hole. Scowling in annoyance, Maes turned around and promptly smushed his hand into his face with an eye roll.

"That was me, facepalming you. Because it still hurts to facepalm myself," he deadpanned, pointing to the still healing scars on his own face. That said, he palmed his dagger again and led the way into the underground tunnel.

Havoc cursed at him this time, trailing behind him into the small, dark space. "You're channeling Mustang," he informed him unhappily. _"Again."_

"Not true. If I was, then I would've headslapped you instead."

"Why must all my superiors insist on physical abuse?! Why can't you just-"

The rest of whatever he was going to say was swallowed up underneath the noise of Al carving out the tunnel ahead of them, and, smirking, Maes returned to counting steps and tracking their progress on the map in silence.

It didn't take long for Al to navigate his way underneath the military facility, and it couldn't have been more than ten minutes before Maes reached a hand forward, tugging on his arm rather than trying to shout at him over the noise. "We should be right underneath him, I think," he said once Al had stopped making the tunnel. "Take us up."

Al did so without hesitation, and the moment they were above ground again the alchemist set about erasing all signs of their entry into the lab while Havoc held up the lantern, lighting up the room. Maes cast a wary glance about, relieved to find it was definitely deserted, then proceeded towards the collection of cages near the back of the room. "Hang back for a minute, you two," he called over his shoulder, voice tense. "I'm going to try to get through to him again."

Al and Havoc obediently stayed behind him, allowing him to proceed forward. He cautiously got down to his knees like before, heart pounding nervously all the while, and squinted in the darkness of the lab, trying to focus on the shivering black mass that had already pushed himself as far away from the noise as he could get. "Hey," he called gently, struggling to keep his voice calm and relaxed even in the middle of one of the most important missions of his life. "Hey, Roy. You remember me?"

The ferocious growl was an instantaneous answer, so loud and sudden he jerked back. It was surely as loud as the chimera could get with his jaw still locked shut and Maes shivered involuntarily, instincts screaming out that something was wrong. He paused for a moment, unsure, then tired again. "Roy _?"_

The growl came again, this time accompanied by the shadow flinching back even closer to the wall. He sighed for a moment, disappointed- he'd been hoping getting through to Roy before would help now, but clearly, one five minute conversation several days prior was not going to be enough to cut it, not when he'd been here for so long. So Maes, still upset, just cleared his throat and resorted back to his earlier strategy.

"Ed."

Another sharp growl.

Maes blinked, frowning. "...Edward," he said again, leaning forward a little.

Roy growled at him again, but this time it trailed off into a choked off, muted sort of version of a frightened whimper. The chimera cringed away from him even though he hadn't even moved, pressing himself further back into the cage. Maes stared at him, at a loss. What was going on? Ed's name had been all he'd needed to get Roy to listen to him just a couple days ago. Now it was as if Roy couldn't even understand him. He leaned closer a little, squinting into the darkness, thinking perhaps it was a different chimera and Roy had been moved- but no, that was definitely the same chimera as before.

"Edward... Roy?"

Yet another growl came as his only response, and Maes sat back helplessly for a moment, lost. "...I don't know what's going on," he said over his shoulder, trying not to let his voice sound as disappointed as he felt. "He wasn't like this at all before..."

He heard Al clanking about for a moment behind him and ignored him for the moment, returning his focus to Roy. But nothing he did or said seemed to make any difference, and, disheartened, Maes sat back again, stuck and with no idea how to proceed.

"Sir," Al spoke up uncertainly from behind him, and he heard the boy come a little closer, "I found his file... it says he's been getting more aggressive for days. Apparently it started the same day you were here, sir. He wouldn't quit making noise and trying to get out after you left... says one of the scientists eventually started hitting him to get him to be quiet, he was so loud. Ever since then, he's been increasingly hostile."

Oh.

_...Oh._

For a moment, it felt as if Al had just punched him in the face.

And for a moment, Maes wished that he would, because being unconscious would have been _miles_ preferable to the way he felt right now.

The radio on his belt crackled again, breaking the tense, horrible silence _. "We've got a problem. One of the soldiers is heading back to the lab- looks like he forgot something. I can distract him for a few minutes, but you guys need to get out of there, pronto."_

Havoc swore; Maes was too busy trying to stop drowning in guilt to give the message the attention it deserved. "Damn," the lieutenant muttered, "what now? We don't have much time!"

Al sighed fretfully, moving a little bit closer towards the cage. "We'll have to just grab him and run. I can do it, sir..."

Maes started out of his miserable stare, blinking to look up at him. He felt almost sick as he shook his head to himself, trying to clear it, then almost jumped at the sound of another violent snarl. "Of... of course," he managed, wrenching himself to his feet and staggering back a few steps, gesturing for the alchemist to do his work.

He still wasn't sure who he hated more: the scientists that ran this godforsaken lab and were currently lucky to not have a knife sticking out of the neck, or himself.

Al calmly clapped his hands, transmuting one briefly into something distinctly clawlike, then tore at the cage, making it look as if Roy had ripped his way out rather than been freed by a metal alchemist. Since the chimera was not going to cooperate, as they'd previously hoped, Al then hesitated for a moment, obviously reluctant, then simply scooped the struggling dog up, unflinching against the sharp claws that raked against his metal arms. "Sorry, Colonel Mustang," he apologized meekly, and Maes rushed forward to help him hide his best friend in his empty chest cavity.

Roy whined and fought them, hard, but in his current state it was almost pitifully easy for Al to subdue him. The chimera scratched wildly, black eyes dilated in a fright that was agonizing to see, and it took almost more than he had in him to simply wrestle him into Al's armor- knowing the entire time he was hurting him and still not able to stop it. This wasn't like the first time he'd been here, when there'd been no stakes and he'd had minutes to just talk to Roy and get him to trust him. They just didn't have that luxury- and besides, after how that had turned out, Maes didn't think he would ever be able to get through to him a second time. It had probably been the only time he'd even come close to trusting a human, aside from Ed, and almost immediately that trust had been violently broken. He wasn't going to be winning it back any time soon.

The chimera whined desperately from inside Al, the throaty cry reverberating against the metal to echo horribly, and they all winced. _Damn it._ Ed was going to kill them for this- and hell, he already hated himself for it now- but they just did not have the time to try and calm him down. They had to move _now,_ and if Roy didn't want to go with them, then he would just have to be forced.

Just another addition to the ever growing list of things to feel guilty about, when this was all over.

The radio on his belt crackled again, Breda's voice issuing out over the chimera's whimpers. " _I can't delay this guy anymore. You've got five minutes and not a second more, sir!"_ _  
_

Maes swore quietly. "Then head down to the car. We're on our way out now. Al- go!"

Al immediately set out leading the way, using his still transmuted hand to tear through the wall in a great, earsplitting crash. Once again, it looked as if Roy had torn his own way out- essential to this plan succeeding- and Maes couldn't help a small, weak grin as he jogged behind Al, following his wake of destruction.

He could hear Roy whining and scratching desperately at the armor the whole way and winced again, chewing on the inside of his cheek in sympathetic distress. Roy was going to hate him now, no doubt about it- and Ed was going to _kill_ him. Neither would be entirely undeserved, either. If there was any plan guaranteed to terrify an already frightened animal, this was it...

 _No,_ he thought to himself firmly, trying to turn away the guilt growing in his chest. This was to help Roy. Ultimately, this _would_ help him. That was just what he had to focus on.

Al continued to rip his way out of the facility, Breda giving them updates along the way. He had fired a shot into the ground, distracting the soldier into going to investigate, but he was heading back towards the base now, and they needed to be long gone before he got there... running out of time... no less than two minutes until they had to be out of the base... _no less than one minute..._

Finally, Al tore out of the final wall in a smash of metal. Maes bolted around him, sprinting towards where they'd left the car hidden. "Come on!" he called over the screeching alarms, jamming his knife into its sheath. "We've got to get out of here, _now!"_

The screams of rubber on asphalt were his only answer, and Maes skidded back from the car hurtling around the corner to nearly crash to a halt in front of them. He reached back for his weapon in alarm, only for the window to roll down and reveal-

"Hawkeye?!"

The sniper revved the engine impatiently, never taking her hands of the wheel. "I heard you could use a ride, sir," she called calmly, and Maes continued to just stare at her, stunned by the incongruity of it.

With another round of the alarm going off behind him, he somehow shook it off, deciding to just not even question her. He sprinted towards her and threw himself into the back of the van, the door having been wrenched open by Falman and Fuery; his team was given no more than two seconds to regroup themselves before Hawkeye slammed her foot down, and the car jolted forward again so fast he nearly knocked himself out on the floor.

When he'd managed to yank himself upright, he crawled, somehow, closer to the driver's seat, rubbing at his askew glasses. He glanced over Hawkeye in bewilderment, not that the sniper was going to acknowledge his shock in any way, shape, or form, and finally stammered, "I thought you said you would take three hours to finish!"

"If there were complications," she replied calmly, not looking away from the road. "There were none."

Still stunned, Maes looked down to his watch in disbelief. "It's been less than _half an hour!"_

"Yes."

Stymied, he glanced over his shoulder towards where Fuery and Falman were busy looking very satisfied with themselves, then shivered and looked back at Hawkeye. "...I'm not going to get a call from very angry Aerugians in the morning wanting to know how their base of operations exploded, am I?"

Still, Hawkeye did not look away from the road or even crack a smile. "Sir. Is that how Colonel Mustang would've taken care of the problem?"

"...Uh... yeah. Probably."

He swore that there was just the slightest hint of amusement in her eyes at that one. "And I'm not Colonel Mustang, am I?"

"...You know, now I'm really not sure what you guys did and I think I'm actually frightened to find out."

"You should be," she returned calmly, and without any further warning than that, swerved the car around a turn so abruptly his head was once again acquainted with the metal flooring, and he decided to this time, just stay down there, and quit questioning what he really did not want to know. His head would probably prefer it, that way.

"Did you succeed as well, sir?" Hawkeye asked, swerving her way around yet another corner on their frantic race away from the lab. "Second Lieutenant Breda had engaged the contingency plan; did something go wrong?"

He shook his head, struggling to fix his glasses. "Not really," he said tensely, "just one of the soldiers ended up heading back to the lab. He took care of it. And yes, we have Roy. You know, if you can hear yourself think over the racket he's making." Then he winced at his own words, regretting them instantly. And could he _blame_ his friend for being terrified right now?

Hawkeye arced an eyebrow, seeming rather unfazed by it all. "This may prove to be a problem. There's going to be a citywide alert going out for a dog chimera soon... we can't have him being this loud. I know we're headed outside of Central, but we'll still be close enough that people would hear and call it in."

"Well, I'm not sure what you want from me! I'm _not_ knocking him out, and short of that there's nothing we can do... maybe when we let him out he'll calm down..." He trailed off with a frustrated shrug, trying and failing to drown out the terrified whimpers and the sound of Roy desperately scratching at Al's armor. _Damn it, I'm so sorry, Roy..._

He paused for a moment, biting his lip. Mentioning Ed had calmed him down before. Granted, Roy seemed so far out of it that he doubted any words would get through to him this time, but it stood to reason that if they could Ed out here, that would be enough... but, Ed was still hospitalized. As things were now, they were going to give him a couple more days to get his strength back, then sneak him out for the chimera reversal transmutation- then take him back. Not that Ed was aware of that last part, or would've agreed to it if he had been. However, the fact remained that Ed wasn't well enough for this yet- either the complex transmutation, or calming down a dog that would probably maul them all to death if he got the chance.

He sighed his frustration through gritted teeth, sitting back against the van wall and watching as Hawkeye swerved through the city streets.

Well, they would have to figure _something_ out, because Hawkeye was right. If Roy kept on making this much noise, the military would track them down within an hour- and if they tracked him down, after the way they'd broken out of Lab Three, they would kill him.

Maes would sooner shoot himself then see that happen.

* * *

It had been half past ten, when they'd broken into Lab Three. A two hour drive after that, to the safehouse Roy himself owned on the very outskirts of city limits. Maes was reasonably sure that, in those two hours, he'd come very close to going permanently deaf, from just how _loudly_ Roy's claws had screeched against Al's armor.

(Also permanent brain damage, from the dozens of times he'd been hurtled against the van wall from Hawkeye swerving around yet another corner, but that was neither here nor there).

It was not very long after reaching the safehouse before he just had to call it quits on calming Roy down. It was abundantly clear that Roy did not trust any of them and was not listening to a word they said. He was reacting eerily similar to the time when Ed had first woken up; flinching back as if they were going to try and kill him and refusing to let them so much as get close enough to touch him. Taking the muzzle off, as it turned out, had been a huge mistake; rather than giving him a reason to trust him, Maes had just nearly gotten himself killed and instantly whimpers had become earsplitting howls instead. If it hadn't been for Al, he didn't know _what_ they would have done, but after twenty minutes of trying cajole the terrified chimera into listening to them, with absolutely zero success, Al had simply walked forward, covered his mouth to stop the barking, and held him down to stop an escape attempt.

After only five minutes of listening to the terrified whimpers and cries that had been the result, Maes had left.

Mostly because someone needed to fill Ed in on everything that had happened, and it couldn't be Al anymore. Also because he hadn't been able to take listening to his best friend screaming in fright and pain for that much longer.

When he'd finally reached the hospital, distressed and running on zero hours of sleep, he'd parked on autopilot and stumbled up towards the building in a near daze, trying to decide just how much to pass on to Ed. On one hand, telling him just how upset Roy was was guaranteed to be a bad idea. It had been hard enough to get Ed to agree to remain in the hospital at all, only accomplished by Al finally snapping and shouting at him that he wasn't well enough to do the transmutation now and wouldn't be helping anyone if he killed himself trying to do it before he was ready. If Ed found out the state Roy was in, there would be _no way_ to keep him here. The moment he was given a minute alone he'd find his way to a taxi and end up on the safehouse's doorstep- despite having never been told the address. But Maes still wasn't sure whether or not that was better than the hell there'd be to pay if Ed found out they were keeping something from him... if they kept pushing Ed's trust, at some point it _was_ going to break and they wouldn't be able to earn it back.

Maes sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face in exhaustion. He paused next to Ed's room, again wondering just what had happened that had transformed two of the most antagonistic people he'd ever known into this. Allowing himself a wry smile, he pushed the thought out of his mind and gently nudged the door open, trying to keep quiet in case Ed was asleep.

The sight of the empty bed stopped him before he'd gotten more than three steps into the room.

"H- Hughes?"

He jumped in surprise, blaming his nerves on his exhaustion, and turned slightly to see that Ed had not made a break for it already, contrary to his initial assumption. Thankfully. No; rather than being caught in the process of trying to sneak out, he'd just walked in to find Ed standing against the corner, leaning back against the wall for support. He looked as startled as Maes felt, clearly not having expected to be interrupted in- whatever it was he was doing.

"Um... Ed?"

Ed shifted uneasily, clearly self-conscious and trying to hide it. "...I thought Al was going to come," he mumbled, then inched himself further back into the corner.

Frowning, Maes moved a little further into the room, glancing around as if he expected to find the reason Ed wasn't in bed at three in the morning written out for him to read. "Changes of plans," he mumbled, nonplussed. "...Ed, what are you doing?"

The kid hesitated for a moment, clearly loathe to reply. At last, he just glared at the floor, tired eyes briefly flickering shut. "In my defense, I thought Al was coming. I would've heard him the second he got to the floor. I didn't know it was going to be you."

"...So, essentially, if it had been Al, he would've walked in to find you back in bed, where you're supposed to be, pretending like you'd been there all night?"

"...Pretty much, yeah."

Maes sighed, pushing at his glasses again. "That's not even close to a defense, Ed. In fact, I think that just makes it worse."

Ed just continued to glare at the floor, seeming to find it greatly preferable to meeting his gaze. "Look, I don't sleep well, okay?" he muttered, sounding intensely embarrassed. "If Al's here, he'll wake me up if I- well, point is, Al's obviously not here. So... here I am." He shrugged in his corner self-explanatorily, still eying the floor in irritation. He wrapped his arm a little tighter around himself, somehow steady on only one leg, and scowled darkly. "...Like I said, you weren't supposed to find me like this."

Maes swallowed, trying not to look as upset as he felt. Al had mentioned a couple times his brother was barely sleeping or eating, but he'd had no idea it had been this bad. And by how relaxed he was about all of this, he could tell this wasn't the first time Ed had done something like this, either. Probably every time his brother left, he'd take to wondering around the hospital room to just try and keep himself awake...

And there, they had another reason for why he was recovering so much more slowly than the doctor expected.

"Quit looking at me like that, Hughes," Ed broke in quietly, voice surprisingly wounded, and Maes blinked, takenaback. "I'm doing the best I can, okay? It's just a lot more difficult than I expected to be, without Roy here, and I... never mind. Just, never mind. How'd everything go?" he went on brusquely, shaking his head and clearly trying to either distract him or himself, exhausted, shadowed eyes bright with a forcibly business-like manner that did nothing to cast away the pallor of the night. "This is about when Al said he'd be back, so I'm guessing things went well. Is Roy okay?"

Maes just looked at him without answering, his heart heavy. That was all he asked about- that was all he _ever_ asked about, it seemed. Roy. He never asked about his automail. Only seemed to care about his fingers to the point that it would let him draw a complicated transmutation circle- Al had promptly put his foot down and claimed the task as his own. Didn't seemed remotely bothered by the fact that he was barely eating or sleeping. No... his _only_ concern was for Roy.

For a moment, Maes thought over what the next several days would be like, if he kept with their plan. If he told Ed the truth, that the only reason he had come was because Al was the only thing stopping Roy from bolting, it was almost guaranteed the kid would get even worse. What could be worse than now? He had no idea, but he was certain it was possible. And even if he lied, and just told him they had rescued Roy and everything was all good, would things get better? Unlikely. Roy was still a chimera, and until that was changed, Maes found it very, very unlikely anything was going to improve, with Ed.

Regardless of what version of the story he told now, the next few days would entail Ed standing in the corner of his room in the middle of the night, desperately trying not to fall asleep. Or worse.

That was all that was needed, to make his decision.

"Come on, Ed," he said, withdrawing to stand closer to the door again and nudging it open with his foot. He only barely stopped himself from holding out a hand to help him. Ed still didn't react well to being touched, a flinch being the reaction if you were lucky, a punch if not. "Let's go."

Ed stared at him in alarm, making no move to get away from the wall. "W-what?" he stammered, paling. "Why? I thought we weren't... Hughes, what happened? Is he okay?!"

He barely stopped himself from smiling, at that one. "Yes," he promised, still waiting by the door. "Yes, he's fine, Ed. That's why we're going. So you can do the transmutation."

Ed remained motionless, staring at him with something akin to suspicious. "...I thought you guys weren't going to let me for a few days," he muttered at last, with no lack of animosity in his voice. After all, it had been Maes and Al who'd teamed up to force the kid to wait.

And once again, Maes let himself smile, a little mischievously now, and shrugged. "Like I said. Change of plans. ...Well, Ed? You coming or not?"

A few moments of stunned silence later, and amber eyes widened in the familiar, sneaky mischievousness that he had not seen in months, and his mouth finally quirked upwards into a grin.

* * *

The two hour drive back to the safehouse felt as if it took even longer than the ride back to the city. On the way into Central, he'd been dreading his arrival the entire time, unsure of what to say to Ed and even more worried about how he'd react- and as a result, the drive felt as if it had passed in the blink of an eye. _Now,_ of course, when he was actually wanting to speed things along, it felt as if it took forever. And Ed's incessant questions weren't helping the time to pass any quicker, either.

Nor was the fact that, even though he may've dodged murder-via-Ed, Al was most likely to leave him dead on the side of the road, anyway, when he found out he'd taken his brother out of the hospital without first discussing it with him.

After finally tracking down the safehouse again- at this point, the sun was rising, and it was clear the sleepless night was weighing on him just as badly as it was on Ed- he stopped the car in an uneven, shabby sort of parking job and fumbled around to Ed's side, helping him out. He wasn't going to be able to make his way over the uneven ground by himself and had clearly realized it, hanging off his arm very reluctantly and with a scowl.

He hadn't been given crutches yet, because he technically wasn't supposed to be standing yet.

Yet another reason this was probably not going to be one of his more brilliant ideas.

As he helped Ed make his way towards the crumbling shed, he cast another anxious look ahead and cleared his throat. "Listen, Ed..." he started, purposefully dawdling. "About Roy. Now, he is okay, don't worry- but, before we go inside, I should probably warn you. When I left, he was... well, he was pretty freaked out."

Ed stiffened instantly, and the look in his eyes abruptly catapulted from nervous to livid. "What you do to him _this_ time?!" he gasped, nearly ripping his arm away from him in anger and haste. "I swear, Hughes, if you fucked this up again-"

"We didn't _do_ anything, Ed," he pressed on, just too tired to take the lecture this time. "We just didn't have time to convince him to come with us willingly, at Lab Three. You know, being a clandestine jailbreak and all. Al just had to grab him and run."

"You _idiots!"_ Ed seethed, and this time he actually did pull his arm away, only barely managing to stay upright. "I told you to be careful with him! I knew I shouldn't have trusted you guys with this- _damn it, Hughes!_ Are you trying to fuck him up even worse because at this point-"

"And _thank you_ for the lecture, Ed. Yes. That was _exactly_ what I was hoping for. Just- come on." He gruffly led the way forward again, knowing Ed would follow him, and wrenched the door open. The moment he did so, the sounds of Roy scratching at metal and whining hit the air again, and at that point, even if he'd wanted to, it just would not have been possible to stop Ed from shoving him aside and going forward as fast as he could.

Once inside, he could see that little had changed, since he'd last left. Mustang's staff were all slumped against one of the walls in various degrees of wakefulness, from Hawkeye, who looked as alert as ever, to Breda, completely unconscious on the floor. Al was still sitting as far away from the door as he could make it, steel arm horribly scratched and nearly ripped clean through, some of the claw marks actually stained with blood.

And Roy was still crouched behind him, trapped helplessly against the corner- still batting at Al's armor every few seconds as if there was a chance it could've become not impervious to claws or teeth since the last attempt. Al's armored glove had also become a chew toy again, trapped between sharp teeth and slowly being mangled to torn bits.

Well, at least it stopped him from howling.

Al had turned around at his entrance and now was staring at his brother, stunned- too stunned to move. Ed, however, was not shocked into being rooted to the spot, because after only a few seconds of horrified staring, he limped forward with a gasp and reached out a trembling hand.

"Roy!"

The chimera didn't respond in the slightest. It was as if no one had even called his name.

Utterly undeterred, Ed limped forward, holding out a hand to stop them when some of Roy's staff tried to get up and help. "Roy!" he called again, then glanced anxiously at his brother and gestured for him to move. "Get out of the way, let me at him."

Al just stared at him, clearly still shocked to find him there. "Brother," he gasped at last, "you- you're not supposed-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, lecture me later, right now just get out of my way!"

The look in his eyes was pure, gleaming desperation, and his iron voice left absolutely no room for argument.

Slowly, Al moved back.

Now there was no one between the pair, a crippled, horribly exhausted, terribly injured teen on one side, and a ferocious, wild dog on the other. Maes swallowed, suddenly anxious. If Roy attacked him, Ed was in no condition to defend himself, and they were in no position to stop him. It would all be over faster than he could even blink.

Roy would rip him to pieces.

And Ed either didn't realize that, or he just didn't care, because he was not backing away. He was plainly not frightened in the slightest. The moment his brother was out of the way, he just simply dropped unsteadily down to his knee, eyes only for Roy and leaving himself even more defenseless. He held out his hand towards the chimera, barely a few feet of distance in between them; not enough for him to even dodge in time.

Roy gave another deadly snarl, baring his teeth. The glimpses of humanity Maes had caught several days ago in the lab were now completely gone. His dark eyes glittered with feral instinct and ferocious terror, entire body trembling as he prepared to either back away or pounce- and Ed just continued to stay crouched in front of him.

He called his name several more times, then somehow managed to snap his fingers at him, as if trying to get him to clear his head. "Hey, Roy," he said loudly again. "You with me?"

The chimera stilled, the near constant growl in his throat dying away. He stared quietly at Ed, utterly motionless and watching his every move.

It was like watching someone try to approach a wild animal. Very slowly, Ed continued to inch himself forward, stopping whenever a threatening growl came or sharp claws were raised. Never once did Roy get closer to attacking him than that, and never once did Ed flinch away; he just continued slowly approaching him, until he was close enough to touch him. Then he slowed down even more, starting to reach out his hand. Roy cringed away, backpedaling into the corner and jerking his head away, then did it again when Ed tried to reach forward another time; he kept stumbling back until he just had no more room to retreat to. Upon realizing he was well and utterly trapped, he howled desperately again, trembling and terrified- and Ed stayed where he was.

Very slowly, the young alchemist reached out again with only his hand, pausing for a moment whenever another particularly dangerous snarl reached his ears but never backtracking. He kept going until he was just close enough to touch him- and then, very cautiously, he let his fingertips brush against the side of Roy's face.

The chimera froze.

Maes held his breath and waited.

Roy hesitantly sniffed at his fingers, then tensed. He jerked his head up, tail twitching, suddenly even more nervous than before. "Eh... _Ehhh..."_ he tried, seeming to struggle with the word.

"Edward," Ed prodded once, voice quiet and calm.

"...Ehhhh... Ehhhd..." The chimera slowly fought the name out, difficulty and struggle radiating with every syllable. For the briefest of moments, Maes caught from his friend a tiny sliver of hope, and Roy sniffed his fingers again. "Ed... Edwar... _Edward...?_ "

"Yep," Ed confirmed softly, and gave a single nod.

It was like a switch had been flipped.

"Eh- Ehhhd- _Edward..._ Edward- _Edward!"_ Roy abruptly sprang forward in a sudden jump and Maes gasped, jerking forward- but it wasn't an attack. Roy landed on him to only smother him from affection, not to hurt him; he just licked his face joyfully and desperately pawed over him with such force the kid toppled onto his back, and Roy stay crouched all over him, not clawing or biting at him but just licking his cheeks in ecstatic relief. "Edward, Edward, Edward!"

Ed just let his head lay back on the floor, tolerating the colonel climb all over him without seeming to even mind. Not even; he was actually smiling, smiling for the first time Maes could remember seeing in weeks, shaking violently as he raised his hand to rest it against Roy's side and and face stretching into a painfully relieved grin. "Yep," he choked out, almost tearful. "Yeah. It's me."

"Edward!" Roy finally slowed down, no longer pawing all over him but still licking his face over and over again. "Edward!" It took him a few more frantic licks to calm down a little but even then, he still stood on top of his chest, just looking down at Ed with wide eyes, shaking with unrestrained joy. _"Edward!"_

Ed let his hand shift, rubbing against the side of the chimera's face gently. "It's okay," he said quietly, but his voice was so choked with emotion it nearly cracked and died into nothing. "It's okay, Roy... it's really Ed. It's really me."

Roy growled the name again, paw dragging over his chest. "Edward..."

"Y-yeah," Ed mumbled weakly, smile trembling.

Then his face crumpled, and he sobbed.

"R-Roy... _Roy..._ "

Roy growled his name again, scratching his chest lightly. He licked his face again then dropped to lie heavily across him, curled around him protectively and head nuzzling against his cheek. _"Edward..."_

And when once upon a time, Ed would have surely kicked the colonel off of him and then shouted at him to take his pervert ass off a cliff, now, the kid actually laughed through another sob, eyes watering with relief. "You fucking scared me, you _bastard,_ " he managed, voice breaking, then just wrapped a trembling arm around him turned his head to bury it in Roy's neck and muffle another sob. "Oh, god, Roy..."

"Edward..."

Maes wasn't sure which one of them it was that attracted his attention; probably Fuery shifting against the wall- whatever it was, Roy was abruptly reminded that they weren't alone. The chimera jumped off of Ed as suddenly as he'd jumped on to him, frantically pushing the kid back to crouch protectively in front of him, snarling all over again and scratching at the floor with his claws as if preparing to lunge. This time, though, Al was not needed to hold him back- Ed didn't even hesitate; even still shaking, still crying, he just reached for the back of Roy's neck and yanked him backwards roughly, getting right into his face and shaking his head.

"No. _No,_ Roy. They're okay, too. They're friends. They're good."

Roy continued to growl, struggling to pull away from Ed's hand. Ed hung on even tighter and dropped his voice, speaking so softly to him that Maes couldn't hear what was said. But, bit by bit, tense muscles relaxed, and the growl began to fade. He coaxed Roy back a little, gradually easing him down from panic. "Easy, Roy," he murmured again, hand rubbing along the side of his neck, "easy, that's it. It's just me; just focus on me..."

When the growl at last trailed off into silence, Ed held still for a moment, just watching him, their stare unbreakable. When Ed found whatever it was he was looking for in his eyes, he sagged with relief, shaking all over again, then just pulled Roy closer to him and buried his face back in his fur.

Ed's grip on him was so strong that when Hawkeye very cautiously rose to her feet, backtracking several paces, he didn't turn to face her. Maes breathed a sigh of relief and felt himself calming as well, his hammering heart finally easing and the weakest beginnings of an exhausted smile tugging at his lips.

"I thought you weren't going to bring him for several days," the lieutenant murmured to him, joining him by the door. "What happened?"

He shrugged weakly, unable to take his eyes off the heartwarming sight of Roy and Ed. "He was too stressed about everything," he offered up vaguely. "I decided waiting would just do more harm than good."

Hawkeye frowned at him. "Sir, I want this to happen as much as you do, but if Edward's not well enough for it, then all you're doing by taking him out here now is making it take even longer. He should still be in the hospital."

At last, he tore his gaze away from his best friend and met her gaze, still struggling not to smile with the relief of it all. "What does it really matter? We're taking him back to the hospital once he does the transmutation, whether he wants to go or not. I already checked to make sure; it's not going to kill or seriously hurt him- doing it now versus in a few days time won't make any difference. Do you really think I'd have brought him if it was dangerous for him, Hawkeye?"

She pursed her lips, frowning dangerously again. "There was a _reason_ we were going to wait for several days, sir."

"...I know." He sighed through his nose, trying to cast off the irritation that was mostly because of fatigue and give her a straight answer, because she did deserve at least that much. "I know, Hawkeye... but you didn't see him, when I got there. He's too worried about this. Trust me- if we'd left him there like that, then in a couple days, he'd be worse, not better. And by how panicked Roy was, I don't think he would've even made it that long."

She continued to watch him doubtfully, but her expression had at least softened a little, and she sighed herself, looking away. "...I just know that Colonel Mustang won't be happy with us if Edward makes himself worse because he wasn't ready for this," she murmured, folding her arms with a distressed sigh.

Ha. Understatement of the year, that was. If, by the way Roy was reacting now, Ed somehow ended up hurt worse through all of this, Maes was sure his friend's first act as a human once again would be to turn them all into charcoal.

Havoc cleared his throat from where he sidled up next to them, almost certainly to eavesdrop. "If you two are worried about the chief, I wouldn't be," he said, nudging his shoulder. "Look."

Startled, Maes did.

Ed and Roy were still sitting in the corner of the room. However, instead of Ed holding Roy back, murmuring in his ear to try and get him to calm down and not attack anybody else in the room, the kid was instead slumped onto the floor, one arm draped limply over Roy's back and head pillowed against his side. Roy had curled up next to him to the point that his head nudged against his stomach, still lying so that he was in between Ed and the rest of the room- but now, no longer trying to actively protect him from it.

Both of them were fast asleep.

Some very small part of him burst into tears over the fact that he hadn't thought to bring his camera.


	20. Chapter 20

This was the happiest he had felt in months.

And if anyone wanted to point out that it was Roy Mustang who had managed to make him grin like a damn idiot, just by being there, something that _before_ would've been absolutely impossible, well, they could just shut it.

Ed currently sat against the wall, half lying on his side and barely propped up by the corner. Roy was curled up on his stomach again, zoning in and out of sleep along with him. Every time he woke up he'd again find himself attacked by an overly enthusiastic, affectionate dog; it was as if Roy still couldn't quite believe everything that had happened and every time he woke up to find him still there, he needed to reassure himself he was okay all over again.

Havoc had been the only one who'd dared to crack an amused smile at that, and Ed had glared so hotly at him the man had relegated himself to the opposite side of the room for the past hour.

Al was busy drawing out the transmutation circle, taking his time to sketch the massive array out on the floor. Hawkeye was standing guard outside, with the rest of the men alternating between watching with her and observing Al's work. Hughes, for his part, had joined him by the wall, sitting several feet away and looking over at him and Roy, tired eyes bright with a fond amusement.

"You look a lot better," he observed at length, mouth uplifting into a tiny grin.

Ed shrugged, trying to sound unaffected. "Well, I don't have to worry about this bastard anymore."

"And Roy doesn't have to worry about you, either, apparently."

Roy growled quietly in his lap, hearing his name but not bothering to look up, and he had to hide another smile. "He'll be fine," he muttered, playing it off. "Probably thought you'd killed me or something... idiot. No, he'll be fine."

Hughes paused for a few moments, just watching him. His smile slowly faded, and at last the investigator sat forward, trying to meet his gaze. "And you're sure you're okay to do this transmutation now? I know you don't want to wait, but if you're really not well enough, you _need_ to tell us, okay?"

Ed just shook his head at him, still looking down at Roy and not really paying the warning much mind. "If I wasn't, I wouldn't risk it, Hughes."

"Don't try and pull that shit with me, Ed. Yes, you would-"

"No, I wouldn't! If I fucked it up, I could kill him. I'm not lying, Hughes. I can do this."

He could tell Hughes' gaze still was resting on him heavily for several moments, the man searching him for any signs of deceit. Sighing, he kept his gaze stubbornly downwards, just watching as Roy nudged his head against his chest again, growling deep in his throat. Some part of him knew Hughes was right to worry- but he was telling the truth. If he messed this up, there would be no second chance. Everything was going to come down to this one transmutation- and if he wasn't well enough for it, he would've said so.

He was well enough.

He could do this.

He _would_ do this.

"...Could we have Al do it?" Hughes asked a few moments later, obviously still hesitant. "I know you want to, but if it'd be safer..."

Ed shook his head, wondering tiredly at the fact that it was so much easier not to get irritated now that he had Roy growling at him every time his breath quickened. "No," he said dully, leaning his head back against the wall. "It's not an actual soul transmutation, but part of it will be me guiding Roy and the dog's souls to their correct bodies. Al doesn't know them well enough to do it. I do."

Hughes hesitated a moment longer, then just gave in. He leaned back against the wall as well, just watching him quietly out of the corner of his eye, and Ed relaxed as well, continuing to focus on the exhausted, relieved chimera lying across him.

"...I really am sorry about all of this, Ed," he said abruptly, still quiet but voice suddenly heavy with regret. "I didn't mean for any of it to happen like this, but that's not an excuse. I'm sorry."

Ed sighed, once again finding the usually hot anger was much harder to awaken, right now, now that they'd finally be able to actually start making things right again. "Don't worry about it," he managed at last, shifting to bury his face in Roy's fur for a moment. "I'm still mad but... I'll get over it. I know none of this was on purpose... and like I said before, it's not really your fault. ...I saw how he was when I got here, Hughes. If it was even half that bad, when you first found him... if you hadn't shot him, he probably would've killed you."

He heard the low intake of breath from beside him and kept his gaze stubbornly downwards, not wanting to see the look on his face. It was the closest he could bring himself to saying it really wasn't his fault. He knew how much it would mean for Hughes to hear it and tried to still look like he wasn't really thinking about what he was saying, staring down at Roy and struggling very hard to keep up the appearance of it not being a big deal.

"Thank you, Ed," came a few seconds later, quiet and tremulous, and he just swallowed, continuing to look down, and did not reply.

Roy abruptly raised his head a little, looking over at Hughes with narrowed eyes. The investigator stiffened under his sudden inspection, but Roy didn't seem to notice his hesitation. He drew back from Ed a little bit, walking over to nudge Hughes' shoulder and again growling in his throat.

"Mmm..." he mumbled, voice strained. "M... _Mmm..."_

Hughes stared at him, eyes almost comically wide. "W-what's he doing?" he stammered, flinching back in surprise when the chimera growled again.

" _Mmm..."_

Ed rolled his eyes in amusement, watching as Hughes flinched back again almost as if he expected his friend to bite him. "Trying to say something, what do you think?" he pointed out, almost amused, and watched as Roy continued to nudge him.

"Mmm... Mayyy... M- _Maesss..."_

Hughes jumped as if he had been shocked.

" _Maaaessss..."_

After several stunned seconds, the investigator jerked his head up to stare at Ed, obviously almost at a loss for words. "He- he's just repeating what he's heard, right?" he managed, voice shaking with restrained emotion, and Ed somehow held back a wide grin.

"Well," he began, smiling slightly, "it's possible, yeah. Except no one here has called you by any name except Hughes."

There was another beat of shocked silence.

"Maes," Roy whined again, this time pushing at his side as he said it.

" _Roy!"_

Roy growled as Hughes threw around an arm around towards him, yanking the chimera closer with a beaming smile. "You son of a bitch, I've missed you!" he cried joyfully, and Roy just barked in his ear, snarling a little at the attention but tolerating it all the same. "If you recognized me why didn't you say so _hours_ ago, you bastard?!"

Ed could barely stop himself from snickering now. leaning back against his corner as he watched Roy eagerly lick his face. About time someone else had to fend Roy off from licking them to death- not that Hughes was trying very hard at all. In fact, he almost seemed to be enjoying it. He was still laughing as he halfheartedly pushed the chimera back and Ed rolled his eyes again. No, he was _never_ going to allow Roy to live it down that he was currently trying to climb all over his best friend and smother him into the ground. _Never._

The door to the safehouse banged open, revealing Hawkeye, gun in hand. "I heard shouting," she exclaimed, looking around the room with a sharp eye. "Is everything all-"

Roy barked loudly again, jerking back from Hughes to stare at her. Hawkeye blinked, looking towards her superior in surprise; Roy barked at her another time- then abruptly sprinted to tackle her.

Hawkeye, too taken aback to even move out of the way, hit the floor with a surprised gasp. Roy landed on top of her and instantly transferred the face-licking tendency to her, somehow almost more excited than he'd been with Hughes. He growled affectionately and just kept licking at her face, over and over again- completely oblivious to his staff descending into near hysterics behind him.

Ed laughed a little, glancing over at Hughes, who was staring at the sight in shock. "I think he's missed you two," he said in lieu of a explanation, offering up a knowing smile, and at last the investigator released a startled, relieved sort of laugh himself.

"I'll say," he muttered joyfully, seeming unable to stop smiling.

Hawkeye, however, was not so easily swayed.

"Sir," she said coolly, somehow remaining entirely unfazed even with a huge dog practically sitting right on top of her, "I'm surprised at you. If I didn't allow this when you were human, why would I allow it now?"

Her steely voice held all the biting authority of a whip, shutting Roy's staff up instantly even getting through to Roy himself. He drew back with a sudden whimper, stumbling backwards to allow her to sit up and whimpering at her again, hanging his head as the lieutenant pushed herself up and gave him a look.

"Sexual harassment remains intolerable, no matter what body you're in," she informed him, somehow entirely straight faced, and Roy whimpered again. "Don't try and use this an excuse to ignore regulation, Colonel. You know I won't be so lax with you, even now."

Ed just stared at her, wide-eyed. He finally glanced over Hughes, who was similarly entranced, and muttered, "The lieutenant's methods are certainly, uh... interesting..."

Hughes chuckled quietly, just soft enough to not attract her attention. "You don't know the half of it, Ed. This is actually pretty tame... rumor has it her training methods for Black Hayate involved firearms."

Somehow, Ed had absolutely no trouble believing that.

He looked back over to where Hawkeye was now giving Roy a firm pat on the head, with what was probably the closest thing to a warm, fond smile she was capable of softening her features. Roy relished the attention just as he had with Hughes, tail wagging eagerly as the lieutenant spoke quietly to him.

"You know," Havoc remarked, voice also hushed enough to not to attract her attention,"I think she might even prefer the boss like this. This one seems like he might actually follow her orders. She only gets the colonel to ever do anything out of fear."

"I'm not convinced Mustang's actually afraid of her," Breda countered. "If he was he wouldn't keep tempting her to shoot him. Besides, the last thing we need is another dog around the office."

Havoc snorted. "He's _already_ a dog. Human face or not, Mustang's-"

"Just because _you_ can't keep a girlfriend-"

"Men," Hawkeye interrupted calmly, not even raising her gaze up from Roy, "you do realize I can hear you."

"...Shutting up now, sir."

* * *

The wait for Al to finish drawing out the transmutation circle finished far more enjoyably than it had begun. Ed, still utterly exhausted, found himself still dozing on and off, knowing he would need every bit of shut eye he could get for the massive transmutation that was to come. Roy, however, had no such requirements, and was far too busy sandwiching himself between Hawkeye and Hughes to get much rest even if he had.

Every few minutes, the chimera would still wonder back over to his side, growling quietly at him and nudging him as if to be reassured that he was still alive. Ed found himself simply unable to be annoyed- actually, he was a little relieved by the constant interruptions. It left him sleeping easier than he had ever since his rescue, slipping out of a tired daze with a dreary smile at the feel of a paw pushing at his arm or a growl in his ear and slipping back into it just as easily at the sound of Roy padding away.

It was easily the best he had felt in a long while- and that left him trying very, very hard to not think about how this night was going to end.

There was no more pushing the inevitable off until later. This was it. He was going to do this transmutation, and with that, this chimera would be gone. He'd have an overly affectionate dog, and he'd have Colonel Mustang. That was it.

And with that, this chimera that clung to his side, that had singlehandedly left him finally able to sleep here without uneasiness or nightmares, that had left him smiling more than he had all week, would be gone.

Because, after everything was said and done, he knew he'd be insanely lucky just to get back the colonel that would rage at him for wasting his budget and mock him as shorter than a stack of paperwork. All in all, he doubted he'd even get that much. So much had changed, and whether Roy remembered that had happened as a chimera or not didn't change the fact that it _had_ happened. All of this had been his fault from the very beginning- and Roy Mustang was not a forgiving man that accepted mistakes.

And this was far, far worse than a simple mistake.

Getting him turned into a _chimera?_ Saying no for weeks when Kuzon dangled the key to his humanity right in front of him? Fucking around for even longer while Roy got hurt worse and worse, doing nothing until his only choice was an escape attempt that risked Roy's life and had almost certainly damaged him beyond what they could see now? And _then,_ not even managing to accomplish the mighty feat of _staying conscious_ , instead just passing out like a pathetic weakling to become the reason he got dragged off to the military lab in the first place?

Hell, any one of those could not be counted as a simple mistake and would be enough reason for Roy to toss him aside like trash. All of them put together?

_Nobody cares, you selfish brat..._

_No one. Cares._

That delusional, insane hallucination of human Mustang had been right about one thing.

And Ed knew that he needed to accept that, with this transmutation, he would be taking away the only crutch that had allowed him to get through this nightmare sane. He _would_ be taking away Roy's support, and without that, he was going to drown.

"Edward..."

Ed cracked an eye open, shifting a little as a warm head nudged into his neck. "Still here, Roy," he muttered sleepily, and was rewarded with a relieved sigh and another head nudge.

He was going to drown, yeah... so, why couldn't he care about anything right now except for the fact that Roy was finally here with him again?

Another collection of voices reached his ears, muted underneath the haze of exhaustion and he stayed slumped against the wall and only half-awake, letting one hand trail absentmindedly along Roy's back as he listened in. His brother was one, because he'd know Al's voice anywhere. The other... yeah, that one was Hughes..

"The circle's finished, sir. I've triple checked everything. It's perfect." Al, that was Al.

Hughes, sighing briefly. "Good, good... and I've got the stone here. But Ed's..."

"We should let him sleep. He's going to need it, sir-"

"You don't need to convince me, Al; that's exactly what I was going to say. We can proceed when he wakes up."

Ed frowned, taking several seconds to make sense of the words in his fatigue. When he finally did he shook his head and wrenched his eyes open, still scowling. "Heard that," he grunted, pointing up at the pair. "And I'm good. We're going now."

Al and Hughes both turned to look down at him, clearly startled. "Brother, we thought you were asleep-" Al began, voice high-pitched and anxious, and Ed just shook his head at him.

"Was. Not anymore."

This time it was Hughes who tried to stop him, the investigator taking several steps forward and frowning. "Ed, wait. We don't have to do it right now. Just take a few minutes, maybe-"

" _No._ He's waited long enough, Hughes. Quit stalling and give me the damn stone."

Roy, realizing he was trying to stand, wormed his way in under his arm to give him support and growled softly, helping him walk forward. Ed limped closer to the circle, casting an analytical gaze about the swirling equations embossed onto the floor, confirming the circle was the same exact one he had studied so closely it already lived in his memory, then nodded in satisfaction. Good. Circle was in place. Roy was here. Everything was ready- he just needed the stone.

Ed stopped in front of Hughes and Al, holding out his hand expectantly. Both clearly had misgivings about handing it over to him, but when he didn't waver and just stood there, insistently, demandingly, Hughes at last sighed in defeat, lowering a hand to his pocket.

"If Al's not going to make you stop, then I won't either. Here. ...Good luck, Ed."

Ed frowned, accepting the tiny, cold stone with a clenched fist. "Don't say that. Alchemy's not luck, Hughes. The array is perfect, and it will work. That's all there is to it." He squeezed the stone in his hand, feeling the impossible weight of souls, then just continued to limp forward, taking Roy towards the center of the circle.

He heard Al move about behind him, getting everybody to stand clear of the array. Rather than turn around to watch pointlessly, Ed cautiously lowered himself to sit in the middle of the array, glancing down towards the symbol for rebirth etched carefully right into the center and swallowing, feeling slightly sick.

The first and only time he had used that symbol, everything had failed, and everything had been lost.

Not this time.

The first time, he and Al had been doing it only for themselves. Stupidly, selfishly, naively violating taboo, not for their mother's sake, but their own.

This time...

This time, it wasn't just for his sake. This time, it was for Roy, too.

This time, he couldn't fail.

Carefully, Ed opened his fist, allowing the Philosopher's stone to roll outwards to land with a clink in the array. The thing was tiny, already almost entirely used up, and he paused regretfully, thinking just how the souls in that stone had been spent and what he was about to do with the rest.

"...I'm sure the man I'm about to use you for is probably the one you want least to help in the entire world," he murmured, keeping his voice low and hushed underneath the noise of everyone else moving about. "And, I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry you don't have a choice in this; I'm sorry you were all killed for this and that I have to use you on something to give you peace. And if there was a way to give you all your lives back, I would. As much as I want to save him if there was any way to take you out of the stone, to keep you alive, then I would do it. You were still people and don't deserve to be used on something like this. ...But, that's not possible." He paused, rolling the stone around for a second and glancing over to the chimera who lay quietly by his side, looking down at the Philosopher's stone in a unaware, painful kind of innocence.

"...Even so, I know that doesn't excuse using you on Roy. Well, you may not believe me, but he's going to change Amestris some day. He's going to go back to Ishval and rebuild. He'll make it so a massacre like that never happens again, and he's going to try to atone for all the mistakes he made just like I'm trying to atone for mine- but he can't do it unless I use this stone on him. And I..."

Ed broke off for a moment, shaking his head to himself. What was he saying? That he was using the Ishvallan souls on Roy for _Ishval's_ sake? No. He was already taking more than he had any right to from these people; the least he could do was not lie to them about it.

He took in another unsteady breath, clenching the stone in his fist and looking hard at the floor. "I'm sorry," he muttered past the lump in his throat, shivering when Roy's head nudged against his leg in a warm attempt to be comforting again. "I... just... the truth is, I have to help him, and this is the only way to do it. This has nothing to do with Ishval or him being Fuhrer or... or _anything._ It's just I- I have to help him. I _have_ to. I'm the one who got him messed up in the first place and even if I hadn't... after everything he's done for me..." He trailed off into a brief silence, shaking his head helplessly. He simply didn't have words to put to the way it felt to look at Roy now. He did not have words to describe how much he needed to do this, or how much he'd found himself coming to care for this chimera by his side.

He'd give up his other arm and leg if he had to.

He just wanted to bring Roy back.

"...I have to do this for him," he said at last, voice cracking. "...I'm sorry."

Then, very carefully, Ed reached outwards to place the stone directly in the center of the array. He bowed his head respectfully for a moment, thanking those tortured souls with all his heart for their sacrifice, even unwilling as it was, then reached a hand out towards Roy again, resting it on his head.

He just looked at him for a moment, taking in the chimera for the very last time. Roy tilted his head and looked back at him, silent and completely motionless, and Ed hesitated, shivering again the emotional tightness growing in his chest.

"...Don't hate me too much for this, okay?" he whispered at last, and somehow pulled broken, raw edges into a smile. "And... even if you do, I'll understand. ...Thanks for everything, Roy."

Then, with one last pat to the head, Ed pulled back to kneel on the edge of the circle.

He took a deep breath, the only sound in the utter stillness of the room, and shut his eyes.

His hand touched the circle.

* * *

"Hello, Edward."

Truth grinned.

"Long time, no see."

The faceless monster grinned again, and, for the third time in his life, Ed found himself standing before the closest thing to a god their world had and at its utter mercy.

"I have something for you," he said, raising the stone as an offering. "Which means you also have something for me, Truth."

Truth tilted its head to the side, grinning hugely all the while. "But of course. That is how this works, after all." The thing paused for a second and Ed shifted uncomfortably under its blind examination, fighting the prickling sense of danger and urge to run. "So, what is it that you want, Edward? Your body back, or your brother's?"

"You already know why I'm here."

Truth chuckled tunelessly. "I just want to make sure, Edward. After all, it's highly unlikely you'll find a second stone to cheat me and claim back what I've rightfully taken. This may just be your one and only chance... are you quite sure this is what you want?"

" _Shut up,_ and _give him to me."_

Truth bared its teeth in a grim parody of a smile again. "As you wish."

And just like that, there he was.

Fully human Roy Mustang materialized directly out of thin air, standing next to Truth and swaying a little on his feet. Black eyes stared vacantly straight through him, expression utterly empty and still drained of anything that could even be considered alive.

That stare looked even less human than the chimera's.

Ed stiffened, gripping the stone even tighter in his fist. "What the hell is this?!"

Truth simply grinned at him, shuddering in the wake of pure amusement. "It's what you asked for. Roy Mustang's body. His soul isn't here with him... and you'd better hurry, Edward. The moment you get back with this," he gestured at the empty shell next to him, "this transaction is considered irreversible, and the chimera's body will be deconstructed. You'll not have long to try and tether his soul down, after that. ...Oh, I hope you know what you're doing, dear boy."

Ed swallowed, at the smug, patronizing sneer, struggling to stay calm. He'd known that from the beginning. Being confronted with a soulless, horrible shell was just Truth trying to throw him off; he knew Roy's soul wasn't here yet, he knew what he needed to do and how little time there was to do it. All Truth was trying to do was make him stop and be afraid- see what the consequences of his failure would be before he'd ever even attempted it.

Fuck Truth.

Ed tore his eyes up from the grinning monster and held out a hand towards Roy, gesturing for him to come closer. The shell blinked a little, some part of the gesture awakening some base, ingrained instincts, and he started to stumble across the short space between them, eyes still empty and vacant.

"There's still time to reconsider, Edward... are you sure you don't want Alphonse's body back? Are you absolutely sure?"

Roy stumbled to a halt in front of him, now staring blankly over his head and completely blocking his view of Truth. Ed took one look at him, felt his mouth contort into a relieved, exhausted grin, and reached outwards.

"Let's go, Roy."

The moment he touched him, Truth and the Gate disappeared, and he was lost in a torrent of souls.

One was a blur of sensation and instinct, the other was hazy and indistinct. In one he smelled grass and glowed under sunshine; in the other he smelled rain and shivered under stormclouds. One existed in recent memory of darkness and constant terror, the other, bloodlust and fright. They intermingled and blurred together, two currents that swirled around him to mix until they twined into each other so completely there was no telling one apart from the other. They were so close they were one and the same- and suddenly he was being pulled along with them, too, his every attempt to anchor himself ground into nothing as he was flung into the racing, desperate stream of souls and eroded, crushed, _torn apart_ into nothing. Suddenly _he_ ceased to exist. Suddenly he could see everything- feel _everything_ that they were- suddenly he was running, sprinting, barking, screaming- suddenly there was a boy that had saved him and was always there; a boy that was the only thing he had in this dark, lonely, and terrifying world _-_ suddenly for that boy there was _screaming fighting begging pleading protecting saving bleeding dying desperation terror strength hate love-_

He was so overwhelmed it took him a moment to recognize the boy at the center of them both was himself.

A bloodstained, terrified, screaming boy who he would give anything to protect, and who he loved with all his heart.

Then just as suddenly, it, _him,_ was gone, ripped away, leaving him overcome and wheezing as the two were sucked away from him and back into the fight. Each struggled for dominion, not separating from each other but _merging._ They were trying to merge again, he realized in horror. Merge after months and months of being contained as one. They weren't even _trying_ to split. They just ignored the two new bodies right in front of them and kept fighting each other.

They were running out of time, they were running out of time! Each precious second that ticked by weakened their hold on this world and faded them away into the next- there wasn't _time.._. And they still weren't even _trying_ to separate! They just kept fighting in a war without end- they weren't going to stop- _they weren't stopping- there's not time-_

They weren't going to make it.

_No...  
_

_Damn it, Roy, stop this, come on... come on, don't do this... Roy..._

They weren't stopping.

"No... Roy, no... come on, please... _you..._ you can't do this-"

They weren't stopping-

_"NO!"  
_

And then he was screaming suddenly, screaming desperately and pounding his fist on the floor and sobbing and _screaming._ _"Fuck you, you son of a bitch!_ _Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU! You don't get to do this, you ASSHOLE! You're not leaving me! You're not dying now, damn it! Not after everything- you're so close, damn it! You don't get to do this now! You don't get to give up! Damn it, try! Try, try, TRY! You have to try! ROY!"_

One of the souls slowed in its fight. It drifted for a moment, searching, unsure.

_"COME BACK TO ME, ROY!"_

It hesitated.

 _" **COME! BACK!"**_ he screamed.

And then, suddenly, it moved for him.

He could feel everything in that soul, feel _everything_ that was familiar to him and nothing that was that dog. There was blue wool and fire... the sound of a smug laugh and snapping fingers... Riza, Maes... there was...

He was enveloped warmly like a blanket, the soul wrapping around him from head to toe. It immersed him in everything that was Roy Mustang's soul and he grabbed on tight, standing there now as a wedge in the stream of souls- anchoring Roy just as he was anchoring him. He grabbed and he yanked, hard, pulling him out as hard as he could and clinging on tight until, bit by bit, the lifeforce that glowed brilliantly and perfectly around him was whole.

And he saw as Roy did again.

The colonel's office. Shouting that rang in his ears. Screamed insults that felt like _shortstack_ and _useless in the rain._ Air that smelled like the smokey aftermath of an explosion. A scene that shone through the haze of swirling memories as something that had been idealized over and over again, cherished and treasured, and standing there in a sea of memories that weren't his, he also felt _longing_ that wasn't his, either.

Longing to return to this scene that Ed now experienced through Roy's eyes, and in that moment, that felt like home.

 _Please,_ he heard in his ears, heard a voice that hadn't existed for two months _._

_Please, whoever you are.  
_

_Please let me come home._

Ed grinned.

"Yes, sir," he whispered.

_Ed... please-_

* * *

The minutes it took for the alchemic light to fade, and Al to allow them forward, were some of the longest of Maes' life.

He saw the chimera disintegrate, replaced by the still, slumped form of a jet black dog on one side of the circle, and a pale, bare human body on the other. His friend was turned onto his side so all he could see was the slope of his back and a mess of dark hair no matter how stubbornly he craned his neck and tried to look at closer at him. At the sight Al had had to hold both him and Hawkeye back from sprinting forward, telling them harshly the transmutation was still ongoing and if they broke the circle they could wind up dead.

From there, it had taken minutes for the arcs of electric, pale blue light to die down, and for the veins of energy sparkling and crackling around Ed's frozen form to finally fade. The only thing that moved in all that time was the teen himself.

Screaming for Roy not to give up.

When he finally fell silent, and the alchemy died down into nothing, the feeling of tense static in the air was so thick it was hard to breathe.

But at last, Al lowered his hand.

" _Roy!"_ Maes shouted, voice cracking over Al shouting for his brother. He dashed forward, sprinting past Al and Ed towards his fallen friend's side with his heart in his throat. Maes ripped his jacket off to toss carelessly over his lower half as he dropped to his knees, grabbing roughly at his shoulders to turn him onto his back and gasping at what he saw.

It was him. _Exactly, perfectly, him._

Swallowing frantic emotion, Maes pressed two fingers to his neck, almost letting out a relieved cry when he felt the pulse beating strong and steady under his hand. "Roy," he called again, shaking him by the shoulders. _"Roy,_ come on- wake up! Say something!"

Roy groaned, his brow furrowing at being jostled. His head lolled a little, eyelids fluttering as he struggled against unconsciousness. Maes shook him again, desperately trying to draw him towards waking up even if only for a few moments. _"Roy!"_

"Ngh..." Roy groaned again, eyes flickering just barely open to become hazy black slits. He stared blankly straight through him for a moment, dark gaze focused on nothing, then frowned in sleepy confusion. "Eh..." he mumbled, still blinking at him but not really _looking_ at him, gaze wondering away and head falling as he searched for something. "Eh- Ed..."

Another gasp left him in a ragged exhale and Roy slumped in his grip, exhausted but still searching. Maes found himself inching back, trying to let him have a more unobstructed view towards the one he was searching for.

Al was crouched over his brother, Ed still curled on his side on the floor and breathing even harder than Roy was- and paler than him, too. He was somehow retaining enough strength to fend off his brother's attempts at help, though, waving and batting at his brother's hands as he watched Roy, distressed and terrified.

Roy blinked, finally settling when his roaming gaze locked onto Ed's. Something came over him, a blanketed sort of calm that erased any of the pain, fatigue, and confusion contorting his face, and an exhausted, relieved grin twitched into place. The panic in his eyes faded, to be replaced by peace.

"Ed," he mumbled again, head lolling. "You're... okay..."

And with that, he passed out.

Not that it mattered, because those words were all that it had taken to put his heart at ease.

And it was clear that the same was true for Ed, as well, because not even a second after Roy's departure from consciousness, Ed let out a gasp of relief, relaxing against the cold, wooden floor, and followed him- smiling the entire time.


	21. Chapter 21

The look on Knox's face when he beheld his patient was nothing short of comical.

"...Hughes," he grunted, after several seconds of just staring down at the still form in his guest bedroom. "Question. Did you, or did you not, tell me it was your daughter that needed my help?"

He barely managed not to grin. "I did."

"...You do know that this is not your daughter."

"I do, yes."

Slowly, Knox raised his gaze to stare at him, still clearly baffled. "You do know I would never have come for this brat if I had known _he_ was the reason you were calling me."

Maes shrugged a little, allowing a wry, accomplished grin to tug at his lips now. "And, no offense, sir, but you should've known that I would've called just about anyone else for Elicia before I got to your name. Your beside manner is hardly something to applaud."

"I'd take offense if you said anything different, Hughes." Knox paused for a moment, shifting to stare downwards once again for several long moments, then just sighed and dropped heavily to sit down in defeat, reaching for his medical bag again. "Well, come on then. Help me. You managed to trick me over here, after all; might as well provide your ill gotten service before I go home."

Maes smirked slightly, having known all along this was just how it was going to play out, and joined the doctor sitting in his guest bedroom.

After finishing the powerful transmutation, their plan to take Ed back to the hospital had become a mandate, when passing out had transitioned into coughing up blood midway through the trip back to Central. It seemed, despite his assurances, the transmutation really had been too much for him when he was still only barely recovering after months of captivity, and the shock of finding the kid suddenly doubled over in his front seat and spitting blood onto the dashboard had been terrible to say the least. They'd split up immediately at that point, Al taking his brother back as fast as possible, leaving Maes and Hawkeye with a still unconscious colonel and not entirely sure what to do with him.

They needed to keep Roy hidden until they thought up a cover story for him, since it really was not a good idea for him to show up less than a _day_ after Kuzon's human chimera had vanished under mysterious circumstances. Unfortunately, he'd also needed medical attention, if not so direly as Ed. Ed and Al had both already told them that while his body was brand new, it had still been built off the chimera serving as a template. This meant, unfortunately, that whatever injuries he'd sustained as a chimera would carry over to his human body.

Which was the explanation for why the surliest doctor in Amestris was currently occupying his guest bedroom, and plainly not very happy about it.

"...Well?" he asked after several silent minutes, shifting uncomfortably- it was almost as if the coroner had forgotten he had an audience. "How does he look?"

Knox grunted irritably at him, as if that was supposed to pass for an answer, and he leaned for his medical bag again. "He looks great, for someone listed as missing in action for months. Normally, those soldiers don't end up anywhere but grey and stiff on my table."

Maes couldn't help but flinch. "Well, that's not the case this time," he muttered, trying hard not to think about just how close they had come to that actually being how things turned out. "...So?" he repeated uneasily. "How is he?"

The doctor sighed, casting a glanced towards him. "Two gunshot wounds on his leg, but those are mostly healed, actually. Same with this, here." He poked gently at a wound on his abdomen; Roy fidgeted slightly in response but did not wake. "Stab wound, it looks like- but at least a week ago, if not more."

Maes looked away uneasily at that, opening his mouth as if to say something then snapping it shut.

Knox gave him a suspicious look, frowning a little before continuing on. "Lots of needles marks, here..." He turned over one of his arms, glancing over it, then pointed towards his shoulder. "And then, there? Looks like he was cut open recently. By a doctor. It's healing fine- just not sure what I'm supposed to make of it. Why'd you drag me out here if he already has a doctor?"

Maes stiffened, the forced, easygoing look dropping in an instant. His heart ached with guilt and he found himself needing to look away, hands shaking. "...Not a doctor," was all he was able to make himself say, unable to tell Knox that nothing the Lab Three scientists had done to his friend had been to help him. _I'm sorry, Roy..._

When he didn't give any clear sort of explanation, the doctor frowned at him again, then just sighed. "I'm going to clean everything- though it looks like infection's already set in. Slight fever and one of the gunshot wounds is a mess. Other than that, all I know so far is he's got four broken ribs, three on his right side, one on his left- though again, I'd guess a week old or more. Nothing to be done for that but wrap it. You know how to do that?"

A little startled, Maes took a second to nod. "Uh, yeah-"

A roll of gauze hitting him in the shoulder interrupted him. "Then do it. Come on, Mustang, up," he grunted, tugging the colonel up into some sort of illusion of a sitting position, only to drop him, too, against Maes' shoulder, leaving him scrambling to stop his friend from faceplanting.

Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Maes set to work, alternating between focusing on his task and watching the doctor again, waiting for the hammer that he knew was coming to drop. Sure enough, after only a minute or two of working in silence, Knox grunted at him again, still looking down at his hands. "So... he certainly looks like he's been through the wringer recently, Hughes. What did you say he got mixed up again, exactly?"

Maes clenched his jaw. "...I didn't," he replied cryptically, keeping his eyes down.

Knox gave him another flat look. "I don't want to know, do I."

"No. You don't."

Sighing, the coroner moved on with his work in silence and Maes did the same, all too eager to get past questions he could not answer. Knox, for his part, had clearly been involved in too much of Roy's under the table work in the past to press the issue, adopting a philosophy of the less he knew, the better, and he stayed quiet until he was done. At which point, he cleared his throat, stood back and folded his arms, a deep frown twisting his mouth.

"I don't see anything else to be very worried about," he said seriously. "A few extra scars, it looks like, to exaggerate about to the ladies, but that's about it... although, this one's not looking good." He unceremoniously pushed Maes aside to take his place behind Roy, tilting his head back to get a better look at the vivid, red scar circling his neck. "He should really get himself to a specialist for this one- make sure there's no internal scarring to the throat. That could be bad," he finished absentmindedly, as if _internal scarring to the throat_ was little more than a scratch. He tapped his chin thoughtfully, still not seeming overall very worried.

Maes winced and looked away, clenching his fists. He'd noticed the new scar before, of course; how could he not? It was impossible for anyone to miss. And while he hadn't exactly had the chance to ask Ed about it, the thing reminded him perversely of a dog collar, and having been the one to take Ed's statement, he knew that was no coincidence. It made him sick to look at, and more than once, he'd found himself wishing Roy hadn't killed Kuzon, just so he could now get the chance to go back and finish the job himself.

"Yeah," he muttered at length, sighing. "We'll have another doctor look at him... eventually, I guess. We actually can't take him to a hospital now... long story... but we'll figure something out."

Knox grunted at him again, a noncommital sort of noise as he let his patient down onto his back again, withdrawing a penlight from his pocket. The moment it shone into Roy's eyes the colonel flinched and moaned, unconsciously trying to roll his head away from the bright light, struggling in vain to pull back from the doctor's tight grip. For a moment Maes thought the coroner was trying to wake him up but then Knox released him, turning off the light and letting the colonel settle again, frowning.

"Photophobia," he remarked, seeming almost surprised. "His eyes look fine, though... again, unexpected." He sent another look in his direction, head tilted to the side. "Pupillary reflex is normal. Hmm... if he's been kept somewhere very dark, recently, for a good period of time, I suppose it could make sense... it'd be reversible, if that was the case, just give it time- but other than I'm really not sure what could be causing it..."

Again, Maes stiffened and kept his silence, but his mind was racing. He couldn't ask Knox about it, not unless he wanted to as good as tell as the man that he was looking at the only reversed human chimera in existence, but...

Dogs were colorblind, weren't they?

Their vision was far worse than a human's, wasn't it?

And after two straight months at least, of experiencing the world through those limitations... it definitely sounded like what Knox was describing.

Maes looked towards his friend again, wincing as he shied away again from the only moderately bright light, and ended up giving nothing more to the doctor than a noncommittal shrug.

He let Knox work on in silence after that, none of what he was doing urgent or very concerned, and that relieved him. So far, this was all very good news. It seemed like they were going to be able to keep Roy holed up in his guest bedroom until they worked out some story to feed the military, and they weren't going to have to figure out a way to get him to a hospital after all. Everything seemed to be going quite well- better than expected, actually. Ed would be all right, Roy was alive, apparently with only minor injuries, and best of all, based off what little he'd said before he'd lost consciousness, it wasn't just his body that had been fixed. His soul was in there and it was definitely, completely, and _only_ him.

Given just how badly today could have ended, in any _number_ of horrific, terrible ways, Maes knew that this was more than he'd had any right to expect, and was definitely more than enough to be grateful for.

"Damn," Knox muttered quietly from his side, again not sounding overly concerned but still tense enough to worry him. Maes turned towards him just in time to catch Roy jerk violently, hard enough he nearly rolled on to the floor, then fall eerily still, head lolling to the side. "Damn you, Mustang. You like making my job suck as much as possible, don't you? Hell. Hughes, keep him from falling, would you?"

"Wh- what- hey!" Maes darted forward just in time to stop his friend from twitching straight off the bed, struggling to gently hold him down against periodic tremors as the doctor again searched through his bag, digging around for something. "Knox, what's wrong with him?"

"Nothing. Per se."

" _Per se?!"_

Again, Knox didn't answer him, and, cursing, Maes shifted back around to look at Roy. He was stilling a little, he thought, not jerking so violently against his hands, but he still looked terrible. As he watched, Roy strained, back arcing an inch off the bed and head tilting back, exposing his long, pale neck and the new scar that nearly bisected it. His throat jumped as he swallowed, then again, and again- over and over for seemingly no reason at all, choking on nothing but air.

"Ed," he mumbled, voice barely more than an inaudible croak, swallowing again. "Ed." Swallow. "Ed." Swallow. "Ed..."

Finally, Knox returned to push him aside again, removing the arm holding Roy down and leaning over him to check his pulse once again, tense and urgent. The penlight came out again to shine into his eyes; this time Roy didn't even seem to notice it, still swallowing and repeating Ed's name in gasps of air, occasionally wracked by powerful tremors that again had Maes and Knox trying to keep him in bed. "Knox!" he demanded, voice strained under the weight of anxiety. "What's going on?! What's wrong with him?!"

The doctor shot him a glare, still occupied with attempting to keep the colonel from falling. "Seizure," he grunted shortly, then returned his attention entirely back to Roy.

Maes blanched. "Wh- what?!"

"Oh, relax, would you," Knox barked, rolling his eyes. "He's not dying. It's just a partial seizure; he'll be fine. Look, it's passing already."

"But..."

But it was true. Already, Roy was calming down, settling; the tremors stopped as quickly as they had started, and his voice was quieting, too, though he still continued to croak Ed's name in a mantra. Knox caught his look and shrugged slightly, still holding a hand guardedly to Roy's shoulder in case he tried to twist to the floor again. "He has no idea what he's saying. It's not every case, but sometimes presents with repetition of a word or name... Ed, huh? As in the Fullmetal Alchemist? Thought those two hated each other."

"Ed. Ed. Ed. Ed..."

Maes looked away for a moment, struggling to tune out the monotonous mumbling and wondering whether or not Knox's statement was something to smile at. "Yeah, well, so did a lot of people," he muttered at last, still looking towards the floor.

"Ed. Ed... Ed... _Ed..."_

With one last exhausted, shuddering gasp, Roy fell completely still, slipping back into dead unconsciousness. Maes breathed a sigh of relief, slumping over on himself while Knox withdrew now that Roy was no longer in danger of meeting the floor. The coroner paused for a moment, just looking at the colonel, then grimaced.

"I've seen this happen before," he observed quietly, head tilted to the side. "From idiot alchemists. ...Keyword being _idiot_. They think they're all invincible just because they can draw a fancy circle, and then, _poof!_ Attempt a gigantic transmutation and run enough current through themselves to set off a nuclear bomb in the process."

"That's an exaggeration," Maes remarked dryly, but he was still shaken. "Else Roy would've charcoaled _himself."_

Knox waved him off gruffly. "My point being, play around with that much energy, and something's bound to go. _If_ that's what happened to him, it's probably an electrical imbalance. I don't know what else it could be, really, since I don't remember him to be an epileptic." He shrugged for a moment, still seeming rather unconcerned by it all, and Maes remained silent, brow furrowed in contemplation.

He remembered Ed telling him how they had escaped- how he'd turned Roy into a conduit. Remembered the kid being adamant that it must have caused some sort of damage, even if he hadn't known yet what it was. Idiot alchemist, neither of them were, but...

Could this have been what Ed was talking about?

_Damn it, that kid is not going to like this._

Knox sighed, rising to his feet with a muffled yawn. "If I'm right, it's probably permanent. Won't kill him, but can't fix it, either."

He swallowed back a groan, raising a hand to rub his temples. This just kept getting worse and worse. "And, if it is permanent?" he managed weakly, trying to sound unworried but pretty sure he was failing miserably. "Then... will he..."

Thankfully, the doctor knew what he meant without needing it to be spelled out for him- definitely a good thing, since Maes hadn't been sure he would be able to finish the question. "Could go either way," he explained, shaking his head. "I've seen soldiers with similar problems get medical discharges, and I've seen them get by with nothing more than a restriction on field duties. Mustang's high enough rank, and could blackmail enough people, that I'd reckon he'd wind up in the latter category. Get him on anti-convulsants, and if it looks controllable, he'll probably just get his lucky ass saddled with desk duty and you as a chauffeur. No driver's license anymore, you know."

Maes released a shuddering sigh of relief, trying to steady himself but so exhausted and strung out it didn't work at all. "He never drives himself anyhow. Bastard's somehow convinced Hawkeye to take him everywhere."

"Oh, joy. I've provided those two another way to keep on with their ridiculous office marriage." Rolling his eyes, Knox stood, clearing his throat as he shouldered his bag. "I'm done here. Don't call me to your house again. Ever. In the meantime, keep the idiot here and resting as much as possible. Like I said before, got an infection that's probably going to get worse before it gets better. Speaking of which, here, and here." He held out his hand, giving him two different bottles of medication. "That one's an antibiotic, that one's an anticonvulsant. For if another seizure happens, because like I said, I'm not staying. And none of this matters if I'm wrong, so, once again, you really should get him to a specialist, Hughes."

Maes accepted it with a weary sigh, trying not to yawn himself. "Of course," he muttered, unable to help but wish that for just once, something could end up going right. "Yeah, I know, eventually-... Knox? If you're a coroner, then why do you have anticonvulsants?"

Knox gave him what might've possibly been the closest thing to a mischievous wink the gruff man was capable of. "Have a good day, Lieutenant Colonel," he chuckled in lieu of an answer, retreating out of his guest bedroom without another word.

Maes stared after the doctor in disbelief, looked back down to the bottles in his hand, then decided he was just really better of not knowing and promptly put the question out of his mind, looking back down at his best friend again.

He looked better than he'd expected, honestly. Though he wasn't sure if that was due to the fact that Ed was goddammed brilliant or just because his expectations had been so low- but as bad as it was, Maes was aware it could have been much, much worse. He was alive, for one. He was also one hundred percent human. Not missing any limbs or permanently disfigured. He was pale, sickly, and breathtakingly, almost skeletally thin, but the truth was Maes had seen him even worse, after Ishval. This was nothing. Not when they had come so close to not getting him back at all.

His gaze lingered on the violent red scar circling his friend's neck and he paused for a moment, shuddering. It looked like he'd been hung, or had his throat slit. The wound made him look macabrely, disturbingly close to a corpse.

It reminded him, terribly so, of how Ed had looked, being dragged down that hallway- before they had known the dog carrying him would sooner die himself than hurt him. Ed had looked dead, then, too.

Swallowing, Maes slid two fingers around to the inside of his friend's wrist, feeling the strong, steady beat of his pulse, and he shut his eyes for a moment, focusing on it. "...Sorry, Roy," he murmured aloud, unable to bring himself to let go of his hand. "If I'd just found you sooner, none of this would've happened... to you or Ed. I'm sorry..."

Roy shifted a little, turning his head to the side. "Ed..." the colonel croaked, moving about a little in his sleep, brow furrowing in distress, and he raised an eyebrow curiously.

_Ed._

There it was again, he thought, smiling slightly. Ed.

It definitely seemed as if the reliance and closeness Ed had developed for his superior, during the course of his capture, had been mutual after all.

Definitely something he was going to tease him over, just as soon as he was strong enough to take it.

* * *

There were calls to make, both to Hawkeye and Christmas, who promised to send over one of her friends that moonlighted as a doctor without him even asking. Ed, on the other hand, would need to be updated in the morning. Al was their only line of communication with him right then- if he was even conscious yet- and Maes doubted he'd be leaving his brother's side even for a five minute phone conversation, right now.

There was dodging responsibility when Hakuro then called him, upset because his case's human chimera had gone missing overnight and no one seemed to know how or why, and demanding he track the beast down. Then again dodging responsibility when a very nervous Scieska called him and said a very upset Major Yamanaka had taken up residence in his office and was refusing to leave until he spoke to someone about a 'problem' with his research files. He knew he'd have to deal with both Hakuro and Yamanaka later that day, but was determined not to leave until he'd at least spoken with Roy and assessed his mental state. Partly because they had no way of knowing how much he remembered or how disoriented he'd be; they couldn't leave him to wake up alone...

And, partly because most of his recent experiences with him had been very violent, and after that, he was not about to leave him here alone with his wife and daughter.

Maes sighed, pushing at his glasses for a moment. Roy would understand, he told himself bitterly. It wasn't that he didn't trust him- it was that he truly didn't know what Roy was capable of now, and how much control he'd have of himself. It was for the best...

The soft pitter patter of tiny feet behind him pulled him a little out of his exhausted reverie, and Maes smiled in spite of himself, turning around to watch as Elicia ran past him, dragging a stool behind her. He raised an eyebrow in amusement as she pushed it up against the wall, then clumsily climbed on top of it, reaching up to fiddle with the thermostat.

It was so breathtakingly normal that, for a moment, he almost wanted to burst out laughing. God, he'd missed this. He'd been so busy with Ed and Roy it felt like he'd barely seen his family in weeks, and lately, even when he'd be home he'd been so distracted it hardly counted as family time at all. He'd hardly managed to give his daughter more than a hug for days...

Well, it was time to fix that.

"Elicia!" he called warmly, swooping her up into his arms gleefully. She squealed in excitement and he beamed at it, heart squeezing joyfully. "Good morning!"

She squealed again, squirming a little to get her arms up to hug him tightly. "Daddy! You're home, you're home!"

"Yes, I am! And you know what, Elicia?" He poked her nose, instantly rewarded with a bright flush and another excited squeal. "I'm here to stay, this time!"

Her eyes widened as she pulled back, staring at him in surprise. "You don't need to work anymore?"

He shook his head, beaming. "Not this week! Daddy's got to go in for a few hours today to make sure, but if everything's okay, then I'm taking the whole _week_ off to spend time with you and Mommy." And if Hakuro wanted to deny him, well, Hakuro could go jump off a cliff for all he cared. He'd been pulling overtime and all nighters for months now. He had his State Alchemists back- even if neither would be doing any alchemy for the state for a while. Let him take the week for his family.

Elicia threw her arms around his neck in excitement, nearly making his heart burst with joy. "Yay! Yay yay yay yay- ah!" she exclaimed suddenly, as if only just realizing something. "Wait, wait, Daddy! So you found Little Big Brother Ed?!"

He beamed. "And Uncle Roy!"

Elicia blinked, her joy fading away into confusion. "Of course Uncle Roy," she said, as if it should be obvious, then started poking his glasses up higher on his nose as if it was a task of the greatest, most utmost important. "Duh Uncle Roy."

"...Huh?"

She nodded distractedly, now pulling his glasses off so she could play with them. "Dummy Uncle Roy. I found him! He was hiding, Daddy! But it was a stupid spot. Right in the open! He's very bad at hide and seek."

Maes stopped, startled. What? Elicia wasn't even supposed to know Roy was _here-_ never mind playing hide and seek with him. He pulled back for a moment, uncertain, then felt his smile return unbidden as a little hand started tugging on his sleeve again and looked back at her. "Elicia, what are you talking about?"

"I found him," she said again, shrugging. "He was asleep, though. Silly Uncle Roy; it's the middle of the day!"

Maes smirked slightly, relaxing. It seemed Elicia had just stumbled into the guest bedroom by accident. No real problem; he'd just need to lock the door from now on... "Well, I hope you didn't wake him up," he chided warmly, taking his glasses back. "He can be very grouchy when you wake him up, you know. He yells a lot."

Elicia blinked. "He didn't yell at me. Maybe he only yells at _you._ Because you're mean to him."

"M- _mean?! ME?!_ " he cried, wounded- and from his own daughter, too! Gah; right in the heart! "Me?! Roy's one of the rudest people I know! How is it that I'm the mean one, Elicia?"

"You call him idiot," she pointed out sagely.

Maes groaned, shaking his head. "Trust me; idiot's a term of endearment, when it comes to that one," he grumbled. Not to mention Roy had been known to call him far nastier things than _idiot,_ he just did it in Xingese, so not only did Maes not know what was being said he couldn't even properly retaliate. Idiot, indeed... more like jackass. "Don't listen to Uncle Roy," he muttered sourly. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. Ever. About anything. He's just a very mean man and Daddy is very patient and nice to put up with his meanness."

"Then why are you friends with him?" she prodded, giggling.

Maes sighed, lowering her to the floor with a tired grin. "Well, he can be a good person, when he wants to be. Listen, Elicia, Uncle Roy is very sick right now, so I want you to leave him alone for now, okay? He needs to sleep and he can't do that if you're trying to play with him."

Elicia frowned suddenly, biting her lip. "...Is that why he was weird?" she asked nervously, her eyes suddenly very big and sad. "Because I was bothering him?"

"...Weird?"

She nodded weakly. "I woke him up... but he was weird. He wouldn't talk to me or look at me. I went to go find Mommy cause something was wrong with him but then I found you." She pouted miserably, looking extremely guilty. "I'm sorry... I didn't know he was sick..."

But Maes had stopped listening.

She'd woken him up?

But- something was _wrong_ with him?

He swallowed nervously, his heart suddenly in his throat.

Uh oh.

* * *

Bright.

_Bright._

_Too. Fucking._ _**Bright!** _

The whine of protest scratched at his throat, not words at all but a long, singular _whine_ of pain, and he jerked hands up to cover his eyes, snarling at the light.

_Too. Fucking._ _**Bright!** _

There was a mumble of confused noise around him, far too soft and nondistinct for him to pick out what just might have been words, and he ignored it entirely. He pulled his arms up from the force holding them down, throwing one over his eyes and struggling to block out the blinding glow around him, moaning at the oppressive shine.

Abruptly, as if it could hear his very thoughts, the _too much too intense too BRIGHT_ light eased, fading in a click from painful white to easy grey. It made him sigh in instant relief, the hands that had curled to tug on his hair and cover his eyes relaxing. Good. Good. He could see. Good.

Wait. There was that _noise_ again. That _noise_ that was unidentifiable and too fast to make sense but it really did sound like words. Words. Talking. Someone was talking to him.

_Ed._

_Ed?_

_Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed Ed Ed Ed_

_ED!_

Roy jerked his head out of his arms to stare, each breath a struggled fight but any pain worth it, if he could find his cub and bite the monster coming after them and lick his cub's wounds and-

_Um..._

_What?_

_My what now?_

"...Roy?"

Roy blinked.

No Ed.

His heart sank, and he didn't know why. _  
_

Roy took in a shuddering breath and blinked again in the now dim light. No Ed, but, he wasn't alone. And the sliver of his brain left that was still rational told him that was fine and tried to take control, telling instincts to be quiet, but holy fuck he just did not understand what was _happening,_ and...

"Roy! Comeonsaysomething!"

He blinked a third time, and this time made himself focus on the man speaking. Because he definitely was _talking,_ those were definitely words, just... way too fast. He squinted, looking over the almost panicked figure by his side, and forced out a measured breath. "Slow down," he said, thought it felt like he had to hunt for the words and then work very hard to make his tongue and mouth cooperate. "Maes. Slow down."

The panic contorting his friend's features drained, and in its place was a pale short of shock that made his heart pound.

No way would Maes look like that for any _good_ reason.

A long moment passed in silence, and then, Maes took an unsure step forward. A wide smile split to take over his entire face even as he clearly tried to stop it, his eyes overly bright behind his glasses. "Whatdidyou- sorry." He broke off, seeming to have to struggle to speak slower than a mile a dammed minute. "Roy. What did you just say?"

Roy stared at him in increasing alarm. His skin crawled, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, his heart beat fast and hard. What on earth was going on? "I told you to slow down, Maes," he said again, his friend's name easier to say than any other, then frowned when he realized he was still being stared at. "...What? That is your name, isn't it? And- and what happened to your face?"

Rather than answer him, however, Maes' pale, scarred face just broke out instantly into a wide, relieved grin, and the investigator just stared at him for five seconds straight, tears of joy welling in his eyes, before Roy found himself knocked breathless by a squeezing, almost painfully tight embrace. "My god, Roy," Maes gasped by his ear, speaking quickly again out of his relief, so quickly Roy had trouble understanding. "You have no idea... God, thank you, Ed... That boy is a _genius."_

There it was again. Ed.

Just the kid's _name_ enough to make him want to snarl, and growl, and bite, and _protect protect protect,_ and...

The instinct frightened him.

It felt so feral, primal, demanding, _wild..._ but he just didn't understand _any_ of it.

Giving into something he didn't understand felt absolutely terrifying.

So, he didn't.

"Ow," he muttered instead, but it felt like the words and Maes' pinioning embrace was about a hundred miles away from the red hot haze burning through his head. "Fuck. Maes. That hurts." _Ed, Ed Ed Ed, protect Ed..._

The investigator drew back instantly, but he hardly looked apologetic; he took off his glasses to wipe his eyes, still beaming. "Right. Sorry. Should've known... you've got a couple broken ribs, Roy. And... well, let's not talk about it right now..."

Roy furrowed his brow, blinking harder. What? Intrigued, not to mention disturbed, he looked down at himself, then blinked when he realized where he was. "...I'm in your house... and... and wearing your clothes. ...What the hell, Maes?" He pulled weakly at the borrowed shirt, then looked back up at his friend, staring at the barely healed scars crossing his cheek, one of which still had stitches in it. "And seriously, what happened to you?" He breathed in unsteadily, then winced, rubbing at his nose irritably. "And why the _hell_ do you smell like wet dog?"

Maes just looked him guardedly, clearly stressed and hiding something. "...I'll tell you later," he said after a few moments, voice carefully calm. "Roy, are you okay? How do you feel?"

Roy ignored the question, mostly because he just didn't have the words to answer it. He looked down at himself again, completely lost. Clearly, something very bad had happened. Something Maes didn't want to tell him.

Something that involved Ed.

"...Is Ed okay?" he asked distractedly after a moment, too nervous to make the question sound nonchalant. When several seconds passed, and no answer came, he jerked his head up, only to find Maes staring at him in complete confusion. "...What?"

Maes continued to stare him, tired eyes bright with worry. "You know I don't speak Xingese, Roy."

"...So?"

His frown deepened. "...You just talked to me in Xingese."

Roy stared at him, even more confused than before. "No, I didn't, Maes." What the hell was he going on about? Was he drunk? This whole scenario would probably make far more sense if he was drunk, he decided. But he couldn't remember drinking... hell, he couldn't remember last night at all...

Actually, he wasn't what the last thing he remembered even _was._

Roy was even further concerned when Maes, rather than press the issue, just swallowed and clearly forced an uneasy grin. "Then, what did you ask me?"

At the reminder, Roy suddenly didn't care so much about the oddity, either, his heart pounding all over again and his hands shaking. _"Ed,"_ he stressed, frustrated when he had to search for the words and force his mouth to cooperate, speech stilted and dragging. "Is he okay?"

Again, Maes frowned at him, the man seeming very, very worried about something he wasn't saying. "He's fine, Roy. I promise, he's fine."

The relief that instantly assailed him was so strong he nearly passed out.

Roy leaned back for a moment, head spinning. Nothing made sense. Why was he so worried about _Fullmetal,_ of all people? Why couldn't he remember what happened? Why the hell was he in Maes' house feeling like he'd just been run over by a truck? Why was Maes looking at him like something was _wrong?_ And _where the hell_ was Ed?

Breathing out hard again, he sat straighter, leaning forward to rake his fingernails over his calf when he realized it was itching like mad. "Maes, what happened?" he asked again, voice rough, throat sore and protesting. "What... I just... none of what I remember makes sense. ...Did I hit my head or something?" Not that concussions felt like this at all or would explain the blurry, black and white expanse of confusing sensations that was all he could recall- but at this point he was at a loss for any other explanation.

His friend looked very, very worried now and seemed at a loss for words. Roy looked around the bedroom again, struggling to clear his head, then glanced downwards in irritation when he realized scratching at the offending itch on his leg was only making it worse.

When he saw just what he was scratching at, he froze.

"...Who the hell _shot me?"_

Maes shifted uncomfortably next to him, seeming very loathe to answer. "Hawkeye," he said at length, and Roy whipped his head up to stare at him, shocked.

" _Hawkeye?"_ Oh, _shit._ "Good god, what did I do to deserve that?"

Maes didn't smile, however. In fact, he looked even more distressed than before, chewing on his lip and just staring at him, green eyes shadowed with distress. "It's not like that," he said slowly after a moment, the defeat and guilt radiating off him in miserable waves. "You didn't deserve it... she didn't know it was..." He broke off for a moment, evidently frustrated, then just shook his head at himself and forced another uneasy smile- one that left Roy even more frightened than before. "Let's not talk about it now, okay? I'm sure you don't realize it but it's been a very rough couple of weeks... months, really... you should rest some more... are you hungry, I can go get something- I should anyway, you need it- and I need to call Hawkeye again; she'll be so relieved to know you're all right-"

He was rambling. He was looking anywhere but at him. He was _nervous._

And Roy was getting more and more worried that something was very, very wrong.

"Maes-"

"Oh, and I need to give you this-" The man raised one hand, shifting to advance on him. He turned his hand enough so the syringe in his grip caught the light-

Everything went black.

* * *

The change was so sudden Maes didn't try to stop him until he was half out the door.

The unnerved, disturbed, but one hundred percent human stare vanished in the blink of an eye. The intelligent, cynical gleam that always lurked in his friend's eyes went with it, draining away like a light had gone out, and that, his face contorted in the same breath as he lunged.

Maes was too startled to do anything but stare dumbly as Roy threw himself forwards with a snarl. He flinched back the next second, thinking the colonel was going for him- but Roy moved straight past him, shooting out of bed to hit the floor on all fours and scramble to escape. Roy was almost to the door before Maes finally managed to catch the back of his shirt and yank him back, but Roy continued to struggle, growling and fighting with a wild sort of ferocity that frightened him. "Roy!" he cried, pulling at his shirt again even as the colonel continued to fight and crawl towards the door. "Roy, what the hell are you doing?!"

The loud growl that erupted from him took Maes by surprise, and he stumbled a step back, staring. The growl was not human at all and for a split second, he'd actually been afraid Roy would turn to _bite_ him- but the colonel wasn't after his blood. And so the moment his hold on his friend was broken, Roy burst into a crawled sort of sprint for the door again.

Definitely shaken now, Maes took a breath before throwing himself forward, any reservations now in the past. He slammed into Roy's back and grabbed both hands, pinning them to the ground even as another snarl issued from clenched teeth. Roy's face contorted in wild fury, and he craned his neck, jaw snapping open and shut and teeth _clacking_ together as he fought to try and actually bite him.

His eyes were completely blank, and that scared Maes more than anything thus far.

" _Roy!"_ he shouted, leaning as close as he dared. "Roy, it's okay, it's just me _-"_

Roy's mouth opened again, but all that came out was complete gibberish; it clearly made sense to _him,_ but to Maes, all it was was a random conglomeration of vowels that ended in another snarl. He tried not to let it scare him; Roy had already shown to been having trouble speaking and comprehending words when spoken to him; in whatever this state of panic or hysteria was he must've just not been able to extend enough concentration to find the words in his muddled head.

Of course, just because he tried not to let it scare him didn't mean he succeeded.

The sounds of movement elsewhere in his apartment made him curse, tightening his grip when Roy struggled again. If it had been just the two of them, things would have been different- but it wasn't just the two of them. And so Maes kept Roy pinned down with one hand and took out his handcuffs with the other, wincing at the snarled and wordless protests as he cuffed his arms behind his back but not abating all the same.

"M- Maes? What's going on?!"

He glanced up towards where Gracia had been drawn by the racket and was now standing several feet away, staring at them in shock. Maes planed a firm hand on Roy's shoulders when he struggled even harder at the new presence, snarling again through clenched teeth.

"Gracia," he told her, voice firm and leaving no room for argument, "get Elicia, go to our room, and lock the door. Don't come out until I tell you to."

"Maes..."

"Do it now!" he snapped over another growl, then had to elbow Roy back into the floor when he nearly made an escape. _"Damn it,_ Roy! Come on, calm down, man! It's just me!"

But Roy was not listening to him in the slightest. He made another noise that resembled a collection of speech-like noises cobbled together at random, because while Roy was fluent in Amestrian and Xingese, and could mangle his way through Cretan, what was coming out of his mouth now was nothing short of nonsense.

He heard Gracia scramble away, then several seconds later, the sound of a door slamming shut and locking. Breathing an exhausted sigh of relief, Maes returned his full attention to Roy. There seemed to be nothing he could do except let the moment pass- and hope that it would.

A minute passed, then two more; Roy remained sprawled on his stomach, pulling on the handcuffs every once in a while and growling at him but having finally realized he just wasn't strong enough to throw him off. He seemed to be calming down, though Maes really wasn't sure if he was just getting exhausted or actually getting a grip on himself.

Finally, Roy fell perfectly still, breathing hard but no longer strained and tense or fighting him. He gasped into the hardwood floor, dark eyes wide and confused- confused, not feral; confused, not wild. He looked around as if shocked to find himself on the floor, trying to pull his hands out, then jerking when he found them restrained.

"M- Maes?" he stammered, voice rough, turning his head as much as he could to stare back at him in alarm. He looked almost frightened. "Maes, what are you doing?"

Maes sagged with relief to hear his name in that perfectly human voice. He let go of Roy's wrists but still moved cautiously as he went for his handcuff key, watching him for any sign that he was about to lose it again. "Are you okay, now?"

Roy stared at him, eyes widening even further. "Okay? Wh- what..." He pulled weakly at his wrists again, then jerked in recognition. "Did you _handcuff me,_ Maes?"

"...You don't remember?"

"Remember _what?"_

Maes held still for a moment, concern rising, then just shook himself and swallowed it back for later. "I think we need to talk about something," he said vaguely, knowing that none of what had just happened would be explainable until his friend understood more of what had gone on. He freed Roy's arms and then moved off of him, allowing for the clearly shaken colonel to sit upright and look around the hallway again.

Roy made no move to stand, just stared around in naked disbelief. "I... I was in bed... we were talking... and then... then I'm out here?" He looked at Maes for a moment, drawn and deathly pale. "My head... I can't..." His fingers rose to tangle into his hair with a vice-like grip and he bowed his head, shoulders trembling. "I can't remember what happened. Maes, what did I _do?"_

Maes couldn't help it. He just looked so lost and confused sitting there, and before he'd really judged the wisdom of it, he moved forward, reaching out to put an arm around his shoulders. But before he'd gotten close enough to even touch him, Roy abruptly recoiled, arms jerking up to protect his head even as he bared his teeth in a sudden snarl.

Maes backed off instantly, immediately prepared to defend himself or tackle the man once again. But this time Roy came back to himself immediately, lowering his arms as quickly as he'd raised him and staring at him in open-mouthed shock. The colonel blinked, stunned, then looked from him to his hands as if he had no idea what had just happened.

"I... I don't know why I did that," he stammered, still staring at him in some mixture of confusion and horror. "I didn't mean to, it just- ...I don't know why I did that."

Maes stared at him, heart clenching painfully. He opened his mouth, then shut it worthlessly, realizing he had absolutely no idea what to say.

Roy stared at him a moment longer, trembling, then just shut his eyes, forcibly exhaling a deep, shaking breath as if to calm himself. He stayed like that for several moments, utterly motionless except for each measured breath, and when he opened his eyes, Maes could tell he'd somehow subdued the frantic, animal instincts and emotion- but they were still there, thrumming vibrantly just behind his stormy eyes.

"Maes," he said carefully, voice barely steady, "you know what happened, don't you?"

He hesitated for a moment, torn. "...Yes," he admitted at last, miserable and reluctant.

"It's something bad, isn't it?"

"...Yes."

Roy held very still, straight-backed against the wall, the nerves and trepidation underneath his chillingly confident visage, his usual composure that he clung to so stubbornly even now. "Tell me."

"Roy..."

"Tell me," he repeated again, this time with iron. "That's an order, Hughes."

And to that, Maes had no retort.

So, very cautiously, he cleared his throat, and then, he told Roy everything.


	22. Chapter 22

Once again, Roy was relatively sure he was drunk. Except this time, he had to be passed out at his mother's bar, and Maes right there next to him.

It was a far more likely story than what his friend was telling him, and one he was far more keen on believing.

But Maes just kept talking, and the longer and longer it went on, the more Roy realized this wasn't some sort of horrible joke. He could see it in the way his friend looked at him; sadly, pityingly, apologetically; he could hear it in his guiltstricken, hesitant voice. This was all _real._

Chimera. _Chimera._ He'd been a _chimera?_ He looked down at his hands, staring at his fingers in disbelief. From what Maes' had said, turn back the clock just a few hours and those would have been _claws._ It was too momentous and impossible to believe. He'd been a dog?

A _dog?_

"...Roy? Are you okay?"

Roy jerked, realizing belatedly he must've been sitting there in silence for at least five minutes. He looked hazily up at his friend to find he was being stared at in concern again, Maes obviously having even less confidence in his state of mind than Roy himself did. He just looked at him for a moment then glanced away, unsure of the true answer to that question and even less sure if he wanted to give.

"I know I always said I loved dogs," he managed at last, barely even recognizing his own shocked, numb voice. "But... this is taking it a little extreme, even for me."

Maes laughed weakly after several uncomfortable moments, but his eyes remained sober with grave concern. After several more seconds he shifted a little closer, watching him worriedly. "Do you remember any of it?"

He felt himself shake his head a little, still stunned. "I... not in a way that makes sense. I mean, there's something there, but..." But it wasn't human. That was why all of this felt so strange, he realized belatedly... all his most recent memories weren't _human_ and he had no idea how to interpret or process them. It just was a confusing mass of feelings and senses that lacked any rationality at all.

Maes said nothing, simply moving quietly to sit next to him on the wall, still watching him worriedly. Roy broke off and cleared his throat for a moment, leaning forward to bury his face in his hands as the uncertain memories assaulted him.

"It was dark. A lot. Dark, all the time... a-and I could always smell... blood. My god, Maes, since when can I smell blood?" He could remember it so easily, so vividly, too; rotten and pungent, something that made his stomach try and turn even now. "And... Ed... he- h-he-" The words abruptly escaped him then, drifting away and being buried under the instincts to snarl or growl. He gasped, fighting the distinctly canine, inhuman urges and refusing to give in, struggling to grasp the words as they fled and force them form. "Ed was always there..."

The kid's face flickered through his mind, a horrified reel of torment and suffering that left him shaking to remember. Nothing like the confident, argumentative brat that was his subordinate. No... now he suddenly remembered him in pain, screaming, terrified, helpless, always fighting against this pale wraith of a monster while he was stuck watching- and remembering that catapulted him through the torment of emotions he- the dog?- had felt to see Ed like that.

Anger. God, _anger._ He'd never been that angry in his life. He could feel it coursing through him even now, so powerful it made his hands shake and want to tear- rip- _bite_ something apart. The impossibility of the urge struck him; he wanted to _tear something apart with his teeth._ That... that wasn't right...

But a very large part of him didn't care how _not right_ it was. All it could care about was Ed.

Ed, hurt, scared, in danger... Ed needed _help..._ his cub needed help; what was he doing just sitting here? His cub needed help; he had to go help him! Ed-

"Roy!"

Roy swayed, back slamming against the wall and clarity hitting his spinning head with it. He shook and stared waveringly, shocked to find himself on his feet, Maes' hand planted firmly on his chest and holding him against the wall. His friend's gaze bored into him worriedly and Roy shook his head for a moment, staring back at him in shock.

When had he even stood up?

"Roy, relax," Maes told him, tension and nerves clear in his voice alone. He backed up a little, lowering the hand holding him against the wall. "Ed's fine, remember? He's safe; Al's watching him. He's fine."

Roy blinked. How did Maes know...?

His confusion must've shown on his face because his friend frowned, tilting his head to the side to observe him through narrowed eyes. "You were saying his name again..."

Again? _Again?_

Almost instantly, Roy decided he really did not want to know.

He leaned back against the wall for a moment, shaking madly and just trying to breathe through the panic he could feel coming. He stared uncertainly at Maes, gasping through clenched teeth- then froze when he realized.

"You look like you were in a fight with a dog."

His friend stilled, face abruptly taken over by a blank facade- but no matter what he did, he couldn't hide the recent claw marks scratched over his cheek, and Roy stared at them in increasing horror, his heart pounding.

"It's nothing," Maes tried to tell him, smiling weakly, "remember, I told you, it's nothing-"

But Roy could tell he was lying without even trying. He was lying, about being attacked by a dog. And the only reason he would do that...

He stared down at his hands for a moment, horrified, then jerked away as Maes tried to reach for him again. Oh, _god..._ he had done that... how had he done that? He didn't remember, not at all! Roy looked down to his hands again, staring in disbelief at fingers that had raked across his best friend's face and nearly killed him.

"I don't remember you at all... I don't remember seeing you at _all,_ but... _god..._ I- Maes, I'm so sorry-"

"Shut up, Roy." Suddenly he was speaking quickly again, and in his state the words were moving so fast some were lost and not understood, but the piercing glare drove through him all the same. "Don't apologize for this. It's not your fault, okay? I don't blame you for any of this. I survived, you survived, that's what matters, you got that?"

Roy could barely hear him at this point, the words muted and unimportant under the roar in his own head. He sank back against the wall, his knees giving out on him. Maes caught him from collapsing, looking alarmed and almost frightened, and Roy didn't retain enough control to shove him off as he helped him stagger towards the floor again, trembling and horrified. He'd done that. _He_ had done _that._ He had absolutely no recollection of it but _he'd_ ripped his claws- _claws!-_ through his best friend's face.

Maes was talking to him again, say something that he couldn't register; Roy talked over it without pause, his heart pounding until it tried to strangle him. "Riza! _Ed!_ Tell me I didn't hurt them, too, Maes."

His friend shook his head without hesitation. "No, they're both okay, Roy. You never touched either of them."

"I don't believe you. You told me I hadn't done anything to you!" He ripped his hand away, teeth baring in another growl- then froze when he'd realized what he'd done. An embarrassed flush of color rose and he just sat there limply, shocked and nonplussed. It was all too much... god, none of this could be real...

A firm hand around his wrist made him jump. He jerked back again, but Maes' grip was unrelenting, and he found himself being tugged to his feet again- but even once there, his friend did not let go. "Come on," Maes told him firmly, then folded himself underneath his arm like a crutch when his legs tried to waver and give out on him again, carefully pulling him forward.

"Maes, what-"

"You're not going to believe me, right? I know better than to try and convince you; you're a stubborn ass. Well, lucky for me, I've got proof."

Roy stared at him as he was tugged along, head still spinning. He found himself forced down onto Maes' couch and staring as his friend flipped through a case file he'd left sitting on the coffee table, then pulled out a medical report and handed it to him.

"It's Ed's file," he heard him say, and then everything else after that was lost as he ripped open the papers and started to read.

The report was horrendously thick, and with every passing, frantically scanned page, Roy felt more and more horrified. With each new symptom dark, blood-stained flickers of memory flashed behind his eyes... _broken ribs- Ed being stepped on and kicked, shouting... broken fingers- Ed screaming, thrashing... oh, god..._

"W-what's this?" he rasped, nearly choking out the words as panic threatened to strangle him. He pointed to a phrase he didn't know and showed the file to Maes, fighting not to give in to the unnameable instincts coursing through his head and making him shake.

Maes glanced down then grimaced, reading the sentence upside down. "Oh. That. Ah, we're not too sure, actually... his doctor told us he was already bad off to begin with, but he somehow started getting him extra food, back when Kuzon still had him- that it made him get even sicker. We never figured out who was responsible." He shrugged for a moment, seemingly perplexed. "It's why he's still in the hospital, actually; apparently it's pretty bad..."

He went on, gesturing as he talked distractedly- but Roy was not listening.

_Cub's too small. Too thin. Too hungry, all the time. He'll fix that. Share food. That's right; he'll share food._

_Cub doesn't want to. Cub fights him and tells him "no". He knows that word; cub taught it to him. No, no, no; he says it over again. Cub's stubborn- but he's more stubborn. He'll make him do it._

_He will make him do it whether he wants to or not. For his own good._

"Roy? Roy, are you listening to me?"

_He wins the fight. He makes him do it._

"...Roy?"

_He tears food into strips... passes it over to him... over and over... and every time after that, he does it again..._

"Hey! _Roy!"_

_...and again..._

He jerked, vision clearing just as the file was pulled roughly from his grip and a firm hand grasped him by the shoulder. He reeled back, gasping at the contact. Overwhelmed and shaking, it took him a moment to realize it was Maes, staring at him in outright alarm, and he shook his head slowly, trying to make sense of it all.

"Okay, you've seen enough," Maes told him, snapping the file shut and putting it far out of his reach. "Roy, what just happened? Are you all right?"

He slowly shook his head again, the unyielding torrent of disturbing, distorted memories and the emotions they dragged along with them refusing to cease. "I..." Words failed him, and Roy leaned over for a moment, covering his mouth with his hand. For a moment, he thought he was going to be sick all over the carpet. Ed was sick. Maes had said that. Badly sick. Because someone gave him food. Someone being him. _He_ got Ed _badly sick._ He was in the _hospital,_ Maes had said... he'd put Ed in the hospital...

"...I was only trying to help..." he heard himself moan aloud, the words muffled behind his hand. "I had no idea... _Ed..."_

Why was he so scared? What was _wrong_ with him; he hadn't reacted this badly or pathetically to something since he'd been a child. Why did just the thought of Ed have him trembling and gasping, nauseated and horrified with himself? None of this felt right, _none_ of it...

"What are you talking about?" Maes asked him, sounding even more concerned than before. "What are- ...it was _you?"_

He nodded weakly, unable to bring himself to meet his eyes. His gut rebelled in self-revulsion and he almost threw up again. "He was _starving,_ Maes... and I just... oh, god, I had no idea..."

_Ed, I'm sorry..._

"Roy. Roy, listen to me." Again Maes was pulling on his shoulder, trying to get him to focus on him; Roy could barely hear him. "This isn't your fault, okay? You had no way of knowing it would hurt him. And he's going to be fine, you understand me? He's going to be fine..."

Roy swayed, head spinning again. His heart was pounding and he couldn't think straight... could barely think at _all_ under that damn voice in his head telling him he needed to go protect his cub- but it _wasn't_ just a voice, it was all the instinct and emotion that came along with a terrified dog or a frightened parent and he just _could not_ drown it out... he couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't...

"Roy? Come on, buddy, slow down, breathe for a second- you're going to make yourself sick, damn it... Roy?"

He fell back away from his friend's arm, burying his face in his hands again and forcing a measured breath. Stop. _Stop._ He was frightening Maes, making a fool of himself, and doing nothing to help anyone right now. He could do this. Just catch his breath and clear his head, turn off canine instincts that were no longer applicable, be _fine..._

At last, when he felt as if he could look at Maes' scarred face without throwing up, he cleared his throat and spoke.

"Ed." Roy shifted an inch away from his friend, leaning his head tiredly back against the couch and closing his eyes. "Ed. Have to... I have to see him."

He found that he had to speak slowly and deliberately, the words buried underneath instincts of growling and barking and snarling, his mouth still fighting him like it had forgotten how to form speech. He knew Maes picked up on it but it was better than the alternative, and if it worried him- then just so be it. There were more important things than managing to pass himself off as okay, right now.

A hand slowly found his shoulder again; it took all his willpower not to flinch back, and he left his head buried in his hands, not wanting to see the look on his face. "I know you want to, Roy," Maes told him, sounding miserably sad again, "but you don't have the full picture yet. You really can't be seen outside, not yet, we've got to wait a few weeks until we've got some kind of explanation for you being here- and you're not well enough to, anyway. You need to rest a few days before-"

Maes kept talking, speaking quicker now out of his haste to the point that Roy only heard a slurred mess, and he found himself unable to care. He knew that he _should,_ but it felt so unimportant underneath the protective screaming in his head. "Ed. Edward." Roy fumbled for a moment, breathing hard. "I can't not... Maes, I _have_ to see him. It's like there's a voice in my head... it's not _saying_ anything, but it's just _there,_ and it's making me need this. I don't know. Dog's instincts?" He paused, then let out a startled, disbelieving laugh. "Holy shit, Maes, I was a _dog._ A fucking _dog."_ He threw his head back again, another breathless, horrified laugh tearing loose. "God. Tell me I was at least a cute one."

Maes looked nothing less than disturbed, but the answer came anyway. "...You did give Black Hayate a run for his money..."

Roy laughed breathlessly again, face stretching into a morbid grin. "Oh, hell. Don't tell me I gave dog kisses to Hawkeye. _Don't tell me._ She won't kiss me like this but she'll kiss me as a _dog._ Fucking... oh my god, Maes, I was a god-dammed _dog._ I... I..."

"Keep your head on, Roy. Stay with me here."

Roy breathed out heavily, listening to the words and feeling the hand rub hard on his shoulder, anchoring him to sanity. He held still for several seconds, again forcing himself to breathe through panic and mounting hysteria.

It could've been minutes; could've been hours, for all he knew. All he was sure of was when the churning insanity broiling just below the surface faded, the will to protect Ed didn't fade with it.

The certainty that he would _lose his mind_ if he didn't get to that kid's side _now_ didn't fade with it.

"Maes," he murmured. "...Let me see Edward."

The hand on his shoulder faltered for a moment, and he could almost feel the misery radiating off his friend in waves. "...Roy-" he started, pained and reluctant.

Roy raised his head and finally looked him in the eye. He didn't say anything else, just looked at him.

Maes' resistance melted.

"Okay," he said quietly, giving up entirely in a breath. "Okay, Roy."

_(Ed. Protect Ed.)_

Roy shut his eyes again and pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead, forcing himself to breathe.

* * *

Al had been allowed to stay with his brother overnight once again, this time due to the ongoing situation at Lab Three. Hakuro was trying to blame the Aerugians for it and wanted a guard on Ed, just in case they tried something with Kuzon's other captive.

He'd been allowed from the hallway into the room due to the sad-eyed nurse that had taken pity on them, her insistence that he leave melting when he'd spoken and she'd realized he was only a kid, and she'd looked again at Ed and seen a boy mewling in distress of a nightmare, not a genius military officer. She'd shared a conspiratorial wink with him and held a finger to her lips like he was five, promising she'd keep it secret if he didn't disturb his brother, and left them alone.

Al didn't much like the woman, but she'd given him what he wanted, and for that, he could forgive being treated like a child.

A moaned whimper called out from behind him, wordless and deeply anguishing, and Al bowed his head, wanting to cry out himself. His brother had been sleeping uneasily nearly the entire time, meandering between restlessness and full-blown nightmares. He was still too heavily medicated for Al to wake him up; that didn't mean he hadn't tried, but every single time his efforts had done him no good. Ed had shrank back from even his touch as if he was expecting to be struck, and nothing Al said had reached him. Absolutely the _only_ thing he could do was just sit here as a helpless, empty husk and bear witness to his brother's suffering.

It was killing him.

When the rustling of the sheets at last fell silent, and his brother no longer moaned aloud, Al finally looked up again towards the clock. Half past three in the morning. Another three hours to go, then, until a decent hour arrived, and his brother woke up.

That was three hours too many, for his suffering brother- and for a restless soul like him, who couldn't sleep at all. Although, Al reflected bitterly, even if he was in a flesh and blood body right now, he still doubted he'd be able to sleep at all.

Because of how much cajoling it had taken for him to get himself an overnight pass, Al hadn't expected to hear any word about Mustang until the next morning. He'd actually not expected it then, either, and had planned on waiting until Ed had woken up before calling Hughes to see how things had gone. The investigator had scarcely said a word in over a week about anything other than getting his friend back; Al doubted heading down to the hospital with news anywhere on his priorities list right now.

Thus, when the door to his brother's hospital room creaked open to reveal Hughes himself, Al was shocked.

"Sir?" he gasped in a hushed whisper. "What are you doing here? I thought you were with the colonel... oh, no, did something happen?!"

But Hughes just looked at him tiredly, shook his head once, then turned away. He said something to another person waiting in the hall, then turned staunchly back to the room and pulled his charge inside.

The not-so-shocking identity of his hooded companion was revealed a moment later, when the newcomer pulled off the hood and revealed himself as Colonel Mustang.

Al gasped again, looking over the recently reversed chimera in disbelief. Yes, he'd seen him after his brother had activated the array, but his attention had almost entirely been on Ed at the time, worriedly- rightfully so- that such a complex transmutation was too much for him. To see him standing there now, entirely and perfectly and absolutely human, especially when his last recollection of the man was a snarling dog- it nearly took his breath away. Yes, he was too thin and pale, and even covered up he could see a terrible scar on his neck- who knew what other wounds were hiding beneath the clothing- but he was alive and human, and when the odds had been so against that for so long, Al couldn't help but sag in relief. Ed would be so glad.

Mustang, however, had clearly not come here to be stared at, or for him at all. The colonel immediately moved forward, having to tug at Hughes' grip to walk away from the wall to stand directly at Ed's side. Hughes still kept a tight, unrelenting grip on his wrist- like a leash, Al thought with an ironic, terrible sort of humor that made him immediately feel awful. The investigator was also watching his friend very carefully, like he was afraid he was going to bolt. Uneasy, Al looked back at Mustang.

His initial impression that all was well didn't seem to be too accurate after all. The colonel was definitely fully human physically, but his mind still didn't seem to be quite... _all there._ Indeed, as Al watched with increasing anxiety, Mustang dropped lithely to his knees, completely ignoring the nearby chair, and shifted up and down the length of the bed, inhaling greedily like he was trying to smell something, then froze once he reached Ed's arm, glaring at the IV. He bared his teeth at it and snarled wordlessly, the growl only stopping when Hughes gave a firm, insistent tug on his hair, inching the colonel back a little as well as bringing a blink of cool rationality.

Mustang shook his head a few times, though he made no attempt to stand. "I- don't like that," he said stiffly, voice hoarse and seeming to have difficulty speaking, then pointed at the IV again. "I don't like it. And I don't like how he smells. It's not safe."

Hughes' face fell. The investigator looked away briefly, griefstricken, and the hand on his friend's shook. "...It's probably that dog's instinct again," he said at last, voice cracking. "I told you, they had you in Lab Three for over a week. We don't know all that they did, but... medical experiments probably aren't pleasant."

Mustang took a moment to nod distractedly, not seeming bothered by the news at all or aware of his friend's guilt, but his very evident dislike and distrust of the medical equipment didn't fade. The colonel sat still on the floor for a little while, just staring at Ed, the look on his face indescribable.

It was the sound of the low, exhausted murmur of another nightmare from the bed that finally spurred him into moving again.

When Al clenched his fists helplessly at the noise and looked away, and Hughes clenched his jaw, Mustang crawled ahead without hesitation, again rising to his knees. One arm wrapped around his brother, holding him tightly and protectively in a firm embrace. He pushed his head at Ed's, nudging at his chin in some very strange examination, whining softly into his brother's neck.

Al definitely didn't know what to make of it.

He still didn't know what to make of it when the colonel tilted his head back and licked his brother's chin.

"Roy!" Hughes snapped, and he bolted forward, firmly grabbing the colonel by the arm and pulling him back. _"Hey._ Roy. We talked about this, remember?" He tugged insistently on Mustang's hand again.

Mustang blinked suddenly, the blank, passive stare dissolving into something more awake and aware. He looked down at himself, seeming surprised to find himself down on the floor, then shook himself with a deep shudder, eyes squeezing shut in conjunction with a gasp.

And just like that, the eerie display of a dog's mind in a man's body was gone. Mustang took another breath and rose stiffly, back erect, hands clasped before him, putting off an unsettling of military confidence. He turned in Al's direction, dark eyes unreadable, and inclined his head slightly. "Alphonse," he rasped. "I apologize for that display you just witnessed. That was..." He paused, searching for the right word. "-unbecoming, of me."

The little speech threw him off even more. Al stared at him uncertainly, not daring to even move. "Oh, not at all, Colonel," he managed, keeping his voice hushed for both his brother and in case a nurse happened to pass by the room from outside. "I'm... just glad to see you're all right."

Mustang raised an eyebrow. "You just watched me lick your brother. You call that all right?" His mouth twitched into a wry, tiny smile, somehow darkly amused at his own behavior.

"...You... I'm sure you're just adjusting, sir..."

The colonel stared blankly at him for a few moments, eyes narrow. Then at last, he made a face and shrugged apologetically, folding his arms. He had yet to shake Hughes off his shoulder or step away so his leg wasn't touching the hospital bed. "I'm afraid I didn't catch that, Al." He paused, gritting his teeth. "...You're going to have to speak a little slower. I'm still having a little... trouble... with language."

Al stared at him, horrified. He only made himself jump out of it when the colonel shifted uncomfortably under his stare and folded his arms tighter, glaring mildly at the door. He repeated himself from before, and when Mustang heard him, this time, the man just made another face, scowl intensifying.

"Yes. Adjusting... I'm sure."

There was a short silence, Mustang just staring him down with an unreadable look on his face. Suddenly he started, paling even further as he looked at him, eyes going wide, then lifted a hand to stare between it and him in horror. "Did I... was that... _me?"_

It took Al a moment to realize the colonel was staring, transfixed, at his dented, scratched armor. He shifted self-consciously and looked down at it himself. Such problems were barely even an inconvenience to him; even his ruined, barely functional gloves hardly bothered him, since he could still manage most tasks with brute force, but Mustang was clearly horrified at what he'd done and bewildered he'd even been physically capable of it. "It's fine, sir!" he hastened to assure him. "It's really fine! I know you didn't mean it."

Mustang stared at him a moment longer, then started rolling up his sleeves, trying unsuccessfully to shrug Hughes off of him. "If you'll check over the circle, then I can fix-"

Hughes held him back. "Knox told you no alchemy until you're stronger, Roy, you know that."

Mustang shifted to glare at him, then abruptly flinched at the scar on his cheek and looked irritatedly past him rather than at him. "It's one minor transmutation. It's not going to kill me-"

"And it's not going to kill Al to wait a little bit, either."

Mustang tried to stare his friend down for a moment, clearly annoyed. Hughes stared right back, completely unrelenting. Before this, Al would've sworn the only person more stubborn than Mustang was his brother- but now, Hughes was doing quite a decent job at putting them both to shame with nothing more than a flat look. After several moments, Mustang glanced towards him, seemingly appealing for his help; when none came, he groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, shoulders slumping in defeat.

"You're both idiots," he muttered.

Hughes sighed as well, relieved his friend had quit putting up a fight. "It's great you're finally getting a taste of your own medicine, then," he said quietly, and Mustang hmphed at him in irritation as he turned away, arms folded.

There was a short silence, and Mustang slowly turned his head again to look down at Ed, his face still unreadable.

When the still silence had dragged on for quite a while, and it seemed Mustang, at least, was not about to break it, Hughes finally released his tight grip on his friend's arm, clapping him briefly on the shoulder. "I'm going to go stand guard outside. If someone tries to come in, I'll stall and knock. Roy, you _will_ hide inside Al's armor if that happens... if that's all right with you, Al," the investigator hastened to add, looking worriedly back at him.

Al's hurried assurance that it was was run over by Mustang, who was scowling darkly again. "I most certainly will not-"

"You will. And if not, then we are going home now." Hughes heaved a great sigh, as if he'd already had this argument before. "Don't give me that look. You're weak as a kitten right now and if I need to force you back to the car, then I can and I will. You can not be seen by anyone or it could jeopardize everything, and I'm sorry, Roy, but I am not going to let you put yourself in danger. Now, will you or won't you hide in Al if I give you the signal?"

His voice was exhausted but left absolutely no room for argument, the stiff kind of unyielding authority Al was used to hearing from Mustang- but certainly not Hughes. Not paternal, kind, overly enthusiastic and always warm _Hughes._ But the investigator looked beyond done right about now, like he hadn't slept in days and was just about finished with everything and everyone, not a hint of patience left.

Al could sympathize.

It was how he had felt, after all, those last few awful days, before they'd found Ed.

Mustang looked into his friend's eyes for along, dragging several moments, then finally just hung his head in defeat. "For god's sake. Fine. I'll hide. ...You're an awful friend, Maes."

It was clearly meant as a lighthearted joke. An offhand comment, one that could easily be said between the closest of friends because their bond ran deeper than any words could touch. The way Winry could scream that Ed was a horrible person when he returned with broken automail, the way Ed could yell at him and say _AHHHH I HATE YOU!_ when the milk came out and was forcefed in. They were just words, and no words could come close to touching such a close bond.

Hughes, however, flinched.

His pale, exhausted face contorted for the briefest of seconds, and then his he bowed his head, expression crumpling. Mustang didn't notice, the colonel still turned to look at Ed, but he did look up when the investigator lowered the hand on his shoulder and turned towards the door, still staring at the ground. "Yeah," he mumbled, voice cracking with defeat. "I am."

He stepped outside without looking back and shut it, leaving both of them staring behind after him.

A few cold, silent seconds passed, neither one of them moving.

At last, Mustang turned away to drop bonelessly into the chair at Ed's bedside. He dropped his head down into one hand, the other reaching up to clasp gently over his brother's limp arm.

He still said nothing.

Al shifted uncomfortably. He felt as if he should apologize for what he'd seen, surely neither one of the men wanting an audience for what had just happened, but one look at the colonel's slumped, defeated form made him stop. He glanced uneasily towards the door again, where he knew Hughes waited outside, and struggled to find something to say.

"Colonel, you should probably talk to him..." he ventured at last, a little weakly a first but then stronger when no reaction came. "I mean, he's been beating himself up this past week about you. It wasn't his fault, but he blames himself for you being taken to that lab, and-"

"I know, Al." Mustang slouched even further, face completely hidden in his too thin hand. He took in an unsteady breath, and the hand over his brother tightened.

"...I know... but, right now, I really can't. I just..." he broke off, as if trying to search for the right words to describe how he was feeling or just he couldn't do, then shook his head with a defeated sigh. "I just _can't,_ " he said again, and by the way he was looking at Ed now, Al didn't need him to say anymore.

They sat there in silence for the rest of the night.

* * *

The very moment Ed woke up, his gut twisted with a trepidation so intense he felt sick, and he sat bolt upright so quickly his head spun, and his brother jumped.

"Well?!" he gasped, the second he'd managed to find his voice. "How is he?!"

Al just stared at him, clearly bewildered by the sudden demand and how quickly he'd woken up. "Brother..."

"Is he okay?!" Ed pressed desperately, his mind suddenly racing with all the ways this could've gone wrong. The light shining in through the window told him it had been many hours since the transmutation; that was more than long enough for them to know by now. He remembered Roy talking to him for a brief moment, using words he'd never taught the chimera- but he'd fallen asleep so quickly, that was no guarantee- " _Al!"_

At last, Al raised his hand, trying to get him to calm down. "He's fine, Brother!" he assured, clearly almost alarmed by the onslaught of questions. "I saw him. I spoke with him. He's fine... the transmutation worked."

It took him several seconds to really accept that. To hear the words, understand them, and realize the truth in them. Realize that this wasn't a lie- that everything finally, really was, _over._

But when the seconds passed and no qualifier came, and Al just stood there quietly and waited for him to accept it, then even added on a soft, "I promise, Brother," he knew this was real.

It was over.

Ed swayed backwards, leaning back against the wall with a trembling sigh, his head spinning. He grinned breathlessly for a moment, ecstatic and shaking with joyful relief. He was okay... he'd pulled it off. It had _worked._ He'd fixed him. He wasn't going to die- he wasn't going to stay a dog any longer- he was _fine._

Still grinning, Ed glanced around the small room again, taking in his brother, and the distinct lack of anyone else. He laughed weakly, heart contracting painfully at the sight but still too dammed relieved to really feel misery.

Right- of course. Alone.

What he'd expected, of course... If Roy was fixed, and really, fully human, once again- then- well, he'd known it from the start, hadn't he? Once he'd been turned back into a human, was Colonel Mustang again...

Of course he wouldn't be here.

Of course. He'd known that. Yeah.

Stupid to expect anything different. Even if it had just been for a single hopeful millisecond.

Ed closed his eyes for a moment, still grinning wildly and shaking under the thrall of too many emotions all at once. He _was_ still relieved, amazed, that this had all worked, and of course wouldn't take it back, not even now that he knew for certain he'd been right. And it was dumb that he was disappointed. It wasn't like this was a surprise. Hell, it would actually be unsettling and a little creepy, if that bastard was actually as clingy and protective as the chimera had been.

He didn't miss it. He didn't need it.

He was _fine._

"...Brother?"

Ed glanced up briefly, glancing towards where Al was watching him in outright concern. He swallowed back the rising emotion and shrugged his uninjured shoulder, offering him a shaky grin and pushing his hair out of his face, still entirely unsure what to feel or how to react. "I'm fine," he managed, then blinked, a little disturbed by how shaky and unconvincing his voice was. "Really, I... I'm fine. I'm just... really glad, I guess. Relieved."

But Al was still looking at him strangely, like something wasn't right, and Ed cursed himself, trying to make himself look at least the slightest bit more convincing. Really, nothing was wrong. Everything was back to normal. Completely. If this had been _before_ Kuzon and chimeras and everything going to hell, he wouldn't have expected the bastard to show up in his hospital room. So why on earth would he expect him now? Roy had even less of a reason to be here now. Being the one to fix him did not negate being the reason he'd gotten messed up in the first place.

This was just what'd he expected to happen.

He shut his eyes again, breathing out shakily, and told himself he needed to shut up and quit feeling sorry for himself.

Why the hell didn't he feel as happy to get everything back as it was supposed to be as he should?

His brother moved forward nervously after a few moments, seeming a little unsure how to approach him. "Here," Al said, handing him a partially unwrapped candy bar. "You slept through breakfast so I got you this. I know it's not much but I didn't want to leave long enough to find something else."

Ed almost laughed at that. "You could've, you know," he said, taking it and snapping a piece off with his teeth. "It's not like I'm going to die if you-"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Brother!"

Ed glared at him out of the corner of his eye. "You're a worse mother hen than Hughes. You hear that, Al? _Worse than Hughes._ I didn't even know it was possible... promise me you'll never buy a camera."

Al huffed. "Maybe if _someone_ let me take care of a cat every once in while, I wouldn't need to take it out on you."

"Where is this cat going to live, Al?" he prodded sagely. " _Where?_ Are we going to stuff him into a suitcase with every new mission?! Come on! We can't have a cat!" Ed rolled his eyes, barely able to stop himself from grinning. See- normal. _Normal._ He could do this. Everything was fine.

Al huffed again, still glaring. "I bet Hughes or Mustang would take him when we went on missions! It would work-"

"One." Ed held up a finger. "We're not going away just for the weekend, Al. We can't just give someone else our cat and expect them to take care of it for months. And, two." He held up a second finger. "I am not letting that man _anywhere near_ any pet of mine. Hawkeye had to save Black Hayate from becoming the colonel's slave. Who knows what he'd do to an innocent cat?"

At this point, Ed was pretty sure his brother would've been pouting if he could've. "Come on... he's not that bad. Everyone loves cats! Even Colonel Mustang has to! He wouldn't be mean to the cat!"

"The cat that doesn't exist."

"But he _could_ exist. If you'd let him."

Ed nearly burst out laughing, leaning his head back and staring at his brother in amusement. "How did we get to talking about hypothetical cats?" he chuckled, pulling his leg up to his chest with a grin.

Al shrugged cheerfully. "Who knows." He paused for a moment, letting the lighthearted air persist until it was nearly infectious- then stepped forward with a frown. "Brother, eat the rest." He pointed down to the chocolate in his hand sternly. "Come on, I'm not even making you drink any milk."

Ed blinked.

The rest?

Startled, he glanced down to his hand- and there, just as Al had said, was the rest.

He'd only eaten half. Again.

Ed just stared at the sight for a moment, takenaback. Then he shut his eyes, forcing out a measured breath. It was just half a fucking candy bar- and Roy was fine, now. He didn't have an excuse any more. And after everything else, _this_ was nothing. Just eat the damn thing, stop Al from worrying, and move past it already. Everything else was fine now; it was way past time for him to be fine, too.

He raised it, winced at the nauseous twist to his gut, and lowered it back down.

Nope.

Still couldn't.

"...Guess I'm not that hungry," he mumbled, completely unconvincingly, and let the half-eaten candy bar roll out of his fist, slumping a little. "Maybe later," he tried to appease Al, knowing full well maybe later meant never.

And after over a full week of only eating exactly half of anything he'd been given, Al, too, knew that that was the most he was going to eat.

"...I wish you'd at least tell me why, Brother."

Ed flinched at the forlorn words, suddenly unable to even look at him. Al sounded positively miserable. And of course he did... his brother was a complete mess, and for no reason at all. Kuzon was dead, Roy was fine, _he_ was fine, everything was all right... and yet he was still...

Like this.

It was stupid. It didn't make sense. It was _pathetic._

Perhaps it was just that. He'd fixed Roy, now- and now, he just had nothing left to keep him going. There was now nothing left for him to keep himself moving forward for. And without that motivation to keep him together...

"Sorry," he mumbled, poking disinterestedly at the chocolate again. His stomach protested at the very idea of eating it. "...I guess I just thought things would be easier, you know? After I fixed Roy... I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore and everything would be fine. ...I don't know why it's not, Al."

He broke off, letting his quiet voice fade away into nothing. Slowly, Ed glanced around the room again. This was what he had now. Just him and his brother.

Nothing had changed.

_No one cares..._

Ed leaned his head back again and forcefully tuned out that voice, releasing a measured breath to try and calm himself that didn't even come close to working.

This was what he had now. Just him and Al. Just like always. Al was the only person he could count on not to leave, because everyone else either left of their own accord or ran from him after he messed up. And he needed to accept that, and figure out how to do this without Roy, because he wasn't coming back. That was that.

* * *

It took Ed three days for him to convince Al to take a night to himself. To go when visiting hours ended, and take the night to just relax- because though he didn't need sleep, Ed could see how much it was weighing on him, spending every second in this hospital, worrying and concerned the whole time. He convinced Al to take the night and spend it with Winry and Pinako- promising that he'd be fine, his biggest problem now was just worrying about how stressed Al was- and at that, finally, his brother had given in.

It was just his luck, of course, that the one night Al wasn't there, Ed got the bad news.

* * *

"...What?"

The doctor nodded gravely, raising his gaze from his file at last to look him straight in the eye. "I'm sorry," he said sympathetically, and he actually did look apologetic. "This was always our last resort, but, unfortunately, it seems it's our only option now. The damage is just too severe."

Ed simply blinked numbly.

The doctor kept on talking, saying something about his automail and what he'd have to do for it after this, but Ed could barely hear him. He leaned back for a moment, reeling, too shocked to even think.

Oh.

"...and we'll do the surgery in three days. Do you have any questions?"

Ed blinked again, looking up jerkily towards where the man was waiting expectantly. He slowly tilted his head in a shake, mind too blank with shock to even process the news, never mind come up with an intelligent response. Oh. His arm and leg were... oh.

When the man rose to his feet, though, Ed jolted, jerking to sit up straight. "W- wait," he stammered, his own voice seeming distant and warped to his own ears. "Can you not tell my brother about this?"

The doctor gave him a strange, guarded look. "You can't exactly keep this a secret."

"...Just don't tell him," he insisted weakly, unable to give him any more than that.

And at last, he just got one more final nod before exiting the room entirely, and leaving him alone.

After several seconds, Ed looked blankly down towards his damaged automail ports. He touched one with his finger, tracing the broken metal edges.

Oh.

The damage Kuzon had done to them had been bad.

Very bad.

He'd known that from the start, of course; expected Winry to kill him and the worst pain of his life all over again, when she ended up needing to replace the ports. He'd expected the months instead of weeks recovery time, expected the misery of being bedbound and coddled, expected how much it would _hurt._

He hadn't expected this.

Because, what Kuzon had done to him had apparently been bad enough that, despite all their best efforts, it was irreparable to the surrounding muscles and nerves.

Which meant further amputation.

It was just a few inches, the doctor had told him calmly; nothing at all as extreme as another missing joint or needing to relearn to walk- _again_. Just an inch on his leg and an inch and a half on his arm. Nothing that bad. To someone with two automail limbs, that was hardly even worth mentioning. Two and a half inches? So what; he'd already lost several feet's worth.

Except, that doctor hadn't known the full extent of what that meant.

Slowly, Ed pushed himself out of bed, leaning heavily against the wall with his one hand and looking down at himself; at the empty spaces where his arm and leg should be. For so long, that was what he'd seen- either nothing at all, or painstakingly, beautifully, perfectly crafted metal. Automail that, despite all its conveniences, despite the way Winry swore up and down it was even better than flesh and blood, despite all of his life back that it had given him...

Automail that would never be as good as the real thing.

The real thing that he'd spent years trying to get back.

Ed fingered the edges of the automail again, fingers shaking.

If they took off more- even just a few inches... even just a centimeter... if they took off more...

Then he couldn't get the real thing back.

The idea of it was so ridiculous, so improbable, that he almost wanted to laugh aloud. After all this time, this was what was going to fuck him over? _This?_ He could almost hear Truth laughing at him. _This._

They wouldn't fucking _fit._

Yeah, sure, he could get his limbs back from the Gate- but what would it matter? The limbs that had been stolen (rightfully taken) wouldn't _fit_ because more had been taken off.

Like he was a goddamn jigsaw puzzle and his arm and leg would be two, forcibly misshapen, pieces.

He laughed quietly, still tracing the edge of the automail.

After everything that had happened, Ed supposed, it only made sense. It was, after all, equivalent.

So far, everyone had been hurt except for him. His brother was miserable all the time now, guilty he hadn't found him sooner and torn up that he didn't seem to be able to do anything for him now. Even _Hughes_ was miserable. And Roy... god.

So far, everyone else had been paying the price for his mistakes. It was only fair that he finally pay it himself- and there was a small part of him that was actually relieved, because it felt, in a horrible way, right. Some part of him was glad. It felt just a little bit good, to finally be paying for all the ways he'd messed up and hurt his brother and Roy. Equivalent exchange, after all. Always had to fulfill equivalent exchange and until now, he'd been unable to. Now he was finally doing it and god help him, some small part of him was glad for it.

He touched his broken automail again, fingers shaking.

No. This was too much to think about right now.

Al couldn't know. That was all he knew, and he knew it with all certainty. Except, of course he would find out; the automail ports would have to be removed and reinstalled, he'd hardly miss that, he'd see the new scars and further truncated limbs, and Al would realize instantly the implications. He wasn't going to be able to hide this from Al. Not at all.

But still.

He couldn't know.

It struck him as just a little odd, how he cared more about Al not finding out than the limbs themselves, but at the moment his brother was just all he was capable of focusing on, the reality of what he'd lost too enormous to yet face. Al, though... Al would be even more miserable than he was now. He'd be so sad and guiltridden, and then, he'd try to promise so earnestly that it would be okay, they'd figure out a way to still do this, it'd be okay- but Al would know in his heart it was impossible. And once again, Ed would have managed the brilliant achievement of crushing his dear brother.

Al already wasn't 'sleeping', forgoing even his trance like, meditation state at night to watch him and wake him up in the inevitable case of a nightmare. It had been nearly impossible to get him to take tonight and go back to the dorms to relax; he'd had to insist for days he'd be okay before Al had relented. Al already spent all day, every day, here, patiently trying to coax him to eat or rest or even just pull him into conversation to distract him, every minute devoted to helping him. Even then, Ed could still see how miserable he was.

How sad he was, trying to help him- because he could see it wasn't working.

For god's sakes, he'd put his brother through watching him jump out a third story window! Pathetic, horrible, inexcusable- _once again_ hurting Al and not paying any price for it. How could he even think about making him hurt anymore? Already Ed dreaded the inevitable, when Al found out about this- he'd look at him, horrified and with horrible _pity_ , then swear it was going to be okay, speak to him like a child, that he'd fix it- he'd blame himself for it, surely, blame himself for not finding him in time to prevent this. As if _any_ of this was his fault...

Ed shut his eyes for a moment, breathing out shakily. His hand trembled against the wall and he pushed himself around to lean against it with his back instead, trying to steady himself. God. Al.

He needed to stop leaning on him.

He was being selfish, wasn't he? Relying on Al so much when he could clearly see how much it was hurting him. How could he do this? How could he hurt Al like this when he'd already taken so much from him? No... no. None of this was okay- and he needed to stop it.

Stop it now.

Ed grinned weakly, shaking his head at himself. It'd be hard, in the beginning. To convince Al he was really okay; get him to stop hovering. Get Al to stop watching him quite so closely. But he could do it. It would work. And beyond that, that was really all he had to do, right? Get Al to stop watching his every move- so he'd miss the fact that things really weren't better at all. After all, he still had work to do. Still had to get Al's body back. He couldn't afford to be a broken, moping mess just yet. So he'd hide it all behind a confident grin and swear he was okay. Swear up and down that everything was fine no matter how much of a disaster he felt like and above all else, _hide it from Al_. That much, at least, he could do.

He would do it for Al.

And with that...

He really would be alone.

Ed hesitated for a moment, opening his eyes to behold the empty room again. Al was the only one he had left anymore. He'd known that from the beginning, of course, Al was the only one he'd ever be able to count on, but, he'd still hoped, just a little...

But Roy hadn't been here since the transmutation.

Not once.

He laughed weakly, the sound reverberating chillingly around the empty space.

Not as if he'd ever had any right to expect anything different.

He'd just be alone, then- exactly what he deserved. Alone, because Roy wanted nothing to do with him, and he couldn't bear to do this to Al anymore.

Alone. Yeah.

The fact that he wasn't fooling even himself, when he murmured quietly, "I can do this," went ignored.

Because he couldn't do this.

But it was his price to pay, and because he equivalent exchange was everything that he was, he could man up, shut his mouth, and pay it.

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

_-Previously: Day after the transmutation-_

It was late in the afternoon when Maes finally worked around to dealing with Aerugo.

He stepped inside his office with an unmistakeable air of confidence, not even able to force himself not to smile as he greeted the soldier who'd been waiting for him since near dawn for the second day in a row. "My apologies," he nearly chuckled, because he wasn't sorry at all, "I've been working on the missing human chimera." One hundred percent true, actually, and what he was going to tell Hakuro- neither would ever suspect what he actually meant by that. "Now, I understand you have a problem with some missing files?"

If looks could kill, Maes got the feeling he'd be dead right about now. "Yes," the major ground out, eye twitching at his forcefully chipper manner. "Nearly half of _our alchemist's_ notes went missing. Overnight. Only a few days after your team finished looking through them, Lieutenant Colonel. ...Interesting coincidence."

Maes could barely stop himself from grinning now as he walked past the major, sitting down at his desk and interlacing his fingers smugly. Yes, he reflected, Havoc was probably right- he _was_ channeling Roy at this point- but he couldn't help it. This case was over, whether Aerugo wanted to accept it or not. He had his friends back, and he was _not_ going to let this soldier, of all people, change that. "And the same night as the human chimera went missing, too? You're right; it _is_ an interesting coincidence."

Yamanaka stopped, blinking at him in surprise. "...Are you saying you have proof they're connected?"

"I'm not saying anything. I'm just suggesting there's a connection." He paused for a moment, smirking slightly. "Just like you were just suggesting I was involved in it."

Yamanaka blinked at him again, staring. "You... Hughes-"

"And I'm going to suggest something else, now: it would definitely be in your government's best interests if you were to forget about those missing files, turn around, and go right back home."

This time, the undertones were not subtle at all, and true to form, Yamanaka did not miss them. The major stiffened, eyes flashing, staring at him like he almost didn't know what to make over such a public, confident display. "...Are you threatening me, Hughes?"

Maes grinned. "Yes."

Yamanaka stared at him in disbelief. He looked around the office for a moment, as if he couldn't believe this was actually happening so confidently in a public space like this. "You're awfully bold, doing this in broad daylight," he said at last, frowning at him. "Are you _trying_ to set off a war? I'm sure General Hakuro wouldn't be happy to know-"

"General Hakuro wouldn't be happy to know a lot of things. For instance, the fact that your government tried to cover up the rampant human rights abuses by Kuzon when he was still in your employ." He paused, watching as alarm flickered across the major's face and enjoying every second of it. "Oh... my mistake. I actually think he'd be _very_ happy to know that."

Yamanaka flinched, eyes widening at the threat that had probably been his goal to avoid from the very start. He stumbled a step back, fists clenching, and Maes just watched him triumphantly, knowing there was no way out of this. Sure enough, after several seconds, his eyes darkened, but rather than protest, he simply snapped, voice stiff, "What is it you want?", and Maes knew he'd won.

"It's simple, actually, Major," he said, spreading his hands. "I think I want the same thing you do: a peaceful resolution to all of this. Simply put, you take your team and go back home. There are no missing files, and the human chimera is gone, never to be found again. No need for anyone to know what Kuzon did in Aerugo four years ago- or exactly what he did while in Amestris." He paused for a moment, tapping his fingers on his desk. "Is that agreeable to you, Major? Really, I can't imagine not... we both know that keeping four years ago quiet is the whole reason you were ordered here in the first place."

He knew he was right. And because he was right, and so obviously confident it in, Yamanaka had no choice. He knew everything Aerugo wanted him not to, and was threatening exactly what they were trying to avoid- he held all the cards and he knew it.

There was nothing Yamanaka could do except give in to his demands.

He watched as the major slowly came to that realization himself, dragged along with gritted teeth and reluctance but grasping it all the same. He couldn't help another faint grin, pleased to know that this nightmare was finally coming to an end, and when the soldier at last stood back and folded his arms in grim, stubborn, silent defeat.

"Tell me this, Hughes," he muttered at length- plainly still sulking. "Since you already seem to know everything... what was in those files that you want to keep secret so badly?"

When Maes hesitated, keeping his silence, Yamanaka sighed. "Just to satisfy a soldier's personal curiosity. You could get Aerugo to give you nearly anything you wanted, to keep this quiet. So why just go after our alchemist's secrets? What's so important about them, to you? You have your own bio-alchemists. You don't need ours."

Maes paused again, weighing the wisdom of answering that question. "...It's as I've said from the beginning, Major," he said quietly at last, words still cryptic. "I don't care about Aerugo, or your secrets, or Kuzon. All this case ever was to me was helping my friends." He hesitated, meeting Yamanaka's eyes. "There's a reason that chimera went missing yesterday, sir. ...That human chimera."

It took Yamanaka a second to decipher the hidden meaning, but when he did, he gasped. He took a slight step back, eyes widening. "Two of your soldiers had gone missing," he murmured, staring at him, "but you... you only found one..."

"That's correct, Major." He said nothing more than that, knowing he didn't need to. He'd said all that needed to be said.

Slowly, Yamanaka breathed out and looked away, the hard look in his eyes softening. Maes knew the soldier had likely suspected until now this was a ploy by the military to force Aerugo's hand in something- that he hadn't realized it had nothing to do with Amestris and Aerugo, military scandals or corruption. But now he did, and now, it seemed, he finally understood why his silence in everything that had gone on was being coerced.

Maes didn't give a damn about Aerugo's secrets. He just wanted Ed and Roy safe.

And that was something Yamanaka could understand.

The major just watched him quietly for a moment, hostility gone and face now expressionless. At last, he simply turned his back and walked towards the door without saying anything, shoulders stiff and hands buried in his pockets. He paused in the doorway for a moment, tossing a glance over his shoulder.

"Best of luck to you, Hughes," he said quietly, and then, he was gone.

* * *

_Cub. Protect cub._

_Protect cub!_

_Cub-_

"Sir? Sir!"

_Cub's in danger- I have to go- have to find him- have to-_

"Sir!"

Suddenly there were hands on him, and he gasped, wrenching away. He bared his teeth in a snarl, shoving back at the threat even as his eyes raked through the room to find any sign of his cub. _His_ cub. "Ed-"

"Colonel Mustang!"

Roy blinked.

Oh.

Riza left her hands on his shoulders, holding him back, her firm gaze piercing him through and grounding him more solidly than anything else ever could have. "Colonel," she said again, just that, but it was enough.

Oh. Riza.

Roy took a breath, swallowing when he realized just how much he was shaking. "I'm okay," he gasped once he'd found his voice, the words sounding strange to his own ears. "I'm fine. You can let me go, Riza."

_(Cub. Protect cub; what are you doing, protect cub! You idiot, protect cub!)_

She looked at him doubtfully, so he somehow managed cobble the scattered pieces of himself together enough for a reassuring smile. "Lieutenant."

She sighed, shoulders slumping minutely at the title and head bowing in relief. "Sir," she greeted quietly, releasing him to stand back, snapping to a salute. "Welcome back."

He almost laughed at the normalcy of the statement. Instead, he rubbed at his temples, wincing at the pounding in his head and ignoring the wordless urge screaming for him to run to his cub's side. _Cub._ Edward Elric, _cub_. This was beyond wrong.

Shaking his head vigorously to try and clear it, Roy pushed his hair back and shifted himself away a little to sit against the wall, already exhausted and only not lying back down to save his pride- or what little of it was there was left. "What... what happened?" he croaked, gaze drifting around the room questioningly. Maes' guest bedroom again? But he'd been at the hospital, hadn't he?

Riza gave him a stern frown. "You passed out," she told him, tone clipped with disapproval. She handed him a glass of water with a very firm look that told him to drink if he knew what was good for him. "In Edward's hospital room. Alphonse needed to smuggle you back to Hughes' car in his armor." She gave him another flat look, waiting until he withered back a little in sheepish chagrin to mollify as she pointed to his arm; he followed her gaze to blink in surprise at the IV needle buried in his wrist. "You are to keep that in, and rest. That is all, sir. ... That would be courtesy of the doctor your aunt sent over, whom I am not entirely convinced is in this country legally."

"Most likely not," he murmured, glancing away.

_(Protect. Ed.)_

"Maes?" he rasped after a beat. His hands started to tremble, shaking with the barely restrained need to find Ed, and he pushed the now nearly empty glass at her and folded his arms firmly, hiding them.

Riza frowned again, her gaze troubled. "Work, sir. It's midday."

 _Midday? Damn..._ "I slept for that long?" he managed hoarsely, rubbing his head again. "I'm surprised you didn't wake me up. You've never let me sleep in for so long."

Her stern eyes softened, just a little. "Lieutenant Colonel Hughes asked me to guard you, not slavedrive you into work. Besides, you looked as if you could use the rest, sir."

Roy grimaced, averting his eyes. He felt like he could sleep for a century more, honestly. His head hurt, his hands were shaking, his stomach had evidently thrown a party of the worst hangover ever and not invited him, he was freezing, he was so shaky he surely couldn't stand, he...

"Sir, where do you think you're going?"

Roy frowned at the hand on his wrist, his lieutenant clearly trying to keep him in bed. Ohhh, good lord. Backtrack several months and this would've been a very attractive night in the making, but- "To see Ed."

Riza's severe frown deepened, and her iron grip tightened to the point that it hurt. "All due respect, sir: no, you're not."

His heartbeat quickened, and he shifted to stare at her incredulously, trying to pull his arm out of her grasp. "Yes, I am, Lieutenant."

"No, you are not." She allowed him to free his arm only to push her strong hands against his shoulders a moment later, pinning him back to the headboard and refusing to allow him to even stand. "Lieutenant Colonel Hughes was _adamant_ that you are not to leave this room. You're unwell, sir. You need to rest. You saw Edward last night- today, just sleep. You need it, sir."

Roy stared at her, heart pounding even harder. What? Just stay here? Sleep? _Sleep?_ What use was _that?_ No- his cub needed him, he couldn't- no. " _Lieutenant Colonel Hughes,_ " he sassed back, voice on the edge of becoming a petulant whine. He was going to kill Maes. "Well, _Colonel Mustang_ outranks him. So-"

"So nothing, sir. If you give an order that heedlessly puts yourself in danger, I'm under no obligation to follow it " Her hands on his shoulders became even more insistent, forcing him to lie back down. And he would've resisted if he could've, he would've- but his body was just not strong enough to throw her off and stand. He stubbornly tried to pull his hands free anyway, heart hammering at the very idea of just lying here helplessly and not going towards where he was needed- but his lieutenant was not letting up.

"Sir. Edward is fine!" She pressed him back again, forcing him down when he managed to get out from under her grip again. "Sir, there's no reason for you to risk everything to go outside now and see him! He's fine."

Roy forced himself to take another breath, struggling to make himself pay attention to the logic in her words. She was right- he knew she was. He knew she was perfectly right in everything that she said, and that he was being childish and unreasonable, but...

_Ed. Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed... protect Ed..._

_You have to protect him..._

"...Sir?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep, measured breath. _Calm down, Mustang._ Riza was right. Ed was fine, wasn't he? He'd seen him himself. He was fine. He didn't need to be protected or kept safe... and never mind that, his cub? His cub?! Since when was Ed his- _gah_ , his _what?!_

This was insanity. What was _wrong_ with him? "I'm fine, Lieutenant," he muttered harshly, struggling to clear his head and failing miserably. "I'm fine. I just... I..." He rubbed his temples again, trailing off into nothing and refusing to even try and put words to this. He didn't feel well or sharp enough to attempt to navigate that impossible minefield. Fuck it, his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton fluff trying to burst out through his skull; he was not doing this now.

Unfortunately, he didn't seem to have the ability to do anything else. Riza's hands were still on his shoulders, pressing him down, and when he lifted an arm to try and push her off it felt heavier than before. Heavier than it was supposed to.

Suspicion became irritated understanding, and he slitted his eyes open again to find the room spinning around him.

"You... you _drugged_ me..."

Riza's shape nodded calmly to his slur, not even trying to hide her deception.

"Lieutenant..."

"Hughes' orders," she said to him, but her voice was increasingly distant. "He knew you'd try to order me to take you to the hospital- and we knew if I didn't help, you'd try to find a way there anyway. Neither of us are going to risk..."

Whatever else she said was lost as his head spun dizzily, sweeping him under. He groaned, losing the strength to resist; Riza's hands left his shoulders but one came to rest over his arm, gentle but unrelenting. "Just sleep, sir," she said and his eyes betrayed him, weighing shut; his body betrayed him, relaxing bonelessly into the mattress, his mind betrayed him, shutting off...

"I'm sorry, sir."

Even like this he could hear it in her voice that the apology wasn't for this. That it was for many, many things, all of them unsaid, that she was apologizing for so many things- but he lacked the strength to understand more or tell her off for it, and then...

_Protect... cub..._

* * *

"I am going to handcuff you to my bed if you don't stop this."

Roy groaned, curling himself tighter against the corner and willing the voice to go away, and quit irritating him out of sleep. He felt fucking awful. Was five more minutes to much to ask for?

"Did you hear what I said? _Handcuff you_. Get up, you lazy idiot."

Apparently, it was.

"...Take up handcuffing me to a bed with Hawkeye, you pervert," he muttered hoarsely, slitting an eye open reluctantly to glare at his friend. Then he blinked, realizing he was on the floor, neck currently screaming at him for trying to use the wall as a pillow. "Wha..." He glanced down, realized one foot was stuck into a shoe, the other wrestling with a sock, then groaned again. "Damn it."

He could feel Maes' very unimpressed stare weighing into the back of his neck without even looking up. "This is the third time you've passed out trying to leave. You'd think you'd have wised up by now and quit trying, before you end up falling out a window."

"Didn't pass out. Fell asleep," he muttered sullenly, but was too tired to put enough effort into the black glare he really wanted. "There's a difference." He wormed his foot out of the shoe and tossed it absentmindedly at Maes without looking, still sulking. "Asshole."

 _"Oh, thank you, Maes, for making sure I don't go wandering around Central, passing out in the middle of the street, and getting my missing in action self spotted and arrested for desertion! Thank you!_ " Maes mocked in a sing song voice that made Roy want to punch him. "Oh, no problem, Roy, that's what friends are for!"

Roy glared at the floor for another moment longer, contemplating his misfortune to land him with the most annoying best friend in the world. He just barely resisted the urge to throw the other shoe at him, quietly irritated yet too tired to really express it. "Mmrph," he mumbled eloquently instead, leaning his head back against the wall for a moment.

He'd spent these last few days miserably ill and exhausted, riding out the aftereffects of being a human lab rat. He still felt miserably ill and exhausted just sitting there now; no matter what he said to Maes, it was pretty likely he'd passed out trying to get dressed. He felt now like he was either going to throw up or pass out again.

Didn't change the fact that if he had to feel like this, he'd rather do it in Ed's hospital room, not being watched over worriedly in his friend's apartment.

But now that Maes had found him, that wasn't going to happen.

Sighing heavily, Roy pushed himself off the wall, resigning himself to crawling back across the room to slither into bed again- literally. He dragged himself across the floor, strained and still feeling sicker than he ever had in his life, groaning his misery and pulling the IV with him.

Once again, Roy felt his friend's stare weighing heavily on his back, and he sighed, just keeping his eyes on the floor.

He'd told Maes the reason he stuck to all fours was because his still broken ribs made standing hurt and made his already unsettled stomach try even harder to revolt.

He was also pretty sure he was fooling absolutely no one with that line, but it was a hell of a lot easier to say that than explain he honestly felt more comfortable like this than ignoring lingering canine instincts and memories and dragging himself to his feet.

And he was trying very, very hard not to think about how wrong it was that he felt most at ease crawling around like an animal.

"These escape attempts are really pathetic, you know," Maes remarked at him after he'd pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, things at least looking more normal even when they remained so incredibly far from it. "I wish you'd just listen to me for once. You can't risk being seen yet until we work out how we're going to explain everything that's happened."

"You should quit underestimating me," he muttered, still glaring at the floor. "I think if I can make it through a war, I can make it down to the hospital unseen. Or better yet, you could just _drive_ me there."

"Or, even better yet, you could quit pushing yourself." Maes sighed heavily with the air of someone not about to be convinced. "I'm not letting you go down there when this is the third time you've fainted trying to smuggle yourself out of here. Damn it, Roy, you need to rest."

At that, Roy finally managed to make himself look up, fixing his friend with an incredulous, irritated stare. "Men don't _faint,_ " he snapped, wishing he had a third shoe to throw. "I told you, I _fell asleep_."

Maes threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine. You fell asleep. In the middle of my floor. In the middle of the day. In the middle of making a fool of yourself."

"I'm going to kill you."

Maes rolled his eyes at that, leaning back against the wall in fond amusement. "And in my own home, too. Such a friend. Your mother never did teach you the guest ought to be nice to the host, did she?"

Roy stared at him again. "The- the _guest?_ " he sputtered. "Guest who. You're keeping me hostage here!"

To that, his friend just sighed, watching him with a sad, sobering stare that made something inside him go cold at the sympathy and pity. "For your own good," Maes countered quietly, shifting to sink down beside him. He looked at him for a moment, frowning, then let out a sympathetic sigh. "Roy. I know you want to, but there's really no reason you need to be there. Ed really is doing all right. I would've told you if something had happened. And this is only for a few days, anyway... after we've worked things out you'll be able to go see him. Why are you so insistent about going right now?"

Roy averted his eyes, the honest question leaving him unsettled. "I've told you before," he muttered after several seconds, struggling to put the impossible feeling into words. "I don't know. I know it's ridiculous. I know Fullmetal could never possibly need or even want me there and would probably throw me out the window if I tried to stay. Well... you try telling that to my stupid head. Because I've been doing it for three days and it doesn't seem to be working." He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and staring down towards the floor, trying to retain some sense of normalcy and composure. "Just because there's nothing to necessi... n-necess... d- _damn it."_

And there it was, yet another reason Maes kept just looking him over like something was wrong with him. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as it had been, but managing conversation and speech still took far more effort and focus than it had any right to, words coming stilted and slow and mouth fighting him every step of the way. If he was especially tired, he'd stammer and slur his way into silence. If he let his focus slip, sometimes Amestrian would become Xingese- if he was lucky. Twice, it had just dissolved into a clump of speech-like noises that weren't even words.

The way Maes had looked at him then had made Roy want to crawl into a hole in the ground and hide there for the next century. At least there, Maes wouldn't be looking at him like that.

"I don't have time for this," he muttered, frustrated with himself, nearly shaking from the unbearable tension and unrest brewing inside of him. "I need to be there. I can't just be sitting here like this... I don't have time to not be okay. I... I need to be there, Maes."

"Roy..."

"Don't _Roy_ me," he snapped. "I know it doesn't make any sense. It's... god, you have no idea..."

And that was just it, wasn't it? He didn't have words as to why; there wasn't an explanation- he just needed to be there. Ed's very existence weighed on him now like an itch he couldn't scratch. He could barely sit still, and it seemed this vague, unsettling sense of unease was just his new best friend because the longer he went without seeing him with his own two eyes, the worse it got. He needed to be there. He needed to assure himself Ed was safe and then remain there to make sure it stayed that way. He needed to protect him, and when the rational side of him snarked protect from what, exactly? all he could see was Ed's blood spattered face, all he could hear was him screaming, and no matter the severe lack of danger all he knew was he _had_ to be there.

He laughed bitterly at himself, shaking his head for a moment. Since when had Fullmetal needed his protection?

Since when had he needed so badly to give it?

"I know, Roy," Maes told him softly, offering nothing more than understanding- nothing of the explanation that he wanted so much. Not that he was able to give anything more than that.

Roy sighed heavily again.

Maes gave him several more moments, then determinedly pulled him out of his reverie with a firm hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little to try and get him to focus on something besides what was currently driving him mad. "That reminds me," he said, and Roy grimaced a little, resisting the perpetually cheerful, optimistic man's attempt at pulling away from thinking about Ed. Couldn't he be left to sulk for just a little?

There was a crinkle as his friend pulled something from his pocket, and then a small, still in the wrapper candy bar was being shoved before his face.

Roy glared at it.

"Elicia thought you looked hungry earlier and wanted to give this this to you," Maes told him- and oh, god, Roy could already hear his voice starting to rise with barely suppressed excitement. "Isn't that so sweet, Roy? Isn't that just the-"

"I will hurt you."

"- _sweetest, cutest, most_ -"

"What part about _hurt you_ don't you understand?"

"- ** _adorable thing you've ever HEARD?!"_**

Roy stared at him, stuck somewhere between nonplussed and numb. "Dear god, you have pictures, don't you."

Maes beamed so brilliantly Roy could've sworn he'd started taking lessons from Armstrong. "But _of course._ "

"Maes..."

His friend laughed again, so bright and cheerful it felt like the man was forcibly tearing his black mood apart. Knowing Maes, that was surely his intention from the beginning. "Oh, relax. You're too tired now to fully appreciate them- I'm stockpiling them until you're ready to give them the attention they deserve. That's over _two month's_ worth of pictures, Roy. Two months! Just imagine how much fun it'll be!"

For a moment, Roy just looked at him, struck with disbelief and horror over the future waiting for him. He was going to be buried alive, he realized, trapped underneath an onslaught of so many pictures he'd suffocate before Riza dug him out. And Maes would be standing by laughing the whole time, ignoring his plight and just showing off his pictures to anybody within a hundred mile radius- whether they would listen or not.

After a second of contemplating that mental image, Roy simply couldn't stand it anymore, and he flopped to lie on his back with an exhausted, strained laugh.

It wasn't really that funny, but there was something about it- just that it was so inordinately normal, in the middle of everything else feeling so wrong and distant from anything that could be even be considered okay, and he choked out another laugh. "I'm going to kill you, Maes," he mumbled, but there was no fire in it, and he gasped in strained amusement. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, shaking as the constant, internal torment with Ed's name stamped on it receded a little more.

"So you've said." The candy was nudged rudely at his forehead, then wiggled in a most annoying fashion before his face. "And yet, I'm still breathing."

Roy groaned, giving in and snagging Elicia's contribution to the Hughes family's attempt to shovel food down his throat with every waking moment. "Not for long you're not..."

He glared mildly at the candy for a moment, doing his best to ignore the way Maes insistently prodded at his shoulder again. With a sigh, he forced himself to tear the wrapper off and cram the whole thing into his mouth, devouring it as fast as possible and keeping himself steady even when his stomach flip flopped a little and his fingers twitched.

He'd somehow managed to keep it from Maes, but that was just another thing that was suddenly made much harder, complicated by Ed's face showing up uninvited in his head and throwing him off on a torturous loop of insanity. Every time he tried eating, he found himself having to suddenly force himself to not stop halfway through- silent, indescribable urges suddenly paralyzing him and demanding he stop and split the rest to Ed.

Ed, who wasn't in danger anymore.

Ed, who wasn't even fucking there- but try telling that to the desperation and nausea that moved in every time he tried to eat and only found himself faced with dark, bloodied flickers of his subordinate in terrible need of his help.

Roy scowled to himself.

He really, really, needed to see Ed.

"Hawkeye's in contact with General Grumman now," Maes told him suddenly, and Roy figured he was passing on the developments down at Command today, while Maes had been working and he'd been both plotting his escape and essentially unconscious. "She's not told him much- only requested his help under the table. He knows it has to do with you, but I'm going to wait until he gets here to tell him we've found you. He'll be here Saturday."

Roy scowled again. Three days from now. Three days, to put himself back together enough to survive a meeting with his superior officer that his entire future hinged on. Wonderful. "Tell Hawkeye to bring my uniform from East City before then."

Maes sighed at him. "She's not giving up a whole day just to bring you that. Besides, it's really in your best interests to look as shabby and injured as possible when he sees you. I think he'll be more inclined to help us if you look like a mess... if he shows up and you're looking like you just took an extended vacation, well..."

"The man always thinks I'm a mess," Roy muttered sullenly, but he kept his eyes down. He touched the scar on his throat, tracing it for a moment and shuddering at the rough, raised flesh.

He sighed hoarsely.

If Maes would just listen to him and let him stay with Ed, he reflected in annoyance, none of this would be a problem. Left like this, mostly alone and very little at hand, his mind was left with nothing to do but obsess over everything that was wrong with him and drive him absolutely mad while doing it. Suddenly faced with over two months worth of confusing, horrible memories and he found himself reeling, numb with disbelief and unable to even grasp the sheer enormity of everything that had happened to him, never mind process or accept it as real. It felt like something was slowly trying to tear him apart from the inside, something scratching desperately and trying to get out that, when he finally managed to stand his ground and face it head on, would succeed and destroy him.

If he was with Ed, where he needed to be, none of that would be a problem. He'd be able to focus on Ed. That was what he needed to be doing. What he should be doing. He'd be able to devote everything and center all his focus on helping him and keeping him safe.

But, no. Maes wouldn't listen to him.

Roy frowned for a moment, glancing over at his friend with narrowed eyes. The way Maes acted, he was fragile enough now that the wind itself would blow him into a pile of dust. He was overprotective in a way that reminded him almost frighteningly of how he'd been with Elicia, just after she'd been born. He'd found himself complaining about it to Gracia earlier that day, while Maes had been down at HQ, too tired and sick to bother censoring himself when his friend was only making things worse.

Her unexpected, quietly miserable response had made him stop.

_"He's been worried about you, Roy, and Ed. We all have been. He blames himself for not finding you sooner, and then what happened with that lab... if something happened to you now, he'd never forgive himself. Please- I know my husband can be a little overbearing, but just humor him on this, okay? I've never seen him like this... I don't know what he would do if something happened to you now."_

And because Gracia had looked at him so sadly when she'd said that, he'd just had no choice but to comply.

Also because she probably would've hit him with a frying pan if not. If there was anybody who outclassed Maes in how protective one could be over their family, it was his wife.

Roy sighed to himself, rubbing his temples. Damn Maes. Harboring a guilt complex was supposed to be his role, here, and Maes was supposed to be annoyingly pulling him out of it. Didn't he know role reversal was unfair? He knew he was probably an awful friend for it- but he had no idea what exactly he was supposed to be doing, here. He knew he was going to have to talk to Maes eventually about it, but as of now he just was not mentally capable of rehashing things that he desperately wanted to forget and when his head wouldn't shut up about him needing to be with Ed, such a discussion probably wouldn't go very well, anyway.

All he was really capable of doing now was just complying with what Gracia had asked, and letting Maes hopefully work himself out of this sudden need to watch him like a hawk and make sure he was all right.

At least, until they'd worked things out with Grumman, and he was no longer listed as MIA.

At that point, if Maes still tried to keep him from seeing Ed...

Roy didn't know what exactly it was he would do, but he was certain that at that point, his patience would have run out. He was going to see Ed. And if Maes insisted on stopping him, then he would find a way around him. That was final.

* * *

By the time Grumman arrived in Central, Roy almost didn't have the patience for the meeting at all. He wanted just to get it over and done with, which was probably not very wise considering how important this meeting was- but he didn't have a choice.

And that was how he came to be standing in his friend's living room, back of his neck prickling under Grumman's stare, and heart pounding with the urge to run.

To put it simply, his superior officer's examination was making him _extremely_ uncomfortable.

Roy shifted self-consciously on his still unsteady feet, trying to quiet his nerves. When Maes had called him from the train station to warn him, Roy had managed to scrounge in his closet for a dress shirt to borrow instead of pajamas- and then promptly cursed his friend for not having the sensibility to own a single black, white, or grey shirt, and instead being forced to crawl into _purple_ _silk_. But even clothed more professionally, he somehow felt very exposed; Maes was taller than him anyhow, and with broader shoulders, but in his current state the shirt hung loosely off his bony frame and looked at least three sizes too big. Hell, _Gracia's_ clothes would've probably fit him better at this point- but no damn way was he crawling into a woman's blouse. Grumman may've had a disturbing penchant for crossdressing, but Roy Mustang had his pride and limits, damn it.

He shifted his free hand closer to his pocket uneasily, as if that could somehow hide the IV line snaking out from underneath the shirt cuff, and ducked his head a little. He doubted it hid the red scar circling his neck, and Grumman had already seen it, anyway- but the way the man was staring at it made him feel even more self-conscious and he just wanted it hidden.

His anxiety was also doing a fine job of poking at instincts that would do far better to remain dormant. He _knew_ he was perfectly safe here, and that there was no danger- but he was still uneasy, and that uneasiness had him having to struggle not to move forward and sniff his superior officer as well as to stay on his feet and not drop down onto all fours instead.

Because good lord, if he already couldn't stand the way Maes was looking at him nowadays, _sniffing General Grumman_ was a surefire way to just make things much, much worse in just about every respect possible.

At last, the general cleared his throat and stepped further inside the apartment. He pointed a finger at him, eyes bright, and announced, "Boy, sit down before you fall down, will you?"

It was about the most informal way of telling him to be at ease that he could think of, but that was still what it was, and so Roy cautiously lowered his hand out of the salute, trying to look professional. He tried to lower himself down gracefully and ended up needing Maes to grab him by the elbow to stop him from falling; his cheeks burned and he yanked his arm away without looking at him.

He was sick of this. Sick of feeling weak; being useless.

Grumman sat as well, leaving Maes to move backwards a few paces to stand by the wall. The general, meanwhile, leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh and steepled his fingers, glancing between the two of them in an utterly unreadable manner. "I see you weren't exaggerating about his condition, Lieutenant Colonel," he said at length, sharing a look with Maes.

Roy bristled. He'd _told_ the bastard not to pass on anything behind his back like that. "General, sir," he said, in his new, slowed way that frustrated him beyond measure, but was the only way to ensure the words came out correct and didn't slur into Xingese or nonsense entirely. "I'm not sure what Lieutenant Colonel Hughes has told you, but I am perfectly capable of returning to my station. I just-"

"I'll let a military physician be the judge of that, Mustang." The general paused again, still watching him closely. "In the meantime, though- I understand that you need one very big favor?"

Roy shifted uncertainly on the couch, glancing towards his friend again. Maes remained just as unreadable as the general, and he clenched his fists, again trying to calm himself. "Yes, sir. Again, though, I'm not sure what Hughes has told you already..."

"Simply that your whereabouts for the past three months need to be kept away from military ears." Grumman raised his eyebrows, leveling his piercing stare on him again. "While I suspect all manners of illegal activity, he assured me that you are actually innocent in all of this- as is Major Elric."

Roy exchanged another look with Maes, and this time, he managed to catch a glimpse of muted humor in his eyes. Oh, sure, he and Ed were innocent of anything illegal- it was just literally everyone else involved that had their hands dirty in conspiracy. Destroying a military lab, stealing military 'property', AKA him... "That's correct, sir," he said, and swallowed back the slight smile that wanted to come to his lips.

"I see. And, was he also correct in telling me that nothing that's gone on will harm the military in any way?"

Once again, Roy nodded and hid a smile. All the harm that would come to the military had already been done, save for when he got his hands on Lab Three- but that, he planned to be done entirely through legal channels. "Yes, sir."

"And the consequences for you, if the truth came to light, could cost you your life?"

Here, Roy again found himself shifting uncomfortably. Once more, Maes had managed to phrase the truth just vaguely enough for it to not be a lie. Would the military kill him or Ed if the truth came to life? No. But Riza, Maes, and the rest of his staff would be imprisoned for what had happened at Lab Three, and he would be lose his freedom as well, not to a literal prison, but instead to another dog cage and experimentation for the rest of his life. It would not kill him, but it would cost him everything.

"Yes, sir."

"I see..." Grumman said again, and Roy folded his hands in his lap, trying to hold on to his calm. The man looked at him for a long several moments more, remaining implacable. "And what you want me to do is sign off that you've been in a coma for the past three months?"

"Yes, sir."

"That you tried to assist with the fires at the military barracks, but sustained a blow to the head before you could? That you lacked any ID or military uniform at the time, so medics were unable to identify you, and _that_ is why you've been counted as missing- and it's just an amazing coincidence that you wake up within weeks of the recovery of Major Elric, and that you had been with him only minutes before he was kidnapped?"

Well, put like that, and it didn't sound like such a good story after all. But Grumman hadn't heard their first few attempts at explaining away his absence- he didn't realize this really was the best they had.

"...Yes, sir."

The hearty laugh startled him.

"You know what, Mustang?" the man chuckled, leaning back in his chair to slap at his thigh. "You young ones keep an old gent like me on his toes. Just when I think things are getting boring out east, you spring the crazy on me. Ha! You got your deal, Mustang, you got your deal- oh, but wait!" He froze in mock, sudden uncertainty, raising a finger to the air. "Wait, now... this _is_ an awful big favor for me to grant. I can't just agree to this without knowing what I'll get in return, no, no! How's it you alchemists say- equivalent exchange, all of that?" He shifted, beaming, in his seat. "I want to know what I'm getting to make this equivalent, Mustang."

Roy blinked uneasily, and a look at Maes told him his friend was just as lost as he was. "...Whatever you want, sir, I'll do my best to grant..." If this were any other general- Hakuro, Raven, or god forbid, Gran- he would've been very, very uneasy with where this conversation was headed, but this was Grumman. The guy didn't hate him. The guy's life wouldn't be easier with him dead. Surely this would not be terribly awful...

Grumman's eyes remained bright with a mischievous glint as the old man shifted forward. He continued to grin, the way only he could- the way that told Roy something very ridiculous, and probably exceedingly eccentric was about to come from his mouth. He shifted again, fists clenching, and waiting.

"I want you to make up these past three months to my granddaughter."

...Ah.

So. Not what he had been expecting.

"...General, sir-"

"Ah, ah, ah," Grumman cut him off, waving for him to be silent even as he spoke. "I'm not telling you two to get down and dirty, now." Roy's cheeks flamed, and Maes gave a very uncomfortable cough from his corner; the general just continued on, oblivious. "Can't go telling my subordinates to break fraternization laws, of course. But she's been downright heartbroken for months, you know. Give my girl a talking to, will you? Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually starting to miss her threatening to shoot people for not getting their paperwork in."

Roy raised an eyebrow. Riza Hawkeye, heartbroken? Especially over a man like him? Hardly. Riza Hawkeye did not _do_ crying, breaking down, or moping. There was a reason, after all, he trusted her with his life. She would not have that position if she'd spent the time he was missing crying into his jacket, hugging his pillow, and burying her face in ice cream. Riza Hawkeye was not a heartbroken, spurned lover. She was his first lieutenant, and he expected her to act accordingly.

But, then again...

Riza may have been one of the strongest women he had ever met- but she did have a simply astounding ability to take something that could not, in any way, be construed to be her fault, and shoulder the blame.

He could see her taking the blame for his serendipitous kidnapping, continued absence, and- in company with Maes- stint at Lab Three. He could see her feeling guilty for it all.

Yes... that simply wouldn't do at all.

He was just going to have to talk to her, then.

Her _and_ Maes.

"I will do my best to get my lieutenant back to terrorizing all of the slackers in the office, sir," he promised, bowing his head in acceptance of the seriousness of the task. "...Myself included, on the most rare occasion."

Grumman actually laughed out loud again, and Maes did a very heroic job at trying to hide a snort as a cough- such a heroic job he nearly choked on it.

Scowling at the both of them, Roy folded his arms and made to sit back just as the general stood, dusting off his uniform. "Good! Then we are all in agreement! Oh- and Mustang, I meant what I said earlier. I don't want to see you slacking off on paperwork until a military doctor has cleared you to do so. And by the looks of you-"

"Sir..." Roy began plaintively, already itching to stop the pronouncement of forced inaction before it came.

"-that'll be quite some time, so, for now, just enjoy your medical leave, Mustang. Hughes? I trust you'll see to it he doesn't try and weasel his way back into the office before he's ready?"

Roy's scowl deepened and he felt the heat rush to his cheeks again. What, did they think he was five years old? Not to mention he was right bloody here. "Sir, I'm really not-"

"Absolutely, sir," Maes agreed with a salute, and Roy wilted back into the couch, seething and annoyed.

"Good!" Grumman declared again. "Then, I'd best be off now. I'll let you get back to recuperating, Mustang." He headed off the for the door, both soldiers saluting his exit- then stopped with his foot out in the hallway. "Oh, yes, Mrs. Hughes?" he called back into the apartment.

Almost instantly, Gracia called back from elsewhere in the small home, even as Roy and Maes exchanged startled looks. "Yes?"

"Do your best to fatten up Mr. Mustang here, won't you?"

Once again, Maes tried so hard to hide his snort he almost suffocated, and Roy turned a very peculiar shade of red.

"Er... yes, I will- but who even is this?"

Beaming still, Grumman gave them both a little wave and stepped fully back into the hallway, shutting the door without giving an answer.

Roy stared after him, flabbergasted.

After a very pregnant pause, Maes flopped down to sit on the couch next to him, looking just as stunned as he was, and Roy found himself rubbing a hand over his face, nearly beyond words. "I told you he was eccentric," he said at last, not that eccentric even began to cover what the hell was wrong with that man.

Maes glanced at him with a slight grin. "...Nice shirt."

And just like that, there went what little patience he'd managed to recover for his best friend.

"You're getting a nice collection of white dress shirts from me for Christmas. Ten of them. All white."

"I'll never wear them," Maes returned casually without missing a beat, and Roy smirked.

"Yes, just as I'll never wear the pajamas you gave me last year. You know. The ones covered in flames."

Maes beamed proudly at the remembrance of the stupid gift. "I know you secretly do, though. Bust them out when you had a bad day... cuddle with your gloves... maybe that Hawkeye-stand-in doll you swear you don't own..."

"...Get out of my house, you crazed lunatic."

"Sure." He actually made to stand up for a moment, then snapped his fingers, beaming brilliantly like he'd just been struck by an epiphany. "Oh- wait! This is actually _my_ house." And so saying, he sat back down again- grinning the entire time.

Roy groaned, burying his face in his hands. He was going to be driven mad if this nonsense went on for much longer, that much was _confirmed._ If he wasn't already insane in the first place.

"What's going to happen now?" he asked at length, rubbing his eyes tiredly and casting his friend a sidelong glance. "That should take care of everything, shouldn't it?"

Maes shrugged. "I sure hope so. Although it may be a little while before anything gets back to normal... I talked to Al. He said it's going to take a long time for the automail to be fixed. Sounds like he's planning on taking Ed back to Risembool for an extended leave, so he can recover somewhere familiar."

He stiffened at that, concern rising no matter how hard he tried to tamp it down, because Ed had never been one he needed to worry about, he could always take care of himself- but, damn it, he was still _worried._ "They're going back home?"

"Yeah," Maes told him, shrugging again. "I approved the leave request for you. Ed's... well, he's... struggling. Al hopes being back home with Winry will help... god, you haven't seen him, Roy." His friend broke off for a moment, looking away unhappily as he shook his head, eyes shadowed. "He's been a mess. He's been so focused on you he's not taking care of himself; we all hoped things would get better, after you were fixed, but from what we've seen he's just getting worse. It's a struggle just to get him to eat or drink something, or even sleep, and he's pushing even Al away... at this point all we can really do is hope that going home helps."

Roy withered back into the couch, shocked, his heart sinking. What? _Ed?_ He could hardly reconcile the image in his head of the powerful, unbeatable, smartass teen with what Maes was saying. That- that just _wasn't_ Ed. Not the one he knew.

But then which Ed did he know, anyway? None of those distorted memories from the chimera matched what he knew. He'd never seen or imagined Ed hurt... desperate... _scared..._ and he'd _never_ felt like this before, either. He'd never been this worried or nervous about anything in his life; never needed so badly to protect someone. Concerning Ed or anyone else.

It felt like he was struggling to find his footing, but everything was new and strange and he didn't know how. The only thing he _knew_ , the last constant that he had, was Ed.

He needed to be there.

Roy cleared his throat. "I'm going to the hospital."

Maes gave him a pained look. "Roy..."

"Grumman's already seen me. We've worked out how we're going to explain everything. It doesn't matter if someone sees me now."

His friend just sighed. "Well, yes, but that's not what I meant. Roy, you're still not well, either- they'll probably not letting Ed out until the end of the week, anyway; I'll take you then- for now can you just not push yourself and stay here? Please? I know you think you're strong enough, but..."

Roy cursed inwardly, clenching his fists. Did Maes just not understand how impossible this urge was? That it was like a little mini-Ed had moved into his head and was taking great pleasure walking around, hitting his brain over and over every time he even tried to think of something else and reminding him that he had somewhere he _needed_ to be? That his skin crawled and itched just sitting here, doing nothing, not able to watch Ed every second to make sure he didn't get himself into more trouble? That he was losing his dammed _mind?_

No, he realized, looking at his friend's earnest face, it was clear he did _not_ understand.

Roy cleared his throat again, coughing a little. "Fine," he croaked, leaning forward and averting his eyes, fiddling with the IV line fed into his wrist again. He let out another hoarse cough. "Could you get me some water, Maes?"

His friend blinked. "You're not going to argue?"

"I am. But I'd like to have a voice to argue with, first."

Maes sighed heavily, even as he got to his feet, rolling his eyes at him. "I don't know why I'm enabling you," he informed him, turning his back to walk away towards his kitchen.

Roy smirked.

* * *

When Maes wondered back out into his living room, water in hand and resigned to another dead-end argument, it was to find his couch empty.

"..Roy?" he called, glancing uncertainly throughout the room.

"Over here."

Maes started at the muffled voice, turning towards the door. What was he doing? Why was he outside-

He gasped, the glass nearly dropping to shatter on the floor.

An array had been scrawled onto his apartment door.

It was seared shut.

" _Roy!"_

Roy chuckled on the other side of the doorway, sounding unbelievably smug. "I'll pay you back for the new door, Maes," he called casually, "promise-"

"Roy, you son of a bitch!" Maes rammed his shoulder into the door, swearing when the only thing he got was a sore arm, the door refusing to give even an inch. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?!"

"You know, I'm not really sure. I've been informed many times I'm a cold-hearted bastard; maybe that's it-"

"That's not something to be proud of, you idiot alchemist! Stop laughing and open the dammed door!"

"All right, all right," his friend chuckled, and Maes could just _see_ the smug smirk he had going on right now. "I will. ...In a few hours."

" _Roy!"_

"Have a nice afternoon, Maes," Roy called back, and with that, he was gone, and Maes was left standing there, dumbfounded and trapped in his own apartment.


	24. Chapter 24

It had been two days since Ed had gotten any water, and Kuzon knew that.

It was actually a rather ingenious technique. Later, Ed knew he'd find a sick sort of admiration for it. Because damn it, this was a _really smart_ idea.

But that was later, and this was still now. And right now, he was too busy coughing and trying to breathe to admire anything.

Kuzon very calmly forced his head back down, submerging it underneath the icy water that was so cold it made his skin burn. He coughed again and choked, warring desperately with the urge to open his mouth, knowing it was too much, knowing it'd hurt, knowing he'd drown-

Instinct overpowered common sense and he inhaled greedily only to hack and cough an instant later, head spinning. The cold hand on his ragged braid tugged only when the black spots swarmed over his vision, pulling him back just enough to gasp at the muggy air in between coughing and spitting up freezing water. He was dizzy and he couldn't see anything through the spinning blur, not that it mattered; he couldn't care about _anything_ except breathing- but he wanted _water-_

"Soul transmutation," Kuzon said breezily, voice snaking calmly over his head, and then he was back in the water.

_Water, water, water..._

_Water, water water- air, air, air-! Damn it I can't breathe, I can't-_

He was pulled back again, and this time he couldn't even breathe, body stuck hacking up inhaled water. His parched throat burned and if it weren't for Kuzon he would've collapsed. He nearly faceplanted anyway but the the very moment he finally managed to breathe in air instead of spit out water he was buried back into the water again.

_Don't... please just stop...  
_

"Soul transmutation..."

_Ed!_

His vision swam again when Kuzon's cold hand lifted him back upright, the only thing stopping him from swaying onto the floor. "Soul transmutation," he breathed by his ear again, but he lacked the strength to do anything more than blink at him, too exhausted to even cough this time, the water still burning in his lungs...

_Ed, wake up!_

"Soul transmutation, Edward," and then he was thrust back into the water again. Surely for only a few seconds but it didn't matter anymore; he still couldn't breathe, lacked the strength to even sit upright or pull away as Kuzon's voice came back to his ear.

"Just say the word, and you can stop this... just say the word, and I'll fix the chimera for you, and I'll let you go, and everything will be fine. Just say it, Edward."

_I'm sorry, Roy- I'm sorry-_

_Ed, OPEN YOUR EYES. NOW!_

* * *

Everything vanished and reappeared in the same instant.

Ed sat gasping, clutching at his chest as his heart hammered. He looked around wildly, reeling, still straining to get in air as if each breath was his last chance. His head spun violently on the edge of vertigo and passing out; he couldn't think, couldn't move, _couldn't-_

Oh.

Roy.

 _Human_ Roy.

And just like that, he was grounded back in reality.

His heart was still racing, his skin still crawling, his throat still felt raw from coughing. He still felt like he was about to scream. He was still terrified and shaking, convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt he was about to be killed.

But his _head_ was right back screwed on tight because Roy was human, and that meant he wasn't with Kuzon.

He just stared at the colonel for several moments, lost and struggling to center himself after what had just... after. After a nightmare like that- and suddenly _this-_ he had no idea how to react or what to say; _couldn't_ even react, because half his head was still back with Kuzon. He opened his mouth once then just shut it, heaving in another weak gasp, until at last he had to look away, something about that unwavering, unfathomable black stare piercing him through like a blade and leaving him wanting to just run and hide.

"Sorry," he managed to croak at last, staring down at his knee.

_(You're always sorry, aren't you, Ed... sorry, sorry, sorry...)_

_Get the fuck out of my head, Kuzon._

Roy made a vague noise of discontent at that, stepping back from his side and turning away. For a moment Ed thought he was actually leaving, but then Roy was facing him again, now holding a cup of water. He held out without a word, the hard look in his eye saying everything, and Ed swallowed uneasily, glancing between it and the colonel without making any move to take it.

"...I'm fine," he mumbled at last, his voice still hoarse. The idea of water made him want to throw up.

Roy's eyes narrowed.

"This isn't a request." He held the glass out further, pushing it out until it was almost nudging his forehead.

And because his mind had seemingly, for some inexplicable reason, simply turned off, Ed found himself silently reaching up and complying with the order without a word or even a glare of protest.

Roy stood there silently and just watched him drink it all.

When the cup was empty, and the colonel still hadn't moved even an inch, just kept _looking_ at him with that dark, unreadable stare, Ed shifted uneasily and glanced away, rubbing at his shoulder port self-consciously. He was still shaking; couldn't make himself stop, no matter how hard he tried. He swallowed and tried to control himself, knowing the last thing Roy needed was to put up with him being a mess. _Come on. Calm down, you idiot. You're fine. There's nothing wrong here anymore. Just quit freaking out and calm down already... come on, you're fine, you stupid, worthless idiot..._

Roy never said anything.

But he didn't leave, either, and somehow, that steady presence at his back was finally enough for him to catch his breath and ground himself into some bare modicum of calm.

Even when his breaths had steadied, and his hand had stopped shaking quite so badly, still, the colonel remained silent.

Waiting for him to speak first.

Ed swallowed weakly, wrapping his arm around himself. There were a hundred different things he probably should've said; _I'm sorry,_ or _are you okay?,_ or even a blunt but honest _what do you want?_ but his mind was just _off_ and so all that came out was, "Quit looking at me like that."

But that was all he needed to say, because suddenly, finally, that piercing stare left him to wonder on down towards the floor. Roy coughed, looking now as uncomfortable and uncertain as Ed felt, and somehow, that didn't make this any easier at all.

"Are you okay?" the colonel finally asked quietly, still not looking at him.

Ed stiffened at the question. He knew why he was asking it... Al had already told him the noises he could make in his sleep, and obviously Roy had just witnessed him nearly verging into a panic attack like some kind of messed up, little kid... but just, coming from him- no. He couldn't deal with this. He didn't want to think about what had just happened, and even more than that, he couldn't deal with it.

"Why are you here?" he mumbled instead, looking away as well. Easier to move on. Safest to ignore it, and move on. "I..." He swallowed hard, fighting to keep his voice steady and drain away the frantic remnants of unsettled terror. "I already gave Hughes my report."

The distraction succeeded, because the concern vanished immediately, leaving Roy now just staring at him blankly. "...Your... report?" he questioned at last, looking as if the word itself was foreign to him. "What report?"

"...My report. Of what happened." He shifted uneasily, finding it suddenly difficult to meet his eyes again.

For a moment, Roy just looked at him, startled, then he abruptly took a step back, hands dropping to his sides in surprise. "Okay," he said, as if he wasn't sure what to make of it.

This wasn't making any sense. Why wasn't he being more forthright? "So I don't have anything to tell you," he pressed, giving into his uneasiness and lowering his gaze to his lap again.

"...Fullmetal, I'm not here for your report."

What? But...

When nothing else was forthcoming, Ed pressed him again, unsure what this was. "...Then why _are_ you here?"

Roy shifted for a moment, folding his arms again. He looked down at him flatly, then glanced towards the window as if he wasn't sure what to say. "I don't know," he muttered quietly.

He stood there silently for a moment, still looking away, then abruptly, he laughed. "It's amusing, actually. I've been harassing Hughes all week about this- about wanting to see you. I surely only have an hour more before he tracks me down here and arrests or kills me. I actually dragged myself up here, which believe me, Fullmetal, is quite an achievement, because this is the most I've ever _not_ wanted to be in a hospital in my life. It... it smells... _wrong."_ He shuddered only briefly before reclaiming his composure under a cold, iron mask. "...And yet..." He trailed off for a moment, dark eyes finding his again and this time, betraying uncertainty. "Despite how much I wanted to come, now I have no idea what I'm supposed to say."

Ed blinked.

"...Hughes wasn't letting you come?"

Roy shook his head, mouth twitching in irritation. "Too risky. Until today I was still considered MIA."

Ed stared at him, momentarily left speechless. Hughes hadn't been letting him come? That implied he had _wanted_ to come, but hadn't been able to. He'd wanted to be here?

But... why?

Roy had fallen silent again, still just giving him that uncomfortable, far too perceptive look. Ed shifted uncertainly under it, now completely lost and definitely with no idea what to say. Why on _earth_ would Roy have wanted to be here? Moreover, why was he here now? After everything that had happened, he'd imagined the only place the colonel would want to be was as far away from him as possible.

"...I'm sorry," he blurted abruptly, the words coming out without conscious thought.

Roy stared at him liked he'd just watched him sprout a second head and then had ate it right in front of him.

"For, uh..." he hastened to explain then broke off just as quickly, "for... uh... well, Hughes told me that I what I did made you sick... you know, using you as a conduit..."

Instantly Ed cursed himself; that was probably the least of what he was sorry for, which wasn't saying much, because he was still _really_ fucking sorry for it- but he'd chickened out at the last minute, unable to face the certain scorn and rejection that would follow apologizing for everything he'd done wrong. Even now he cringed back a little, waiting for the bastard to snap at him and tell him he'd expected better.

Honestly, he wouldn't mind it if Roy raged at him. He was pretty sure he'd actually _missed_ the colonel shouting like that.

...A little.

Roy, however, just looked at him for a second, pale and eyes wide with disbelief, then actually let out a little incredulous laugh. "Fullmetal, while ordinarily I'd thank you to be reckless with your _own_ life next time, I'm really not sure what else you could've done. Honestly? I'm actually impressed. That's one of the most ingenious uses of alchemy I've ever heard of. ...And that's the only time you're going to hear me compliment you on that, so don't get used to it. Pipsqueak."

Ed stared at him in shocked, confused bewilderment. _What?_ He was being... _complimented?_ Not blamed. Complimented?!

He looked away after several disbelieving moments, so thrown he was almost convinced he was still dreaming.

Roy cleared his throat gruffly. "You're supposed to be threatening to kill me now."

Yep, definitely dreaming. "Uh, what?" he mumbled, still staring at him and now even more lost than before.

The slightest hint of a smirk twisted his features. "Pipsqueak." That was all he said, just stated the word like it, in and of itself, was a fact worthy of acknowledgement, and it took Ed a second to realize he'd already been called that once in this conversation- and had yet to fly off the handle the way Roy had probably been expecting. Probably _wanting_ him, too, if he was calling him out on it.

He was too takenaback to do anything more than stare at him, and Roy blinked, looking distinctly unsettled. "Have you gone deaf?" he challenged. _"Pipsqueak._ Come on- aren't you supposed to be screaming you'll bludgeon me with my own legs if I call you short one more time?"

It just did not make sense.

Why was he talking like everything was normal?

Like everything was _okay?_

It wasn't.

Roy's smirk died when he still didn't get the response he was looking for, the colonel staring at him in something that was almost concern. He left it silent, seeming to have no idea how to go on or what to think, and after several moments Ed just couldn't take it anymore.

"Why aren't you yelling at me?"

Once again, Roy stared at him like he didn't believe his own ears. "...Excuse me?"

Ed found himself glaring. He repeated the question again, voice stronger, anger starting to rise. What the hell was this bastard _doing,_ pretending like everything was normal like this?! He needed to stop. _Now._ He needed to stop acting like everything was okay because it was getting really hard for Ed to make himself remember that it wasn't- and he really didn't think he could go through accepting that Roy wasn't here to stay a second time.

"Well, I don't know, Fullmetal," Roy said after a moment, frowning at him when he didn't clarify. "Have you done something I should be yelling at you for?"

For a moment, Ed actually wanted to hit him.

"Are you being intentionally dense, you bastard?! No, of course not, I forgot, you really _are_ this stupid." He glared at him furiously, so angry and overwhelmed for a moment he couldn't even go on. Damn him, he was making it worse, pretending like this, lying like this. Was that why was he here? To make it worse? To _really_ get his revenge for everything that had happened? Wow; never imagined Colonel Bastard as such a vengeful dick. Not that he didn't deserve it, but this was a new low, even for him.

Roy, however, smirked. "That's more like it," he muttered, sounding almost relieved, and then the smirk faded to an actual, small smile. "I think that's the longest you've ever gone without insulting me. For a moment there I was thinking something was wrong with your head."

Damn. _Damn._ It was ridiculous, how normal he was trying to act- now normal he was managing to _sound-_ but everything was wrong and it didn't make any sense. "Something's wrong with _your_ head," he stammered at last, nearly at a loss for words. "You... how're you talking like this?! I don't understand- why aren't you mad at me?!"

"...What?"

"Like that!" Ed snapped, pointing at his scowl. "Why aren't you like- like _that!_ "

The incredulous, trademark scowl deepened. "Fullmetal, I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about."

What the hell was wrong with him?! Why was he feigning ignorance?! "Didn't Hughes tell you anything?!" he snapped, suddenly hostile and he didn't even know why. "Don't you remember anything at all?!"

Roy stiffened abruptly, drawing a step backwards. His expression became drawn and shadowed again, gaze resting heavily on him for a moment before glancing away uncomfortably. "...I'm not sure what I remember," he muttered at length, still not looking at him. "None of it is very... clear. It's as I said, Fullmetal. I don't know, exactly, much of what you probably want to ask me. I don't really know why I'm here, or what exactly I remember. I don't know why you're apparently upset with me. If you were expecting to talk to me about something, you're just going to have to tell me about it first, Fullmetal." He paused for a moment, still looking away, arms folded even more tightly across his chest, mouth twitching in a grimace of discomfort. "...All I know is that I can't get you out of my head."

Ed stared at him again, now even more lost than before. "...You... what?" he stammered at last, finally finding his voice again.

Roy's scowl deepened suddenly, and he raised a hand up to stab a finger right at him. "Yes- _you,"_ he snapped, as if Ed had done something greatly offensive and was now being scolded for it. "It's like you shoved your tiny self into my ear, brought along a microphone, and now spend every waking second shouting at my brain. And what makes even less sense than the idea of an even more midget-sized than you moving into my head?" He nearly growled the question out as he started to pace, hands clenched in frustration and shoulders tense in the same way. "I don't even _mind!"_

Roy whirled on him abruptly, stabbing another finger in his direction- and Ed just stared blankly at him, completely and utterly at a loss. "I don't even care that I can barely sleep I'm so worried about you. I don't even care that there's no _reason_ to be worried; there's no danger here, Al is with you, you're recovering- but _damn it,_ Fullmetal, none of that matters to me. None of that matters to me, and I don't know why." The finger still pointing at him wavered slightly, trembling in the air as his iron, ice cold mask began to drop, melting into a pained, lost sort of confusion. His eyes darkened, coloring with some sharp, unnameable emotion, and he slowly lowered his hand, just looking at him with a stare so piercing and deep Ed couldn't shake himself enough to turn away. "All I care about is that you're okay."

No. No. This wasn't making _any_ sense. The way he was talking now wasn't right. It wasn't right at all and he couldn't understand it- couldn't _take_ sitting here seeing him talk like this- couldn't take that god dammed _look_ in his eyes- _couldn't-_

_"Will you just fucking STOP ALREADY?!"  
_

The force of his shout reverberated around the small, claustrophobic space with all the force of a bomb. Roy froze in his tracks, eyes widening in surprise. He opened his mouth for a moment then shut it to just stare at him mutely, a limp and shellshocked stare crossing his face.

"...What?"

"Don't... you c-can't..." His hand shook and Ed found himself drawing back from that impenetrable stare, heart hammering painfully in his chest as overwhelmed emotion made his breath catch. He couldn't take this. This wasn't okay, _none_ of it was okay, this wasn't what was supposed to happen, and he just- _no-_

" _You can't say shit like this!"_ he nearly screamed finally, so violently Roy flinched back. "You- you _can't-!"_ Gasping, Ed wrenched himself out of bed, lurching to his one leg and pulling himself along the wall just to get further away from him. He squeezed his eyes shut and clutched at his chest, completely overwhelmed by the sheer ferocity of the desperation and devastation that ripped through him now from head to toe. "You fucking _asshole!"_

"Fullmetal..."

" _No, SHUT UP!"_ His leg trembled and nearly gave out on him as he stumbled to collapse against the corner, sinking back into it and gasping again at agonizing feel of a hand constricting his heart. "You're supposed to be mad at me! You're supposed to be yelling at me! You're supposed to be taking my watch and telling me you never want to see me ever again! After all the ways I m-messed up... after how badly I hurt you so many times... y-you..."

Damn it, why was Roy _looking_ at him like that?! Not disgusted, not mad- just this wide-eyed, impossibly pained stare of disbelief. It was too much to take and he clutched at his hair, trembling violently against the battling urges to either run and never stop, just run until this was all far, far behind him, or sink down to the floor right here and now and hide until he died. This wasn't happening. This _wasn't_ happening. Roy couldn't talk like this and Ed _couldn't_ stand to hear it.

He couldn't... he couldn't... he _couldn't..._

Roy took a step forwards, advancing on him in a cautious, slow approach. Ed flinched back even at that, pressing himself back against the wall and shutting his eyes again, his breaths coming in ever faster and harder in panic. No. Goddamn him _no._ He needed to go _now._ Because if he stayed for even one second longer and if he _dared_ open his big, stupid mouth and offered support one more time Ed knew he'd lose all strength of will he had left to keep on going alone.

"Ed," Roy said quietly, and, god, the emotion packed into that one murmur... "You think I blame you for this?" He shook his head for a moment, eyes wide and shocked. "Ed, I could never- Ed, how on _earth_ could I ever consider any of this your fault?"

He sounded almost amused by the idea of it. Like it was so ridiculous it was hysterically absurd.

He sounded like he didn't blame him.

No. No. _No. No no no. No, no, no, no, no... NO..._

And just like that, Roy completely shattered everything that had been holding him up, and he dropped to the ground.

"Ed-"

"Stay away from me," he gasped, curling into himself as tightly as he could. He could barely breathe past the crushing weight on his chest and each word was a hard fought and desperate struggle but he forged on, frantic to get that bastard out of here before he broke him. "Don't y-you _dare_ stand there... don't you _dare_ say things like that, you son of a bitch. D-don't you dare act like everything's okay, because it's _not!_ D- don't... _don't you dare_ act like you can _forgive_ me! You- _you-_ "

He heard Roy step even closer now, the colonel approaching him until there was nowhere he could retreat to. He sank even deeper into himself, desperate to get away, gasping until he was hyperventilating- but Roy didn't leave.

He _didn't leave._

"Ed," he said again, and _again_ the emotion he heard there... not revulsion or fury... just shock and sadness, inescapable, horrifying sadness... _no, no, no..._

"There's nothing to forgive you for."

"Shut up..." he wheezed, burying his head against his knee and drawing back even further. "Shut up. S-shut... just _go!_ Get the _hell_ out of here! _GO AWAY!"_

"E-Ed-"

"You already said you feel like you have to be here!" he shouted, rage and desperation drawing him to stare back up at the shellshocked colonel again. The pain and sadness on his face, contorting it into an anguished stare Ed had _never_ seen the likes of which from Roy before- it catapulted him the rest of the way over the edge and he broke. "You're obligated to be here but you don't _want_ to see me- I _know_ you don't! I know you hate me- I know it's my fault- I know I messed up- I know and- and I'm _sorry_ but _you_ don't give a damn so just _go!_ Go like everyone else! Mom left, Hohenheim left, everyone- everyone _always_ leaves, so just fucking do it now and quit _stalling! GO!_ "

He didn't go. He just stood there and looked at him- and then did the unthinkable and actually _reached_ a hand out towards him, moving even closer. He didn't say anything, just reached for him- reached for him like he wasn't going to leave-

"Ed, I'm not here because I'm obligated to be."

-like he was here to stay.

No, no, _no-_

"Wh- _what,_ then?!" he spat, but his voice was shaking so much that none of the venom he'd intended was there. "Equivalent exchange for me fixing you?! Is _that_ it?!"

Roy wilted back a little, a searing look of pained shock crossing his face. "...Not everything is equivalent exchange, Ed," he said at last- and he still just kept _looking_ at him with that _damn_ stare- "That... it's got nothing to do with this. ...How could you think I'd only come here for _that?"_

He didn't sound hurt or wounded, just completely confused. Like it was such a ridiculous idea he couldn't understand how Ed could have ever thought it.

God damn him- god damn his sincerity, god damn that _look,_ god damn that _voice-_ god _damn_ him-

" _FUCK YOU, MUSTANG!"_ he was screaming suddenly, shaking and shouting, _"SHUT UP! Shut UP! Get the hell out! NOW!"_

But he wasn't moving. Why wasn't he moving?! Why wasn't he _going?!_

He couldn't do this alone. He knew that now. He knew how badly he'd been lying to himself, to ever have thought he could pull the messed up and destroyed pieces of himself back together alone. But he could at least try! He could at least hide the damage beneath false grins and laughter with Al; he could at least pretend to Hughes, lie to all the world and himself that he was okay- but as long as that _bastard_ was standing there all the strength he had was suddenly gone and he was nothing, _nothing_ except a scattered, crushed mess and he couldn't take anymore. If Roy stayed a second longer his head was going to think he was _here_ again and then when he turned his back for the final time, that would be it. He'd be finished. He'd be a ruined mess that he wasn't strong enough to pull back together again, permanently destroyed.

Roy, however, did not go.

The man took a deep, shuddering breath suddenly, his eyes widening with understanding. He stood there for a second, looking down at him gravely and pityingly, then took a breath and walked forward again, proceeding forward to stand directly in front of him. He dropped to his knees then, kneeling barely a foot away, and suddenly so close, Ed could see the anguished, earnest truth radiating from every part of him.

"I'm not here because I'm obligated to be, Ed," he said quietly. "I'm here because I want to be."

It took several seconds for him to really hear the words and understand them. To hear him say them and then see the look on his face that screamed sincerity. To realize that none of this was a lie; that he actually meant it.

To realize Roy was actually still sitting there in front of him, and he wasn't gone.

Nor was he going to leave.

Something small inside him finally gave way, and with that, everything just broke.

"Sh... shut up," he cried again- and then he actually _was_ crying, eyes burning with an unbearable, impossible, shameful wetness. He sunk back against the wall, trembling so hard he could no longer even remain upright. He covered his mouth with his hand, not prepared for the sob that ripped its way out. "Stop... s- _stop..._ please..."

He barely heard the low, pained intake of breath, or the squeak of his shoe as Roy inched forward. He barely caught a glimpse of him moving, the man only shifting just a little when he was already so close to him.

And he completely froze, when two arms came to wrap tightly around him, he was pulled carefully forward, and he felt a chin come to rest in his hair.

It only took a few seconds for the next sob to come, and this time, he couldn't stop it.

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so, so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..._

"It's not your fault, Ed," Roy said quietly, and only then did Ed even realize he'd been speaking aloud. Gasped, choked pleas for forgiveness, so torn and broken he could barely understand even himself.

"I'm _sorry,"_ he begged, and suddenly he was shaking even harder, because it hurt, _impossibly_ so; he'd never felt a pain this deep before in his life but- Roy was _here-_ "I'm... I'm sorry..."

"...I know, Ed."

He sounded so acutely miserable in that the Ed couldn't take it. His hand flew forwards, grasping onto the hem of his shirt and clutching onto it as a lifeline, twisting the fabric between his fingers and pressing it against his face, gasping and sobbing even harder. "Don't go," he begged. "Don't. I... _I_... _please._ P-please, Roy! _Please..._ please don't go again... please, _please_ don't go..."

The arms around him tightened and he felt Roy shift again, the colonel pressing his cheek against the top of his head and the hands at his back grasping tightly, wrenching his own shirt into balled fists. "I'm not going anywhere, Ed," he promised, low voice shaking, and with that one last oath Ed lost everything except for Roy. Every last unbearable horror of the last three months hit him with the force of a sledgehammer to the gut and in that moment, Roy was all there was to keep him anchored in this hurricane of anguished devastation and torture. He sobbed and choked and wept, and he clutched Roy, and he broke down.

"Don't go... _don't go..."_

"I'm not, Ed."

" _P-please..."_

"I'm staying, Ed."

_Please..._

Roy's arms tightened around him again, and this time, a low, barely audible, protective snarl rumbled in his chest along with it.

* * *

When Roy finally left Ed's room, his back and eyes sore, his hands still shaking, but his heart lighter than he could remember it being ever since Ed had brought him back, he simply stood silently in the hallway for a moment, leaning against the closed door. Then he took a breath, smiling to himself, and turned to proceed down the hallway.

He stopped, when he found Maes waiting for him not three feet away.

His friend gave him a calm look, raising an eyebrow at his red-rimmed eyes but not saying anything on it. Rather, he just tilted his head to the side, watching him impassively, and Roy shifted a little, sheepish and wary. Uh oh.

"...How long have you been here?"

Maes chuckled quietly. "Oh, I'd put it at around three hours, now. You owe me for a new door." Then he paused, smile fading into a sober, solemn gaze. "So... how's Ed?"

Roy paused. Maes was surprisingly... not irritated. He didn't know why- but he also was not about to question it. "Asleep," he said at last, purposefully vague. "We were able to... talk, some, though." Not really _talk,_ but all the same, he knew what he'd seen had been something Ed needed to do. There were things that they needed to discuss, yes- but those things could all wait until later. "I was just going to call you, actually- I'm staying until he wakes up, at least. I... don't think he'd react well if I wasn't here."

He cleared his throat then, not much wanting to describe what had happened in detail to Maes and knowing Ed wouldn't want him to, either. "Why did you wait out here for so long, anyway? I figured I was going to have to run for my life the moment you got here."

"Oh, I was considering chasing you into the river, yes," Maes chuckled again, giving him a piercing look that suggested he just might _still_ be thinking of it. "But then I gave it some thought. I decided that you needed to see Ed far more than anything else... and I realized something, Roy." He paused for a moment, his eyes dark and distant, then sighed deeply.

"If Elicia was hurt, and you were there stopping me from being with her, I would've done the exact same thing you did."

Roy frowned briefly.

That was most certainly not what he had expected to hear.

"And, what exactly does Elicia have to do with this?" Roy asked warily after several uncertain moments- though, really, he wasn't that unsure where Maes was going with it... but the very idea of it was ridiculous, even for Maes- surely not...

His friend chuckled again, obviously and unbearably pleased with himself. "I think you know exactly how the analogy applies here, Roy."

"...You're out of your mind."

Maes clapped him warmly on the shoulder, beaming. "Sure. And you're an overprotective, unbearable bastard that just caused serious property damage and stole my car for the sole purpose of coming to see this kid. ...Welcome to fatherhood, Roy."

He nearly growled, shaking the idiot's hand off. "Ed doesn't need a father, and he certainly doesn't need me as one," he snapped, bristling, but Maes simply laughed again, unbothered by the statement.

"Perhaps not, and you don't need a son, either... but he does need you. And you, quite apparently, need him." He grinned happily again, even as he again put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around, starting to walk down the hallway with him. "That is all this is."

Roy sighed. Damn idiot, his friend was. _Damn_ stupid idiot.

_(Cub. Protect cub.)_

...Or, perhaps not.

"Fatherhood, huh?" he murmured, giving Maes a reluctant glance and shocked to find himself not all together repulsed or horrified by the idea. Of course, Ed's opinion on it would be another matter entirely, and the reason he was going to keep this little conversation to himself; he liked his head non-concussed, thank you very much. "At least tell me the camera isn't required."

"Oh, but it is, buddy," Maes laughed, showcasing his most evil and criminally overjoyed grin of all. "It most definitely is."


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You survived the angst! YOUR REWARD IS FLUFF

Roy had to be honest: the Rockbell automail shop was not his ideal location for him to spend his medical leave.

In fact, it was one of the lowest places on the list.

But, Ed was going to be here, obviously, and so he figured he could at least stand it for a week or two.

He smiled slightly to himself, leaning against his elbows on the porch railing to watch the two dogs run and play together in the tall, swaying summer grass of Risembool. One, a smaller, black and white dog that ran with an automail leg, led the other, a great, jet black beast, around his new home.

Roy had very much wanted to keep the dog he'd been merged with for himself. Unfortunately, the dog looked extraordinarily similar to the human chimera he'd been, and he'd at last had to concede that it was too dangerous to suddenly adopt a dog with such an appearance. It would just make it too easy for anyone to make the connection and realize what had happened. Maes and Riza had been unable to keep the dog for similar reasons; as close as they'd been to the case, for them to suddenly end up with this dog- it would raise questions, questions that were safest to just avoid in the first place.

Al had been the one to suggest taking him to Risembool.

He sighed fondly, watching his former body explore his new home. In the end, this was the best decision, clearly, no matter that he _was_ still a little irritated he'd have to leave the dog behind. Winry and Pinako had been reluctant in the beginning, mostly because the explanation had been it was his dog, and neither liked him much at all- but the damn thing was too lovable for its own good. After both had been tackled and licked to near death, neither of them had been able to say no.

After telling them the dog's name, though, Roy had found himself needing to hide behind Al to stop the wrench from killing him.

" _WHAT KIND OF A NARCISSIST NAMES HIS DOG AFTER HIMSELF?!"_

As if it was supposed to be _his_ fault the dog responded to no other name except Roy.

The sound of the door creaked open behind him, followed by the thud of a crutch and just one footstep. He tilted his head and smiled to himself again, listening as Ed approached from behind. He waited until the kid had drawn closer, only a few steps away from joining him at his side, then asked, "Did you work everything out?"

Ed let out a huff. "Yes. No thanks to you. ...She's not that happy about it, but you can stay."

Roy sighed again, his smile fading.

Upon arrival, Roy had found out that his rude subordinate had not bothered to tell the Rockbells that he was bringing a guest with him- something that ended up being a very grave mistake, when he was extraordinarily disliked in the Rockbell home. Both women still held a grudge against him, for being the one to coax Ed into the military's brutal arms at the tender age of twelve. Neither had been very thrilled at the prospect of him taking up one of their beds for several days- entirely understandable, in his opinion- but rather than do him the grace of politely asking him to get a hotel room, Winry had shouted that he'd sleep in the yard like the dog he was, and then sicced Den on him.

After that...

Roy's memory of the incident was somewhat indistinct. He had just succumbed completely to instinct- but Ed had told him he'd just calmly dropped to his knees, gotten right in Den's face, and growled at her. Then growled again when she fought back, snarling at her in some kind of base, primitive, alpha male display.

He was pretty sure he was glad he did not remember that.

"I just spent ten minutes convincing Winry you don't speak dog," Ed snapped at him, though he didn't really sound irritated. "Even though I'm pretty sure you actually do- or whatever the closest scientific equivalent is, anyway. So. If you could do your best to _not_ make things more awkward while you're here, then that'd just be great."

Roy laughed again, giving Ed a sidelong glance as the kid joined him at the porch. "But where's the fun in that?" he prodded, taking amusement in the annoyed huff, then let his smile fade as he glanced out towards the dogs again. "Besides, it worked out for the best... Den's got a new friend, and she already loves me."

"Weirdo," Ed jabbed eloquently, "you dog-talking _weirdo,"_ and Roy just rolled his eyes.

Ed fell silent after that, looking out along with him at the two dogs playing in the waist-high grass. They stood there in a companionable quiet for several minutes, reveling in the almost impossible peace of it all.

"How're you doing, though?" Ed asked quietly at last, still not really looking at him. "...Really."

Roy frowned, momentarily considered hiding it, then discounting the possibility just as quickly. As unwilling as he was to talk about it, he figured Ed, at least, deserved the truth- and besides, it was no less embarrassing than his display with Den had to have been. "How messed up is it that I want to go play fetch with them?"

"...That's not that bad..." Ed trailed off uncertainly, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

He grinned wryly. "No. I mean I want you to throw us a stick, and _I_ want to be running out there and catching it."

"...Oh."

He nodded slightly, glancing back out towards the grass again. "Yeah."

"That's... pretty messed up, then."

"Yeah."

Ed didn't press him on it; knew, perhaps, that there was just no point in trying to get him to talk about anything that he was feeling. He didn't have words for it, and anyway, overall, he really was doing far better than he had been. These lingering urges, while unsettling, were no longer terrifying or all powerful. If he had to, he could easily resist them. It was far, far better than he had been before, and Roy found himself unable to even be that frustrated with it. He was lucky to be alive at all. If this was the price for it he'd pay that willingly, and then some.

If only he was the only one still dealing with the fallout now, then he'd be content.

He looked down at Ed, smile fading as he examined him, passing over all the small signs that he was still unwell and searching for any new ones. "And, what about you? Are you... okay?"

Ed sighed through his teeth, not even glancing over at him. His fist rapped quietly on the wood in a nervous tick, as if he just wanted something to do with his hand. "Yeah, I guess so," he said at last, still frowning. "They're going to making the new ports tomorrow; we'll see how it goes. She said I could have new automail in two weeks if I'm lucky." He smiled softly for a moment, shrugging a little, and Roy hesitated, torn and struck by how genuine that smile really was.

It really wasn't right that he could look so content about that.

"...This shouldn't have happened," he said quietly, finally finding the words but still having to struggle them past the forming lump in his throat. "Your automail, I mean. What Kuzon did to you is bad enough, but... your limbs..."

"Just shut it, will you," Ed said conversationally, cutting him off.

"Ed..."

The kid shrugged as if he didn't care in the slightest, glaring away from him. "Kuzon shouldn't have happened at all, but he did and this is what I've got to deal with. It's fine. It could be a lot worse. Al's body was always most important anyway... as long as I can still help him, I'll be fine."

Roy winced, the unbearably selfless words making something in his chest clench. "...But... Ed, even so..." he forced out, his voice slightly thick, "That's not really what I meant. ...You did not deserve for this to happen to you, Ed. None of this was your fault. And even if it had been, this..." He waved a hand at him, struggling to put it into words. "...It's not equivalent," he finally managed, shaking his head. "It's not equivalent at all."

Rather than shoot him down, though, Ed just frowned out over the grass again, refusing to look at him and his expression almost disturbingly resigned. "Believe what you like," he commented at last, offhanded and nonchalant- but the guilt still lurked quietly in those words, hidden in overshadowed eyes and a clenched hand.

Roy sighed, a band of misery constricting around his heart.

He'd always known Ed had a bit of a guilt complex, but to this level... How Ed could still, even now, blame himself for everything that had happened? How could he honestly _believe_ losing his limbs to that psychopath was something earned and deserved?

Shaking himself, Roy drew himself up to his full height, forcing back his own mournful misery for a later time- because pity and sad reflection wasn't going to help anyone, least of all Ed. "Yes," he announced firmly, with far more gusto than he really felt, and pointed down at him with a steady hand. "I will believe what I like. I'll also say what I like. And you, Fullmetal, will listen to me."

Ed hmphed at him, but he still wouldn't look at him and his eyes remained dark with a burden mere words could not touch. "Oh? And why is that? Just cause you _think_ you can order me around doesn't mean you can tell me what to think. You're not all powerful, idiot- though I know you like to delude yourself that you are."

"What? Oh, no, Ed, this has nothing to do with the military..." He trailed off for a moment, savoring the smug feeling of victory- then reached out to warmly plant a hand on his head and ruffle his hair, holding on even when Ed's eyes blazed and he raised a hand to punch him. "It's just that children should listen to their elders, is all."

Oh, that look on his face was simply _delightful._

"Ch... _children?!"_ Ed sputtered at last, positively spitting fire. "Children- _children!_ Elders! _You!_ You- _elders!_ You senile- you old- you've already got one foot in the grave you big, stupid _idiot,_ you're older than _dirt_ \- you- _you-"_

"My, my; forgotten my name already?" he chided, shaking his head. "Perhaps you're the one who's getting on in the years, here, Fullmetal."

For a moment, it appeared as if Ed might actually explode. At last, the kid just imploded instead, moaning and crumpling to slump against the railing, burying his head in his hand. "I can't believe I ever even thought I liked you," he groaned miserably, and Roy beamed quietly with his victory.

"Trust me, I'm still shocked with the development," he needled softly, the jab not entirely a lie, either. After several silent moments passed, the kid still moping with his face hidden, Roy reached out to muss his hair again. This time, the gesture was not patronizing. "It's not your fault," he repeated, quieter than before- yet, still, just as unyielding.

"It's not your fault, Ed."

And this time, Ed didn't fight him.

He could tell, even in the silence, that the kid still did not really believe him. That was fine. Expected, even. Roy knew better than anyone how painfully inadequate words could be, in assuaging guilt like this. Just because he said it didn't mean Ed was ready yet to accept it.

He would just have to keep repeating himself until he was ready to believe it.

Ed sighed heavily after several moments, lifting his head again. His eyes, however, weren't as dark as before, and Roy breathed a quiet, satisfied sigh of relief. He looked away himself, intending to let the conversation lapse into silence- however, Ed stopped him.

"I'm okay, now, you know." His fingers tapped for a moment uneasily, amber eyes darting over to look at him for a heartbeat before drifting away again towards the yard, the kid seeming distinctly uncomfortable. "If you go back to Central, I'll be fine..."

"Ed?"

He shrugged again, still not looking at him. "I know you followed me out here because you were worried about me. Well... don't be. I'm fine."

Roy frowned at him uncertainly. First of all, Ed was pretty much the farthest thing from _fine_ he'd ever seen right now, but even so- "I thought I told you I'm not just here to make sure you're okay."

Rather than be reassured, however, Ed looked suddenly even more uncomfortable, still refusing to meet his eyes. "Look, I get it. I know you're here because, just... more of that dog's instincts, I suppose." He waved a hand vaguely out towards where the two animals were playing together in the grass. "It's fine; I get it. So... you, um... you really don't have to stay..."

Ah.

 _This_ again.

"Edward," Roy interjected firmly. He waited until the kid had shifted just enough to be looking at him out of the corner of his eye, then snapped, "If the only reason I was still here was because of a dammed _dog's_ instincts, then I also would've bitten you three times by now. ...Seriously. Quit stealing food from my plate." He paused, hoping to get some sort out of a rise out of him, but when it didn't come, he sighed again, even that small, weak smile fading. "I'm not here because of that thing's instincts, Ed. I'm here because I want to be. We've been over this."

"But..." Ed bit his lip. "Shut up, you can't really _know_ that, you..."

Roy sighed heavily. "That dog is still saying a lot of things, Ed, despite not even being in my head anymore. I'll admit that. And his instincts did cause a lot of things. But it's not the reason I'm here."

"But you can't _know_ that, not for sure," Ed insisted, clearly trying very hard to sound calm and logical. "Look, bastard, all I'm saying is I'll understand if you want to leave, when you're more... yourself. You don't have to-"

"Will you shut up for _one_ damn moment and let me talk? Or at least listen to me when I do," he snapped, getting vaguely irritated now. "Really, Ed, I know you tend to think I have nothing worthwhile to say, but as long as I'm still your superior, could you at least _pretend_ to give me the respect that's due? No, you know what? You don't even have to listen," he grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Just stand there and act like you are."

Ed rolled his eyes right back. "Then what's even the _point_ of you running your stupid mouth if no one's listening?"

"Just... just shut up." _God,_ the kid could be so dammed frustrating when he wanted to be. "Listen to me. When I was a chimera, I- well, that dog, he... he decided... that..." He hesitated, his mouth suddenly dry. Was this actually such a good idea? "That you... were his, um..." _This is really not that good idea, Mustang, just shut up... but damn it, he really does need to hear this... if it'll convince him and he'll stop worrying, then...  
_

_Damn it, just say it._

"...his cub."

All previous protests evaporated in place of speechless shock, Ed now looked gobsmacked.

Roy glanced away, stubbornly ignoring the heated flush trying to rise to his cheeks. "He had no idea who you were, all right? He just for some reason decided that was who you were. I don't know why... maybe it _was_ all some instinct to begin with, some evolutionary drive to protect the young... maybe he just took some feelings that were already there to begin with and ran with it. But regardless of the reason, Ed... that feeling is still here."

Ed stared at him for several moments, his eyes impossibly wide, then abruptly twisted away again, his own cheeks coloring faintly pink. He looked as if he had no idea what to say, not that Roy could particularly blame him. This wasn't exactly easy for him to talk about either and he found himself looking away as well, his face uncomfortably hot and his tongue unhelpfully leaden, mind blank and uncertain as to how to go on.

At last, his voice a little strained, and the kid still refusing to look at him, Ed spoke.

"W-well... so, this proves my point... doesn't it?" he prodded, voice high and a little squeaky with how completely uncomfortably with this discussion he was."It's just the dog's instincts. That's all I'm saying. So-"

"No, Ed, it's not."

"You mangy mutt, you _just_ _said-"_

"The dog in my head says he'll slaughter anyone that tries to hurt you, Edward, yes," he interrupted, now turning back to look down at him with a gaze of fire. "He's still saying that, even though there's no danger at all and he's not even _in_ me anymore. I admit that. Well... he's not the only one in my head. There's a Colonel Mustang, too- and he laughs, and says you'd slaughter any idiot dumb enough to try something before I got the chance. ...And, then... the... the _Roy._.." He trailed off for a moment, his voice slightly thick as uncalled for emotions rose up again, making his hands shake and his heart pound.

"I want to burn Kuzon alive and never let your rash, troublemaking, danger-seeking ass out of my sight again," he swore fiercely.

It took him more than several seconds to look away this time. To hear what he'd said and slide back into something more human, remember that such words were ill suited for either of them- even if they were true. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and stared out at the yard of the again, feeling the weight of Ed's stunned stare on his back.

Just when he was thinking he'd finally managed to break the kid's brain after all, Ed shifted uneasily next to him, hopping a little on his one leg to draw away. He hesitated a moment longer, then, so eloquently, just said, "Oh."

Then, a moment later, he tacked on a weak, "Sorry."

Roy frowned, looking back down at him, self-consciousness forgotten. What? The last thing he'd wanted from that highly embarrassing speech was another _apology._ "Ed-"

"No, let me talk." Ed waved him off, but he still was avoiding his gaze, looking vaguely embarrassed, suddenly. "It's just... well, my default is to assume that people are assholes. Assholes that only put up with you for as long as you serve their benefit. And, well... you weren't exactly jumping to disprove that. Before, I mean. So... sorry. For second guessing you."

Roy stiffened. Ed still wasn't looking at him; was doing just about everything he could manage to avoid it, in fact. The words looked as if they'd been very difficult for him to say, and Roy took a moment, sifting through them to find their hidden meaning.

Once he found it, nearly instantly, he found himself struggling to tamp down on the protective urge to snarl and hunt down the person responsible.

 _God damn it, chill, you stupid dog..._ Roy took a breath, clenching his fists. _Shut up and go bother someone else._ _The last thing Ed needs is you reacting like an idiot. Come on, calm down... for his sake..._

"Who hurt you?"

Ed twisted back to stare up at him, his eyes now wide in innocent confusion. "Uh, what?"

"That's no one's default, Ed," he said back stiffly, and hopefully without the hostility he was still trying to push back. His fists shook again and he shut his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to stay calm. "That's a defensive measure. One adopted _after_ you were hurt by someone. ...Who was it?"

No, he wasn't asking just so he could hunt the bastard down and fry him.

Though it was no small part of him that wanted to.

Ed's confusion faded now, replaced by a look of hesitant understanding. He looked at him for several moments longer, now seemingly appraising him, deciding whether or not he should answer. At last he glanced away again, withdrawn into himself as he chewed on his lower lip, clearly uncomfortable. His features remained carefully, almost painfully guarded. "The reason you've never heard anything about my father, bastard, is that he's not in the picture," he said at length, subdued and monotone. "Left when Al was just a baby. And if your own father leaves you, then you should probably wise up and realize you can't count on anyone to stick with you."

The resigned sort of way he finished was chilling, and he clenched his fists again, having to look away from that quiet, withdrawn stare. For a moment, Roy was still, just absorbing the information and factoring it in to everything he'd already known about the Elric brothers. It made sense- and wasn't even surprising, in a way... how Ed took care of Al the way a parent should, how he'd stumbled upon two maimed children living with their neighbors, house abandoned and covered in blood... even the fact that they'd attempted human transmutation at all; he'd always firmly believed that if just someone had been there to teach them better beforehand, then none of that tragedy would ever have occurred. If an adult like him tried something so woefully stupid, well, it was their own fault- but no mere child should be held responsible for such a desperate act.

But, then, there'd not been anyone there to teach them better, had there?

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes. Yes. It all did make sense now, and perhaps, he'd guessed this from the beginning.

And it also explained why Ed was so reluctant to risk believing he wasn't going to go, either.

Somehow, he could no longer be irritated with him for having such trouble accepting that.

His hand found its way over to rest on top of his head again before sliding down to the base of his neck, and he paused for a moment, trying to give his words all the weight he could to ensure they'd truly be heard. "I won't leave, Ed," he promised quietly, and left his hand there, trying to drive the statement home.

"...I know, Roy."

He watched Ed carefully, looking him over as closely as he could. Only once he'd judged that Ed really did seem to believe him, and not just be giving him what he wanted to hear to make him shut up, did he realize how strange all of this was. Reevaluated feelings and relationships or not, there was something extremely unsettling about having a civil conversation like this last this long. And he knew Ed felt it, too, by the way the kid was again refusing to look at him and flushing nervously, as if he wasn't sure now what he was supposed to do or say but just knew that _this_ , between _them,_ was weird.

And so, grinning, Roy pulled his hand back and prodded them along right back to normal.

"That said." He cleared his throat again, smile morphing into a small smirk. "I have a question for you, actually."

"Yeah?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Fullmetal... because I'm not entirely sure I'm remembering this correctly..."

"...Uh, yes?" Ed said, frowning in frustration.

"Wasn't I taller than you?"

The kid froze.

"...What."

Now, he no longer made any attempt to hide his smirk.

"Wasn't I taller than you?" he repeated calmly, spelling it out as plainly as he could make it. "You know. As a dog."

Ed stared at him for one long moment, his eyes widening as he realized what was being said. If spontaneous combustion from rage were possible, Roy knew he'd be the first to witness it, right then, but instead he just got to watch the steady, step by step mental breakdown from calm and relaxed into absolutely, positively _seething._

At last, he regained enough control, just barely, to snarl a reply.

"Get out."

"What?" he chuckled innocently. "It's a serious question, Ed-"

"Serious my ass. _Get out."_

Roy beamed gleefully, standing back with a smug laugh. God, he'd missed this. When Ed raised his fist in means to advance on him in fury, he just laughed again, egging him on and enjoying every second of it.

Then, a mischievous light came into Ed's eyes, and the kid paused for a moment, watching him with the look of someone who was about to snag their own victory. Roy balked, still laughing but inwardly instantly apprehensive. The last time he'd seen that look, Ed had turned heel, left his office- then, a week later, mailed him a bill for a destroyed national monument.

This was not going to be good.

Grinning wickedly, Ed hefted his crutch in one hand, raising it overhead like a bat. For a second Roy thought he was going to have to duck- but rather than aim for him, Ed turned towards the yard, brought his arm back, and chucked it as far as it would go. Then he looked back at him, grin growing more smug by the second, and told him, "Go fetch."

Oh, for fuck's sake.

...Oh, for _fuck's_ sake. _Shut up, dog. No. You don't want to go get the thing. Shut up. Shut. UP._

Ed's broadening smirk told him the kid could see that some tiny part of him _did_ actually want to comply with the command, and Roy scowled murderously at him. He folded his arms and planted his feet firmly on the porch, glowering down at him. "Ed, that is really unfair."

"Go fetch, boy!" Ed laughed at him, grinning like a maniac all the while. "Go fetch!"

 _I take back I everything I ever said about liking this brat._ "You realize, of course, now you have to crawl out there and get it."

But Ed shook his head, wagging his finger at him like a teacher scolding a foolish child. "No, Roy, you need to get it. You need to go _fetch_ it for me. See, do you realize what Winry will do to me if she catches me crawling around on my automail ports?" He shook his head, shuddering violently at the very thought. "She'll _murder_ me, Roy."

Roy's scowl deepened. "I rather think that's your problem, not mine."

But Ed was not swayed in the slightest. "Come on!" he encouraged brightly, pointing him out towards the yard and grinning eagerly again. "Go fetch, go fetch! Come on, Roy... you know you want to..."

This was the most brutally unfair scheme he'd ever faced in his life.

At last, when it became apparent Ed really was not going to cave, Roy just closed his eyes, an expression of great pain coming over him. If he let this go on, then Ed would just never stop. He'd continue this bullshit until the sun set. Sure, he'd eventually be vindicated whenever one of the Rockbells or Al came looking for them- but that was a _hell_ of a long time to suffer through this, and...

There _was_ still that tiny, _minuscule_ part of him that wanted to go get it.

He clenched his jaw in agonized irritation.

"Next time you throw something out there for me to catch," he finally forced out as a sullen grunt, "I will literally throw you after it, runt."

And he trudged off the porch to get the crutch.

He glowered dangerously when, upon turning back around, Ed's wicked smirk had grown even bolder, and the kid just stood there grinning as if he'd just singlehandedly won a war. Damn brat. Still glaring, Roy reluctantly headed back up to him, already planning his next revenge.

"Aww, good boy, Roy! Good boy!" Ed cooed, stretching up to pat him on the top of the head. "Good boy!"

Okay, last straw.

He whacked Ed over the back of the head with the crutch, then yanked a glove out of his pocket, snagging it onto his fingers. "One more word," he warned, "and that thing goes up in flames."

But the kid just continued to look entirely unrepentant. "You wouldn't dare; Al would murder you for it," he snarked back confidently. Then he twisted back towards the house, raising his voice to an earsplitting shout. _"Hey! Al! Get out here! The bastard's being a bastard again!"_

Almost immediately, the response came. _"Colonel Mustang, stop picking on Brother! Brother, stop deserving it!"_

It was Ed's turn to gasp in agonized betrayal- and Roy's turn to grin.

"Have I mentioned how much I love your brother?"

"You just keep your paws off him, mangy mutt," Ed seethed. He turned to stomp back inside- just _how_ anyone could manage to stomp with only one leg was beyond him, but Ed certainly managed- and, still smirking, Roy followed.

* * *

Dinner was a rather awkward affair, Ed decided, even more so than their arrival had been. Once again, it was almost entirely Roy's fault, with Den practically sitting on his lap and the colonel doing nothing to dissuade her. Winry and Pinako were both obviously a little unsettled by it, with Winry going so far to just openly stare at him, suspicion radiating off of her, while Pinako had seemed it was best to just ignore the odd sight entirely.

Ed, for his part, was actually rather glad to have something pulling the attention away from him for once, and just picked at his food in silence while the idiot colonel distracted everyone else.

"All right, narcissist." Winry leaned forward with a piercing stare, planting her hands on the table. "Fess up. What did you do to Den?"

Roy frowned innocently. "I'm sorry?"

She pointed at the way Den was curled up next to his leg on the floor, still emanating suspicion. "Den doesn't trust anyone that easily! But _you._ He's only known you for three hours! What, did you drug him?"

"Miss Rockbell..."

Pinako sighed gruffly, but she seemed to be fighting a grin of her own. "Winry, I sincerely doubt he went to the trouble of drugging our dog."

"But Den _likes_ him! Den doesn't like anyone that quickly!"

Roy let slip a sly grin, scratching at Den's head under the table. "I suppose I'm just a dog person, then."

Ed rolled his eyes, muffling his strained laugh under his breath. "A dog person," he muttered, unable to help himself. "Right. What, you mean literally?"

"Brother, be nice..."

"Hey, he's the one who said it!"

While the colonel sat back smugly, returning to his meal with a smirk still crawling across his face, the former chimera wondered back over to his side, rubbing his head against his leg. Ed looked down at him under the table and resisted the urge to smile, rubbing his head fondly. The dog was just as clingy as always, it seemed, still hanging around with him rather than Roy every chance he got. Luckily, Winry and Pinako had yet to notice- although Al certainly had, by the sly, amused glances his brother kept giving him. Shaking his head a little, Ed slipped him a little bit of food under the table and scratched the back of his neck.

Roy- the dog- gave a little whine of appreciation and licked his knee happily, stretching luxuriously under the table. Ed rolled his eyes at the noise, smirking fondly- then froze, when he realized the dog's sound had attracted attention back to him.

Winry scowled so severely he found himself making sure there was no wrench anywhere within reach.

"Edward," she began, leveling a fork at him, "what have I told you about sneaking food to the dogs?"

"...Er... that I should... totally do it?"

Her fingers twitched around her fork, tightening in a way that suggested, very dangerously so, that she was about to throw it.

"Oh, come on!" he caved, pushing away his half-finished plate and grabbing for Al's arm, pulling it closer as a shield. "A couple hours ago, you didn't even want him! Now he's your pet all of a sudden?!"

"Roy is a very good dog," the colonel interjected blithely, resting his chin on his hand and looking on in mild interest. "Of course she likes him. It's impossible _not_ to like him, really."

This time, Winry turned her scowl on him, even as Ed rolled his eyes again. "Don't subtly compliment yourself like that, bastard. It's fucking lame."

"I was complimenting the _dog,"_ Roy lectured sagely, but he was clearly struggling to keep that smug smirk from crawling back onto his face. "Not myself-"

"Oh you knew _exactly_ what you were doing, you mangy mutt-"

" _Boys,"_ Pinako snapped, warning weighing in every word. She glanced between the both of them, her glare far more powerful than Winry's ever had been and all that was needed to subdue the upcoming argument. Ed pulled Al's arm a little closer to him, cowering behind it.

Upon seeing she'd succeeded in shutting them up, the mechanic sat back, shaking her head in fond amusement. "Dogs, the both of you. Incorrigible and stubborn, and you bark louder than Den ever has. Al, how do you ever put up with them?"

"It really is a struggle, some days..."

"To be fair," Roy cut again, smirking once more, "I'm the only dog of the military in this room. Ed chews straight through his leash every time I try and tighten it. He's impossible to tame... and believe me, I've tried." His smirk grew even bolder, eyes glinting in smug amusement as he waved a fork at him. "You wouldn't believe me how many times I've had to tell him to _not_ destroy national monuments just because they happen to be in his general vicinity."

"You _shut up,"_ Ed snarled. "That was one time, and you liked it and you know it. That statue was fucking ugly. It was an eyesore on the whole city and if it hadn't been for me, it still would be. _I_ improved it!"

"You turned the Amestris dragon into a gargoyle-chicken. With wings."

"What kind of a dragon doesn't have wings in the first place?!"

"What kind of a dragon is half _chicken?!"_

" _BOYS!"_ Pinako yelled again- while Winry was already in the process of rolling up her sleeves and muttering something about a wrench. "Military dogs or not, if you keep this up the _both_ of you will be sleeping in the yard, is that understood?!"

Ed gulped, and Roy inched his chair back, instantly cowed.

"...Yes, ma'am," they chorused meekly together, and went back to their dinner in silence.

He was pretty sure Al was trying his absolute hardest not to laugh at him.

...And, so was Winry.

And Pinako.

_Screw you, Roy._

"Grandma," Winry stage whispered, her eyes bright with barely restrained laughter, "he... he turned our national symbol into a chicken."

"...Gargoyle-chicken," he cut in sullenly, glaring down at his plate.

"With wings," Pinako added, then chuckled smugly herself.

Ed groaned.

Roy, meanwhile, leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand and suddenly looking extremely intrigued. "You know, that's been a problem I've had with him ever since he entered the military. Doesn't understand a pocket watch isn't a license to gargoyle or dragon-up everything he runs into. Something tells me you two have far more experience dealing with that than I do, though..." He trailed off suggestively with a grin-

And before Ed could do so much as protest- indeed, it as if she'd just been waiting for that question for _years-_ Winry lunged straight into story telling.

"Oh, you have _no idea_ how many stories I have! This one time, narcissist, Ed wanted to help fix a broken toy and..."

Ed moaned, pushing away his half finished plate and sinking to bury his head in his arm. He felt Al pat him sympathetically on the back as Winry started to tell everyone about when he'd tried to fix her toy truck and ended up setting it on fire. He'd been _four,_ for god's sakes- but did she chose to recount that part in the retelling? No, of course not... damn it. Roy was never going to let him live this down, the son of a bitch...

He wasn't sure how long the embarrassing stories had been going on for, just that all the attention was well and firmly fixed on Winry and had been for at least ten minutes, when a cold hand came to nudge at his shoulder.

Curious, Ed shifted just enough to glance over at Roy. The colonel wasn't looking at him, appearing, for all intents and purposes, like he was fully regaled by Winry's story of the time he and Al had nearly flooded one of their neighbor's farms. But he'd definitely gotten his attention on purpose, and it took Ed glancing around for a moment, startled, to realize why.

He'd switched their plates.

Ed blinked, looking between them in surprise. He'd definitely switched their plates. Both of them, already half-finished, which Ed had just taken as his cue that he was done. He still hadn't managed to eat more than half of anything given; it was just too hard to stamp out the instinct that he needed to split and share it with Roy...

Which was exactly what Roy had just done.

Ed, eyes wide, stared back at the colonel again, who was still busy feigning complete obliviousness.

Then, grinning weakly, he pushed himself back upright and reached for his fork again **.**

* * *

As well as the rest of the day had gone, Ed supposed he still had no right to be surprised, when night came, and the moon found him tossing and turning once again.

It seemed some things really would never change.

Al wasn't with him, for once. His brother, instead, was with Den and the other dog outside. The former chimera was still skittish and wary, and on his first night in a new home, they'd decided it would be best to have a familiar face nearby.

Which left him alone in their old room, and completely unable to sleep because of it.

He'd had his hopes, when he'd said good night to Al and headed here by himself. After how good the past several days had been, the way everything was still looking up now, the fact that he was finally back at home- everything had really been in his favor and he really had had his hopes up when he'd headed up here.

Then, of course, he just had to be proven wrong.

It was too unsettling and nervewracking, knowing Al wasn't here to watch his back (not that there was any danger here, but that wasn't the fucking point, apparently). The shadows were too dark, the room too silent to be trusted; every creak of the old house had him near jumping out of his skin and each warm breath of wind outside left his skin crawling. It was entirely overwhelming and pathetic all at once, so pathetic he wanted to scream.

He tossed and turned for a while, irritably hugging his pillow and kicking blearily at the blankets, cursing himself for being such a damn childish mess even still, after all this time. Eventually, probably out of sheer spite for it all, he did slip into a sort of half-doze, his mind hovering somewhere between the border between wakefulness and dreams- one that ended rather abruptly, when he jerked upright, his mouth tasting of blood.

At that point, he decided against trying for any further sleep at all.

Ed wiped a hand at the cold sweat that clung to his forehead, trembling and fighting to catch his breath. After barely a moment of just sitting there in that cold, lonely room, Ed swung out of bed, suddenly wanting nothing more than to just get the hell out of there. He violently pushed off the dark shroud of memories as he limped for his door, trying to stay as quiet as possible.

He wasn't going to wake Roy, he told himself firmly, navigating the halls towards the patient room they'd left the colonel in. Not for something like this. It was his problem, and just the very idea of the bastard finding out he couldn't sleep or had bad dreams like a damn baby... no. No.

He was just going to look, was all.

When Ed reached his room, he paused for a moment outside, pressing his ear against the door wood in case the bastard was still awake. It didn't sound like it, though, so with a weak, shuddering breath, he told himself to stop feeling so dammed pathetic and carefully cracked open the door.

_Just gonna look for a second, make sure he's okay... then I'll go..._

The sight waiting for him, however, instantly put an end to any such plans.

Roy was fine, yes. Probably better off than him, because he was actually asleep, instead of wide awake and shaking at one in the morning.

However, he wasn't in his bed.

After several moments, Ed shook his head, giving into an exhausted frown. He rubbed at his face shakily again, his breaths still far too unsteady, and weighed his options for only a moment before limping forward a little more. He couldn't really just leave like this, he reasoned with himself, it wouldn't be right...

Really, of course, it was just that _anything_ was better than going back to his room alone.

Selfish motivations or not, Ed closed his eyes for a moment longer, forcing himself to take another deep, meant to be calming breath, then carefully and deliberately eased the door shut.

The colonel flinched awake at the tiny noise, one ungloved hand jerking up to snap. The moment of alarm was instantaneously brief, the tense muscles relaxing and the light of battle in his eyes fading quickly as he turned his gaze towards the door- then quickly shut his eyes again, and lay his head back down on the floor in resignation at being caught.

"Shut it, Ed," he muttered, voice still gravelly with sleep.

Ed frowned again.

"You said you were doing better," he said quietly after several moments, unable to completely keep the soft accusation out of the words. As much as he'd tried to hide it, Roy still plainly saw how much of a mess he still was, even now. So how could the colonel lie to him after that and pretend that _he_ was just fine?

Because he obviously wasn't.

Roy was still curled on the floor, previously fast asleep in a patch of cold moonlight filtering in through the window. He'd wrapped himself up into a tight ball, the picture so eerily similar to something a dog might do it had left him frozen in the doorway.

The colonel sighed.

"I am," he muttered, still not opening his eyes. "...It just gets harder to ignore that dog's voice when I'm not with you, okay? I'm fine. So just drop it."

"Roy..."

" _Drop it,"_ he said again, this time with iron. He opened his dark eyes in a mild glare then, staring up at him from the floor in an unsaid challenge to keep pressing it anyway; when he did not, only then did the man relax, his shoulders easing as he pushed himself upright with a weary sigh. "And what exactly are you doing here? You should be asleep, Ed."

His confidence faded as quickly as it had come, Roy twisting the situation around to the heart of the matter with an ease he hated. The colonel had somehow managed to put him on the spot despite him being at every disadvantage here, and Ed found himself forced into looking away, uneasy and unsettled all over again. "...Just not that tired. It's... nothing."

"Ah." Roy tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowed. "You seem to be just _not that tired_ quite a lot, recently, then."

The words felt like a slap, and he winced, just barely managing to smother his flinch. "...I'm fine," he managed at last, but his voice was weak and even to his own ears, it sounded like a lie. He shrank back, curling into himself a little and refusing to look at him.

"No, you're not, Ed."

He flinched again. "Can you just shut up?" he muttered, though the words lacked any hostility. "No, I can't sleep. I never can anymore. Meanwhile, I just walked in on you passed out like a dog. So drop the act and quit judging me."

It was quiet for several moments, Ed still glaring stubbornly away while Roy just looked at him, his eyes unreadable. At last, the colonel cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter on the floor.

"If you stay here, will you sleep?"

Ed blinked. He glanced back towards the colonel in surprise, takenaback, but Roy remained stubbornly impassive and blank, pale and distant in the wavering moonlight and dark eyes just as unreadable as ever. "It's a yes or no question, Ed," he said quietly when no response came, still impassive. "If you stay here, do you think you can sleep?"

If he hadn't already been so shaken- so tired- so sick and tired of _being_ so tired all the time- Ed probably would've retained the strength to lie and just go. God knew it probably would've been the better choice. It _definitely_ was the better choice for the sake of his pride. Just turn around, leave, and lick his wounds in silence and alone. Hell, that was probably what he should've done in the first place, and never wondered in here at all.

"...Yeah," he heard himself admit at last, voice thick. He glanced away again, wrapping his arm a little tighter around himself. "...Probably. Yeah."

Roy sighed deeply. The colonel just watched him for a moment, eyes dark with some sharp, indescribable sort of emotion. All that Ed knew was that it was not pity before it was gone, quietly subdued behind his mask again, and the colonel rose to his feet, turning his back and walking towards his unused bed. "Come on, then."

Even though he'd known this was where this was going, Ed still took a step back, shaking his head as his pride begged him to retreat. "W-what? No, I'll be fine, Roy. It'll be fine, I just-"

"Don't lie to me."

"...I'm just going to-"

"Edward." His gaze cut into him again, piercing and inescapable. "You don't lie to me. You can lie to whomever else you want, but you don't lie to me."

Somehow, that look was all that was needed to make the reassuring _I'm fine, bastard_ refuse to come.

But his leg wouldn't move, either, because there was something about this, just _something_ that so blatantly seemed to scream he wasn't okay and needed help, and admitting that so easily...

Roy sighed at him, folding his arms with an air of impatience. "If you don't want me to sleep on the floor, then this is just about the only way you're going to get it, Edward. Don't think for a second this is purely for your benefit."

The rough words startled a weak laugh out of him, and he shut his eyes for a moment, shaking his head. "Of course," he muttered, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "You get something and so do I... equivalent exchange. Like always."

Except, it wasn't equivalent, of course. Not at all. They both knew Roy was lying, and would sleep perfectly well whether he was here or not. This offer was for his sake, and his sake alone.

But Roy betrayed no sign of the lie. He simply nodded quietly in the dark, unreadable and solid, and the pity he'd feared to find there was banished as he handed him this out, this one explanation he could grasp at that still left him with something resembling independence or a way to deny that he needed help.

He sighed, wondering just when things had changed so greatly, and he'd been knocked so low, that he could stand here now and accept this.

"...Fine."

Equivalent exchange, it seemed, hadn't really applied to his life in a while. No reason this should be any different.

He climbed unsteadily into the bed so his back was to Roy, steadfastly ignoring the moment he sensed the warm presence behind him he breathed easier and he could close his eyes without flinching at the shadows. He hugged himself, burying his head into the sheets and staring out towards the now abandoned patch of moonlight on the floor, sure this should feel far stranger than it did- and yet, somehow entirely unable to worry that this felt more natural than anything else that had happened all day.

"...Ed?"

He swallowed the forming lump in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. "Yeah?"

"Is this okay?"

The soft weight of the words in the stillness was what said, more than anything else, that Roy, too, felt just how _not all right_ this was. He swallowed again, desperately wishing he was still strong enough to turn his back and go.

But he wasn't that strong anymore, and he hadn't been for a while.

"...I can't imagine that it is, no."

Roy paused for a moment. "But you don't want me to go."

It wasn't a question.

"...no."

Once again, the colonel hesitated. Ed could feel the quiet tension in the air and sighed for a moment, curling himself even tighter. This wasn't okay. Not in the slightest. And some small part of him hated himself for not being strong enough- that no matter how not okay it was, he still needed this. It had been weeks, now... was this ever going to stop?! Even now he couldn't even be called anything close to all right... He could barely eat, he jumped at every loud noise, he veered away from crowds, some days he could barely even hear himself think the memories were so loud- and now, needing his brother or Roy there to even risk getting a few hours sleep... it felt like he was just spiraling worse and worse with each passing day.

And things could not continue on like this. This was fine now, while Roy was on sick leave and his automail was still weeks away. But soon, this wouldn't be possible. It wouldn't be okay, but even more than that, it wouldn't even be an option. Roy would be back at work in the east, and he'd be wherever missions took him, searching to regain Al's body. _This_ wouldn't last. Even though he believed Roy, most days, now, when the bastard said he was here to stay, _this..._

This wasn't going to last.

Roy shifted in the dark, the warm weight far more reassuring than it had any right to be. His voice cut through the cold silence like a knife, slicing past dark memories and the uneasy, terrifying thoughts of what the future would bring. It was the only anchor he had, in that moment, and so he did the only thing he seemed capable of doing, anymore, and he grabbed on and let it ground him.

"In a couple months, Ed, you'll kick down my door and rant and scream, and I'll wonder how someone so _small_ could possible have caused such a _big_ riot on what was supposed to be just a mine inspection. You'll throw something at me, or call me a useless sack of trash in the rain, or some other such baseless nonsense. And everything will be fine. ...You know that this is only until then."

Ed took a moment to absorb the words. He doubted if that really was true after all... that they could ever get back to something he'd once called normal. It honestly didn't feel possible to him anymore. As much as he wanted it, everything that had happened _had_ changed him- and Roy, too. The point of no return had been crossed many months ago, and yet he was only just now starting to really see that there truly was no reclaiming anything they'd had before. He'd lost far, far too much- so much of it things he could never get back.

That person he'd used to be was now well and truly gone.

"But, what I told you this afternoon, Ed?" Roy spoke one more time, even softer than before but words still heavy with sincerity. "...I still mean that. No matter what happens, I'm not going to leave you."

Slowly, Ed let himself breathe again.

He'd lost a lot, yes.

But he'd also gained something, too.

And for once in his life, he decided he wasn't going to weigh what he'd lost over what he'd gained. He didn't care if it was equivalent or not.

In that moment, all he knew was that it was worth it.

"I know, Roy," he said softly back, and shut his eyes.

* * *

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